Post by SHADOWLOVE on Jun 25, 2016 17:59:41 GMT -6
A sophisticated carbon fibre and premium Ducati Diavel 1198cc Testastretta 11° Dual Spark V-twin high performance motorcycle, with Marchesini wheels and and slick Zircotec-coated dual exhaust pipes, sits parked somewhere in the middle of Humboldt Park in Chicago, Illinois. Your modern day charismatic and charming egotistical, narcissistic, politically incorrect, felicitating, self-righteous, second-generation megalomaniac, "The Handsome Half-breed" Shadowlove, is laying back on the Vantablack dual leather seat relaxing, with his hands interlocked in classic masculine and modern mussed, razor-textured, choppy finished dark brown hair behind his head.
He’s showing off his fighter's face with an ice cold stare which radiants from his blue eyes. He’s stripped to the waist showing off the upper body of a Greek God, with washboard abs, in a black leather trench-coat along with Crocodile skinned pants with Alligator skinned boots. His Alligator skinned boots are perched up on the Rizoma Handlebars and crossed at the ankles in front of him. His low dusky voice rings out fully, with all charm and charisma that one can muster, mister:
SHADOWLOVE: Instead of the winner of this Battle Royal receiving a shot at the UCI Rising Stars Championship or a shot at the Television Championship at the upcoming Pay-Per-View maybe, just maybe, this organization should give the winner a Tetanus shot. I mean, really, if you thought wrestling in the vomit, blood, and the stench of The Warehouse was bad enough, you meatheads ain't seen nothing yet. Who's the “rocket” scientist that came up with the bright idea of wresting in this shit-hole, Humboldt Park? This sure the hell does have “The Mayor” David Sanchez’s fingerprints all over this Clusterfuck! If CSI: Chicago ever swabs Humboldt Park, they'll probably come up with the esteemed Mayor’s DNA all over this joint. Hell, Sancho’s DNA already shows up all over Mr. Tay-Tay’s body under a blacklight. . .
The Infamous Superstar's gracefully sensuous petite, yet dignified, personal bodyguard/valet and “Fashionista Sensei”, Ms. Miyamoto, stands behind the sophisticated carbon fibre and premium Ducati Diavel 1198cc Testastretta 11° Dual Spark V-twin high performance motorcycle, with Marchesini wheels and and slick Zircotec-coated dual exhaust pipes.
The simply ravishing femme fatale temptress wearing Vantablack fingerless gloves is twirling her fingers through Shadowlove's classic masculine and modern mussed, razor-textured, choppy finished dark brown hair with carnal knowledge and malignant pleasure.
Her raven black hair is pulled back in a French braid showing off her angelic face with her eyes hidden behind a pair of RayBan sunglasses. Her attractively well-proportioned, slim, trim, toned body built for sin encased in a form-fitting Dainese Mike lady Vantablack leather jacket, a form-fitting Dainese Alien Vantablack leather pants, and Vantablack SIDI Adventure Gore-Tex boots. Her sweet as honey, harmoniously hypnotizing, smooth as silk, smoky voice radiating through her alluring lips:
MS. MIYAMOTO: Not that there is anything wrong with that? What happens behind the esteemed Mayor’s private closet sessions is his business and no one else's except for him and his NEW Ambassador of Urban Relations. Mr. Wright-san, while the esteemed Mayor’s been showing you his “Wright Stuff” when bending you over his desk and making you his backdoor “Stevie Richards-san”, violent crime in Humboldt Park is up 60% in the past 30 days from last year. That breaks down to 1.7 violent crimes per 1,000 people in Humboldt Park, 34 robberies, 31 batteries, 26 assaults, 2 homicides, 2 sexual assaults. Property crime in Humboldt Park is up 60% in the past 30 days from last year. That breaks down to 2.9 property crimes per 1,000 people in Humboldt Park, 106 thefts, 31 burglaries, 27 motor vehicle thefts, 1 arson. Quality of life crime in Humboldt Park is up 60% in the past 30 days from last year. That breaks down to 3.2 quality of life crimes per 1,000 people in Humboldt Park, 69 criminal damages, 109 narcotics violations, 2 prostitution violations. . .
Shadowlove slides off the Vantablack dual leather seat like a snake, creating locomotion through side-to-side movement and rectilinear progression, which allows him to seamlessly walk on his ribcage in what appears to be an optical illusion. He stoically stands with his arms crossed over his muscular chest in front of the side of the sophisticated carbon fibre and premium Ducati Diavel 1198cc Testastretta 11° Dual Spark V-twin high performance motorcycle.
SHADOWLOVE: I don't know about you my dear, but I feel so much safer in my life of crime knowing that those Idiot Savants are the ones in charge down at City Hollow. Bravo, Mayor Sancho, bravo! But I digress! You see, the difference between Mr. Tay-Tay, "The Archduke of Mass Confusion", Mikey, and the “Better Than You” milkdud is that the true winner of this Battle Royal and Number One contender for the Rising Stars Championship and Television Championship, “The Handsome Half-breed”, doesn't have to act like those other meatheads who think that the UCI is an “Entitlement” Organization. Mr. Tay-Tay, "The Archduke of Mass Confusion", Mikey, and the “Better Than You” milkdud all walk around The Warehouse moaning and groaning to the UCI and anyone who will listen to them out of desperation when they're looking for a handout thinking that this organization owes them a hand-up. I just hope that since this week's Overload is outside here in Humboldt Park, that the “New” General Manager gives them the “Entitlement” that they need by handing these Idiot Savants a Sharpie and a cardboard box so that they can write down, “I wrestle for entitlements” when they're all walking around the park at the “meet and greet” with the fans during the show. Maybe, just maybe, someone unfortunate soul will feel sorry for these meatheads and try to adopt them into their “forever” family?. . .
Ms. Miyamoto swings and pirouettes her leg, with catlike precision and showing off her Bushidō training, over the gas tank and Rizoma handlebars of the sophisticated carbon fibre and premium Ducati Diavel 1198cc Testastretta 11° Dual Spark V-twin high performance motorcycle.
She takes her proper place cradling against Shadowlove's body and starts caressing Shadowlove’s muscular chest with her fingers.
MS. MIYAMOTO: Alexander Richards-san, it is an accepted fact in the United Championship Infinite that “Alien” abductions are real but very few wrestlers entertain the idea that your “adoption” by The Guardians was in fact legal. So on this very rare occasion, let us delve into the deep, dark, puzzling, bizarre world of "The Archduke of Mass Confusion” and his Guardians “Adoption”. . .
A crowd of a variety of people from all walks of life starts to gather around “The Dynamic Duo” with one thing in common. For some odd reason, the crowd of Thugs, Gangbangers, Johns and Hookers, the Po-po, modern families, dogs and cats, all seem to be wearing the “New” Howard “The Duck” Black gear designed by RageOn! The scene kind of reminds you of the “We Are The World” music video.
MS. MIYAMOTO: Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far, away, in order to boldly go where no man has gone before, “Little” Alex was vacationing with his parents over, lets say, over the Christmas holidays in his small hometown that we will call Whoville, in order to protect the innocent. “Little” Alex’s heart could barely stand all the excitement of good ol’ Saint Nick coming for a visit bearing gifts. But poor “Little” Alex kept nodding off and on until his eyelids couldn't stay open no more. A few hours later, a half past midnight, I do believe, “Little” Alex heard a strange sound, but it wasn't coming from Rudolph and the rest of the reindeer posse pulling Santa’s sleigh, it was the sound of a 1974 Ford Ranchero with a cracked muffler and in need of a very serious tune-up that jolted him awake. . .
Simultaneously, the sound of a car backfiring jolts the crowd of people gathered around from all walks of life and they let out a “sigh of relief” in unison that it wasn't a drive-by Guardians “Adoption” and starts high-fiving and hugging each other “Thank God”. Ms. Miyamoto pauses for dramatic effect, then continues on with “The Archduke of Mass Confusion’s” saga.
MS. MIYAMOTO: When “Little” Alex uncovered his head and started wiping away the sleep from his eyes, he was shocked to see three creatures standing by his bed in the shapes of Jay Omega-san, Polar Phantasm-san, and Bonnie Blue. The last thing thing “Little” Alex remembers, or wants to try to forget, is floating through the air in the 1974 Ford Ranchero, well, more like hitting every pothole east of Omaha. He would unfortunately, or fortunately depending on your point of view, would undergo numerous “medical” procedures by The Guardians from an insertion of a very long needle into his ear canal and tapping into his the pea brain, as well as, the insertion of a very big “tool” into his Uranus. Sometimes, simultaneously at the same time. But many of the glory hole, or is that gory, details of his alleged “adoption” are so bizarre, that the UCI, along with the Federal Government, have chosen to “redact” most of the case file of “The Archduke of Mass Confusion”. This alleged “adoption” lead to an onset of hallucinations of voices, music, people, smells, causing his taste for the combination of prescription drugs and Zim-Quila. Which left Alexander Richards-san laying buck naked in a fetal position in the middle of the squared-circle somewhere inside Humboldt Park in Chicago, Illinois. . .
Shadowlove closes his eyes trying to shake that image from inside his head. He starts counting to 100 and waves off the crowd of people gathered around from all walks of life to get along with their mission. The crowd of Thugs,Gangbangers, Johns and Hookers, the Po-po, modern families, dogs and cats, all seem to be wearing the “New” Howard “The Duck” Black gear designed by RageOn!, begin dispersing on their merry way throughout Humboldt Park in search of “The Archduke of Mass Confusion” himself, Alex Richards.
SHADOWLOVE: I’m sorry Kyle, maybe I should've tasked these fans to find your old man, “Papa” Kemp, since you’re to dumb enough to know that he is just a phone call away? My bad! UCI, is it me? Or is this Battle Royale turning into one of those godforsaken origin story type of match? Between The Guardians version of Jar Jar Binks, The Mayor’s “New” Ambassador to Backdoor Relationships, and now, I’m sorry UCI, that you have to unfortunately put up with the trauma of the “Better Than You” milkdud whose daddy left him in Durham, North Carolina, thinking that he is some kind the “second-coming” of Crash Davis in a Bull Durham remake?. . .
MS. MIYAMOTO: Don't forget about Michael. . .
SHADOWLOVE: Whoooooo?!. . .
MS. MIYAMOTO: Whoooooo?! Who do you think you are? “The Nature Boy”?!. . .
Ms. Miyamoto lowers her RayBan sunglasses down her perfectly flawless nose on her angelic looking face showing off her incandescent green eyes scanning up and down and back up again at custom-made from head to toe Shadowlove like The Terminator in a very sarcastic “Don't you even go there, you wheelin’ and dealin’, kiss stealin’, jet flyin’, motorcycle ridin’, son of a gun, you!” looking gesture.
"PERSONAL JESUS" by Depeche Mode starts to play on the Bose® (product placement) SoundTouch® (product placement) outdoor surround sound system.
Shadowlove, bows his head, raising his arms straight out to his sides, as if, being crucified on a cross. And on the third day, Jesus, wept.
SHADOWLOVE: Mikey, pleased to meet you. I’m “The Handsome Half-breed” that is going to turn your “dreamscape” into your worst nightmare my friend. I don’t really care who you are, what you are, or even how you even got here. I don't care what is, or what isn't, a figment of your imagination. I’m not your psychiatrist nor do I don't play one on T.V. This Battle Royal isn't a war against the machines nor is it a chance at freedom by escaping from New York. This Battle Royal isn't about whether or not if good triumphs over evil either. What this Battle Royal is about is who will have the most prestige of becoming a Rising Star in this organization or who can generate the most Television ratings in this organization. . .
Ms. Miyamoto raises her RayBan sunglasses up her perfectly flawless nose on her angelic looking face with her middle finger.
MS. MIYAMOTO: Desperate times calls for desperate measures. And as you all can see, Shadowlove-san is already a Rising Star and Made for Television. He doesn't have to show the desperation of his other fellow competitors like Mr. Wright-san, Alexander Richards-san, Michael-san, and Kyle Kemp-san. He doesn't have to feel the need to kowtow to the likes of “The Mayor” David Sanchez-san. He doesn't have to feel the need to play fetch like some junkyard dog for a galaxy full of Guardians. He doesn't have to feel the need to be fitted for a Straight-Jacket in a padded cell numbered 2029. And he sure the hell doesn't have to feel the need to be the long lost sister of Kim Kardashian. . .
Shadowlove raises his head showing off his chiseled fighter's face and a malevolent, tight wolfish, whiplash smile, slowly appearing on his lips showing off perfectly white even teeth in a “The Walking Dead Governor, “Marvel”-ously Universal, Certifiably Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, Reality T.V. Star” shit-eating grin.
SHADOWLOVE: Mr. Tay-Tay, whether or not it is scrounging around the streets of New York City or slumming it here in Chicago, there has always been two types of rats in the UCI, those that walk on two legs and those that are down on all fours campaigning for better wages hoping to earn minimum wage from your esteemed Mayor Sancho in City Hollow. That is the Chicago way. Then again, you can be more confused than a goat on astroturf like “The Archduke of Mass Confusion” when hitting the time warped speed across the galaxy when being illegally alien probed by his “legal” Guardians. UCI, do you see an ongoing theme developing here? He likes it, hey Mikey, you are nothing to write home about either, my friend. Just look at you floating around the UCI suffering from “selective” amnesia or some kind of memory loss when trying to reclaim your hold on reality when it comes to your mental faculties. But nothing, and I mean nothing, takes the cake like Kylie Kempdashian trying to talk tough in front of the mirror like he/she is trying to be the Travis Bickle of the UCI. . .
A very shameful look appears over Ms. Miyamoto’s angelic looking face at the reprehensible thought of how far the one-time Champion and somewhat highly respectable career of Kyle Kemp has fallen.
MS. MIYAMOTO: Kyle Kemp-san, you aren't even half the man, the wrestler, the son, that you used to be. You’re lacking the courage to stand behind your own convictions. Just look at yourself, you aren't even “better than you” when it comes to your own career. How does it feel living not only in the shadow of “The Handsome Half-breed” but also residing in the shadow of Dustin Beaver-san? I mean, your ex-teammate becomes the Television Champion before you? Amazing! You claim to have all the talent in the world, and your resume may back that up, but here in the United Championship Infinite, you are nothing in this sports entertainment business without someone like Dustin Beaver-san standing next to you and holding your hand in the squared-circle. Sounds kind of like the old days with Johnny Rabid-san, now doesn't it? Listening to your life story, is like getting your teeth pulled by a dentist. So what! So what if the viewing audience at home finds you something of an object of worthless, despicable, contemptuous, ridiculousness because you are the offspring of a
well-renown alcoholic father and whore chaser?. . .
Shadowlove removes a deck of cards from the inside pocket of his black leather trench-coat. He starts shuffling the deck and suddenly splays the cards out in front of him in a 52 pick up fashion to signify the life and times of Kyle Kemp in and out of the squared-circle.
SHADOWLOVE: Kyle, at least you have quite an optimistic life ahead of you unlike Mr. Tay-Tay, whose good-natured self deprecation for the esteemed Mayor Sancho speaks volumes for itself. What exactly has Tay-Tay’s puppy love for Sancho gotten him in this organization other than pushing a broom in City Hollow and The Warehouse? Nothing! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! He still lives his life begging for everything he’s got just like every single reject that he is trying to represent. From the cardboard refrigerator box that he calls a condo in City Hollow to pushing the esteemed Mayor Sancho’s weak-assed agenda when trying to pull the UCI to down City Hollow’s level, Mr. Tay-Tay, you are the true definition of what it means to be an “Entitlement” wrestler in this organization. Circle the bowl, down Mr. Tay-Tay and Sancho goes, Roll, City Hollow, Roll. . .
Ms. Miyamoto reaches inside Shadowlove's black leather trench-coat and removes a rolled up copy of The Wall St. Journal and begins tapping it into the palm of her hand.
MS. MIYAMOTO: Alexander Richards-san and Michael-san, wonder twin powers deactivate! There will be no 1974 Ford Ranchero. There will be no Hot Tub Time Machine 1 & 2. There certainty will be no Cher to sing, “Turn Back Time”. There isn't anything in this universe that will keep you both from escaping the inevitable of joining Mr. Wright-san, and Kyle Kemp-san on the losing end of this Battle Royal with the winner of this Battle Royal receiving a shot at the UCI Rising Stars Championship or a shot at the Television Championship at the upcoming Pay-Per-View. Mr. Wright-san knows it deep down. Alexander Richards-san knows it deep down. Michael knows it deep down. Once Dustin Beaver-san explains it to Kyle Kemp-san, then he will know it deep down too. Whoever the next Rising Star Champion is knows it deep down. Whoever the next Television Champion is knows it deep down. The entire United Championship Infinite knows it deep down. The whole world knows deep down that this Battle Royal is in the hands of “The Handsome Half-breed” Shadowlove-san. And how, may you ask, just does everyone, including their mother, knows for a fact that Shadowlove-san will pick which Championship, either the Rising Stars Championship or the Television Championship, that he will win at the next PPV? Because it is Election Day in Humboldt Park and. . .
"SIMPLY IRRESISTIBLE” by Robert Palmer starts to play on the Bose® (product placement) SoundTouch® (product placement) outdoor surround sound system.
Shadowlove starts to "strip" off his black leather trench-coat like a Chippendale's dancer. Spinning the black leather trench-coat around him like a Matador in a bullring, throwing it up into the air, catching it and putting it back on as if nothing has happened.
“HER STRUT" by Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band starts to play on the Bose® (product placement) SoundTouch® (product placement) indoor/outdoor surround sound system.
Ms. Miyamoto exuding fantastic supermodel energy, as she walks with a stiff, erect, and apparently arrogant and conceited "Strut" around Shadowlove. She lowers her RayBan sunglasses, showing off her incandescent green eyes, nodding in approval at such a Magnificent Specimen, Shadowlove-san, while tapping a rolled-up copy of the Wall St. Journal in the palm of her hand.
Shadowlove climbs on the sophisticatedly carbon fibre and premium Ducati Diavel 1198cc Testastretta 11° Dual Spark V-twin high performance motorcycle, with Marchesini wheels and and slick Zircotec-coated dual exhaust pipes.
The immense and incredibly powerful distinct sound from a Ducati 1198cc Testastretta 11° Dual Spark V-twin world-beating engine can be heard coming to life, echoing throughout Humboldt Park.
Simultaneously, the sound of the immense and incredibly powerful distinct sound from a Ducati 1198cc Testastretta 11° Dual Spark V-twin world-beating engine sends the crowd of people from all walks of life, wearing the “New” Howard “The Duck” Black gear designed by RageOn!, scattering like ants throughout Humboldt Park, thinking that it’s Independence Day and The Guardians are here trying to enslave the human race by invading Earth.
Ms, Miyamoto swings and pirouettes her leg, with catlike precision, over the Ducati Diavel 240/45 ZR17 Pirelli Diablo Rosso II with Marchesini forged and machined, 8.00 x 17, 10-spokes tire and straddles the Vantablack dual leather seat behind Shadowlove.
Ms. Miyamoto wraps her arms and legs around Shadowlove’s waist like a Black Widow Spider. She raises her RayBan sunglasses up her perfectly flawless nose on her angelic face with her middle finger.
THIS IS THE END, MY ONLY FRIEND...THE END!
He’s showing off his fighter's face with an ice cold stare which radiants from his blue eyes. He’s stripped to the waist showing off the upper body of a Greek God, with washboard abs, in a black leather trench-coat along with Crocodile skinned pants with Alligator skinned boots. His Alligator skinned boots are perched up on the Rizoma Handlebars and crossed at the ankles in front of him. His low dusky voice rings out fully, with all charm and charisma that one can muster, mister:
SHADOWLOVE: Instead of the winner of this Battle Royal receiving a shot at the UCI Rising Stars Championship or a shot at the Television Championship at the upcoming Pay-Per-View maybe, just maybe, this organization should give the winner a Tetanus shot. I mean, really, if you thought wrestling in the vomit, blood, and the stench of The Warehouse was bad enough, you meatheads ain't seen nothing yet. Who's the “rocket” scientist that came up with the bright idea of wresting in this shit-hole, Humboldt Park? This sure the hell does have “The Mayor” David Sanchez’s fingerprints all over this Clusterfuck! If CSI: Chicago ever swabs Humboldt Park, they'll probably come up with the esteemed Mayor’s DNA all over this joint. Hell, Sancho’s DNA already shows up all over Mr. Tay-Tay’s body under a blacklight. . .
The Infamous Superstar's gracefully sensuous petite, yet dignified, personal bodyguard/valet and “Fashionista Sensei”, Ms. Miyamoto, stands behind the sophisticated carbon fibre and premium Ducati Diavel 1198cc Testastretta 11° Dual Spark V-twin high performance motorcycle, with Marchesini wheels and and slick Zircotec-coated dual exhaust pipes.
The simply ravishing femme fatale temptress wearing Vantablack fingerless gloves is twirling her fingers through Shadowlove's classic masculine and modern mussed, razor-textured, choppy finished dark brown hair with carnal knowledge and malignant pleasure.
Her raven black hair is pulled back in a French braid showing off her angelic face with her eyes hidden behind a pair of RayBan sunglasses. Her attractively well-proportioned, slim, trim, toned body built for sin encased in a form-fitting Dainese Mike lady Vantablack leather jacket, a form-fitting Dainese Alien Vantablack leather pants, and Vantablack SIDI Adventure Gore-Tex boots. Her sweet as honey, harmoniously hypnotizing, smooth as silk, smoky voice radiating through her alluring lips:
MS. MIYAMOTO: Not that there is anything wrong with that? What happens behind the esteemed Mayor’s private closet sessions is his business and no one else's except for him and his NEW Ambassador of Urban Relations. Mr. Wright-san, while the esteemed Mayor’s been showing you his “Wright Stuff” when bending you over his desk and making you his backdoor “Stevie Richards-san”, violent crime in Humboldt Park is up 60% in the past 30 days from last year. That breaks down to 1.7 violent crimes per 1,000 people in Humboldt Park, 34 robberies, 31 batteries, 26 assaults, 2 homicides, 2 sexual assaults. Property crime in Humboldt Park is up 60% in the past 30 days from last year. That breaks down to 2.9 property crimes per 1,000 people in Humboldt Park, 106 thefts, 31 burglaries, 27 motor vehicle thefts, 1 arson. Quality of life crime in Humboldt Park is up 60% in the past 30 days from last year. That breaks down to 3.2 quality of life crimes per 1,000 people in Humboldt Park, 69 criminal damages, 109 narcotics violations, 2 prostitution violations. . .
Shadowlove slides off the Vantablack dual leather seat like a snake, creating locomotion through side-to-side movement and rectilinear progression, which allows him to seamlessly walk on his ribcage in what appears to be an optical illusion. He stoically stands with his arms crossed over his muscular chest in front of the side of the sophisticated carbon fibre and premium Ducati Diavel 1198cc Testastretta 11° Dual Spark V-twin high performance motorcycle.
SHADOWLOVE: I don't know about you my dear, but I feel so much safer in my life of crime knowing that those Idiot Savants are the ones in charge down at City Hollow. Bravo, Mayor Sancho, bravo! But I digress! You see, the difference between Mr. Tay-Tay, "The Archduke of Mass Confusion", Mikey, and the “Better Than You” milkdud is that the true winner of this Battle Royal and Number One contender for the Rising Stars Championship and Television Championship, “The Handsome Half-breed”, doesn't have to act like those other meatheads who think that the UCI is an “Entitlement” Organization. Mr. Tay-Tay, "The Archduke of Mass Confusion", Mikey, and the “Better Than You” milkdud all walk around The Warehouse moaning and groaning to the UCI and anyone who will listen to them out of desperation when they're looking for a handout thinking that this organization owes them a hand-up. I just hope that since this week's Overload is outside here in Humboldt Park, that the “New” General Manager gives them the “Entitlement” that they need by handing these Idiot Savants a Sharpie and a cardboard box so that they can write down, “I wrestle for entitlements” when they're all walking around the park at the “meet and greet” with the fans during the show. Maybe, just maybe, someone unfortunate soul will feel sorry for these meatheads and try to adopt them into their “forever” family?. . .
Ms. Miyamoto swings and pirouettes her leg, with catlike precision and showing off her Bushidō training, over the gas tank and Rizoma handlebars of the sophisticated carbon fibre and premium Ducati Diavel 1198cc Testastretta 11° Dual Spark V-twin high performance motorcycle.
She takes her proper place cradling against Shadowlove's body and starts caressing Shadowlove’s muscular chest with her fingers.
MS. MIYAMOTO: Alexander Richards-san, it is an accepted fact in the United Championship Infinite that “Alien” abductions are real but very few wrestlers entertain the idea that your “adoption” by The Guardians was in fact legal. So on this very rare occasion, let us delve into the deep, dark, puzzling, bizarre world of "The Archduke of Mass Confusion” and his Guardians “Adoption”. . .
A crowd of a variety of people from all walks of life starts to gather around “The Dynamic Duo” with one thing in common. For some odd reason, the crowd of Thugs, Gangbangers, Johns and Hookers, the Po-po, modern families, dogs and cats, all seem to be wearing the “New” Howard “The Duck” Black gear designed by RageOn! The scene kind of reminds you of the “We Are The World” music video.
MS. MIYAMOTO: Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far, away, in order to boldly go where no man has gone before, “Little” Alex was vacationing with his parents over, lets say, over the Christmas holidays in his small hometown that we will call Whoville, in order to protect the innocent. “Little” Alex’s heart could barely stand all the excitement of good ol’ Saint Nick coming for a visit bearing gifts. But poor “Little” Alex kept nodding off and on until his eyelids couldn't stay open no more. A few hours later, a half past midnight, I do believe, “Little” Alex heard a strange sound, but it wasn't coming from Rudolph and the rest of the reindeer posse pulling Santa’s sleigh, it was the sound of a 1974 Ford Ranchero with a cracked muffler and in need of a very serious tune-up that jolted him awake. . .
Simultaneously, the sound of a car backfiring jolts the crowd of people gathered around from all walks of life and they let out a “sigh of relief” in unison that it wasn't a drive-by Guardians “Adoption” and starts high-fiving and hugging each other “Thank God”. Ms. Miyamoto pauses for dramatic effect, then continues on with “The Archduke of Mass Confusion’s” saga.
MS. MIYAMOTO: When “Little” Alex uncovered his head and started wiping away the sleep from his eyes, he was shocked to see three creatures standing by his bed in the shapes of Jay Omega-san, Polar Phantasm-san, and Bonnie Blue. The last thing thing “Little” Alex remembers, or wants to try to forget, is floating through the air in the 1974 Ford Ranchero, well, more like hitting every pothole east of Omaha. He would unfortunately, or fortunately depending on your point of view, would undergo numerous “medical” procedures by The Guardians from an insertion of a very long needle into his ear canal and tapping into his the pea brain, as well as, the insertion of a very big “tool” into his Uranus. Sometimes, simultaneously at the same time. But many of the glory hole, or is that gory, details of his alleged “adoption” are so bizarre, that the UCI, along with the Federal Government, have chosen to “redact” most of the case file of “The Archduke of Mass Confusion”. This alleged “adoption” lead to an onset of hallucinations of voices, music, people, smells, causing his taste for the combination of prescription drugs and Zim-Quila. Which left Alexander Richards-san laying buck naked in a fetal position in the middle of the squared-circle somewhere inside Humboldt Park in Chicago, Illinois. . .
Shadowlove closes his eyes trying to shake that image from inside his head. He starts counting to 100 and waves off the crowd of people gathered around from all walks of life to get along with their mission. The crowd of Thugs,Gangbangers, Johns and Hookers, the Po-po, modern families, dogs and cats, all seem to be wearing the “New” Howard “The Duck” Black gear designed by RageOn!, begin dispersing on their merry way throughout Humboldt Park in search of “The Archduke of Mass Confusion” himself, Alex Richards.
SHADOWLOVE: I’m sorry Kyle, maybe I should've tasked these fans to find your old man, “Papa” Kemp, since you’re to dumb enough to know that he is just a phone call away? My bad! UCI, is it me? Or is this Battle Royale turning into one of those godforsaken origin story type of match? Between The Guardians version of Jar Jar Binks, The Mayor’s “New” Ambassador to Backdoor Relationships, and now, I’m sorry UCI, that you have to unfortunately put up with the trauma of the “Better Than You” milkdud whose daddy left him in Durham, North Carolina, thinking that he is some kind the “second-coming” of Crash Davis in a Bull Durham remake?. . .
MS. MIYAMOTO: Don't forget about Michael. . .
SHADOWLOVE: Whoooooo?!. . .
MS. MIYAMOTO: Whoooooo?! Who do you think you are? “The Nature Boy”?!. . .
Ms. Miyamoto lowers her RayBan sunglasses down her perfectly flawless nose on her angelic looking face showing off her incandescent green eyes scanning up and down and back up again at custom-made from head to toe Shadowlove like The Terminator in a very sarcastic “Don't you even go there, you wheelin’ and dealin’, kiss stealin’, jet flyin’, motorcycle ridin’, son of a gun, you!” looking gesture.
"PERSONAL JESUS" by Depeche Mode starts to play on the Bose® (product placement) SoundTouch® (product placement) outdoor surround sound system.
Shadowlove, bows his head, raising his arms straight out to his sides, as if, being crucified on a cross. And on the third day, Jesus, wept.
SHADOWLOVE: Mikey, pleased to meet you. I’m “The Handsome Half-breed” that is going to turn your “dreamscape” into your worst nightmare my friend. I don’t really care who you are, what you are, or even how you even got here. I don't care what is, or what isn't, a figment of your imagination. I’m not your psychiatrist nor do I don't play one on T.V. This Battle Royal isn't a war against the machines nor is it a chance at freedom by escaping from New York. This Battle Royal isn't about whether or not if good triumphs over evil either. What this Battle Royal is about is who will have the most prestige of becoming a Rising Star in this organization or who can generate the most Television ratings in this organization. . .
Ms. Miyamoto raises her RayBan sunglasses up her perfectly flawless nose on her angelic looking face with her middle finger.
MS. MIYAMOTO: Desperate times calls for desperate measures. And as you all can see, Shadowlove-san is already a Rising Star and Made for Television. He doesn't have to show the desperation of his other fellow competitors like Mr. Wright-san, Alexander Richards-san, Michael-san, and Kyle Kemp-san. He doesn't have to feel the need to kowtow to the likes of “The Mayor” David Sanchez-san. He doesn't have to feel the need to play fetch like some junkyard dog for a galaxy full of Guardians. He doesn't have to feel the need to be fitted for a Straight-Jacket in a padded cell numbered 2029. And he sure the hell doesn't have to feel the need to be the long lost sister of Kim Kardashian. . .
Shadowlove raises his head showing off his chiseled fighter's face and a malevolent, tight wolfish, whiplash smile, slowly appearing on his lips showing off perfectly white even teeth in a “The Walking Dead Governor, “Marvel”-ously Universal, Certifiably Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, Reality T.V. Star” shit-eating grin.
SHADOWLOVE: Mr. Tay-Tay, whether or not it is scrounging around the streets of New York City or slumming it here in Chicago, there has always been two types of rats in the UCI, those that walk on two legs and those that are down on all fours campaigning for better wages hoping to earn minimum wage from your esteemed Mayor Sancho in City Hollow. That is the Chicago way. Then again, you can be more confused than a goat on astroturf like “The Archduke of Mass Confusion” when hitting the time warped speed across the galaxy when being illegally alien probed by his “legal” Guardians. UCI, do you see an ongoing theme developing here? He likes it, hey Mikey, you are nothing to write home about either, my friend. Just look at you floating around the UCI suffering from “selective” amnesia or some kind of memory loss when trying to reclaim your hold on reality when it comes to your mental faculties. But nothing, and I mean nothing, takes the cake like Kylie Kempdashian trying to talk tough in front of the mirror like he/she is trying to be the Travis Bickle of the UCI. . .
A very shameful look appears over Ms. Miyamoto’s angelic looking face at the reprehensible thought of how far the one-time Champion and somewhat highly respectable career of Kyle Kemp has fallen.
MS. MIYAMOTO: Kyle Kemp-san, you aren't even half the man, the wrestler, the son, that you used to be. You’re lacking the courage to stand behind your own convictions. Just look at yourself, you aren't even “better than you” when it comes to your own career. How does it feel living not only in the shadow of “The Handsome Half-breed” but also residing in the shadow of Dustin Beaver-san? I mean, your ex-teammate becomes the Television Champion before you? Amazing! You claim to have all the talent in the world, and your resume may back that up, but here in the United Championship Infinite, you are nothing in this sports entertainment business without someone like Dustin Beaver-san standing next to you and holding your hand in the squared-circle. Sounds kind of like the old days with Johnny Rabid-san, now doesn't it? Listening to your life story, is like getting your teeth pulled by a dentist. So what! So what if the viewing audience at home finds you something of an object of worthless, despicable, contemptuous, ridiculousness because you are the offspring of a
well-renown alcoholic father and whore chaser?. . .
Shadowlove removes a deck of cards from the inside pocket of his black leather trench-coat. He starts shuffling the deck and suddenly splays the cards out in front of him in a 52 pick up fashion to signify the life and times of Kyle Kemp in and out of the squared-circle.
SHADOWLOVE: Kyle, at least you have quite an optimistic life ahead of you unlike Mr. Tay-Tay, whose good-natured self deprecation for the esteemed Mayor Sancho speaks volumes for itself. What exactly has Tay-Tay’s puppy love for Sancho gotten him in this organization other than pushing a broom in City Hollow and The Warehouse? Nothing! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! He still lives his life begging for everything he’s got just like every single reject that he is trying to represent. From the cardboard refrigerator box that he calls a condo in City Hollow to pushing the esteemed Mayor Sancho’s weak-assed agenda when trying to pull the UCI to down City Hollow’s level, Mr. Tay-Tay, you are the true definition of what it means to be an “Entitlement” wrestler in this organization. Circle the bowl, down Mr. Tay-Tay and Sancho goes, Roll, City Hollow, Roll. . .
Ms. Miyamoto reaches inside Shadowlove's black leather trench-coat and removes a rolled up copy of The Wall St. Journal and begins tapping it into the palm of her hand.
MS. MIYAMOTO: Alexander Richards-san and Michael-san, wonder twin powers deactivate! There will be no 1974 Ford Ranchero. There will be no Hot Tub Time Machine 1 & 2. There certainty will be no Cher to sing, “Turn Back Time”. There isn't anything in this universe that will keep you both from escaping the inevitable of joining Mr. Wright-san, and Kyle Kemp-san on the losing end of this Battle Royal with the winner of this Battle Royal receiving a shot at the UCI Rising Stars Championship or a shot at the Television Championship at the upcoming Pay-Per-View. Mr. Wright-san knows it deep down. Alexander Richards-san knows it deep down. Michael knows it deep down. Once Dustin Beaver-san explains it to Kyle Kemp-san, then he will know it deep down too. Whoever the next Rising Star Champion is knows it deep down. Whoever the next Television Champion is knows it deep down. The entire United Championship Infinite knows it deep down. The whole world knows deep down that this Battle Royal is in the hands of “The Handsome Half-breed” Shadowlove-san. And how, may you ask, just does everyone, including their mother, knows for a fact that Shadowlove-san will pick which Championship, either the Rising Stars Championship or the Television Championship, that he will win at the next PPV? Because it is Election Day in Humboldt Park and. . .
"SIMPLY IRRESISTIBLE” by Robert Palmer starts to play on the Bose® (product placement) SoundTouch® (product placement) outdoor surround sound system.
Shadowlove starts to "strip" off his black leather trench-coat like a Chippendale's dancer. Spinning the black leather trench-coat around him like a Matador in a bullring, throwing it up into the air, catching it and putting it back on as if nothing has happened.
“HER STRUT" by Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band starts to play on the Bose® (product placement) SoundTouch® (product placement) indoor/outdoor surround sound system.
Ms. Miyamoto exuding fantastic supermodel energy, as she walks with a stiff, erect, and apparently arrogant and conceited "Strut" around Shadowlove. She lowers her RayBan sunglasses, showing off her incandescent green eyes, nodding in approval at such a Magnificent Specimen, Shadowlove-san, while tapping a rolled-up copy of the Wall St. Journal in the palm of her hand.
Shadowlove climbs on the sophisticatedly carbon fibre and premium Ducati Diavel 1198cc Testastretta 11° Dual Spark V-twin high performance motorcycle, with Marchesini wheels and and slick Zircotec-coated dual exhaust pipes.
The immense and incredibly powerful distinct sound from a Ducati 1198cc Testastretta 11° Dual Spark V-twin world-beating engine can be heard coming to life, echoing throughout Humboldt Park.
Simultaneously, the sound of the immense and incredibly powerful distinct sound from a Ducati 1198cc Testastretta 11° Dual Spark V-twin world-beating engine sends the crowd of people from all walks of life, wearing the “New” Howard “The Duck” Black gear designed by RageOn!, scattering like ants throughout Humboldt Park, thinking that it’s Independence Day and The Guardians are here trying to enslave the human race by invading Earth.
Ms, Miyamoto swings and pirouettes her leg, with catlike precision, over the Ducati Diavel 240/45 ZR17 Pirelli Diablo Rosso II with Marchesini forged and machined, 8.00 x 17, 10-spokes tire and straddles the Vantablack dual leather seat behind Shadowlove.
Ms. Miyamoto wraps her arms and legs around Shadowlove’s waist like a Black Widow Spider. She raises her RayBan sunglasses up her perfectly flawless nose on her angelic face with her middle finger.
THIS IS THE END, MY ONLY FRIEND...THE END!
