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Post by Jack "The Crack" Schlongson on Aug 14, 2016 16:39:04 GMT -6
Hey guys, got my first RP up as this character. If any of you have the time and the inclination to read it, please let me know what ya thought of it (and future RP's).
Also, if anyone wants feedback on theirs, feel free to request it in this thread as well.
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Post by Spencer Adams on Aug 15, 2016 0:35:31 GMT -6
Sorry, didn't see this (also been a bit behind on feedback which is my bad)
I thought it was fantastic. The balance of doing this absurd character as something that I can actually take serious is awesome to see. Of course, that's a reflection of yourself as a writer, but yeah, great work, man. I think the biggest thing I really liked was that this character shoots in a way where I can visualize him on TV cutting a real life promo as it just sort of oozes the personality of the character.
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Post by Bonnie Blue on Aug 18, 2016 21:09:37 GMT -6
I just re-read the promo to make sure I know what I'm talking about. And I enjoyed it even more on a second reading, so that is a hell of an indication right there. Grammatically, it's perfect... not perfect, but a real work of art. The use of structure, words, the callbacks to the poem near the beginning, all tied everything together into a beautiful whole. I like looking at the inner workings, seeing Jack's motivations, the way he thinks. Cynicism drips from every word, there's this world-weariness that belongs to a much older person, and I feel like there's still a lot we don't know; some deeper, hidden pain that makes him the way he is... Then again, I might be way off-base.  Anyway, the rp was awesome, and I look forward to reading the next one. |
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Post by Jack "The Crack" Schlongson on Aug 21, 2016 13:43:59 GMT -6
Second RP up. Not ENTIRELY happy with it, but not unhappy either, but hope to see what you guys think.
Also, as always, want me to give feedback, feel free to ask for it as well.
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Fang
Developmental
The True Immortal of Pro Wrestling has ARRIVED!!!
Posts: 66 
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Post by Fang on Aug 21, 2016 14:12:36 GMT -6
I don't know how you could be unhappy with that one. If that was what you had put down against me last week It would have been a squash match with me getting squashed. You're really finding the character and his motivations are clear. He really wants to be big. You can tell by how you portray him. Keep it up.
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Post by Jack "The Crack" Schlongson on Aug 21, 2016 14:25:42 GMT -6
Thanks a lot, mang. I really appreciate it, glad that what I'm doing is connecting with people to some degree. As you get to know me, you'll find I second guess most of my writing, so initially I don't think I'll ever be immediately happy haha.
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Post by Spencer Adams on Aug 21, 2016 16:20:42 GMT -6
Good RP here as always. What can I say? This might be a "new" character for you, but you're a vet to this community with a reputation as a great writer and that was on display as always. Not really any criticisms. Good job, man.
(Also, the gif in your signature has Jack looking a lot like this gay guy I know named Tim who works at the Casey's a few blocks from my house, like insanely similar with the wave and facial expression lol.)
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Post by Jack "The Crack" Schlongson on Aug 28, 2016 16:08:28 GMT -6
Week three, feedback if ya have it, ask if you want it.
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Post by Mandie Wheeler on Aug 28, 2016 21:15:14 GMT -6
If wanna give Feedback on my rp would appreciate it. thanks
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Post by Jack "The Crack" Schlongson on Aug 28, 2016 21:24:39 GMT -6
If wanna give Feedback on my rp would appreciate it. thanks Will do so sometime tonight via PM, so keep an eye out. |
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Post by Spencer Adams on Aug 29, 2016 0:27:11 GMT -6
Stellar, another step up. Mixing relevance and good CD, that's the formula to go by and you did a damn good job of it.
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Post by Jack "The Crack" Schlongson on Sept 4, 2016 9:20:55 GMT -6
Well, I tried this week, guys.
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Post by Leviathan on Sept 4, 2016 12:06:23 GMT -6
You shouldn't be down on yourself bro. That was a great promo. You've taken a character who COULD be a huge joke and turned him into someone to be taken seriously. Reminds me somewhat of Alex from A Clockwork Orange. Good stuff dude! Keep up the great work!
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Post by Jack "The Crack" Schlongson on Sept 4, 2016 15:16:56 GMT -6
You shouldn't be down on yourself bro. That was a great promo. You've taken a character who COULD be a huge joke and turned him into someone to be taken seriously. Reminds me somewhat of Alex from A Clockwork Orange. Good stuff dude! Keep up the great work! Many thanks, mang, means a lot to hear. I hate always being a downer on my own work haha, but I literally finished it minutes before I had to go to work so I was worried it was a bit rushed. I'm honestly happy people really like this character, because I've put in a hell of a lot of effort to make this thing work, and it also means a lot for everyone so far to basically say I've taken a joke character and made it something more. Schlongson has been the most fun I've had writing in a very long time. |
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Anyway, the rp was awesome, and I look forward to reading the next one. 
