Post by Mr. Wright on Aug 8, 2016 8:59:02 GMT -6
This Just In
(Short Form Article)
It has been announced this morning that the Sloshed Pit, famed tavern owned by UCI Superstar Alex Richards based right outside of Chicago, Illinois. Police reports show that foul play was involved. A local bystander had this to say.
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Bystander: This is a bad part of town; I wouldn’t be surprised if Richards burnt it down himself for the insurance.
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Another Bystander said this…
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Bystander 2: I think I saw a fat drunk old bald man walk out of the bar with a lighter and a can of gasoline as it was going up. Could have been Alex Richards… could have been Michael Chiklis.
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From the office of Mayor David Sanchez we got an exclusive interview with his Ambassador of Urban Relations Taylor Wright.
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Taylor Wright: Alex Richards is a madman. He is hell bent on making money with that bar at any means necessary. Even if it means burning the place down. It was a failing business, any reports will show you that. It may have been his only play. But as we all know that is ILLEGAL for so many reasons. The evidence we have is irrefutable and we currently have a warrant out for his arrest.
If anyone should come across this man keep in mind he is highly dangerous. This is a man that the law may not contain so we are not only allowing, but encouraging vigilantism in order to bring him in… DEAD OR ALIVE.
No further questions.
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It seems that the authorities have already named their prime suspect, but until true evidence is found I remain wary of the potentially biased government. Still, a grave injustice has occurred as the world infamous band “Galactic UTI” will no longer have a place to call home… among other reasons.
I’m Michelle Treacy, signing off.
