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Post by Results on Jul 17, 2017 23:50:30 GMT -6
Opening Match
Cheyenne vs. Billy Gore Tarantula hits the PA as fireworks erupt from the stage as we cut to the announcer’s at ringside.
Jimmy Garcia: Welcome to Monday Night Overload live from the Oracle Arena in Oakland, California!
Sebastian Reid: What a Show we have tonight Jimmy. I personally am excited for the triple threat main event. The Kaine family takes on new allies of the returning Alex Richards and the space gal L Verez and the team of Harris and Nash!
Jimmy Garcia: But our Co-Main Event is an Unsanctioned Match featuring Bolas de Arana vs. Defenestration Jones with Guest Commentary: Bonnie Blue and FPV! Plus Casey Holiday takes on UCI’s Cornerstone hero, Shadowlove for the UCI Intercontinental Championship.
Gravedigger: But first we have to get through a yawn feast of an opener. The redhead who took out our opening match last week faces off against another new comer in Billy Gore.
Gravedigger yawns and puts his boots on the desk.
Gravedigger: Wake me up when we get to the good stuff.
Taylor Lorde: The following is a singles match. Introducing first from Chicago Illinois, Cheyenne!
I'm Gonna Show you Crazy by Nightcore Hits. Then a red headed woman in a figure shrouding tattered black and moss colored floor length Overcoat burst threw the curtain, spasticity shaking her head back and forth. In her hand she holds a black leather bag that appears to be alive. The lights flicker off and on to the beat giving the appearance that the woman is blinking in and out towards the ring. Upon reaching the the squared circle, she puts the bag into her mouth then pulls herself up onto the apron then backbends over the top rope flipping into the ring. Holding the bag high above her head she drops the coat revealing underneath a tightly fitted dark green and black top and tight green pants with knee high black boots.
Sebastian Reid: She was a bit flakey in WCF and I am surprised to see Spencer sign her. But the psycho is here to hurt people.
Taylor Lorde: Introducing her…
Taylor is distracted by the pasty skinned woman crawling over and nuzzling her leg. Taylor shakes the freak off her leg and continues.
Taylor Lorde: Billy Gore!
Taylor hastily scrambles from the ring as Gore’s music hits.
Jimmy Garcia: Well she's certainly taking a liking to Taylor Lorde.
Gravedigger: Yeah but can the freak beat that large man on his way to the ring?
Gore hits the ring and charges Cheyenne. The large biker pushes the smaller pasty skinned diva into the corner with various strikes. A right hand combo rocks the red headed against the turnbuckle and she begins laughing as the crowd counts the strikes.
Crowd: 1….2...3...4..5..6
Gore switches to elbows and busts the woman open and for a moment you see her eyes roll back.
Crowd: 7...8..9..10
Gore backs off and flips the referee off, as Cheyenne crumbles to the mat.
Gravedigger: Gore just knocked that crazy bitch out!
Gore goes to pin Cheyenne but the bloodied crimson haired woman flips the man into a small package.
Jimmy Garcia: Small Package! Looks like Cheyenne was playing possum!
Sebastian Reid: Yeah but she transitioned to an armbar after a two count! She doesn't just wanna win whe wants to hurt Billy.
Billy manages to stand with the woman dangling from his arm. He powers her up bracing the arm with his other as he charges the woman into the far turnbuckle. Her back crashes into the turnbuckle and she screams in pain.
Gravedigger: Look at the power by Gore!
As Cheyenne comes out of the corner she is caught in a belly to belly suplex, that Gore Follows through with a pin.
1
2
Sebastian Reid: OH! Chey has moved and has Gore’s Head and one his arms trapped. Looks like she's going for a triangle choke!
Jimmy Garcia: She locks in the triangle, she has blood everywhere will she have enough to keep the hold locked in?
Chey grabs the head and pulls down as she pushes her hips up off the mat as high as she can.
Gravedigger: This little bitch isn't going be able submit that big badass. Look at him lift her up he is going to slam her down again.
Sebastian Reid: Holy.. Cheyenne as twisted around the larger man and now has him back down with the black widow submission!
Gravedigger: Holy Shit he tapping! That large man is tapping to that little bitch.
Cheyenne steps through and twist around the arm after the bell is sounded. She grins as the ref tries to convince her otherwise.
Sebastian Reid: The Woman’s Scorn! That deadly hammerlock inverted armbreaker! She may have just broken Billy Gore’s Arm! Cut..Cut to commercial! |
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Post by Results on Jul 17, 2017 23:53:52 GMT -6
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Post by Results on Jul 17, 2017 23:55:11 GMT -6
Alicia Elkslay vs. Joe Smarts
Elkslay and Smarts were to fight
They didn't last long on this night
Before the bell rung
On the ropes Joe got hung
The ref canceled the match out of fright |
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Post by Results on Jul 17, 2017 23:56:29 GMT -6
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Post by Results on Jul 17, 2017 23:57:33 GMT -6
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Post by Results on Jul 17, 2017 23:59:10 GMT -6
UCI Television Championship Zombie McMorris (c) vs. El Payaso Loco
Jimmy Garcia: Guys, we are just two weeks out from Summermania and two weeks out from two fantastic tournaments. One for the Rising Star Championship vacated by Calvin Harris and the other for the Hypermedia Championship currently held by our TV Champion, Zombie McMorris.
Sebastian Reid: Now there is a good chance that ZMAC could walk into Summermania with both championship but he has this week and next week to defend that belt plus if he does have the TV Championship come pay per view, that belt will also be on the line during the tournament so ZMAC could walk away with any combination of gold, including walking out with nothing- personally- I hope he walks out with nothing.
Wavedigger: Well ZMAC is a master at his craft and there are people from all over trying to get that belt off his waist. The question is not if ZMAC can retain but if anyone can actually defeat him.
Jimmy: ZMAC has been undefeated for fourteen weeks and has been put into some tight spots and like the rat that he is, has managed to get out of them. However, this week, Payaso Loco has the chance to get the upset victory and make ZMAC feel a little bit more human going into Summermania.
Reid: And you know what, Jimmy – I hope Payaso does just that.
Taylor Lorde: Ladies and gentlemen.. The follow match is scheduled for one fall and is for the UCI Television Championship! Making his way to the ring first…. From the Rabbit Hole… he stands at five foot six and a hundred and eighty-four pounds… ELL PAAYYAASSOOOO…LOOOOOCCOOOOO!!!
The opening riff of "Let's Go" hits the PA as the lights lower. Red, white and green spotlights flicker around the entrance ramp, falling onto one central space. At that point, they focus upwards as Payaso Loco descends from the rafters on a cord of some form, landing safely on the ground. He detaches himself from the cord, making a beeline for the ring and jumping from the floor, over the top rope and into the ring. He flies up to the nearest turnbuckle, his arms outstretched as he takes in the reaction from the fans.
"Killed By Death" hits the PA system as the arena begins to fill with smoke. The Guitar and drums kick in and play up as the crowd search for ZMAC. Them vocals smash the speakers as the spot light is shows ZMAC whose stand out in the middle section of the area.
Fans: If you squeeze me lizard, I’ll put my snake in you. I’m a romantic adventure and a reptile too.
He stands there with his back turned to the ring with his arms out in a ‘T’ pose. He turns to face the crowd as he takes a few steps down the aisle way.
Fans: Easy! Easy!
He pumps the crowd up as they go rabid for the Coked UP Mad Man who reaches into his pulls out a vial of cocaine and snorts it.
Fans: The only time I’m gone be easy is when I’m.. KILED BY DEATH! KILLED BY DEATH!
Taylor Lorde: Making his way to the ring.. from the Big Easy.. He stands six feet, six inches tall and weighs in at two hundred and twenty pounds… He is the Coked Up Mad Man.. ZZZOOMMMBIE… MCMORRR-IISSS!
Fans: I’m a lone wolf ligger but I ain’t no pretty boy!
Fans swarm him as he takes beer after beer and chugs them; getting some all over his face and chest. ZMAC is in a sea of “Dove Killah Certified OG’s” as the fans lift him up and body surf him down to the crowd barrier.
Fans: KILLED BY DEATH! KILLED BY DEATH! KILLED BY DEATH!
He jumps the barrier and slides into the ring. ZMAC takes to the adjacent turnbuckle and taunts the crowd before taking off his jacket and throwing it to the towards the time keeper. The Honey Badger has arrived.
DING DING
Right away ZMAC B-lines for Loco smashing him with clubbing blow and shit kicking him into the corner for a series of stomps and kicks to the gut. The ref tries to peel ZMAC away as Loco is between the ropes. Loco is able to stand on the apron as ZMAC reaches for him but gets shoulder blocked between the ropes before Loco springboards off with a forearm smash. Loco springs to his feet and hits the ropes for a senton splash. He picks ZMAC up and connects with European uppercuts before hitting the ropes again and connecting with a flying wheel kick. ZMAC hits the matt as Loco climbs the turnbuckle..
Jimmy: Loco already going for the Chaotic Finish! That Coupe de Grace.
Loco leaps off the ropes but ZMAC rolls out of the way. He gets to his feet but Loco turns around with a spin kick and nearly knocks ZMACs head off. ZMAC falls to the ground face first as Loco goes for the pin.
The cover
1..
2..
NOO!!!
Wavedigger: ZMAC kicks out.
Loco stays on ZMAC, determined to get the damage in as he hammers away at the champ. Loco gets up and brings ZMAC with him. He puts ZMAC in a side headlock and then puts his leg over ZMAC head before flipping over and hitting a back body drop.
Reid: And ZMAC lands right on his skull.
Jimmy: This is what you have to do with ZMAC. You have to stay on him. If you give him a chance, he’s going to take it and that’ll be it.
Loco with another pin.
1..
2..
NOO!!!
Loco gets to his feet as ZMAC gets to a knee. Loco springboards off the ropes.
Jimmy: Glope De La Mariposa! The Blow of the Butterfly. The Disaster kick by Loco!
ZMAC is shaken but not down. Loco tries for it again…
Wavedigger: Caught by ZMAC!
WHAM!
Jimmy: And Loco gets powerbombed to the outside!
ZMAC collapses in the ring as the ref starts to count out Loco.
1..2..3..4.5..6..7..
Loco gets to a knee..
8… 9…
10 - -- -
NOOO!!!
Loco rolls back into the ring.
Reid: And Loco just beats the count!
ZMAC gets to his feet as both men start engaging in lefts and right – countering and countering. Loco is slick and throws a kick that knocks ZMAC away. Loco tries to go after ZMAC but ZMAC lifts Loco into the air..
Wavedigger: Zombie Drop!
pin attempt.
1..
2..
KICK OUT!
Jimmy: Loco kicks out. He’s not going down without a fight.
ZMAC picks Loco up and whips him off the ropes. Loco comes back and slides between ZMACs legs. He comes up behind ZMAC and connects with a spinning neck breaker. He lays ZMAC out and another pin attempt.
the pin.
1..
2..
KICKOUT!
Jimmy: These men are matching themselves shot for shot and pin for pin. ZMAC is quick but Loco is a bit quicker.
Wavedigger: But ZMAC strength is greater.
Loco gets up and springboards off the top rope with a 360 leg drop. He picks ZMAC up and throws him into the turnbuckle. He charges ZMAC but Z moves out of the way and connects with an enzuguri!
ZMACclimbs atop the turnbuckle and sets Loco up!
Wavedigger: Top Rope Powerbomb!
..
……
………
NOO!!!
Reid: Loco just reversed it into a hurricanrana!
Powerbomb attempt -> hurricanrana counter -> Stamping backflip into double foot stomp -> into back flipping dismount!
Crowd: WHAT – A – COUNTER ! WHAT – A – COUNTER!
Loco climbs the turnbuckle and waits as ZMAC gets to his knees and crawls towards the ropes, trying to slip out.
Jimmy: ZMAC between the top and middle rope; he’s trying to get to the outside.
WHAM!
Crowd: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
Jimmy: Mama Mia! Loco just leaped off the top rope and may have broken ZMACs neck with that Coupe de Grace to the outside.
Reid: Call it what it is, a guillotine. Loco is going for the win.
Wavedigger: When Loco landed he looked to his twisted his ankle or knee.
Jimmy: And look, ZMACs nose and mouth are busted open.
ZMAC rolls under the ring for a moment as Loco tries to drag the coked up mad man out from under the ring. Loco pulls ZMAC out and gets him to his feet as the two begin to trade punches. They hit a double head smash and both roll in the ring at the same time. They both crawl to adjacent corners but looking exhausted.ZMAC reaches into his pocket and pulls out an empty vial and shakes it with a smile on his face.
Reid: ZMAC hit the cocaine while under the ring!
Loco gets to his feet and runs at ZMACbut ZMAC side steps, tossing Loco into the buckle for mounted punches.
Right hand..
1,2.3,4,5,6,7,8,9..
Left hand..
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9..
ZMAC tosses Loco out from the buckle as ZMAC takes to the ropes for a cat walk hurricanrana!
NOO!!
Reid: Loco reversed it! Styles Clash!
The pin..
1..
2..
3..
NOOO!!
Loco rolls off ZMAC as the ref counts
1..2..3..4…5…6..7..
Loco to his feet. He picks up ZMAC
WHAM!
FALCON UPPERCUT !
ZMAC whips Loco into the ropes but Loco reverses it. ZMAC comes off the ropes..
LOU !!!
THEZ !!!
FUCK !!!!
YOU!!!
PREZZ !!!!
Wavedigger: STOP! HE’S ALREADY DEAD! ZMAC GOING HAM AN CHEESE FOR THE SAKE OF HAM AND CHEESE!
Loco tries to defend himself but it could only last so long before he was overwhelmed by the south paws devastating strikes.
Reid: Payaso in bad shape here!
Loco somehow manages to shift his weight, sliding out just enough to awkwardly grab a hold of the champion
Jimmy: Pin attempt by Payaso, but both men’s shoulders down!
1!
2!
3!
The ref calls for the bell!
DING DING
Taylor Lorde: Ladies and gentlemen.. due to the fact that both men’s shoulders were down, the referee is declaring this match a draw! Therefore, still UCI TELEVISSSSSION CHAMPION, ZOMMMMBIE MCMOOOORRRIS!!
Jimmy: What an impressive match by Loco! These past few weeks everyone has taken it to ZMAC but the champion continues to find ways to hang onto the championship!
Reid: Loco did a great job staying on ZMAC and trying to make him work for it and even had some fantastic counters and high spots that kept the champ on his toes and off his feet. Loco should be proud. He did great work and it shows by the bloody face of the champ.
Wavedigger: And the champ lives to fight another week.
Both men get to their feet, looking like they’ve seen better days as ZMAC is handed his championships. He shoots Payaso a smirk before rolling out and joining his rats in the audience. |
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Post by Results on Jul 17, 2017 23:59:48 GMT -6
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Post by Results on Jul 18, 2017 0:02:00 GMT -6
“Evil” Paul Rudd Segment
The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived by Weezer begins to play.
Jimmy Garcia: Ohh.. not this guy again!
Gravedigger: Yes! I love Evil Paul Rudd!
Jimmy Garcia: After kidnapping Nikola Tesla of the Guardians and Alex Richard's girlfriend Rebecca Thatch last week this man should be in jail.
Gravedigger: This man should receive a medal! He's eliminating Guardians left and right!
“Evil” Paul Rudd comes out, in his wrestling attire. He points towards the back and his lackey Jake Steele who comes out pushing a furniture cart with a large wooden box chained to it.
Sebastion Reid: This can't be good.
Jimmy Garcia: Something unsettling is about to happen.
Gravedigger: No, something legendary is about to happen!
Jimmy Garcia: Here comes Alex Richards!
The King of Mass Confusion sprints out from the back screaming primally! Paul Rudd pushes Jake Steele right towards Alex as he retreats. Alex grabs Jake by the throat... lifts him up and spikes him hard on the steel ramp with the Zim-Quila hangover!
Jimmy Garcia: Paul Rudd is finally going to get his!
But Rudd has other ideas.. he pulls out a remote with a red button in the middle of it from his singlet.
Evil Paul Rudd: Don't you fucking touch me Alex! You think I didn't have a plan for this? You're nothing but an animal! I'm a thinker! If you even think of touching me.. I will blow your girlfriend.. your love.. to bits. Don't you think I won't! I killed you and her once. I don't fucking know how you came back but I will be more then willing to kill her again! Richards... you stand on that ramp.. and you wait like a good little boy until I call for you. You got it?
Alex looks like it seriously pains him. But he nods and slowly backs off, looking at the furniture cart with regret.
Gravedigger: You see that? Alex is scared of what Paul Rudd can do!
Jimmy Garcia: Would you be serious? He's scared of what Paul might do to his girlfriend.
Gravedigger: He's using his love against him! That's so evil!
Sebastion Reid: This might even be a bit far for me.
Paul Rudd, his lackey down seemingly for good bleeding on the steel ramp from multiple face wounds, shrugs and grabs the furniture cart himself wheeling it down towards the ring.
Evil Paul Rudd: Oh.. I want to make sure Rebecca gets a close view of the action. I want to make sure she can really hear this!
Evil Paul enters the ring, tucks his remote back into his singlet, and grabs the mic away from Taylor Lorde.
Evil Paul Rudd: Taylor, give me that mic. The whole locker room knows there's only one real skill you do with your mouth and it damn sure isn't talking! The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is a Hollywood Death Match! Introducing first.. the man who Alex Richards won't come within 15 feet of.. the king of Cannes.. the slayer of big, ugly giants, the man who impregnanted Rebecca Thatch last night..
Alex begins to stalk down the ramp again.
Evil Paul Rudd: Hold on.. hold on! You want to test me? Because there will be a big bang! And there will be one less blind whore in the world.
Alex has turned red as a tomato. His hands are clenched. Veins are popping out of his head.
Evil Paul Rudd: I am.. “Evil” Paul Rudd! And my victim.. some chick named Rose.
Rose, a slim, trim, female wrestler who bears a resemblance to AJ Lee runs towards the ring and enters. Stretching in the corner before the match begins. Paul addresses her.
Evil Paul Rudd: Now, people probably don't remember you Rose. You had one match in the UCI. Last August where you were defeated by Lara Chang. Who nobody remembers either. Why don't you tell us where you're from Rose?
Rose: I'm from Chicago, Illnois.
Evil Paul Rudd: And that's exactly why I chose you for this match. See, you're not Alex Richards. You probably don't know Alex Richards. The only thing you likely have in common with Alex Richards is the fact you share a hometown with him. But watch what I do to Rose simply she had the misfortune to share a hometown with that fat blight on humanity Richards! If I hate you this much.. how much do I hate you Alex? What will I do to you? Ring the bell.
Jimmy Garcia: The opening bells sounds and this one is underway. Rose, looks noticably worried after that speech from Rudd.
Sebastion Reid: Mind games are an important part of the wrestling business Jimmy. Paul powers Rose to the corner and immediately gouges her in the eyes again and again. The referee doesn't say a word, I can only assume in a Hollywood Death Match is no disqualification. Paul now going into his signet and he's got handcuffs. He cuffs Rose to the top rope.
Gravedigger: Rose kicking at Paul now to try and keep him off, but Paul slides out of the ring. He's obviously got something planned. He raps on the wooden crate, then grabs a weapon he stashed on the cart..
Jimmy Garcia: It's that damned wrench! He used that against David Sanchez to great effect. But Rose is helpless. She's handcuffed to the ropes and ohh.. he just nailed her with that wrench right in the elbow! Now he does it again! This is sick. Rose is screaming in pain as Paul whacks her a third time.
Gravedigger: You see the angle that arm is leaning at? It's obviously broken Jimmy. Now he blasts her right in the skull with it and drags it down her face just to get the blood flowing. Referee is calling for the bell.
Taylor Lorde: Referee Paul Stevens has stopped the match your winner..
Evil Paul Rudd: NO! NO! NO! Didn't you read the rules? The referee, the doctor, even the owner of the company Spencer Adams can not stop this match!
Sebastion Reid: It looks like the match is going to continue. Unfortunately for Rose. Although at least it looks like Rudd is uncuffing her only so he can hammerlock slam her on that broken arm then kick her out of the ring like a sack of garbage. This guy is just nasty.
Gravedigger: I know! It's great isn't it! He drags Rose over towards that crate. It looks like he's going to give Rebecca something to listen to as he single arm DDTs her right into the side of it! If it wasn't chained to that crate the impact would have knocked it over.
Jimmy Garcia: From the minute Paul Ruddd has come out here I've had a bad feeling about all of this. He tosses Rose back into the ring. She's totally helpless here as Rudd grabs himself a steel chair. He doesn't need a damn chair!
Gravedigger: He wants one though! That's all that matters. He enters the ring and sets that chair up in a sitting position right on Rose's broken arm.. then sits down on it. Ha ha ha!
Sebastion Reid: Rose verbally submits. This one is mercifully over.
Evil Paul Rudd: Don't you ring the bell referee! A Hollywood Death Match is just that. A Hollywood death match. The match can end by pin or submission. If I chose to show mercy and allow it to end that way. Otherwise there is only one way to end this match.. death.
Jimmy Garcia: Oh dear god. He's going to kill this kid on live television. I don't even want to call this anymore.
Gravedigger: You have such a weak stomach Garcia. Paul gets off the chair.. and drags Rose to her feet. He goes behind.. and there it is.. backstabber into the rear naked choke!
Sebastion Reid: The Evil Accolades has quickly put Rose out.
Paul Rudd drops the hold. Rose is not moving. The audience is stunned silent. Paul however still is not done. He picks up the steel chair, folds it and drops it on Rose's face. Then he picks up his wrench. He swings the weapon like a golf club. A sickening crack is heard. Paul drops the wrench, he covers Rose with one foot.
1..
2..
3..
Evil Paul Rudd: I'll allow the match to be stopped now. Because you're not Alex Richards. And I have something even worse to do to him.
Taylor Lorde: Your winner of the Hollywood Death Match, Evil Paul Rudd
Paramedics quickly rush into the ring to aid the downed competitor as Paul Rudd continues to gloat.
Evil Paul Rudd: I just ruined one career. But that's nothing! Alex Richards... get your ass in that ring. When you learn what I did to Rebecca... I won't just ruin your career... I will ruin your whole fucking life!
Alex Richards slowly walks towards the ring, a worried, weary expression on his face. Clearly fearing the worse he slides into the ring.
Evil Paul Rudd: Nikola Telsa said it couldn't be done. He said there was less then a ten percent chance of success! He said there was less then a fifty percent chance of survival. He was right! Inside that box is the corpse of Rebecca Thatch.
Alex drops to his knees in shock. Tears start to well in the eyes of the normally jovial big man.
Evil Paul Rudd: It does my black heart good to see you cry Alex! As much as I'm enjoying your suffering I have to confess. I lied! She's still alive! You know what I did Alex? I forced Telsa to restore Rebecca's sight! I want her to see the ugly, troll like monster she chose over me! I want you to see the expression on her face when she sees how heidious you are!
Paul removes the chains from the wooden box. Rebecca Thatch staggers out, looking utterly shocked. Brand new blood red eyes trying to adjust to the light.
Evil Paul Rudd: That's right Rebecca darling. Gaze your eyes upon “Evil” Paul Rudd. You should consider yourself blessed. These 6 pack abs. They can be yours. These movie star good looks.. they can be yours as well. I'm the man who gave you sight. And now that you can see me, it's a clear choice. How could anyone possibly pick that nasty, digusting B movie villian over me!
Paul Rudd holds his hand out and Rebecca takes it. You can practically see Alex's heart breaking again in the middle of the ring. Then Rebecca raises a knee, nailing Rudd right in the crotch. She slides into the ring and leaps into the arms of Alex Richards to massive cheers from the fans.
Evil Paul Rudd: NO NO! How could you pick him... over me? I'm a fucking Hollywood movie star for fucks sake! Fine.. if I can't take Rebecca away from Alex. I'll take Alex away from Rebecca. Alex Richards.. I challenge you.. to a Hollywood Death Match at Summermania!
Alex Richards a look of absolute malice nods towards Paul Rudd.
Alex Richards: You took Rebecca's life into your hands. Next week my hands will hold your fate.
Paul turns and stalks towards the back grabbing the dazed Jake Steele on the way by. The show goes to commercial with Alex and Rebecca conversing softly in the middle of the ring. The big man looking obviously relieved albeit bewildered at the turn of events. |
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Post by Results on Jul 18, 2017 0:19:09 GMT -6
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Post by Results on Jul 18, 2017 0:19:50 GMT -6
UCI Intercontinental Championship Casey Holliday (c) vs. Shadowlove
We return from commercial with Shadowlove and Casey already in the ring for our Intercontinental title match. As soon as the bell rings, the two charge out of their corners at each other.
Jimmy Garcia: These two better watch it or the ref might throw this one out!
The two lay into each other with flurries near the corner despite the ref trying to break them up.
Sebastian Reid: Looks like it may be that way.
The ref tries to break them up once more, but is knock back as he tries to get in the scuffle. He motions for the call as the brawl continues.
DING DING DING!!
Gravedigger: Oh, come on! This is a championship match!
Supremacy by Muse hits to a chorus of boos as the two are finally separated, both breathing heavily as they turn their attention to the emerging UCI owner on the stage.
Spencer Adams: No! Not happening! I can see what kind of mood you guys are in already..which means a simple restart won’t happen. That’s why, we’re gonna do this right. In two weeks time at Summermania, we’re gonna make sure that the Intercontinental Championship sees a proper contest. It will be Casey Holliday...versus Shadowlove...versus...Calvin Harris in a triple threat for that Intercontinental title!
The crowd pops at the news as Spencer simply walks back through the curtain leaving both Casey and Shadowlove in the ring, grinning towards one another as we cut away. |
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Post by Results on Jul 18, 2017 0:21:05 GMT -6
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Post by Results on Jul 18, 2017 0:33:26 GMT -6
Mustache Segment
“Turbo Lover” plays. Mama Mustache and Ulysses Nabrow make their way down to the ring. The smarks cheer but everyone else boos.
Jimmy Garcia: Please don’t make out this week. Please don’t make out this week.
Gravedigger: You can’t stop the bond between a brother and sister, Jimmy.
Mama and Ulysses get in the ring.
Mama Mustache: Gimme a fuckin’ mic!
The music ends and Mama begins.
Mama Mustache: Alright, it’s time for another two clients of Mama Mustache Managerial Services, Incorporated to attempt to take the Gang Bang Titles away from my boys. Yours truly is gonna be the Masta of Ceremonies and my dear brutha, Ulysses Nabrow will once again officiate this contest. And becawse he felt a little jealous bein’ left out of last week’s festivities, let me intradouche to you this special guest timekeepa for this match, my :sigh: husband, the icon of professional wrestlin’ (his words, not mine), Ernesto “Roid Rogers” Mustache.
Papa Stache’s music plays and the crowd pops. He makes his way down to the ring in his traditional red and yellow tights, tank top, and bandana, gets on the apron and points at Ulysses, who becomes a little unnerved. Papa gets in the ring and rips his tank top off and comes walking towards Ulysses. Mama shields Ulysses.
Mama Mustache: Ernesto. ERNESTO! Snap out of it! You ain’t wrestlin’ today. Ya ringin’ the fuckin’ bell, that’s it!
Papa is still trying to get at Ulysses.
Mama Mustache: Could somebody cut the gawd damn music?! That’s the only way he’ll stop!
The music stops and Papa suddenly comes back to the present, looking confused.
Mama Mustache: Who the fuck did you think you were wrestlin’ this time?
Papa Stache: Brother, I thought it was that two faced “Mr. Marvelous” Paul Porndorff. I thought he believed in the Mustache Mandates of flexing, fighting, and fucking, but he turned his back on Roidamania and joined up with that weasel Bobby Peenan.
Mama Mustache: That was 1986! Remember, you beat Porndorff in that steel cage match where both of ya feet hit the floor at the same time. Frankly, I think he won, but that mighta been wishful thinkin’ becawse we did it dawgie in the locka room right before he came went out to the ring and let me tell you somethin’, he WAS Mr. Marvelous. Now go to ya fuckin’ chair and stay there. When Ulysses gives you the signal, just ring the fuckin’ bell. That’s awl ya gotta do. Afta that, you can go back to whateva glory day who want!
Papa Stache goes to his seat.
Mama Mustache: And now…
Mama clears her throat.
Sebastian Reid: Ew, gross. What’s she got stuck in there. You know what? Don’t answer that.
Gravedigger: Probably semen.
Sebastian Reid: I said “don’t answer that!”
Mama Mustache: This gawd damn contest is scheduled for one fall…
Crowd: ONE FALL!
Mama Mustache: Who the fuck told you fuckin’ people to intarupt me?! Ya think I need ya to shout “ONE FALL?” Everybody knows it’s one fall. I just fuckin’ said it! Shut the fuck up and let me do my intraductions, ya shithead wrestlin’ fans!
Crowd: BOOOOO!
Mama Mustache: Yeah, yeah, fuck you, too. Anyway, as I was sayin’, this contest is scheduled for one fall and it’s for the UTI GAWD DAMN GANG BANG TITLES! Intradouchin’ first, represented by Mama Mustache Managerial Services, Incorporated, the challenguhs, weighing in at a total combined weight of a fuck-ton, Earthqueef and Thaipoon, The Natural HitASSers!
 Two obese men in singlets walk through the curtain.
Sebastian Reid: Oh my lord.
They have to stop halfway up the aisle to catch their breaths. The try to go up the ring steps, but give up and just roll under the bottom rope. They take another minute to catch their breath and hold onto the ropes while they try to get to their feet.
Mama Mustache: Jesus, fuckin’ Christ. It took you two fat fucks lawng enough. Ya eva hear of the word “salad?” Anyway, their opponents…
“A.D.I.D.I.A.S.” starts playing.
Mama Mustache: From Mustache Manor, weighing in at a total combined weight of 455 lbs., the UTI GAWD DAMN GANG BANG CHAMPIONS, my little sexy boys, Biff and Buff, the SUPER STACHE BROTHERS!!!
Buff and Biff Mustache make their way down the entrance ramp, being sure to embrace the thousands and thousands cheering fans that are vying just even the slightest touch of the two most charismatic and euphoria inducing wrestlers in UCI history. They get in the ring, stand on the second rope, and hold their titles up in the air. They hug their mama and their Uncle Ulysses. The music stops.
Mama Mustache: Now hold on one second. Before we start this gawd damn match, I have a little surprise. Ya see this table here in the ring?
Biff: Don’t tell me this is a tables match, Mama.
Buff: Yeah! We can pretty much lift anything, but these guys? Even Papa couldn’t do that.
Mama Mustache: Ya ain’t competin’ in no tables match, ya dumbshits! This is a suprise for the Natural HitASSers. Ya, see, I believe that my clients should have the best preparation for their matches, which is why…
She pulls the tablecloth off to reveal twenty boxes of pizza and ten bowls of spaghetti. Earthqueef and Thaipoon rub their hands together, their mouths watering.
Mama Mustache:...I took it upon myself to go to some local Italian joint down the road and order awl this gawd damn food. It’s a carbo load, men. Ya need ya carbohydrates to have energy for this match. Now, dig in!
Earthqueef and Thaipoon immediately go to work on eating the food.
Sebastian Reid: Um, I’m being told that we’re going to go to commercial while these two men finish their pre-match meal. We’ll be right back. Ug, this is gross…
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Post by Results on Jul 18, 2017 0:34:59 GMT -6
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Post by Results on Jul 18, 2017 0:36:00 GMT -6
Mustache Segment Continued!
We come back from commercial with only half the food gone.
Mama Mustache: While we’re waitin’ for these fatties to finish their gawd damn meal, I’d like to address another situation here in the UTI. As all of you know, I challenged that gawd damn cawcksucka Spencah fuckin’ Adams to a gawd damn match and I gave him until this week to give me his gawd damn answer, so Spencah, get ya fuckin’ ass down here and give me ya answer!
Spencer Adams’ music plays. He walks down to the ring very slowly, never taking his eyes off of Mama. He grabs a mic and enters the ring. He takes a second to observe the Natural HitASSers enjoying their food and just shakes his head.
Mama Mustache: Alright, Spencah, what’s ya fuckin’ answer? Ya gonna fuckin’ man up and face me one-on-one in this ring, or are ya gonna be a fuckin’ pussy and deny me the right to beat the shit outta ya?
Like last week, Spencer looks as if he’s trying to remain cool calm and collected. He slowly brings the microphone to his face.
Spencer Adams: You know, Ursula, I haven’t lost one bit of sleep over this decision because it was just so simple to make. I had a harder time deciding what I wanted to eat for breakfast this morning than making my decision regarding your challenge.
Mama Mustache: That’s great, asshole. What’s ya fuckin’ answer?
Spencer smirks.
Spencer Adams: You can try to goad me into a match all you want, and believe me, if you were a man and you were thirty years younger, I’d drop you right where you stand; but you’re not. You’re a woman who’s twice my age and it’s a simple fact that I just have absolutely nothing to prove by kicking the shit out of you here in this ring.
A slight “ooooh” can be heard in the crowd.
Spencer Adams: And frankly, after the headaches you’ve been giving me over the last month and a half, it gives me satisfaction to not give in to your ridiculous and unreasonable demands. Therefore my official answer to your question is “no.”
Some people in the crowd applaud Spencer for sticking by his guns. Mama’s face tightens up in anger. Suddenly, she lift her leg to kick him in the balls, but he catches it. Biff and Buff attack Spencer from behind, raining forearms down on his neck, head, and back. They send him off the ropes and attempt a double clothesline, but he ducks and hits a double flying clothesline of his own. He pounces on Biff and starts punching him rapidly but Buff gets up full nelsons Spencer, pulling him off of Biff. With Spencer still in the hold, Mama races over and kicks Spencer right in the nuts.
Crowd: OOOOOOOOH!
Spencer collapses to the floor but he’s not down very long when Buff lifts Spencer up and the Super Stache Brothers execute the Mustache Driver on the helpless owner of UCI. Spencer is unconscious on the mat.
Sebastian Reid: These Mustaches are out of control! Spencer Adams is the owner and these degenerate thugs are just doing whatever they want! They can't accept not getting their way!
Gravedigger: Hey, if Spencer had just given her a shot at the World Title when she asked for it, none of this would happen.
Sebastian Reid: Give me a break!
Mama Mustache: Boys, boys, look!
She points at the Natural HitASSers. They’ve finished their food but are now lying on the mat in a food coma, empty pizza boxes and empty bowls surrounding them, sauce smeared all around their mouths.
Mama Mustache: Quick, cover them! Ulysses, call for the bell!
Biff gets on Earthqueef and Buff gets on Thaipoon. Ulysses calls for the bell to start the match, but Papa is staring off into space, trapped in another time and another place.
Mama Mustache: ERNESTO! Ring the gawd damn bell! ERNESTO! Oh gawd damn it!
She runs out of the ring and rings the bell herself. Ulysses falls to the mat and counts with both hands hitting the mat.
1...
2...
3…
Mama rings the bell. “A.D.I.D.A.S.” plays.
Jimmy Garcia: I’m starting to think these aren’t legitimate matches.
Sebastian Reid: Gee, ya think, Jimmy?
Mama grabs the belts, gets in the ring, and hands them to her sons. They jump for joy in the air as if they’ve just won the lottery.
Mama Mustache: The winnas, and still those GAWD DAMN UTI GANG BANG CHAMPIONS, THE SUPER STACHE BROTHERS!!!
Biff puts a foot on Earthqueef’s chest while Buff puts his foot on Thaipoon’s chest. They hold their titles in the air. Ulysses points at the champions NWO style. Mama sits on Spencer’s face and flexes her muscles.
Sebastian Reid: Oh my god. How degrading!
Jimmy Garcia throws up once again.
Papa gets in the ring and starts doing his classic posedown, thinking that the celebration is for him.
Sebastian Reid: They're making a mockery of this sport! I've never been more disgusted in my life!
The camera stays on the obnoxious Mustache family as it fades to commercial. |
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Post by Results on Jul 18, 2017 0:36:56 GMT -6
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: The storm is coming.