Post by Kyle Cameron on Jul 31, 2016 15:46:36 GMT -6
Escapism. It's something I've always been interested in.
It began really early, at about like five years old. I was obsessed with cartoons and video games, like a good portion of kids my age. Just to give you an idea, when I was in first grade my classmates and I were given some Play-Doh and a Popsicle stick. It was probably to help us form an idea of how math works or some shit like that, I honestly couldn't tell you the purpose of having these things in class, cause while everyone else was doing their work, I was using the clay to create two slightly human figures and recreate the fight scenes I saw on Samurai Jack every Friday night. It's silly looking back on it, and I'm surprised I was never caught.
That was just the beginning. As the years went by and I gradually realized how crappy the world could be, I'd often day dream and imagine myself in impossible scenarios. When I was ten, I pictured myself with my own Millennium Item from Yu-Gi-Oh, how my transformation sequence would look and how badass I'd be. When I hit puberty, my focus shifted to the hot girls in class, and how I'd woo them all with my suaveness. We can all see how THAT turned out.
Eventually I just gave up on these fantasies. I accepted that all these things I wanted to happen never would, and just accepted my life as it was. I finally decided to grow up.
Some people, though, never seem to grow up.
PROMO #7 - 2.B.A Champion
At about 7 AM on Wednesday morning, I was woken up by my phone vibrating violently next to the side of my head blaring "Trap Queen" by Fetty Wap. That was Sarah's ringtone on my phone, had been for a while now, I had been meaning to change it since we broke up but I just never got around to it. I had only gotten to bed at about 3 in the morning, having spent the night jammin to some tasty jams (mostly some Chance the Rapper and Childish Gambino.) So yeah, it took a long time for me to finally answer. "Why the hell was she even calling me at this ungodly time" I thought to myself before speaking.
Kyle Cameron: Hello...
Sarah Fritz: Hey, I'm on my way over to your place to get you, you ready?
Kyle Cameron: Ready for what?
Sarah Fritz: Kyle, don't tell me you forgot. I swear to god, if you forgot...
And then I remembered, today was the day I had asked her to drive me around Laffy and prove that I'm not only better at wrestling then that fucking NERD Andre Jenson, but also a better Pokemon trainer.
Kyle Cameron: No no no, I remember. Gimme a sec to get dressed and I'll be ready.
Sarah Fritz: Well I'm almost there, so be quick.
She hung up. Slowly but surely, I made my way out of bed, dressed only in a pair of striped boxers. My wardrobe had already been planned out for this little excursion. Jeans, sneakers, black undershirt, blue and white shirt over that, and finally an Ash Ketchum cap. Oh yeah, you better believe I was gonna do this shit right. I pulled out my phone and used the front camera as a mirror, and DAMN was I looking straight FIYAH. I took a few quick pics before posting them onto twitter for the whole world to see.
@themainattraction
"Out to prove I'm not only the best champion out in pro wrestling today, but also the best pokemaster too. Andre Jenson can suck a bit ole' METAPOD ya loser."
"Out to prove I'm not only the best champion out in pro wrestling today, but also the best pokemaster too. Andre Jenson can suck a bit ole' METAPOD ya loser."
Swag. All the swag in the universe, all coming to me at the same time, I could feel it. Then a knock on the door. I began imagining Sarah on the other side, dressed as Misty. MMMMMMMMMMM. Dem fucking suspenders on her would look awesome. I left my room, opened the door, and there she was...dressed like she normally dressed. Sigh. She looked at my get up and gave me some prime Sarah Fritz Stink Eye™.
Sarah Fritz: Really, dude? You're going out dressed like that?
Kyle Cameron: What are you, my mom?
Sarah Fritz: I may as well be with how much I drive you around this fuckin' city.
Kyle Cameron: Whatever, let's get this thing goin', I gotta fly to Florida tomorrow.
I stepped outside and made my way to her car, plopping myself right into the passenger's seat. As Sarah made her way to the car, I plugged my phone into the aux cable and started scrolling through my music.
Kyle Cameron: Gotta have a bangin soundtrack for today, y'know?
Sarah Fritz: Do I wanna know?
I didn't even answer her, instead I just pressed play on my phone.
Sarah Fritz: Kyle...I can believe...
Kyle Cameron: I'M ON THE ROAD TO VIRIDIAN CITY, BITCH!
We drove on over to Downtown Lafayette, starting our Pokemon journey there. My collection was already kinda big from playing on my own, but now with nationwide attention on Cameron vs. Jenson, I could feel the pressure to do even better. Sadly it was starting to look like today wasn't my lucky day, as I was gettin' squat nothin' in the area we were in.
Kyle Cameron: Damn, nothing. Not even a Pidgey or a Rattata.
Sarah Fritz: Keep looking, I'm sure some places over here set up lure's or something.
Kyle Cameron: I hope so.
We made our way up to Parc Sans Souci, still getting nothing. Either all of the Pokemon had been caught beforehand or there just wasn't anything there to begin with. But as Sarah and I took a seat on one of the nearby benches, I started scouting the area, and finally found something.
Kyle Cameron: Holy shit, holy shit, I think I got something here.
I sprung up and started running in the direction of the Pokemon, not even sure which one it was. I could vaguely hear Sarah yelling for me to be careful as her voice faded into the distance. I checked my screen, and HOLLEE SHIT it was a Diglet. I didn't have one yet, but that was about to change as I-
*THWACK*
...ran headfirst right into a stop sign. Stopped me dead in my fuckin' tracks. I could slowly begin to feel blood trickling down my nose. People around me started coming up to me asking if I was okay.
Kyle Cameron: I'm fine, I'm fine, just let me catch my damn Diglet.
But as I got my phone back up and I checked the screen, the Diglet was suddenly gone. I looked up from my phone to see this bewildered looking kid, must've been like nine or ten years old, with his phone out. No words were exchanged, I knew it was him. And while some deep dark part of me wanting to just rail on him and tell him how he stole that Pokemon from me, seeing this kid looked scared as hell (in a weird, weird way) reminded me of myself when I was younger. A kid with not a care in the world but to enjoy his Pokemon. So with not even so much as a "fuck you, buddy" I left him alone, my tail firmly between my legs as I made my way back to Sarah.
Sarah Fritz: I told you to be careful. Now look at you, you look like a fuckin mess.
Kyle Cameron: I know, I know. It was stupid of me, but y'know what? I don't care anymore. At the end of the day, I'm not gonna let this game consume my life. I'mma let Andre do that.
Sarah Fritz: Oh boy. Is this gonna be one of your "talk shit on your opponnents before the big match" wrestling monologues?
Kyle Cameron: You fuckin know it.
Sarah Fritz: Oh boy, here we go.
Kyle Cameron: Andre Jenson lives his whole fucking life in fantasy worlds, and I'm not just talking about Pokemon GO either. I'm talking like Lord of the Rings shit. Dude has enough money to do whatever he wants with his life...and he chooses to waste his time LARPing around and being a terrible wrestler? Bruh. Talk about wasting your life away. Quite frankly it's insulting, too. You of all people should know better then anyone how tough life's been to us normal folk through the years. Andre's had everything given to him on a silver plate literally his whole life, and look at how much of an immature manchild he turned out to be.
I could maybe let that slide if he was a good wrestler, MAYBE. But he's not even a decent one, just straight up, HE SUCKS. To him, being a pro wrestler is not like it is for me, it's not like he works hard day in and day out to get better and to make a name for himself in this biz. No, he treats this like a hobby, one where it's okay for him to fail at. I've been in this federation since the freakin day it opened, and I've stayed her all the way to today. Jenson? Fucking bailed when he had the chance, then just shows back up like it's no big deal. Fuck that noise, this kid ain't determined to fuck shit up like I am. I want to win belts and make people respect me, he just wants to "have fun" and be a fuckin' goof. I don't think he's realized that this business, this stupid fucked up business of professional wrestling, is NOT FUN. It is A JOB, and a damn TOUGH ONE at that. Could you honestly describe having your body get fucked up and possibly injured in the name of competition is considered "fun?" No, don't answer that question, there's no need.
When I look at Jenson, I see a man who has no idea how fucked this crappy world is. All these news stories of cops getting attacked and killed, unrest in the streets, international incidents and threats of war, not to mention climate change and the like, and I bet you Andre doesn't even care about any of it, hell I'd be surprised if he KNOWS about half the shit that's going on. He rejected the real world at a very young age, the age where most of us say things like "I want to be a cowboy when I grow up" for Career Day at school. He's never left that phase of his life, and it pisses me off because...well...for a long time, I was like that too. I wanted just escape from the real world and pour myself into these fantasies of mine, ones I've told you of before. The difference is that eventually...I grew up. I grew up and abandoned those fantasies cause I knew they'd never happen. Andre hasn't abandoned his own fantasies yet, but at Beachmania, when I humiliate him in the ring, climb that ladder and grab that belt he was soooooooo quick to denounce as fake (even though he still accepted the challenge for the damn thing) hopefully he realizes it's finally time for him to grow up and move on. You feel me Sarah? Sarah?
I turned to look at Sarah, mindlessly browsing her phone while I was talking, once she realized I wasn't talking anymore she gave me a quick look.
Sarah Fritz: Oh, you're done? Sorry, I tuned out for a moment.
Kyle Cameron: Whatever. At least I got it out there. Now let's get outta here and go get lunch.
We left Parc Sans Souci and drove to Buffalo Wild Wings. On the way over there, on a patch of open road, I made her stop.
Kyle Cameron: Sarah...Sarah, stop the car.
Sarah Fritz: Why?
Kyle Cameron: There. Is. A. Snorlax. On. The. Road.
