Welcome to Aja Darrik (4/5)
Jun 12, 2016 12:38:23 GMT -6
"Mr. God" Benjamin Atreyu, Bonnie Blue, and 2 more like this
Post by The Polar Phantasm on Jun 12, 2016 12:38:23 GMT -6
Hello, Guardians fans, and welcome to another adventure! As always, we urge you to read these pieces in order:
Episode One: We Are Not Alone
Written by Jay Omega
Episode Two: To Boldly Go...
Written by Bonnie Blue
Episode Three: ...Where No One Has Gone Before
Written by Alex Richards
Episode Four: Welcome to Aja Darrik
Written by the Polar Phantasm
Episode Five: War in the Blue Sun
Written by Jay Omega
We hope y'all enjoy! Here we go, gentle viewers... it's Episode Four of Guardians: Rising Daran. See you next week with A Bottle of Space!
-B.
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[Scene: Daran System, Andromeda Galaxy; more specifically, entering atmosphere of the fifth planet from Daran. This world, as Darrikaan ship computers informed the Guardians, is known as 'Aja Darrik'; it is a desert world for the most part, though rich in minerals... specifically, a rare metal previous unknown to humanity known as 'deludium'. It is also the homeworld of the Darrikaan Empire, a dictatorship spanning more than a few systems and numbering in the trillions. In short, this is hardly the sort of place one should haphazardly arrive... one does not, as they say, simply walk into Mordor. And 'haphazardly' would be at least suitable enough an adverb to describe the imminent landing of Guardians vessel slash companion, Grimmauld... he's coming in hot, to put a finger on it. Within the techno-organic confines of the 'space dragon' we see Alex Richards and the Unstable Elements deplaning (or whatever you call it when you're getting out of a giant truck, a hovertank and a snowmobile), Alex looking slightly out of it and Nightmare obviously injured.]
Phantasm: Hang onto something, guys- I'm not liking the speed at which we're dropping altitude here. This could get messy, fast.
Richards: Are we in an elevator? Did the cable break?
[He looks over at the vehicles within the 'hangar'-like enclosure.]
Richards: This is a sweet fuckin' elevator, man-
[Polar sees his wife hop slightly, clutching her thigh in pain.]
Phantasm: Crystal- jeez, baby, is it broken?
Nightmare: No. I'm fine, Cam, seriously. It's just a bruise or something-
[She tries to walk normally and almost falls down, sucking air through her teeth in a reversed hissing sound.]
Phantasm: That's not just an anything, baby. That's probably at least a couple days off your feet-
Nightmare: Like hell, Cam- we're in fucking space. I'm not staying off my anything 'til I've seen the wonders of the fuckin' universe!
[Polar waves Alex over, though it takes a couple of attempts before he catches the attention of the Archduke of Mass Confusion... Alex helps Polar prop his wife up as they pretty much carry her out of the room.]
Phantasm: Let's take her up to the bridge-
Nightmare: Stop- stop carrying me, you assholes, I can walk!
Richards: Lord, thank you Jesus, she can walk! It's a miracle!
Nightmare: Why are you taking me to the bridge?
Phantasm: Because you're gonna get Bonnie to look at that and get a second opinion.
[Resolved Polar and dazed Alex carry reluctant Nightmare, her legs slightly kicking at the air as she wriggles in frustration. She sighs and groans weakly.]
Nightmare: Come on, guys, I don't want to hang out with Bonnie... seriously, let me go. Please?
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"Leave tourists porous
My galaxy's gorgeous...
Quantum jump - I'm right at your doorstep." - Deltron 3030, Positive Contact
Born in the future, destined for glory in the past; her entire culture was wiped from existence in the blink of an eye. As a founding member of the Guardians, and with the aid of a wisecracking humanoid cat and a cybernetic Hank Brown, she uses her time traveling Ranchero to help defend the Metaverse and the UCI, the importance of which is as yet unknown. Time waits for no man, but it obeys one woman... THE DAUGHTER OF TIME, BONNIE BLUE!
Offbeat. Outlandish. Bizarre. These are just some of the words used to describe him, though they barely scratch the surface. The surreal is commonplace in his world, and random chance seems to be either his best friend or his guardian angel. Mimsy were the borogroves, and flubbity-wub-wub, flubbity-flubba-wub. What you see as gibberish makes perfect sense to... THE ARCHDUKE OF MASS CONFUSION, ALEX RICHARDS!
Some would call him unconventional. Some would say eccentric. Still others would prefer the term insane. But one word they would all agree on is dangerous. How else would you describe a man who claims to have traveled through time, across dimensions, fought literal gods, and lived to tell the tale? Such may sound like utter nonsense, but that's just another day in the absurd life of future UCI World Champion, and founding Guardians member... THE OMEGA MAN, JAY OMEGA!
Introduced to one another in a deathmatch, they became a team both in combat and in life. He, the Polar Phantasm, calculating yet comedic, intense yet irreverent... she, Nightmare, virtuous yet violent, belligerent yet beautiful. Together they work to defend this universe as strategist and infiltrationist (respectively) of the Guardians... they are THE UNSTABLE ELEMENTS!
[In the year of our Lord two thousand and sixteen, first contact was made with an alien race by the people of Earth... unfortunately, this alien race didn't seem to have peace or goodwill on their minds. Fortunately for all of us Earthlings, the people who made first contact were the Guardians - through the combined efforts of Jay Omega, Bonnie Blue and the Unstable Elements, our potentially disruptive visitor was neutralized before doing any damage to the planet. Well, there was *some* damage... incidentally, some debris from the scout vessel crashed into a suburban area and caused some power problems for John and Jane Q. American. The adage holds true- to make an interstellar omelet, one must first break a few alien eggs.]
[The vessel was identified as having come from the Daran System, a heavily populated region of the Andromeda galaxy... through the combined efforts of the Guardians and their associates (both human and artificially intelligent machine), the Darrikaan vessel's databanks were accessed and a return course was plotted. Their first scout vessel destroyed, the Phantasm knows that the Darrikaans will return and in greater numbers... so as a pre-emptive measure, he planned a mission to (hopefully) negotiate a mutually beneficial agreement between the Earth and their new (new to us, anyway) neighbors. Light years away from their home, the Guardians get their first taste of life in the Daran System; that said, one can only hope that Guardian Jay Omega survives Darrikaan life's particular 'flavor'.]
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POLAR PHANTASM #6: Welcome to Aja Darrik
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[Scene: The surface of the desert world of Aja Darrik, fifth planet from Daran. We see Omega's cycle-pod laying awkwardly upside-down in a mountain of sand... about twenty feet away from the pod, we see Omega lying face-up in the sand and cautiously breathing as he stares up at the blue sun. He doesn't appear to be injured, per se, though a bit shaken up... then again, it's hard to make a guess from this point of view as to what sort of internal damage the Omega Man may have taken. At least he's breathing- that's always a plus.]
Omega: Everything's just so... blue. This is at least as weird as that time I went to that reality where all the water is lime Kool-aid green... or that house party I went to in Chelsea. Xor, what was that girl's name- Meredith? Melanie? Shit, I can't remember... probably shoulda called her back, though. She had one hell of an-
[Absent-mindedly, Jay glances off to one side; much to his chagrin, he notices he's being actively surrounded by robed and facewrapped purple-skinned men with long spears. He gives the spears a once-over; Omega quickly decides that this is no mere bronze-age tribe that's backed him into a corner.]
Omega: Hey, one of you guys the concierge? I didn't get a mint on my pillow.
[He sees them look back and forth to one another, either failing to understand him or ignoring his awkward attempt at humor.]
Omega: Fellas, if you could just direct me to the nearest... shit, do you guys even have phones on this planet? Wait, what am I saying- cell service is shit half the time on Earth. No way I get through in space. How about-
[Seated on the sand-scape, Omega tries to communicate with the Darrikaans; his attempt is curtailed, however, by a purple fist clubbing him about the back of the head. Jay slumps forward slightly, then rebounds and bends the other way quickly; he collapses motionless to the sand. As two soldiers lift the Omega Man and begin to carry him away, we see a few Darrikaans examining his cycle-pod... after a few moments, they chatter a few phrases to each other in their alien tongue and head off behind their platoon. One can only assume that they've decided Omega's vehicle will be where they left it when they inevitably get around to salvaging it... or, perhaps, that they're simply wary of his potentially deadly alien technology. Who knows what lurks in the minds of Darrikaan men?]
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[Scene: the surface of Aja Darrik. We see Grimmauld touching down onto the sand-scape, rather comfortably this narrator might add; considering the circumstances, that's an amazing development. His legs touch the sand, talons digging into the mercurial soil-substitute... a huge cloud of displaced sand wafts up, partially blotting out the blue sun. We watch as the sandcloud disperses for a moment, then we zoom through a 'window' in Grimmauld's side and into the living ship himself. Inside, we see Bonnie Blue, Alex Richards, Nightmare and the Polar Phantasm gazing out onto the sands, taking their first look at the surface of an alien world. In the distance we see massive structures that seem almost impossible for this landscape. Overhead, a blue sun burns brightly in the sky giving everything an eerie hue (almost like one of those blue tinted lenses they used in early color pictures to make daytime scenes appear to be nighttime scenes). Breathlessly, the Guardians give their first impression of Aja Darrik.]
Nightmare: It's... kinda beautiful, right?
Phantasm: It's bluer than the water is back home-
Bonnie: The water's all mud where you're from, Cam.
Phantasm: But- I mean, yeah, but- look how blue it is!
Richards: It feels like I'm wearing sunglasses I can't take off.
Nightmare: Yeah- this would drive me nuts after a while.
Bonnie: Eh, I bet ya get used to it. Wonder what a sunburn looks like on this planet?
Phantasm: ...that's a good question.
Bonnie: I bet the people are all purple, violet maybe. They're definitely humanoid- we've got a pretty good idea what they look like outside and in- just don't know what color they are, yet.
Richards: Maybe this is a post-racist world and skin color doesn't matter to them.
Phantasm: What say we go find out, Alex?
Richards: ...yeah? I mean, yeah. Wait, now?
Phantasm: We gotta find Jay, man.
Richards: Oh yeah- he's probably deep into some shit by now. Half-naked purple skinned girlies, keg-stands, all that.
Nightmare: I wanna go!
Richards: Yeah! This chick wants to party- what about you, Blue?
Bonnie: Alex, we don't know what's out there- it's probably not a party, though.
Richards: It will be once we get there, then!
Phantasm: If it's a party, great- but Bonnie's right, it's probably gonna be hairy out there. And Crystal, you're not going anywhere.
[She tries to step toward the Phantasm, but catches herself mid-stride and tightens up in pain.]
Nightmare: Come on- anything, please. Come on, Cam- I'm gonna go nuts here.
[She glances briefly - and angrily - toward Bonnie Blue before staring her husband down once more. There's a bit of panic in her eye- that, plus her feelings toward Bonnie and her urgent need to be in the thick of any fight she can, tells Polar that she's gonna be trouble wherever she is. With a slight wince, he turns to Bonnie... rather than give an order, he simply asks a favor.]
Phantasm: Keep an eye on her, would you?
[Bonnie doesn't respond vocally, but her face tells the story- she's really not happy about this particular phase of the mission, but no matter how much of a bitch Crystal is she's not gonna just toss her out with the trash. It's a very nuanced facial expression, but she's nailed it. Polar takes his wife's hand, squeezing it; he waves to Alex and they head towards the Strange Rover, leaving the two women alone at Grimmauld's 'bridge'.]
Bonnie: I'm gonna- check out the-
Nightmare: Yeah, whatever. I'll be here, babysitter-
Bonnie: I ain't your babysitter. I'm your teammate and you aughta act like it.
Nightmare: Yeah, well, I didn't pick you.
Bonnie: And I didn't pick you!
[Bonnie Blue catches herself before she goes any further; she turns away, pretending to look at a panel in the 'wall'. Behind her, we see Nightmare facing toward a corner; one might think she's been put in time out.]
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[Meanwhile, across the sands... we see Jay Omega re-awakening in a tent, albeit an opulent one; if there was a Cadillac of tents, this would be it. It's a dark color that's almost undefinable, especially when backlit by the light of Daran high above in the sky; it could be blue, or black, or even some sort of purplish. Jay tries to place the color in hopes that it'll make his head stop hurting; it's not entirely successful, but that doesn't stop him in hoping. Everything's just so... blue.]
Omega: Everything is blueberry.
[Two soldiers enter, brandishing weapons defensively at Jay; he throws his hands up weakly, feeling the blow to his noggin. A moment later, she entered the tent... dark purple skin, aquamarine hair wound into a tight bun, beautiful regal face; Jay Omega may not have been on this planet long, but he's pretty quickly able to identify this as one of the sexier parts of interstellar exploration.]
Omega: Well, hi there-
Tasha: Be wary, guard- it seems a bit shifty.
[Jay is briefly surprised at his understanding of her speech... he then remembers the team carried their wrist computer translation devices (Wearable Espionage/Infiltration/Reconnaissance Device, or WEIRD) with them, which explains why he's understanding this attractive alien.]
Omega: It? Hey, sweetheart, no reason to start on the wrong foot...
Tasha: Silence! You will not address me as 'sweetheart'- I am Tasha, princess of the Darrikaan Empire!
Omega: Oh. Well. Excuse me, Princess*...
(* - Yeah, I just did that. If quoting the Legend of Zelda cartoon is wrong, then I don't want to be right. -B.)
[She approaches arrogantly, dismissive of the Omega Man... or perhaps posturing?]
Tasha: I want to know what you're doing here. You're obviously an offworlder... what is your name, being?
[Jay gives her a charming grin, winding up to pitch... well, himself.]
Omega: Jay. Uh, Omega. Jay Omega. Jay, like the name, not the letter. It's a... thing. Do you guys do that on this planet? Words that sound like letters?
[Aaaand... ball one.]
Tasha: Jay. Very well. What part of the empire do you hail from, traveler...? Your technology and your attire are foreign to me.
Omega: I'm here with my team, the Guardians; we're from Earth. We're explorers. We're on a diplomatic mission, yeah? And these guys, with the spears- you two better remember where you put my guns, 'cause I'm gonna want those back.
[Omega menaces the guards with a finger; they aim to strike with their spears. Tasha halts them with a gesture, reacting with disbelief to Jay's claims.]
Tasha: You could not possibly be an Earth man. I've seen the Imperial survey of your system; your people have yet to develop warp travel.
Omega: Well, actually, our team has developed something called a Hartnell-Capaldi drive; well, we didn't develop it per se, but we've been given use of it by a friend- it's a long story. Either way, we came here earlier today in our friend Grimmauld; he's a space dragon. Well, that's what we call him, anyway- he's an interesting guy. Uh, dragon. You know what I mean- ok, maybe not. Look, I don't have time for this.
[He gets up, shaking off the haze; Tasha's guard prepare for combat. The warrior princess once more gestures for them to hold their position, slightly confusing the Darrikaan soldiers. They falter for a moment, looking to their leader questioningly; she glances at them with a look that says she's not quite sure why she's giving Omega a chance, either.]
Omega: I have to find my team- they're probably out combing the desert looking for me. Or worse- I don't even know how long I was out for. They could be dead already-
Tasha: -or this could be a ploy to get out of our camp and report to Sasha our location and complement. No, I think you'll be staying right here-
Omega: Look- Tasha, is it? Tasha, I'm-
Tasha: Princess Tasha, or General- you will address me with the proper respect due someone of my stature, Earth man.
[It's slight, but one can see her posture soften a bit- one might think she finds the Omega Man fascinating; his appearance a curiosity worth investigating.]
Omega: Whatever- look, your worshipfulness, I've got four of my friends out there looking for me and I'm not leaving them hanging.
[Omega gives the guards a challenging look, demonstrating his bravery for the benefit of the Princess.]
Omega: I'll need my blasters back.
[There is a pregnant pause, the guards waiting for the order to strike... an uncharacteristically soft-spoken voice comes from the warrior woman, her words surprising her guard deeply.]
Tasha: Do as he says.
[There is brief hesitation; she reinforces her order.]
Tasha: Go! Get his weapons. Bring them here. Both of you.
[The guards hesitate, but only briefly- they've no desire to further disturb their leader. On some level, it seems Jay Omega is handling that task himself (and quite masterfully, one might say).]
Omega: Beautiful, domineering *and* considerate; well aren't you just the total package.
Tasha: Huh. You must be a brave warrior to speak so to a member of the Imperial court... perhaps you may earn your place among my ranks.
[Omega sighs, shaking his head slightly.]
Omega: You're still not getting this, are you? You've got two options, Princess- either you let me go find my team so I can get off this oversized sandbox... or try and stop me.
[The look on her face is priceless; confusion, frustration, admiration... desire...? It's pretty obvious from the reaction one way or another that she's not used to any of the things that are happening right now; this Earthling looked her in the eyes and showed no fear, then made no move to fight... did not leap at her in lust... and is here now forcing her (though quite gently, all things considered) to decide his fate. Perhaps the most confusing part to her was her response.]
Tasha: Very well, Earth man- you have piqued my curiosity. We will find your 'team' together; perhaps then you will be more cooperative.
[It was at this point that Omega breathed a slight sigh of relief, involuntarily... or was the sigh in response to the sly smile given by General/Princess Tasha? Before their private moment can develop further, her guards return... one of the men carries Jay's Virfneb Caster Mark Kirle, giving the complex hand-cannon a once-over. The other carries Jay's Tesla Caster Mark Two; he grips the weapon, testing its weight with a bit of a swing.]
Tasha: Inform sub-commander Lanaxa that we will be marching shortly.
[She takes the weapons, giving them a one-over herself. With an eyebrow slightly cocked, the indigo-skinned beauty consults her 'prisoner' once more.]
Tasha: Which direction would we travel to find your people?
[He pauses for one second, then suddenly (painfully?) his heroic demeanor fades as he bends down and rubs at his back.]
Omega: Uh- crap. I don't know- we got separated when I crashed, then your guys went all caveman on me. Just, uh... head toward the blue-colored part that's covered in sand, I guess.
Tasha: You are a peculiar creature, Jay.
[Giving the Princess a strained smile, Jay responds quite frankly.]
Omega: Eh, I've heard worse.
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[Scene: the sands of Aja Darrik; more specifically, the interior of the Strange Rover. Alex Richards and the Polar Phantasm are rolling around in the Darrikaan desert, leaving a sandcloud in their wake as the Strange Rover remodels the sandscape with each rotation of its massive tires. Alex seems as if he's just waking up... Polar, on the other hand, seems deep into a rant.]
Phantasm: ...so then I wake up to Eye-Seven telling me about fucking aliens showing up; if that wasn't an auspicious enough start to my day, he also tells me I haven't registered a heat signature in days. You hearing this shit? A warm-blooded mammalian motherfucker such as myself- no heat signature. Ain't that some shit?
Richards: Sounds like a weird morning; then again, what the hell would I know. I call it a good morning if I wake up someplace I recognize.
[There's a brief pause.]
Richards: Where the hell are we, anyway?
Phantasm: Aja Darrik, man- Daran System. Andromeda Galaxy. What, you forgot already?
Richards: Eh, kinda still waking up, you know?
Phantasm: Alex... we were in space combat like two hours ago, man. You mean to tell me you were blacked out for that?
[Alex shrugs.]
Richards: Did we win?
[Polar slowly shakes his head.]
Phantasm: Jesus, dude- on the one hand that's a scary piece of news to get, but on the other hand... I'm honestly impressed. Alright, I'll catch you up... scout ship coming from this planet showed up back home on Earth, we met 'em in orbit. They shot first, we took 'em down; dug into their computer, traced 'em back here, went on a field trip.
Richards: That's... a pretty serious fuckin' field trip, man.
Phantasm: It's what we do. Now we're out here looking for Omega 'cause he got shot down; you know the score. No man left behind, especially on alien planets; not a team rule yet, per se, but I'll suggest it when we get home. What do you think?
[Alex shrugs again, somewhat absent-mindedly... one might think he considers the question beyond his expertise.]
Richards: Eh, it's a Guardians thing, right? I probably wouldn't understand.
[Polar surprises the shit out of Alex with his response, almost causing Alex to flip the 'Rover on a sand dune.]
Phantasm: Why not? I mean, look around, man- you just came to, for all intents and purposes, on an alien fucking planet which we flew to in a techno-organic space dragon. We're combing a desert in this weird-ass bluish daylight trying to save Jay Omega from... fuck, I don't know, getting eaten by those big sandworms from Dune or fuckin' Beetlejuice, even. Me, personally- if I were you, I'd check my own resume. You're fully qualified to understand any and all Guardians things, Alex...
[Alex snickers sarcastically.]
Richards: Yeah? What, you guys got a handbook together for us regular folk?
[Polar shakes his head, trying not to laugh.]
Phantasm: We probably should have had a ceremony or something, but whatever- if anybody asks, we took you to an alien planet to celebrate.
[Polar digs in his pocket, pulling out a cheap metal cigarette case. He retrieves a joint from within, offering it to the 'new guy'.]
Phantasm: You're a Guardian, man; believe it. And spark this. You remember the team smoking policy, right?
[Alex isn't entirely sure what to do at this moment, it would seem; on the one hand, he's still half-soused from a buzz he caught on another planet... on the other hand, though, it sounded kinda like the Polar Phantasm just told him he was a Guardian.]
Richards: Me? A Guardian? You're... you're shitting me.
[Alex points to himself, as if that might clarify things.]
Richards: Me. Alex. Me Alex... Guardian?
[Polar rolls his eyes.]
Phantasm: So you forgot already? Puff, puff, give; shit'll save your life. Especially if my wife's around. Don't sit on the joint- she'll call you out and everything. She's a total bitch when you hold the weed up.
[Realization crossing his face, Alex stutters briefly... he once more seeks assurance.]
Richards: So... I'm a Guardian.
Phantasm: Yeah, that's pretty much the score, my man. I mean, let's go through the checklist; hang out with Jay Omega a lot-
Richards: Check.
Phantasm: Crazy ass vehicle powered by science's crazier cousin, mad science, developed by one time-displaced Nikola Tesla-
Richards: Check again.
Phantasm: Risking your health and wellbeing in an attempt to save the innocent, right wrongs done against humankind and defend this reality from those that would harm it-
[Alex hangs on that one for a minute, then finally just asks for a hint.]
Richards: Is that what we're doing right now?
Phantasm: Yeah, man. Cruisin' round this desert that's lit like a fuckin' 90's R&B video trying to find one whole Jay Omega; wondering if we'll have to settle for a few partial Jay Omegas, kinda wishing you would light that fuckin' joint.
[Alex rolls his window down a bit, starting the burning process with a minor hack (damn paper hits); he shouts out of his window at a foot-long space centipede.]
Richards: Hey, space centipede guy- guess what?
[He pauses for a moment, as if waiting for a response from the insect (that is now roughly a hundred fifty some feet in their rearview)... the only response is a delighted smile from the Phantasm.]
Richards: Your planet's got a serious case of the Guardians, brutha!
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RISING DARAN
Episode Four: Welcome to Aja Darrik
Series conceived by the Polar Phantasm
Series directed by Jay Omega
Episode written by the Polar Phantasm
[(c) United Championship Infinite 2016. All rights reserved.]
Episode One: We Are Not Alone
Written by Jay Omega
Episode Two: To Boldly Go...
Written by Bonnie Blue
Episode Three: ...Where No One Has Gone Before
Written by Alex Richards
Episode Four: Welcome to Aja Darrik
Written by the Polar Phantasm
Episode Five: War in the Blue Sun
Written by Jay Omega
We hope y'all enjoy! Here we go, gentle viewers... it's Episode Four of Guardians: Rising Daran. See you next week with A Bottle of Space!
-B.
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[Scene: Daran System, Andromeda Galaxy; more specifically, entering atmosphere of the fifth planet from Daran. This world, as Darrikaan ship computers informed the Guardians, is known as 'Aja Darrik'; it is a desert world for the most part, though rich in minerals... specifically, a rare metal previous unknown to humanity known as 'deludium'. It is also the homeworld of the Darrikaan Empire, a dictatorship spanning more than a few systems and numbering in the trillions. In short, this is hardly the sort of place one should haphazardly arrive... one does not, as they say, simply walk into Mordor. And 'haphazardly' would be at least suitable enough an adverb to describe the imminent landing of Guardians vessel slash companion, Grimmauld... he's coming in hot, to put a finger on it. Within the techno-organic confines of the 'space dragon' we see Alex Richards and the Unstable Elements deplaning (or whatever you call it when you're getting out of a giant truck, a hovertank and a snowmobile), Alex looking slightly out of it and Nightmare obviously injured.]
Phantasm: Hang onto something, guys- I'm not liking the speed at which we're dropping altitude here. This could get messy, fast.
Richards: Are we in an elevator? Did the cable break?
[He looks over at the vehicles within the 'hangar'-like enclosure.]
Richards: This is a sweet fuckin' elevator, man-
[Polar sees his wife hop slightly, clutching her thigh in pain.]
Phantasm: Crystal- jeez, baby, is it broken?
Nightmare: No. I'm fine, Cam, seriously. It's just a bruise or something-
[She tries to walk normally and almost falls down, sucking air through her teeth in a reversed hissing sound.]
Phantasm: That's not just an anything, baby. That's probably at least a couple days off your feet-
Nightmare: Like hell, Cam- we're in fucking space. I'm not staying off my anything 'til I've seen the wonders of the fuckin' universe!
[Polar waves Alex over, though it takes a couple of attempts before he catches the attention of the Archduke of Mass Confusion... Alex helps Polar prop his wife up as they pretty much carry her out of the room.]
Phantasm: Let's take her up to the bridge-
Nightmare: Stop- stop carrying me, you assholes, I can walk!
Richards: Lord, thank you Jesus, she can walk! It's a miracle!
Nightmare: Why are you taking me to the bridge?
Phantasm: Because you're gonna get Bonnie to look at that and get a second opinion.
[Resolved Polar and dazed Alex carry reluctant Nightmare, her legs slightly kicking at the air as she wriggles in frustration. She sighs and groans weakly.]
Nightmare: Come on, guys, I don't want to hang out with Bonnie... seriously, let me go. Please?
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"Leave tourists porous
My galaxy's gorgeous...
Quantum jump - I'm right at your doorstep." - Deltron 3030, Positive Contact
Born in the future, destined for glory in the past; her entire culture was wiped from existence in the blink of an eye. As a founding member of the Guardians, and with the aid of a wisecracking humanoid cat and a cybernetic Hank Brown, she uses her time traveling Ranchero to help defend the Metaverse and the UCI, the importance of which is as yet unknown. Time waits for no man, but it obeys one woman... THE DAUGHTER OF TIME, BONNIE BLUE!
Offbeat. Outlandish. Bizarre. These are just some of the words used to describe him, though they barely scratch the surface. The surreal is commonplace in his world, and random chance seems to be either his best friend or his guardian angel. Mimsy were the borogroves, and flubbity-wub-wub, flubbity-flubba-wub. What you see as gibberish makes perfect sense to... THE ARCHDUKE OF MASS CONFUSION, ALEX RICHARDS!
Some would call him unconventional. Some would say eccentric. Still others would prefer the term insane. But one word they would all agree on is dangerous. How else would you describe a man who claims to have traveled through time, across dimensions, fought literal gods, and lived to tell the tale? Such may sound like utter nonsense, but that's just another day in the absurd life of future UCI World Champion, and founding Guardians member... THE OMEGA MAN, JAY OMEGA!
Introduced to one another in a deathmatch, they became a team both in combat and in life. He, the Polar Phantasm, calculating yet comedic, intense yet irreverent... she, Nightmare, virtuous yet violent, belligerent yet beautiful. Together they work to defend this universe as strategist and infiltrationist (respectively) of the Guardians... they are THE UNSTABLE ELEMENTS!
[In the year of our Lord two thousand and sixteen, first contact was made with an alien race by the people of Earth... unfortunately, this alien race didn't seem to have peace or goodwill on their minds. Fortunately for all of us Earthlings, the people who made first contact were the Guardians - through the combined efforts of Jay Omega, Bonnie Blue and the Unstable Elements, our potentially disruptive visitor was neutralized before doing any damage to the planet. Well, there was *some* damage... incidentally, some debris from the scout vessel crashed into a suburban area and caused some power problems for John and Jane Q. American. The adage holds true- to make an interstellar omelet, one must first break a few alien eggs.]
[The vessel was identified as having come from the Daran System, a heavily populated region of the Andromeda galaxy... through the combined efforts of the Guardians and their associates (both human and artificially intelligent machine), the Darrikaan vessel's databanks were accessed and a return course was plotted. Their first scout vessel destroyed, the Phantasm knows that the Darrikaans will return and in greater numbers... so as a pre-emptive measure, he planned a mission to (hopefully) negotiate a mutually beneficial agreement between the Earth and their new (new to us, anyway) neighbors. Light years away from their home, the Guardians get their first taste of life in the Daran System; that said, one can only hope that Guardian Jay Omega survives Darrikaan life's particular 'flavor'.]
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POLAR PHANTASM #6: Welcome to Aja Darrik
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[Scene: The surface of the desert world of Aja Darrik, fifth planet from Daran. We see Omega's cycle-pod laying awkwardly upside-down in a mountain of sand... about twenty feet away from the pod, we see Omega lying face-up in the sand and cautiously breathing as he stares up at the blue sun. He doesn't appear to be injured, per se, though a bit shaken up... then again, it's hard to make a guess from this point of view as to what sort of internal damage the Omega Man may have taken. At least he's breathing- that's always a plus.]
Omega: Everything's just so... blue. This is at least as weird as that time I went to that reality where all the water is lime Kool-aid green... or that house party I went to in Chelsea. Xor, what was that girl's name- Meredith? Melanie? Shit, I can't remember... probably shoulda called her back, though. She had one hell of an-
[Absent-mindedly, Jay glances off to one side; much to his chagrin, he notices he's being actively surrounded by robed and facewrapped purple-skinned men with long spears. He gives the spears a once-over; Omega quickly decides that this is no mere bronze-age tribe that's backed him into a corner.]
Omega: Hey, one of you guys the concierge? I didn't get a mint on my pillow.
[He sees them look back and forth to one another, either failing to understand him or ignoring his awkward attempt at humor.]
Omega: Fellas, if you could just direct me to the nearest... shit, do you guys even have phones on this planet? Wait, what am I saying- cell service is shit half the time on Earth. No way I get through in space. How about-
[Seated on the sand-scape, Omega tries to communicate with the Darrikaans; his attempt is curtailed, however, by a purple fist clubbing him about the back of the head. Jay slumps forward slightly, then rebounds and bends the other way quickly; he collapses motionless to the sand. As two soldiers lift the Omega Man and begin to carry him away, we see a few Darrikaans examining his cycle-pod... after a few moments, they chatter a few phrases to each other in their alien tongue and head off behind their platoon. One can only assume that they've decided Omega's vehicle will be where they left it when they inevitably get around to salvaging it... or, perhaps, that they're simply wary of his potentially deadly alien technology. Who knows what lurks in the minds of Darrikaan men?]
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[Scene: the surface of Aja Darrik. We see Grimmauld touching down onto the sand-scape, rather comfortably this narrator might add; considering the circumstances, that's an amazing development. His legs touch the sand, talons digging into the mercurial soil-substitute... a huge cloud of displaced sand wafts up, partially blotting out the blue sun. We watch as the sandcloud disperses for a moment, then we zoom through a 'window' in Grimmauld's side and into the living ship himself. Inside, we see Bonnie Blue, Alex Richards, Nightmare and the Polar Phantasm gazing out onto the sands, taking their first look at the surface of an alien world. In the distance we see massive structures that seem almost impossible for this landscape. Overhead, a blue sun burns brightly in the sky giving everything an eerie hue (almost like one of those blue tinted lenses they used in early color pictures to make daytime scenes appear to be nighttime scenes). Breathlessly, the Guardians give their first impression of Aja Darrik.]
Nightmare: It's... kinda beautiful, right?
Phantasm: It's bluer than the water is back home-
Bonnie: The water's all mud where you're from, Cam.
Phantasm: But- I mean, yeah, but- look how blue it is!
Richards: It feels like I'm wearing sunglasses I can't take off.
Nightmare: Yeah- this would drive me nuts after a while.
Bonnie: Eh, I bet ya get used to it. Wonder what a sunburn looks like on this planet?
Phantasm: ...that's a good question.
Bonnie: I bet the people are all purple, violet maybe. They're definitely humanoid- we've got a pretty good idea what they look like outside and in- just don't know what color they are, yet.
Richards: Maybe this is a post-racist world and skin color doesn't matter to them.
Phantasm: What say we go find out, Alex?
Richards: ...yeah? I mean, yeah. Wait, now?
Phantasm: We gotta find Jay, man.
Richards: Oh yeah- he's probably deep into some shit by now. Half-naked purple skinned girlies, keg-stands, all that.
Nightmare: I wanna go!
Richards: Yeah! This chick wants to party- what about you, Blue?
Bonnie: Alex, we don't know what's out there- it's probably not a party, though.
Richards: It will be once we get there, then!
Phantasm: If it's a party, great- but Bonnie's right, it's probably gonna be hairy out there. And Crystal, you're not going anywhere.
[She tries to step toward the Phantasm, but catches herself mid-stride and tightens up in pain.]
Nightmare: Come on- anything, please. Come on, Cam- I'm gonna go nuts here.
[She glances briefly - and angrily - toward Bonnie Blue before staring her husband down once more. There's a bit of panic in her eye- that, plus her feelings toward Bonnie and her urgent need to be in the thick of any fight she can, tells Polar that she's gonna be trouble wherever she is. With a slight wince, he turns to Bonnie... rather than give an order, he simply asks a favor.]
Phantasm: Keep an eye on her, would you?
[Bonnie doesn't respond vocally, but her face tells the story- she's really not happy about this particular phase of the mission, but no matter how much of a bitch Crystal is she's not gonna just toss her out with the trash. It's a very nuanced facial expression, but she's nailed it. Polar takes his wife's hand, squeezing it; he waves to Alex and they head towards the Strange Rover, leaving the two women alone at Grimmauld's 'bridge'.]
Bonnie: I'm gonna- check out the-
Nightmare: Yeah, whatever. I'll be here, babysitter-
Bonnie: I ain't your babysitter. I'm your teammate and you aughta act like it.
Nightmare: Yeah, well, I didn't pick you.
Bonnie: And I didn't pick you!
[Bonnie Blue catches herself before she goes any further; she turns away, pretending to look at a panel in the 'wall'. Behind her, we see Nightmare facing toward a corner; one might think she's been put in time out.]
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[Meanwhile, across the sands... we see Jay Omega re-awakening in a tent, albeit an opulent one; if there was a Cadillac of tents, this would be it. It's a dark color that's almost undefinable, especially when backlit by the light of Daran high above in the sky; it could be blue, or black, or even some sort of purplish. Jay tries to place the color in hopes that it'll make his head stop hurting; it's not entirely successful, but that doesn't stop him in hoping. Everything's just so... blue.]
Omega: Everything is blueberry.
[Two soldiers enter, brandishing weapons defensively at Jay; he throws his hands up weakly, feeling the blow to his noggin. A moment later, she entered the tent... dark purple skin, aquamarine hair wound into a tight bun, beautiful regal face; Jay Omega may not have been on this planet long, but he's pretty quickly able to identify this as one of the sexier parts of interstellar exploration.]
Omega: Well, hi there-
Tasha: Be wary, guard- it seems a bit shifty.
[Jay is briefly surprised at his understanding of her speech... he then remembers the team carried their wrist computer translation devices (Wearable Espionage/Infiltration/Reconnaissance Device, or WEIRD) with them, which explains why he's understanding this attractive alien.]
Omega: It? Hey, sweetheart, no reason to start on the wrong foot...
Tasha: Silence! You will not address me as 'sweetheart'- I am Tasha, princess of the Darrikaan Empire!
Omega: Oh. Well. Excuse me, Princess*...
(* - Yeah, I just did that. If quoting the Legend of Zelda cartoon is wrong, then I don't want to be right. -B.)
[She approaches arrogantly, dismissive of the Omega Man... or perhaps posturing?]
Tasha: I want to know what you're doing here. You're obviously an offworlder... what is your name, being?
[Jay gives her a charming grin, winding up to pitch... well, himself.]
Omega: Jay. Uh, Omega. Jay Omega. Jay, like the name, not the letter. It's a... thing. Do you guys do that on this planet? Words that sound like letters?
[Aaaand... ball one.]
Tasha: Jay. Very well. What part of the empire do you hail from, traveler...? Your technology and your attire are foreign to me.
Omega: I'm here with my team, the Guardians; we're from Earth. We're explorers. We're on a diplomatic mission, yeah? And these guys, with the spears- you two better remember where you put my guns, 'cause I'm gonna want those back.
[Omega menaces the guards with a finger; they aim to strike with their spears. Tasha halts them with a gesture, reacting with disbelief to Jay's claims.]
Tasha: You could not possibly be an Earth man. I've seen the Imperial survey of your system; your people have yet to develop warp travel.
Omega: Well, actually, our team has developed something called a Hartnell-Capaldi drive; well, we didn't develop it per se, but we've been given use of it by a friend- it's a long story. Either way, we came here earlier today in our friend Grimmauld; he's a space dragon. Well, that's what we call him, anyway- he's an interesting guy. Uh, dragon. You know what I mean- ok, maybe not. Look, I don't have time for this.
[He gets up, shaking off the haze; Tasha's guard prepare for combat. The warrior princess once more gestures for them to hold their position, slightly confusing the Darrikaan soldiers. They falter for a moment, looking to their leader questioningly; she glances at them with a look that says she's not quite sure why she's giving Omega a chance, either.]
Omega: I have to find my team- they're probably out combing the desert looking for me. Or worse- I don't even know how long I was out for. They could be dead already-
Tasha: -or this could be a ploy to get out of our camp and report to Sasha our location and complement. No, I think you'll be staying right here-
Omega: Look- Tasha, is it? Tasha, I'm-
Tasha: Princess Tasha, or General- you will address me with the proper respect due someone of my stature, Earth man.
[It's slight, but one can see her posture soften a bit- one might think she finds the Omega Man fascinating; his appearance a curiosity worth investigating.]
Omega: Whatever- look, your worshipfulness, I've got four of my friends out there looking for me and I'm not leaving them hanging.
[Omega gives the guards a challenging look, demonstrating his bravery for the benefit of the Princess.]
Omega: I'll need my blasters back.
[There is a pregnant pause, the guards waiting for the order to strike... an uncharacteristically soft-spoken voice comes from the warrior woman, her words surprising her guard deeply.]
Tasha: Do as he says.
[There is brief hesitation; she reinforces her order.]
Tasha: Go! Get his weapons. Bring them here. Both of you.
[The guards hesitate, but only briefly- they've no desire to further disturb their leader. On some level, it seems Jay Omega is handling that task himself (and quite masterfully, one might say).]
Omega: Beautiful, domineering *and* considerate; well aren't you just the total package.
Tasha: Huh. You must be a brave warrior to speak so to a member of the Imperial court... perhaps you may earn your place among my ranks.
[Omega sighs, shaking his head slightly.]
Omega: You're still not getting this, are you? You've got two options, Princess- either you let me go find my team so I can get off this oversized sandbox... or try and stop me.
[The look on her face is priceless; confusion, frustration, admiration... desire...? It's pretty obvious from the reaction one way or another that she's not used to any of the things that are happening right now; this Earthling looked her in the eyes and showed no fear, then made no move to fight... did not leap at her in lust... and is here now forcing her (though quite gently, all things considered) to decide his fate. Perhaps the most confusing part to her was her response.]
Tasha: Very well, Earth man- you have piqued my curiosity. We will find your 'team' together; perhaps then you will be more cooperative.
[It was at this point that Omega breathed a slight sigh of relief, involuntarily... or was the sigh in response to the sly smile given by General/Princess Tasha? Before their private moment can develop further, her guards return... one of the men carries Jay's Virfneb Caster Mark Kirle, giving the complex hand-cannon a once-over. The other carries Jay's Tesla Caster Mark Two; he grips the weapon, testing its weight with a bit of a swing.]
Tasha: Inform sub-commander Lanaxa that we will be marching shortly.
[She takes the weapons, giving them a one-over herself. With an eyebrow slightly cocked, the indigo-skinned beauty consults her 'prisoner' once more.]
Tasha: Which direction would we travel to find your people?
[He pauses for one second, then suddenly (painfully?) his heroic demeanor fades as he bends down and rubs at his back.]
Omega: Uh- crap. I don't know- we got separated when I crashed, then your guys went all caveman on me. Just, uh... head toward the blue-colored part that's covered in sand, I guess.
Tasha: You are a peculiar creature, Jay.
[Giving the Princess a strained smile, Jay responds quite frankly.]
Omega: Eh, I've heard worse.
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[Scene: the sands of Aja Darrik; more specifically, the interior of the Strange Rover. Alex Richards and the Polar Phantasm are rolling around in the Darrikaan desert, leaving a sandcloud in their wake as the Strange Rover remodels the sandscape with each rotation of its massive tires. Alex seems as if he's just waking up... Polar, on the other hand, seems deep into a rant.]
Phantasm: ...so then I wake up to Eye-Seven telling me about fucking aliens showing up; if that wasn't an auspicious enough start to my day, he also tells me I haven't registered a heat signature in days. You hearing this shit? A warm-blooded mammalian motherfucker such as myself- no heat signature. Ain't that some shit?
Richards: Sounds like a weird morning; then again, what the hell would I know. I call it a good morning if I wake up someplace I recognize.
[There's a brief pause.]
Richards: Where the hell are we, anyway?
Phantasm: Aja Darrik, man- Daran System. Andromeda Galaxy. What, you forgot already?
Richards: Eh, kinda still waking up, you know?
Phantasm: Alex... we were in space combat like two hours ago, man. You mean to tell me you were blacked out for that?
[Alex shrugs.]
Richards: Did we win?
[Polar slowly shakes his head.]
Phantasm: Jesus, dude- on the one hand that's a scary piece of news to get, but on the other hand... I'm honestly impressed. Alright, I'll catch you up... scout ship coming from this planet showed up back home on Earth, we met 'em in orbit. They shot first, we took 'em down; dug into their computer, traced 'em back here, went on a field trip.
Richards: That's... a pretty serious fuckin' field trip, man.
Phantasm: It's what we do. Now we're out here looking for Omega 'cause he got shot down; you know the score. No man left behind, especially on alien planets; not a team rule yet, per se, but I'll suggest it when we get home. What do you think?
[Alex shrugs again, somewhat absent-mindedly... one might think he considers the question beyond his expertise.]
Richards: Eh, it's a Guardians thing, right? I probably wouldn't understand.
[Polar surprises the shit out of Alex with his response, almost causing Alex to flip the 'Rover on a sand dune.]
Phantasm: Why not? I mean, look around, man- you just came to, for all intents and purposes, on an alien fucking planet which we flew to in a techno-organic space dragon. We're combing a desert in this weird-ass bluish daylight trying to save Jay Omega from... fuck, I don't know, getting eaten by those big sandworms from Dune or fuckin' Beetlejuice, even. Me, personally- if I were you, I'd check my own resume. You're fully qualified to understand any and all Guardians things, Alex...
[Alex snickers sarcastically.]
Richards: Yeah? What, you guys got a handbook together for us regular folk?
[Polar shakes his head, trying not to laugh.]
Phantasm: We probably should have had a ceremony or something, but whatever- if anybody asks, we took you to an alien planet to celebrate.
[Polar digs in his pocket, pulling out a cheap metal cigarette case. He retrieves a joint from within, offering it to the 'new guy'.]
Phantasm: You're a Guardian, man; believe it. And spark this. You remember the team smoking policy, right?
[Alex isn't entirely sure what to do at this moment, it would seem; on the one hand, he's still half-soused from a buzz he caught on another planet... on the other hand, though, it sounded kinda like the Polar Phantasm just told him he was a Guardian.]
Richards: Me? A Guardian? You're... you're shitting me.
[Alex points to himself, as if that might clarify things.]
Richards: Me. Alex. Me Alex... Guardian?
[Polar rolls his eyes.]
Phantasm: So you forgot already? Puff, puff, give; shit'll save your life. Especially if my wife's around. Don't sit on the joint- she'll call you out and everything. She's a total bitch when you hold the weed up.
[Realization crossing his face, Alex stutters briefly... he once more seeks assurance.]
Richards: So... I'm a Guardian.
Phantasm: Yeah, that's pretty much the score, my man. I mean, let's go through the checklist; hang out with Jay Omega a lot-
Richards: Check.
Phantasm: Crazy ass vehicle powered by science's crazier cousin, mad science, developed by one time-displaced Nikola Tesla-
Richards: Check again.
Phantasm: Risking your health and wellbeing in an attempt to save the innocent, right wrongs done against humankind and defend this reality from those that would harm it-
[Alex hangs on that one for a minute, then finally just asks for a hint.]
Richards: Is that what we're doing right now?
Phantasm: Yeah, man. Cruisin' round this desert that's lit like a fuckin' 90's R&B video trying to find one whole Jay Omega; wondering if we'll have to settle for a few partial Jay Omegas, kinda wishing you would light that fuckin' joint.
[Alex rolls his window down a bit, starting the burning process with a minor hack (damn paper hits); he shouts out of his window at a foot-long space centipede.]
Richards: Hey, space centipede guy- guess what?
[He pauses for a moment, as if waiting for a response from the insect (that is now roughly a hundred fifty some feet in their rearview)... the only response is a delighted smile from the Phantasm.]
Richards: Your planet's got a serious case of the Guardians, brutha!
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RISING DARAN
Episode Four: Welcome to Aja Darrik
Series conceived by the Polar Phantasm
Series directed by Jay Omega
Episode written by the Polar Phantasm
[(c) United Championship Infinite 2016. All rights reserved.]
