Post by Alex Richards on Sept 26, 2019 17:32:06 GMT -6
Narration(Alex Richards): Three world title matches in a row. I lost three world title matches in a row. I'll bet everyone is expecting me to be down on myself. Perhaps to be considering retirement. Definitely to be feeling sorry for myself. The last thing they would be expecting to see is me at my absolute best this week during the UCI reunion show. But that is exactly what they are going to get. Why is that you might ask? Richards Road in Compton, Illinois. This isn't the only Richards Road.. there's one in Brooklyn Township, in Bridgeview, in Peoria there's a West Richards Way, hell there's even a small town named Richards. All over my home state there are places named after me. Nobody who wasn't in the UCI. Who doesn't remember what the Guardians really stood for would understand why. They don't remember how I fought to eliminate the corrupt Mayor Sanchez. They don't remember when we saved the State from Albino Killer Tomatoes. They even know about how we ultimately fought and destroyed the anti metahuman terrorist group the Society. We fought and won a war in space. And those are just some of the highlights! I could spent all day educating people about how important I was to UCI. But I don't need to. I'm standing on an outdoor stage in the biggest park in Compton. The mayor, a real mayor, is here. Thousands of people have gathered. They didn't have to do this. I didn't ask them to do this. They wanted to have this event to honour me. I'm humbled. I truly am. I'm truly touched that people care that much about me to have gathered together. I don't deserve this. All I ever tried to do was what was right. The fact that all these people, most of them I've never, well outside of my bar maybe, planned this as a tribute to me. That just proves it's all worth it. I shake the mayor's hand. I step to the podium. I grip the microphone.
AND EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE FREEZES.
GODDAMNIT!
Except for myself.. as well as Shaun Zach Richards and Rebecca Thatch in the front row. They stand up looking confused.
I swear to fucking God.. I'm gonna claw Bonnie Blue's eyes out!
Nah.. this isn't her work. She could do this but she wouldn't be this petty. She wouldn't mess with time to settle a grudge.
Then how do you explain...
A Ford Ranchero literally crashes into the stage.
That's not Bonnie's. Look at how shabby it looks. It's rusted out, missing a hubcap. Regardless of any issues Bonnie and I have.. even I'll admit she has way too much pride in that Ranchero to let it get like that.
Then it has to be Evil Paul Rudd.
I hope so.. I've owed him an ass kicking for a long time.
As much as I want to see that it ain't happening. I left Rudd on a burning bridge back in 1865. Even if he survived.. he's long dead by now.
THAT'S WHAT YOU FUCKING THINK RICHARDS.. YOU FUCKING IDIOT!
Evil Paul Rudd hops out of the Ranchero holding a shovel
You big dumb ape. You thought one burning bridge in the past was going to stop pure evil? nothing stops Pure Evil Paul Rudd! I knew there would be someone who hated you enough to come find me.. your greatest nemesis. And he did. The Dark Timekeeper came.. and left me a gift.
You just wrecked the Ranchero so apparently you're alone now.
Fuck no! I picked up that wreck from a junkyard. It's called dramatic effect you uncultured dipshit! The Timekeeper gave me something more suitable for my unique talents.
The shovel?
I'm glad you brought that up Shaun. The shovel is my way of letting you off easy while teaching an important lesson.
Whatever. I've beat your ass before. Now that you're back and I do it again.
Alex advances on Paul.. who smiles deviously, pulls out a remote control.. pressing the pause button. Instantly the trio freezes. Paul immediately slaps Alex across the face.. then does it again. Then kisses Rebecca.. passionately with tongue.
Was it as good for you as it was for me? You know what the best part of this is? You can feel everything I do to you.. but you're fucking helpless to stop me! Even the mighty Alex Richards can't so fucking shit! Lucky for you Shaun I don't hate you as much as the other two.. so...
Rudd rears back and blasts Shaun with the shovel.. three times. He doesn't move.. until Paul unpauses then he hits the ground suddenly bleeding. Rebecca and Alex rush over to check on him. Becky continuing to tend to the unconscious Shaun as Alex turns towards Paul with murder in his eyes.
You'll pay for that.
Oh really. You know.. pause isn't the only skill this baby has.
Alex bullrushes Rudd in the middle of his speech he gets faster and faster as Paul presses a button.
This is how I watch movies that didn't cast me.. in 64 time speed... oh look out for that..
Paul laughs as Alex crashes head first into the faux ranchero.
Let's see that again!
Paul rewinds Alex.. then sends him head first into the car again.
I could do this all day!
Stop it..... Please.
Now you're softening your tone Becky?
Please.. don't hurt him.
I'm not going to hurt him. I'm going to fucking kill him! Then I'm going to kill you! Then.. I'm going to rewind it and do it again and again! Albert Einstein once again the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. Well I'm gonna do the same fucking thing because I fucking love the result.
No.. you're not.
A bleeding Alex gets up looking worse for wear.
If you think you're the pure evil in this story that makes us the good. Good always triumphs over evil.
You think this is a fucking comic book? Fuck no this is real fucking life.
Richards: Well I'll fight you anyways. You ain't gonna hurt Becky. Not while I'm still breathing.
You realize how redundant that is, right?
Alex connects with a sudden haymaker rocking Rudd. He grabs Paul who frantically presses a button over and over. He screams in Alex's face.
FUCK YOU!
Paul has maxed out the volume button. With his words Alex drops to the ground holding his ears. Paul returns the volume to a normal level. He kicks Alex several times while he's down.
That's why this is going to be so sweet. I'm going to let you keep trying to fight me over and over again. Because you can't win. But you're too fucking stupid to realize that! Everything is in my favour and your stupid ass still fights. C'mon Alex.. hit me with your best shot.. mine is going to be ten times better! What else can I do? Can I change the channel and send you to another planet maybe?
Alex pulls himself back to his feet, ready himself for another try.
You know.. I just noticed this delete button. I think it's used normally to erase tivo programming. Think I can use it to delete.. say
Rebecca.
Now you're catching on.
Alex smiles... as Rebecca rakes Paul's eyes with her long fingernails. He screams as she claws at them. The remote drops from his grasp. Alex deftly scoops it up as Rebecca boots Paul in the junk over and over again.
You want to kiss me? How's that for a kiss.. you little bitch! You want to kidnap me? You wanted to try and kill us.. time and time again.
Rebecca jumps on Paul punching him in the face over and over while biting him in the throat at the same time. Finally Alex pulls her off of Rudd.. then presses the pause button freezing the villain. Rebecca embraces Alex.. then smiles slightly evilly.
I told you I'd get him.
I never had a doubt Becky. Paul fought for himself.. that's why he lost in the end.. we fought for each other.
Shaun groans getting to his feet.
Damnit.. my head.
I think you deserve a shot.
Shaun grins picks up the shovel.. drops it.
He isn't worth it.
Yes he is. We have to kill him or he'll come back.
He's like a cockroach. I already killed him and he came back. I have a better idea.
Alex picks up the stiff frozen Rudd walking towards the Ranchero. He kicks the trunk opening it then stuffs Rudd inside. Then returns to the remote.. first unpausing the audience.. then crushing it with a series of powerful stomps.
We do have plenty of room in the basement under the Drunken Dragon for storing old crap.
Exactly what I was thinking.
Alex and crew are back in the Drunken Dragon having succeeded in putting Evil Paul Rudd away.. for now.
You see this Team Action Wrestling? This, all of this... is UCI style! Sure.. I'm here in the Drunken Dragon but I could just as easily be in a spaceship with Jay Omega. In fact..
Alex snaps his fingers and low and behold he's in a space ship with Jay Omega.
You want to hit this space blunt and blow up some aliens?
In a minute.. I got something to do first.
Whatever. More weed for me.
You don't understand what just happened right Team Action? This is UCI.. this is my domain! You're on my turf now. You don't know what you're in for stepping into hostile ground. There's a reason the biggest Action superstars passed on this match. They didn't want to step into a war they couldn't win. Ryan Lockhart, Wade Moor, Roy Speede, D Day.. none of them wanted any part of the UCI. The best wrestlers in AW history, some future hall of famers.. didn't dare sign up for the Civil War. People who kick ass every single week.. and they didn't want any part of Team UCI. I don't blame them either. I think they were smart. UCI is dead and gone but look at the people who signed up to represent us at the Civil War. Four former world champions and Erin Fausse who many consider the best talent never to win the world title. We were some of the best UCI had to offer. We are all wrestling in other places yet we came back to represent the UCI because we felt honour bound to do so. Action Wrestling on the other hand.
They phoned it in.
Fucking right they did. None of their top stars wanted to be embarrassed by the beating they were about to take so they all refused to compete. Instead we got people from Action Wrestling trying to make their name. Well they are going to make their name.. as the guys who failed Action Wrestling and got their butts kicked by people who actually have pride in their fed! Most namely, yours truly. Team Action doesn't truly know what the UCI is all about. But I do. I remember it. When we win this week I will ensure UCI lives forever. Because as long as Action Wrestling is still kicking everyone will always remember the day the United Championship Wrestling destroyed them.
Alex nods.
I'm gonna be honest with you. I don't like any of my partners. I fought with Kevin Bishop for the world title. I broke Z Mac's arm with Bonnie Blue. Andre Holmes betrayed the Guardians and we destroyed him for it. My teammates don't like each other either. Andre Holmes forever lisped Erin Fausse ending their epic war. That's why.. we have this in the bag.
How do you figure?
Simple. We all have history with each other. We all know the worst that our partners can do because they did it to us. Because of that we all know how good everyone else is. This is our turf. If Kevin Bishop could literally lead a revolt against the Guardians then what he can do when he's faced with an actual enemy? With actual invaders. Because make no mistake these guys are invading OUR territory.. they are here to spit on our legacy! We have all been champions here. We have all bled for the UCI. Do you really think we are going to let some outsiders embarrass us on our home turf?
Fuck no!
You goddamn right! Team UCI hates each other but we also know that in a fight these are the people you want on your side. These are the people you can rely on. You know how I was able to defeat Evil Paul Rudd today? I did it by trusting in Rebecca. I knew she deserved her chance to payback Paul for what he did to her. I trusted that in spite of the fact she isn't a trained fighter that she would be able to come through. My trust in her wasn't misplaced. My trust in my team this week isn't either. We are an elite team chosen by Spencer Adams. Action Wrestling's squad.. a group of cast offs thrown together.
Alex snorts.
And with no personal history. Lissie Hope is trying to steal Dandy Devito's world title but has never actually faced off against him. Bobby Rage has literally just raged and raged and never really accomplished anything. But at least his rage got him a few main event chances. Derrick Vayden has been desperately seeking a breakthrough performance. But every chance he gets results in a loss. I got a chance at the UCI world title. And I took out Howard Black. Derrick had a chance to win the All In briefcase. Anyone want to guess how that worked out? Derrick has failed at everything except for the cruiserweight title. Unfortunately for him this isn't a cruiserweight Civil War so the result is obvious.
So what you're saying is.. UCI team is going to beat Team Action Wrestling.
Not really. There is only one team in this match. UCI is here as a team representing our fed. Action guys are all here for their own selfish reasons. That's why they are all going to self destruct. Dandy Devito.. easily the best of his team, The Action world champion. The only one on Action's team who's proven they are actual world title talent. Against four arguably 5 world champ talents. If this was a match for the Action world title I'd be worried. I've seen first hand what a beast Dandy is when that title is on the line. But in a match that means everything to our side and nothing to him? Let's just say I'm not that worried. And he's the heavy hitter of the team. He's the most skilled, most accomplished.. best at everything on Action's team and he's just here for shits and giggles. What does that say about Action's chances?
They have as good a chance of surviving as this blunt did.
Jay finishes the blunt, sparks another.
Dandy is the biggest threat but in this match he's not a threat at all. So who's the next biggest threat to UCI's chances? Most people would think it's Lissie Hope. She won the All In ladder match.. she's has a fantastic record. But deep down.. Lissie doesn't believe she's good enough. I knew that the minute she came to the ring before the elimination chamber... then did nothing. Sam Kidsgrove forced his way into the match. Lissie could have gotten in fairly but she didn't. Because she knew she wouldn't have won the world title so she didn't even try. I may have lost three world title matches in a row.. but I went into all those matches and gave it my all. Lissie doesn't have my heart. Lissie would say she didn't cash in because the odds weren't in her favour. That's why she is also not a threat in this match. There is nothing for Lissie to win. So when she gets in trouble Lissie is going to fold her hand and walk away.. Like she did at Execution. I can't respect someone like that as a person or a competitor.
You're saying Lissie is a little bitch?
Exactly what I'm saying. She wants to pick her spot but yet she has walked into a trap where she's facing someone who wants this far more then her. But surely I am concerned about someone on the opposing team, right? Maybe Walter. Walter is a dangerous man. Well so am I. Walter holds victories over Kyle Kemp. So do I. This is where the scales start to tip. I care deeply about representing UCI. I won my first major world championship in wrestling there. Walter.. couldn't care less about Action Wrestling. He couldn't care less about his team. Walter is simply in this match because it's a chance to inflict pain. That's not good enough motivation. Walter is going to cause lots of pain in Chicago but myself and my teammates are willing to take that pain... I once had a fingernail pulled during the killing floor match. I continued fighting for another 30 minutes. Kyle once won the United States title from Walter.. because he wanted it more. That's exactly how this is going to go down as well. Walter will draw upon his hatred.. but my love for UCI is stronger then that hatred. In the end.. Walter doesn't stand a chance. Of course there's always Bobby Rage
Jay just laughs.
My thoughts exactly. Why is he even in this match? First off.. doesn't he hate the owner of Action Wrestling Torture? Why exactly is he representing them? Sounds like a conflict of interest to me. Bobby Rage is probably going to throw the match. Come to think of it doesn't that sound like something his father Rick Mad would have come up with? He gets to make Action Wrestling look bad and he gets to do it in UCI, a place where Torture can't even touch him. Well Bobby I got news for you.. you don't need to throw this match to get your ass kicked. That was gonna happen anyways. There are some similarities between the two of us. We are both big, strong, easily angered in the match. But there's one massive difference. I have the ability to think for myself. That makes all the difference. You just fight. I know what I'm fighting for.
Alex looks serious
That leaves us with the only man I respect. Other then Dandy Devito.. that goes without saying. Derrick Vayden, I believe you have a bright future. I believe besides Dandy and myself you have the best chance of capturing the Action World Title. Someday you will. But that's in the future. When I was a rookie a lot of veterans beat me. I learned from that. Just like you are going to learn from me defeating you this week. Right now.. you're best known for dick kicking Alexander Pasternak. It's not a bad claim to claim and I hope you like it. Because you aren't going to be known for something else next week. Sorry kid.. thems the breaks. Sometimes you work hard and lose anyways. That's going to be your fate. You'll be rewarded.. someday. Just not today.
When this match is over.. and I'm standing in the ring with my hands raised you can look on the bright side Action Wrestling. This could have been a lot worse. When I look at my team.. I don't see Bonnie Blue, I don't see Crow McMorris... Howard Black,Celeste Mallory or Wentworth Updegraff. But I still see more then enough talent to embarrass the likes of you. You'll wish you never invaded UCI.. you'll wish you never repped Action Wrestling against us. Better men then you refused to face us.. you'll know why very soon.
Like the street naming earlier today I don't have to be the star as long as we win in the end. But if I had to.. I would win this match all on my own. This is UCI, this is and always will be my home. You don't step into my house and disrespect me and hope to get away with anything besides a beating. That simply isn't happening. You're all here for the wrong reasons.. you have all made a terrible mistake. This is nothing personal.. is something at least one person is going to say. Nah son, this is very personal.. you're spitting in my face and pissing on my legacy. What do you think I'm gonna do to you? I once challenged Spencer Adams, UCI owner because I thought he was betraying it's legacy. That's how serious I take UCI. I’m not even worried about being the sole survivor.. because that’s just a given. In the end UCI and confusion will always reign.