Post by Alex Richards on Nov 19, 2017 11:12:13 GMT -6
Scene 1- Chicago, Illinois- Raging with the Rover
After last week's Overload the wreckage that once was the Strange Rover was towed away by the Guardians. Due to the advanced technology in the vehicle they obviously didn't want that getting into the wrong hands. Especially with what happened to it, with 15 destroying the truck. The former offroading monster truck was taken in secret and stored in the sub basement beneath Alex's bar. In the tunnels that once were used for bootlegging during prohibition times and now used as the secret base for the Guardians. This is where Alex Richards went to get a look at the damage. Along with his brother Shaun Zach Richards and his girlfriend Rebecca Thatch he looked... and got angrier and angrier.
Alex Richards looks on. Eyes ablaze. The anger on his face blazing as deep as the flames that engulfed his Strange Rover the week before. He looks at the charred wreck of what was once his prized possession. Alex didn't say a word.. but it was obvious the longer he looked the more upset, the more angry, the more furious he was getting. His brother Shaun finally decided to try and cut the tension a little.
SZR: Just wait until you see the pay out you get from this.
Alex stares straight ahead, at the melted driver's side mirror.
SZR: I knew getting the best insurance possible was the way to go! I got complete and total coverage.. for everything! You know that commercial about that insurance company covering zombie apocalypse damage.. they got that idea... from us.. because we have that coverage! We not only have fire coverage.. we have arson coverage. We are even covered in the event of intentional damage.. that was done by you!
The King of Mass Confusion doesn't answer. Instead he looks at the blackened hubcaps. Rebecca decides to try.
Rebecca Thatch: Alex... we can build you a new vehicle.. together.. with all those extras we were wanting.
But even Rebecca's flirtatious nature isn't enough to snap Alex out of it. Instead he responds with a violent outburst. Slamming his hand hard onto the charred hood of the Rover and screaming out.
Alex Richards: IT'S NOT ABOUT THE FUCKING STRANGE ROVER!
Alex slams his hand against the hood again this time the burnt and abused hood of the truck gives away . Alex seems ready to unleash another blow on Rover before finally calming himself down.. very very slightly.
Alex Richards: Okay.. it's not just about the Strange Rover. My ride got torched. I could deal with that though. Like you said Zach, it's insured. But it's the principle of the matter. And it ain't the first time.. not by a long shot. My old bar, the Sloshed Pit got leveled. My brother Zach has been kidnapped. My girlfriend Becky has been kidnapped. Multiple times. Both of you got beaten up. People tried to kill Becky and I! It's like people think I'm the easy going one in the Guardians. That I'm the one they can mess with and not suffer the consequences! People know that if you fuck with Bonnie, or even if you fucked with that traitor Andre Holmes you would pay for it with your life. This 15 guy isn't going to get a chance to do anything further to me. Anything further to the Guardians. People want to mistake my kindness for weakness. I don't fucking think so! Not any more. When they see what I do to 15 they will never try and make an example out of Alex Richards or his property, and especially not his family ever again!
Rebecca Thatch: Not that he doesn't have it coming, but how are you going to payback 15? You don't know who he is?
Alex smiles a grim smile.
Alex Richards: Simple. Process of elimination. Mainly I find 15, I find his flunkies, and then I eliminate them. Problem solved.
SZR: But how would you know who he is?
Alex Richards: I think it's obvious. Someone decided to come after me. They have a network of lackeys with them. Don't take a rocket scientist to know where to look.
Rebecca smiles, a genuine, if not slightly evil smile.
Rebecca Thatch: I think I have something you could use. I've been dying to see how it works.
Scene 2- New Jersey- The Evil Empire Struck Back
Narrator(Alex Richards): You know how hard it is to break into the headquarters of a Fortune 500 company? Surprisingly easy when you have the power to turn yourself invisible and just walk by everyone. Anywhere else I could understand why they wouldn't be prepared for an invisible man. But this is Paul Rudd's company. You would think he would be prepared for me. But that's alright. Just makes my job a little easier. I slide into the elevator and pull out my golden key. Leave it to a douchebag like Evil Paul Rudd to have a golden key to only allow his chosen few to disturb him in the penthouse of the building. Well his chosen few and anyone who might have pick pocketed them at least. That's just as well for me. I'm not here to harass low level employees who are just here for a paycheck. I know something like what 15 did wouldn't have been done by one of them.
DING!
The elevator reaches the top floor. Alex dumps some booze over himself and instantly reappears.
Alex Richards: You know.. I hate wasting good booze on the account of Paul Rudd and his evil empire. I swear before I leave here I'm gonna steal a twenty out of the petty cash or something. He can afford to pay for my alcohol. Maybe a c note. Get the good tequila tonight. The Giant Spaghetti monster knows I'll deserve it after this.
Alex looks around and lets out a curse.
Alex Richards: Son of a bitch. This place is a ghost town.
Alex looks around and notices the lights are off. In every office. He curses again and looks around trying to find signs of life. Finally he hears some music.. some terrible, terrible music.
Alex Richards: Okay who made jug band reggae a thing? Even if isn't Evil Paul Rudd playing that music.. I'm not gonna feel bad for this.
Alex walks in the direction of the “music” and discovers the only office in operation on the top floor. A medium sized office with a placard on the door designating it as the office of the acting CEO. Alex grins... and promptly kicks in the door.
Alex Richards: Bob Marley is gonna come back from the dead just to smash your cd!
The acting CEO doesn't even look up from his cup of free trade coffee (as marked on the mug FYI) as Alex Richards stomps into the office. Judging by his beard that would make a homeless man, or a member of ZZ Top jealous as well as his flannel shirt and way tighter then any man should ever wear shiny jeans I'll bet you can guess what he is. The man behind the massive desk finally sighs in annoyance and looks at Alex with disdain.
Man: As if I would ever own a compact disc. I play vinyl. Nothing else. If you don't.. you're cretin.
He looks at the angry King of Mass Confusion then recognition dawns on him.
Man: Oh shit.
For a second he appears ready to try and run for it. But then he remembers the red panic button under his desk. He not so discreetly jabs at it repeatedly. Confident that help is about to be on the way he decides to engage Alex.
Man: You have no idea how big a mistake you just made. You don't know who you are messing with. I am the one, the only Sarah Forest!
Alex in spite of what he's here for can't help himself. He bursts out laughing.
Alex Richards: There is no way that's your real name mister.
Sarah Forest: I can't believe you just said that to me! I am unbelievably triggered right now. That would you would dare me a mister. When everyone knows my proper title is.
Sarah says something completely and totally unintelligible.
Alex Richards: How do you spell that?
Sarah Forest: It doesn't matter how you spell that! What's important is that it stands for equality, for gender neutrality.. just like my name does! Why should one sex get all the pretty names? They should belong to everyone!
Alex sighs.
Alex Richards: Normally I like talking with strange people but you're getting tiresome already. So Sarah.. I ask you where the fuck is Paul Rudd?
Sarah Forest: I don't know.. according to company memos it's believed you killed him!
Alex Richards: If I killed him would I be here looking for him genius? Ah forget it... it could just as easily be 8-Bit running the show. Where's he at?
Sarah Forest: He's unjustly imprisoned due to the actions of you and your friend Bonnie Blue.
Alex snorts.
Alex Richards: He is not. He escaped and you know it. You probably helped him.
Sarah Forest: I would not! Why would I be the acting CEO if either of them were still around anyways?
Alex Richards: Good point. And if you're running this evil company you have this coming anyways.
Sarah laughs.
Sarah Forest: I'm evil? As if! There is only one evil one in this room and it's you! I rode an environmentally friendly bike to work every single day! You drive that gas guzzling SUV that is helping to destroy the ozone layer! You eat like a glutton at buffets! While I eat locally grown, organic food.
Alex Richards: You're kidding me right? You think you have the moral high ground? You work for Paul Rudd's Evil Empire!
Sarah Forest: I work for Rudd Enterprises.
Alex Richards: How many people has Paul had killed exactly?
Sarah Forest: We provide jobs for millions of Americans. We pay taxes, far too much, like any other corporation. We..
Alex sighs, finally having enough of the smug douchebag.
Alex Richards: Would you do me a favor?
Sarah Forest: Of course not.
Alex Richards: Just pick up the damn phone on your desk.
Sarah looks at the dusty, red phone on his desk and shakes his head.
Sarah Forest: Only dinosaurs like you use land lines. I have a iPhone 13. It cost more then most people make in a decade but it was worth it.
Alex Richards: Just humor me and pick up the phone.
Sarah shrugs apathetically then picks up the phone.
Sarah Forest: What a surprise. It's dead.. just like the technology.
Alex Richards: Try your cell phone.
Sarah pulls out his cell phone making sure Alex can see it clearly as he makes a big show of turning it on and..
Sarah Forest: No service? That's impossible! Even during a power outrage there is always service in Rudd Enterprises.
Alex grins and reaches into his always present black old style doctor's bag. It's stylish and functional as we soon find out when Alex pulls out a little black box.
Alex Richards: Becky is gonna be happy. This thing works just as well as she hoped. I'm just not as smart with electronics as you are Sarah. So maybe you know how this works. Because this little thing is something Becky said was a network jammer.
Sarah starts to go pale.
Alex Richards: Now I'm not sure but I would bet that means you can't use your phone in here. So that would mean that that panic button you were slamming when I walked in here.. it wouldn't be working either now would it? So I mean I'm just not as smart as you but I bet those security guards you were trying to call ain't coming. So Sarah.. I ask you... for the last time.. where the fuck are the people in charge.
Sarah starts to sweat and stammer.
Sarah Forest: I-I-I- I dunno. I'm in charge. I don't know where Paul or 8-Bit are.
Alex Richards: That's going to be a problem for you. Because if you're really the one in charge that means either you're 15... or you're the one who commissioned 15.
Sarah Forest: I don't know anything about the 15 who destroyed your truck!
Alex Richards: I didn't say anything about him destroying The Strange Rover.
Sarah Forest: I don't even like the number 15. I only like prime numbers like 1 or 3 or 5 or..
Alex cuts him off. By staring out of the massive wall of windows in the office.
Alex Richards: This is got to be a douchebag standard now don't it? Why does every asshole have the wall of shatterproof glass? It's such a cliche. Especially since.. it ain't even true. Shatterproof? Hardly. You just gotta know how to break it. Observe.
Alex approaches Sarah who is cowering behind his desk. He grabs the desk.. lifting up the massive piece of wood. He pauses.. then hucks the desk like a javelin towards the window smashing through the glass. Sarah decides to run. He manages to get a few steps out of his chair before Alex grabs him by the throat. He lifts him off the ground and walks towards the now broken window.
Alex Richards: Do you know what my power is?
Sarah coughs and answers hoarsely
Sarah Forest: You can make yourself invisible.
Alex Richards: Not entirely true. I can control the air around me. I can make myself invisible, I can set up force field and I can.. well.. are you a fan of superman?
Sarah Forest: Overrated!
Alex grins.
Alex Richards: Then this ain't gonna impress you at all.
And with that Alex leaps through the broken window still holding the hipster by the throat. The man screams something unintelligible but it sounded sort of like Idon'tWannaDie!!!!!! The duo plummet. Five stories. Ten stories. Almost the full 25 floors.. then they stop and hover a mere two stories from the ground. As fate would have it just above where the desk landed.. on top of a black Mazda which clearly didn't survive the drop as it's caved in roof would attest. Alex laughs.
Alex Richards: Oh for fuck's sake. That's my rental car. You know.. I'm just not having any luck with vehicles lately. Shall we return to your office?
Without waiting for an answer Alex levitates back into the sky.. back up the 23 floors.. back to the penthouse office where he flings Forest aside. The man trembles and begins to beg.
Sarah Forest: Please Mister Richards sir.. I don't want to die. My name isn't even Sarah Forest.
Alex Richards: No shit. But I'm not gonna kill you. Do you know why?
Sarah Forest: Because you place great value on human lives?
Alex snorts.
Alex Richards: Not yours. I didn't kill you because if I did no one would know who killed you. And if no one knew for sure who killed you why then I wouldn't have made my point now would I?
Sarah begins to answer but Alex cuts him off.
Alex Richards: If you were half as smart as you think you are you wouldn't say another word. Now I know you're not capable of being 15. I know you didn't destroy my Strange Rover, I know you didn't threaten to kill each and every one of the Guardians. Because if you did... why you'd be dead by now. But the thing is.. I don't know where Paul Rudd or 8-Bit are. And neither do you for that matter. But I know they are capable of being 15. So I want you to tell everyone what happened here tonight. I want them to know what I'm capable of. I want them to know what I'm going to do to them the next time I happen to see them. You saw how easily I could have killed you. That's how easily I will kill them. Can you do that?
Sarah begins to speak again.. then thinks better of it and just nods.
Alex Richards: Smart man. Now say goodnight.
Sarah Forest: No.. please.. don't!
Alex boots Forest in the chest.. lifts him up for a powerbomb.. and drives him hard head first into his own mountain bike.. then into the wall. Alex drops the unconscious CEO with the unconscious truth then begins to walk out when something stops him.
Alex Richards: What the hell.... chainsaws as musical instruments with bluegrass vocals. You know... this record is sort of growing on me.
And with that Alex takes the LP off of the record player, sticks it in it's jacket then tucks it away on his doctor's bag before walking out, looking satisfied.
Apparently Spencer Adams has decided this month's theme should be undeserved title shots! First we have Good Old Rambling Jimmy earning himself a world title shot in spite of you know never actually winning a match in his life! But then Spencer decided to outdo himself. He awards The Gold Standard a Hypermedia title match in spite of never even having a match in the UCI! He gifts Corey Black a world title shot at our pay per view probably because of some shady back room deal with Seth Lerch. Then he decides to top off his month of booking like a retard by scheduling Bonnie Blue and myself to defend the tag team titles against Corey Bull and Kevin Bishop. In spite of the fact that they aren't even a real team! They had one fucking match together. The fact that they beat Karlie Nash and El Payaso Loco makes them title worthy? Great job Spencer.. you fucking dumbass! And people wonder why the Guardians were so pissed off at him last week.
Horrible decisions that screw over your real talent? Fun for everyone! Fun for the whole family! Until you have to pay for it. Jimmy had to pay for it last week when he was overmatched against Preecha Kamon. The Gold Standard are going to be exposed in their gauntlet match against L. Then there's Kevin Bishop and Corey Bull. That undeserved title opportunity might make me the maddest of all. Because all the other title opportunities.. they seem random. This one.. this ain't random at all. I know exactly why Bull and Bishop are getting this title shot. Anyone else remember when Spencer Adams was a member of the Brotherhood? Kevin Bishop's Brotherhood. Seems kind of fishy that after one match as a team Kevin Bishop is getting a tag team title shot don't it? That's Spencer Adams for ya though, he's not a real boss he's simply a petty child who uses his power to reward his friends and punish his enemies. Or at least he tries to.
You guys fucked up this week. I'm not really surprised though. Kevin Bishop saw his career slipping. Once upon a time he was the first two time world champion in the UCI. He was the longest reigning champion in the UCI. He had the most title defenses in UCI history. He was the leader of what he would have wrongly considered the greatest stable in the UCI. But he lost it all. He became a cult leader with no followers. I'll bet even Spencer Adams doesn't want people bringing up his time in the Brotherhood. That world title.. it went by the wayside. He not only lost the world championship.. he lost it to Zombie McMorris the same night Bonnie and I took his tag team championship away from him. We beat Zombie earlier in the night and Kevin couldn't even take advantage of the fact his opponent wrestled twice in the same night. He lost the world title. The slip continued. Then the night before Halloween he had a chance to regain the world title in the Killing Floor. He didn't win.. he didn't finish second.. he finished third. Kevin Bishop grew more desperate. Because at his core Kevin is just a snake oil salesman. Without a championship to call his own people start to see through the massive pile of lies he spouts. He loses the credibility he didn't deserve in the first place. I mean look what happens when Kevin Bishop doesn't have his title. Random newcomers like the Gold Standard start calling him out. Even random people who haven't accomplished anything see through Bishop's bullshit and see why he's not truly worthy of respect. So now he's desperately trying to hold on, trying to keep it together, grasping for straws. So he sees himself getting randomly paired with Corey Bull, he sees them scoring a victory in their debut, he sees his chance. His chance to get some gold, his chance to spin some more lies. So he executes a poor version of Bonnie Blue's Timelock to win the match last week. It was embarrassing Karlie couldn't break out of that hold but it is what it is. Then he gets his pet executive, Spencer Adams, to book himself and Bull in a tag team title match. You didn't think this through very well did you Bishop?
How fucking arrogant of you. You think any two people can win the tag team titles? Because that's what you are. Two people. Bonnie Blue and myself.. we aren't two individuals.. we are a real team! We are the greatest team in UCI history. That's not up for debate. Everyone just knows that to be true. I'm not saying that to brag... I'm saying that because it's fucking true! When you think tag team titles.. you think the Guardians. End of story. Any other team that stepped to us, whether it be Team Reckless, the ZWO, or anyone else on the roster you saw the difference. You saw the fact that we train together, we fight together, we party together, we suffer through hard times together. Bonnie and I are a team crafted through experience. A team crafted though time. And how dare some johnny come latelys with no fucking experience as a team think they can take what's ours!
Can the two of you know for certain they can rely on their partner? Do you even really know your partner? How do you guys compliment each other in the ring? Do you know if your partner is in trouble with just a single glance in their direction? Do you guys have any special moves as a tag team that are going to put you over the top? Bonnie and I can answer each and every last one of those questions. Because we're been there before. As for Bishop and Bull. The answer to each of those question is a resounding NO! Which, no surprise there, is also the answer to the question do Bishop and Bull have a chance of being tag team champions at the end of Overload.
I'm going to be honest there.... I have never defeated Kevin Bishop. Not once in my career. He pinned me in a world title match at Infinity, hitting his Black Death three times in a row to finally put me down. Just a few weeks ago in the Killing Floor match he pinned me again to eliminate me from the world title match. But I say this with absolute confidence. He is not going to beat me this time. He probably thinks those wins give him an edge over me. And maybe they do.. but they do not give him an edge over Bonnie and I. Because this is a tag team match. This is the kind of match Bonnie and I have perfected to an art form. Two singles wrestlers are not a team no matter how much you wish you were. This is a whole different world. A world neither of you know anything about. After this week you're going to have a new found respect for tag team wrestling I promise you that.
I'm not even going to address you as a team any longer because the thought of you being a team on the level of the Guardians is just laughable. So I'll address you as individuals next. The Hatebringer Corey Bull. A massive man well over 6 feet tall, almost 400 pounds, been in asylums. You know.. this guy sounds familiar. You could say he sounds like a really poor man's Alex Richards. That is if you want to insult me. Because while I overcame my past. While I overcame my demons Corey Bull didn't. Corey Bull didn't even try. I used to like to hurt people too Bull. But then I realized how stupid, how backwards that was. Hurting other people to make yourself feel better... how could that possibly work? If your life is terrible, if your life is filled with pain, why subject other people who randomly cross your path to the same level of misery?
People think either I'm a moron, or I'm way too nice because I embrace the fun side of life most of the time. But I think what's really stupid is allowing your dark side to take over your life. Like you do Bull.I heard you talking about how you're some god of torture. As if that gives you a built in excuse to maul people. Well Corey if you truly believed you were in the right you wouldn't need to invent excuses for your actions now would you? You know you're in the wrong. You simply chose to do it anyways because you're too weak minded to come up with any solutions. Why do you think Kevin Bishop is so excited to team with you? Because you don't think and you're easy to control! You guys are a team of equals like Bonnie and I.. you are merely Kevin Bishop's savant. Another drooling monster willing to listen to Kevin's drivel.
Why do you think I beat you with Blanky during the Killing Floor? It was to send a message. You can be as big, and bad, and imposing as you want. None of it means anything without focus. You don't have focus. You don't think. Maybe you can't think Bull. The Guardians face monsters who want to declare themselves Gods and hurt people all the time. We call that Wednesdays. Then we move on with our week after having defeated them. You're not going to be any different Bull. Wake up Corey! Is this how you want to live your life? Causing pain in the service of one of the most evil man in the history of wrestling? If you can think for yourself you should start doing it... NOW. Either way though, I'm putting you down this week.
Consider it some payback on behalf of your old friend Bolas De Arana. He turned himself into a metahuman because he thought he needed to in order to fight evil. But it didn't really work. You know why? Because the biggest evil he saw, was right in front of him. It was his friend Corey Bull. And he didn't have the stomach to put you down. I have no such issues. I won't hesitate Bull I see you as just another threat that needs to be neutralized. One way or another I will get the job done.
Then there's Kevin Bishop. I'm looking forward to fighting you this week Kevin. Really looking forward to fighting you this week. Because I know all about Kevin Bishop. He would do anything to destroy the Guardians once and for all. And I mean anything. I remember when you attempted to convince the world the Guardians were pure evil. How the Guardians were not your heroes. Most importantly I remember the success you had. Your partner Corey Bull, people think he's dangerous. But he's not. He's strong but he's unfocussed. You are truly dangerous Kevin because you are capable of anything. Z Mac claims to be evil incarnate but I think that title truly belongs to you Bishop. You just don't want to advertise that fact.
But you're not as smart as you think Bishop. Earlier this week I declared war on the entity known as 15. The entity that threatened to kill off the Guardians and destroyed my Strange Rover. I already took out one of the possibilities in Paul Rudd and his Evil Empire. But I have serious doubts he's the only one involved. And isn't 15's timing just a little too coincidental? Last week 15 threatened us, then destroyed my truck, then as luck would have it.. Kevin Bishop and Corey Bull are receiving a tag team title match. I see right through you... Bishop or should I say 15.
That desperation.. it just grows more and more apparent doesn't it? Because even you Kevin know that you and Corey Bull would have been screwed this week. You don't have near the experience to best Bonnie and myself on your own now do you? So you decided to gamble. You decided to throw us off our game by inventing a new threat for the Guardians. But I'll seen your tricks before Bishop. Fool me once shame on me. But this time I am not fooled.
You hoped that I would focus on destroying 15 for wrecking my ride. And you're right. I am focused on 15. It just so happens I'm turning that focus on you. Because you see I'm not going to wait for 15 to reveal himself. I'm going to destroy each and every person who could be 15, could be involved with the group associated with 15, plotted with 15, hell even anyone who 15 might have bought a sandwich! This kind of devious plot, with this kind of “lucky” timing that makes me think you're involved Bishop.
You won't be after this week. 15's dreams of destroying the Guardians are going to die just like your dreams of being a tag team champion. You shouldn't have messed with the Guardians the first time Kevin. But you got away with it. Well Bonnie Blue kicked your ass a lot but in the end you survived. You even got the world title. That encouraged you didn't it? That emboldened you. That made you think you should double up. You should try again. But you fucked up Bishop. You want to make things personal with the Guardians? We end the careers of people who make that mistake. There's a reason the Syndicate left Chicago in this reality and went to that other place. There's a reason Andre Holmes run off licking his wounds. There's a reason the Beach Krew never got a foothold in the UCI. That reason is us! You made no secret of the fact you wanted to destroy the Guardians Kevin. Is it because you're jealous of us? Because the Guardians.. we're a real team, we're a real family. Your Brotherhood never truly had that. It was always at it's core a brainwashed cult that's only real reason for existing was to satisfy your ego Bishop. That's why I know you have something to do with 15. You couldn't resist taking one last shot at destroying the Guardians could you? The key words are one last shot. Because you took your shot. You failed. And you are about to pay the price for it. I figured you out Bishop. You beat me before many times Kevin, but when you threatened my family, the Guardians. You brought a whole new Alex Richards upon you. If you think your partner Corey Bull is a scary guy wait until you see the man across the ring from you this week Kevin. I will not only bury you, I will dig up your corpse just so I can do it again before finally pissing on your grave! Was it worth it Kevin? Was it worth your complete and utter destruction just to try and take the tag team titles from the Guardians. You're stupid and short sighted Bishop. You beat me when it was over the world title. Multiple times. But then you fucked up. You made it personal when you threatened the Guardians. You're going to regret that for the rest of your life, however long.... or short that might be. When you lost the world title to Bonnie Blue it sent you into a tailspin it took you months to recover from. You will never recover from what happens to you this week. I promise you that. Guardians never forget Kevin. We won't forget what you did in the past, we know what you're still trying to do now. This is the time... this is the time we get our final payback. Corey Bull.. pray you don't get in our way. Because I'd have no issues in ending you as well.
Fade To Black
After last week's Overload the wreckage that once was the Strange Rover was towed away by the Guardians. Due to the advanced technology in the vehicle they obviously didn't want that getting into the wrong hands. Especially with what happened to it, with 15 destroying the truck. The former offroading monster truck was taken in secret and stored in the sub basement beneath Alex's bar. In the tunnels that once were used for bootlegging during prohibition times and now used as the secret base for the Guardians. This is where Alex Richards went to get a look at the damage. Along with his brother Shaun Zach Richards and his girlfriend Rebecca Thatch he looked... and got angrier and angrier.
Alex Richards looks on. Eyes ablaze. The anger on his face blazing as deep as the flames that engulfed his Strange Rover the week before. He looks at the charred wreck of what was once his prized possession. Alex didn't say a word.. but it was obvious the longer he looked the more upset, the more angry, the more furious he was getting. His brother Shaun finally decided to try and cut the tension a little.
SZR: Just wait until you see the pay out you get from this.
Alex stares straight ahead, at the melted driver's side mirror.
SZR: I knew getting the best insurance possible was the way to go! I got complete and total coverage.. for everything! You know that commercial about that insurance company covering zombie apocalypse damage.. they got that idea... from us.. because we have that coverage! We not only have fire coverage.. we have arson coverage. We are even covered in the event of intentional damage.. that was done by you!
The King of Mass Confusion doesn't answer. Instead he looks at the blackened hubcaps. Rebecca decides to try.
Rebecca Thatch: Alex... we can build you a new vehicle.. together.. with all those extras we were wanting.
But even Rebecca's flirtatious nature isn't enough to snap Alex out of it. Instead he responds with a violent outburst. Slamming his hand hard onto the charred hood of the Rover and screaming out.
Alex Richards: IT'S NOT ABOUT THE FUCKING STRANGE ROVER!
Alex slams his hand against the hood again this time the burnt and abused hood of the truck gives away . Alex seems ready to unleash another blow on Rover before finally calming himself down.. very very slightly.
Alex Richards: Okay.. it's not just about the Strange Rover. My ride got torched. I could deal with that though. Like you said Zach, it's insured. But it's the principle of the matter. And it ain't the first time.. not by a long shot. My old bar, the Sloshed Pit got leveled. My brother Zach has been kidnapped. My girlfriend Becky has been kidnapped. Multiple times. Both of you got beaten up. People tried to kill Becky and I! It's like people think I'm the easy going one in the Guardians. That I'm the one they can mess with and not suffer the consequences! People know that if you fuck with Bonnie, or even if you fucked with that traitor Andre Holmes you would pay for it with your life. This 15 guy isn't going to get a chance to do anything further to me. Anything further to the Guardians. People want to mistake my kindness for weakness. I don't fucking think so! Not any more. When they see what I do to 15 they will never try and make an example out of Alex Richards or his property, and especially not his family ever again!
Rebecca Thatch: Not that he doesn't have it coming, but how are you going to payback 15? You don't know who he is?
Alex smiles a grim smile.
Alex Richards: Simple. Process of elimination. Mainly I find 15, I find his flunkies, and then I eliminate them. Problem solved.
SZR: But how would you know who he is?
Alex Richards: I think it's obvious. Someone decided to come after me. They have a network of lackeys with them. Don't take a rocket scientist to know where to look.
Rebecca smiles, a genuine, if not slightly evil smile.
Rebecca Thatch: I think I have something you could use. I've been dying to see how it works.
Scene 2- New Jersey- The Evil Empire Struck Back
Narrator(Alex Richards): You know how hard it is to break into the headquarters of a Fortune 500 company? Surprisingly easy when you have the power to turn yourself invisible and just walk by everyone. Anywhere else I could understand why they wouldn't be prepared for an invisible man. But this is Paul Rudd's company. You would think he would be prepared for me. But that's alright. Just makes my job a little easier. I slide into the elevator and pull out my golden key. Leave it to a douchebag like Evil Paul Rudd to have a golden key to only allow his chosen few to disturb him in the penthouse of the building. Well his chosen few and anyone who might have pick pocketed them at least. That's just as well for me. I'm not here to harass low level employees who are just here for a paycheck. I know something like what 15 did wouldn't have been done by one of them.
DING!
The elevator reaches the top floor. Alex dumps some booze over himself and instantly reappears.
Alex Richards: You know.. I hate wasting good booze on the account of Paul Rudd and his evil empire. I swear before I leave here I'm gonna steal a twenty out of the petty cash or something. He can afford to pay for my alcohol. Maybe a c note. Get the good tequila tonight. The Giant Spaghetti monster knows I'll deserve it after this.
Alex looks around and lets out a curse.
Alex Richards: Son of a bitch. This place is a ghost town.
Alex looks around and notices the lights are off. In every office. He curses again and looks around trying to find signs of life. Finally he hears some music.. some terrible, terrible music.
Alex Richards: Okay who made jug band reggae a thing? Even if isn't Evil Paul Rudd playing that music.. I'm not gonna feel bad for this.
Alex walks in the direction of the “music” and discovers the only office in operation on the top floor. A medium sized office with a placard on the door designating it as the office of the acting CEO. Alex grins... and promptly kicks in the door.
Alex Richards: Bob Marley is gonna come back from the dead just to smash your cd!
The acting CEO doesn't even look up from his cup of free trade coffee (as marked on the mug FYI) as Alex Richards stomps into the office. Judging by his beard that would make a homeless man, or a member of ZZ Top jealous as well as his flannel shirt and way tighter then any man should ever wear shiny jeans I'll bet you can guess what he is. The man behind the massive desk finally sighs in annoyance and looks at Alex with disdain.
Man: As if I would ever own a compact disc. I play vinyl. Nothing else. If you don't.. you're cretin.
He looks at the angry King of Mass Confusion then recognition dawns on him.
Man: Oh shit.
For a second he appears ready to try and run for it. But then he remembers the red panic button under his desk. He not so discreetly jabs at it repeatedly. Confident that help is about to be on the way he decides to engage Alex.
Man: You have no idea how big a mistake you just made. You don't know who you are messing with. I am the one, the only Sarah Forest!
Alex in spite of what he's here for can't help himself. He bursts out laughing.
Alex Richards: There is no way that's your real name mister.
Sarah Forest: I can't believe you just said that to me! I am unbelievably triggered right now. That would you would dare me a mister. When everyone knows my proper title is.
Sarah says something completely and totally unintelligible.
Alex Richards: How do you spell that?
Sarah Forest: It doesn't matter how you spell that! What's important is that it stands for equality, for gender neutrality.. just like my name does! Why should one sex get all the pretty names? They should belong to everyone!
Alex sighs.
Alex Richards: Normally I like talking with strange people but you're getting tiresome already. So Sarah.. I ask you where the fuck is Paul Rudd?
Sarah Forest: I don't know.. according to company memos it's believed you killed him!
Alex Richards: If I killed him would I be here looking for him genius? Ah forget it... it could just as easily be 8-Bit running the show. Where's he at?
Sarah Forest: He's unjustly imprisoned due to the actions of you and your friend Bonnie Blue.
Alex snorts.
Alex Richards: He is not. He escaped and you know it. You probably helped him.
Sarah Forest: I would not! Why would I be the acting CEO if either of them were still around anyways?
Alex Richards: Good point. And if you're running this evil company you have this coming anyways.
Sarah laughs.
Sarah Forest: I'm evil? As if! There is only one evil one in this room and it's you! I rode an environmentally friendly bike to work every single day! You drive that gas guzzling SUV that is helping to destroy the ozone layer! You eat like a glutton at buffets! While I eat locally grown, organic food.
Alex Richards: You're kidding me right? You think you have the moral high ground? You work for Paul Rudd's Evil Empire!
Sarah Forest: I work for Rudd Enterprises.
Alex Richards: How many people has Paul had killed exactly?
Sarah Forest: We provide jobs for millions of Americans. We pay taxes, far too much, like any other corporation. We..
Alex sighs, finally having enough of the smug douchebag.
Alex Richards: Would you do me a favor?
Sarah Forest: Of course not.
Alex Richards: Just pick up the damn phone on your desk.
Sarah looks at the dusty, red phone on his desk and shakes his head.
Sarah Forest: Only dinosaurs like you use land lines. I have a iPhone 13. It cost more then most people make in a decade but it was worth it.
Alex Richards: Just humor me and pick up the phone.
Sarah shrugs apathetically then picks up the phone.
Sarah Forest: What a surprise. It's dead.. just like the technology.
Alex Richards: Try your cell phone.
Sarah pulls out his cell phone making sure Alex can see it clearly as he makes a big show of turning it on and..
Sarah Forest: No service? That's impossible! Even during a power outrage there is always service in Rudd Enterprises.
Alex grins and reaches into his always present black old style doctor's bag. It's stylish and functional as we soon find out when Alex pulls out a little black box.
Alex Richards: Becky is gonna be happy. This thing works just as well as she hoped. I'm just not as smart with electronics as you are Sarah. So maybe you know how this works. Because this little thing is something Becky said was a network jammer.
Sarah starts to go pale.
Alex Richards: Now I'm not sure but I would bet that means you can't use your phone in here. So that would mean that that panic button you were slamming when I walked in here.. it wouldn't be working either now would it? So I mean I'm just not as smart as you but I bet those security guards you were trying to call ain't coming. So Sarah.. I ask you... for the last time.. where the fuck are the people in charge.
Sarah starts to sweat and stammer.
Sarah Forest: I-I-I- I dunno. I'm in charge. I don't know where Paul or 8-Bit are.
Alex Richards: That's going to be a problem for you. Because if you're really the one in charge that means either you're 15... or you're the one who commissioned 15.
Sarah Forest: I don't know anything about the 15 who destroyed your truck!
Alex Richards: I didn't say anything about him destroying The Strange Rover.
Sarah Forest: I don't even like the number 15. I only like prime numbers like 1 or 3 or 5 or..
Alex cuts him off. By staring out of the massive wall of windows in the office.
Alex Richards: This is got to be a douchebag standard now don't it? Why does every asshole have the wall of shatterproof glass? It's such a cliche. Especially since.. it ain't even true. Shatterproof? Hardly. You just gotta know how to break it. Observe.
Alex approaches Sarah who is cowering behind his desk. He grabs the desk.. lifting up the massive piece of wood. He pauses.. then hucks the desk like a javelin towards the window smashing through the glass. Sarah decides to run. He manages to get a few steps out of his chair before Alex grabs him by the throat. He lifts him off the ground and walks towards the now broken window.
Alex Richards: Do you know what my power is?
Sarah coughs and answers hoarsely
Sarah Forest: You can make yourself invisible.
Alex Richards: Not entirely true. I can control the air around me. I can make myself invisible, I can set up force field and I can.. well.. are you a fan of superman?
Sarah Forest: Overrated!
Alex grins.
Alex Richards: Then this ain't gonna impress you at all.
And with that Alex leaps through the broken window still holding the hipster by the throat. The man screams something unintelligible but it sounded sort of like Idon'tWannaDie!!!!!! The duo plummet. Five stories. Ten stories. Almost the full 25 floors.. then they stop and hover a mere two stories from the ground. As fate would have it just above where the desk landed.. on top of a black Mazda which clearly didn't survive the drop as it's caved in roof would attest. Alex laughs.
Alex Richards: Oh for fuck's sake. That's my rental car. You know.. I'm just not having any luck with vehicles lately. Shall we return to your office?
Without waiting for an answer Alex levitates back into the sky.. back up the 23 floors.. back to the penthouse office where he flings Forest aside. The man trembles and begins to beg.
Sarah Forest: Please Mister Richards sir.. I don't want to die. My name isn't even Sarah Forest.
Alex Richards: No shit. But I'm not gonna kill you. Do you know why?
Sarah Forest: Because you place great value on human lives?
Alex snorts.
Alex Richards: Not yours. I didn't kill you because if I did no one would know who killed you. And if no one knew for sure who killed you why then I wouldn't have made my point now would I?
Sarah begins to answer but Alex cuts him off.
Alex Richards: If you were half as smart as you think you are you wouldn't say another word. Now I know you're not capable of being 15. I know you didn't destroy my Strange Rover, I know you didn't threaten to kill each and every one of the Guardians. Because if you did... why you'd be dead by now. But the thing is.. I don't know where Paul Rudd or 8-Bit are. And neither do you for that matter. But I know they are capable of being 15. So I want you to tell everyone what happened here tonight. I want them to know what I'm capable of. I want them to know what I'm going to do to them the next time I happen to see them. You saw how easily I could have killed you. That's how easily I will kill them. Can you do that?
Sarah begins to speak again.. then thinks better of it and just nods.
Alex Richards: Smart man. Now say goodnight.
Sarah Forest: No.. please.. don't!
Alex boots Forest in the chest.. lifts him up for a powerbomb.. and drives him hard head first into his own mountain bike.. then into the wall. Alex drops the unconscious CEO with the unconscious truth then begins to walk out when something stops him.
Alex Richards: What the hell.... chainsaws as musical instruments with bluegrass vocals. You know... this record is sort of growing on me.
And with that Alex takes the LP off of the record player, sticks it in it's jacket then tucks it away on his doctor's bag before walking out, looking satisfied.
Apparently Spencer Adams has decided this month's theme should be undeserved title shots! First we have Good Old Rambling Jimmy earning himself a world title shot in spite of you know never actually winning a match in his life! But then Spencer decided to outdo himself. He awards The Gold Standard a Hypermedia title match in spite of never even having a match in the UCI! He gifts Corey Black a world title shot at our pay per view probably because of some shady back room deal with Seth Lerch. Then he decides to top off his month of booking like a retard by scheduling Bonnie Blue and myself to defend the tag team titles against Corey Bull and Kevin Bishop. In spite of the fact that they aren't even a real team! They had one fucking match together. The fact that they beat Karlie Nash and El Payaso Loco makes them title worthy? Great job Spencer.. you fucking dumbass! And people wonder why the Guardians were so pissed off at him last week.
Horrible decisions that screw over your real talent? Fun for everyone! Fun for the whole family! Until you have to pay for it. Jimmy had to pay for it last week when he was overmatched against Preecha Kamon. The Gold Standard are going to be exposed in their gauntlet match against L. Then there's Kevin Bishop and Corey Bull. That undeserved title opportunity might make me the maddest of all. Because all the other title opportunities.. they seem random. This one.. this ain't random at all. I know exactly why Bull and Bishop are getting this title shot. Anyone else remember when Spencer Adams was a member of the Brotherhood? Kevin Bishop's Brotherhood. Seems kind of fishy that after one match as a team Kevin Bishop is getting a tag team title shot don't it? That's Spencer Adams for ya though, he's not a real boss he's simply a petty child who uses his power to reward his friends and punish his enemies. Or at least he tries to.
You guys fucked up this week. I'm not really surprised though. Kevin Bishop saw his career slipping. Once upon a time he was the first two time world champion in the UCI. He was the longest reigning champion in the UCI. He had the most title defenses in UCI history. He was the leader of what he would have wrongly considered the greatest stable in the UCI. But he lost it all. He became a cult leader with no followers. I'll bet even Spencer Adams doesn't want people bringing up his time in the Brotherhood. That world title.. it went by the wayside. He not only lost the world championship.. he lost it to Zombie McMorris the same night Bonnie and I took his tag team championship away from him. We beat Zombie earlier in the night and Kevin couldn't even take advantage of the fact his opponent wrestled twice in the same night. He lost the world title. The slip continued. Then the night before Halloween he had a chance to regain the world title in the Killing Floor. He didn't win.. he didn't finish second.. he finished third. Kevin Bishop grew more desperate. Because at his core Kevin is just a snake oil salesman. Without a championship to call his own people start to see through the massive pile of lies he spouts. He loses the credibility he didn't deserve in the first place. I mean look what happens when Kevin Bishop doesn't have his title. Random newcomers like the Gold Standard start calling him out. Even random people who haven't accomplished anything see through Bishop's bullshit and see why he's not truly worthy of respect. So now he's desperately trying to hold on, trying to keep it together, grasping for straws. So he sees himself getting randomly paired with Corey Bull, he sees them scoring a victory in their debut, he sees his chance. His chance to get some gold, his chance to spin some more lies. So he executes a poor version of Bonnie Blue's Timelock to win the match last week. It was embarrassing Karlie couldn't break out of that hold but it is what it is. Then he gets his pet executive, Spencer Adams, to book himself and Bull in a tag team title match. You didn't think this through very well did you Bishop?
How fucking arrogant of you. You think any two people can win the tag team titles? Because that's what you are. Two people. Bonnie Blue and myself.. we aren't two individuals.. we are a real team! We are the greatest team in UCI history. That's not up for debate. Everyone just knows that to be true. I'm not saying that to brag... I'm saying that because it's fucking true! When you think tag team titles.. you think the Guardians. End of story. Any other team that stepped to us, whether it be Team Reckless, the ZWO, or anyone else on the roster you saw the difference. You saw the fact that we train together, we fight together, we party together, we suffer through hard times together. Bonnie and I are a team crafted through experience. A team crafted though time. And how dare some johnny come latelys with no fucking experience as a team think they can take what's ours!
Can the two of you know for certain they can rely on their partner? Do you even really know your partner? How do you guys compliment each other in the ring? Do you know if your partner is in trouble with just a single glance in their direction? Do you guys have any special moves as a tag team that are going to put you over the top? Bonnie and I can answer each and every last one of those questions. Because we're been there before. As for Bishop and Bull. The answer to each of those question is a resounding NO! Which, no surprise there, is also the answer to the question do Bishop and Bull have a chance of being tag team champions at the end of Overload.
I'm going to be honest there.... I have never defeated Kevin Bishop. Not once in my career. He pinned me in a world title match at Infinity, hitting his Black Death three times in a row to finally put me down. Just a few weeks ago in the Killing Floor match he pinned me again to eliminate me from the world title match. But I say this with absolute confidence. He is not going to beat me this time. He probably thinks those wins give him an edge over me. And maybe they do.. but they do not give him an edge over Bonnie and I. Because this is a tag team match. This is the kind of match Bonnie and I have perfected to an art form. Two singles wrestlers are not a team no matter how much you wish you were. This is a whole different world. A world neither of you know anything about. After this week you're going to have a new found respect for tag team wrestling I promise you that.
I'm not even going to address you as a team any longer because the thought of you being a team on the level of the Guardians is just laughable. So I'll address you as individuals next. The Hatebringer Corey Bull. A massive man well over 6 feet tall, almost 400 pounds, been in asylums. You know.. this guy sounds familiar. You could say he sounds like a really poor man's Alex Richards. That is if you want to insult me. Because while I overcame my past. While I overcame my demons Corey Bull didn't. Corey Bull didn't even try. I used to like to hurt people too Bull. But then I realized how stupid, how backwards that was. Hurting other people to make yourself feel better... how could that possibly work? If your life is terrible, if your life is filled with pain, why subject other people who randomly cross your path to the same level of misery?
People think either I'm a moron, or I'm way too nice because I embrace the fun side of life most of the time. But I think what's really stupid is allowing your dark side to take over your life. Like you do Bull.I heard you talking about how you're some god of torture. As if that gives you a built in excuse to maul people. Well Corey if you truly believed you were in the right you wouldn't need to invent excuses for your actions now would you? You know you're in the wrong. You simply chose to do it anyways because you're too weak minded to come up with any solutions. Why do you think Kevin Bishop is so excited to team with you? Because you don't think and you're easy to control! You guys are a team of equals like Bonnie and I.. you are merely Kevin Bishop's savant. Another drooling monster willing to listen to Kevin's drivel.
Why do you think I beat you with Blanky during the Killing Floor? It was to send a message. You can be as big, and bad, and imposing as you want. None of it means anything without focus. You don't have focus. You don't think. Maybe you can't think Bull. The Guardians face monsters who want to declare themselves Gods and hurt people all the time. We call that Wednesdays. Then we move on with our week after having defeated them. You're not going to be any different Bull. Wake up Corey! Is this how you want to live your life? Causing pain in the service of one of the most evil man in the history of wrestling? If you can think for yourself you should start doing it... NOW. Either way though, I'm putting you down this week.
Consider it some payback on behalf of your old friend Bolas De Arana. He turned himself into a metahuman because he thought he needed to in order to fight evil. But it didn't really work. You know why? Because the biggest evil he saw, was right in front of him. It was his friend Corey Bull. And he didn't have the stomach to put you down. I have no such issues. I won't hesitate Bull I see you as just another threat that needs to be neutralized. One way or another I will get the job done.
Then there's Kevin Bishop. I'm looking forward to fighting you this week Kevin. Really looking forward to fighting you this week. Because I know all about Kevin Bishop. He would do anything to destroy the Guardians once and for all. And I mean anything. I remember when you attempted to convince the world the Guardians were pure evil. How the Guardians were not your heroes. Most importantly I remember the success you had. Your partner Corey Bull, people think he's dangerous. But he's not. He's strong but he's unfocussed. You are truly dangerous Kevin because you are capable of anything. Z Mac claims to be evil incarnate but I think that title truly belongs to you Bishop. You just don't want to advertise that fact.
But you're not as smart as you think Bishop. Earlier this week I declared war on the entity known as 15. The entity that threatened to kill off the Guardians and destroyed my Strange Rover. I already took out one of the possibilities in Paul Rudd and his Evil Empire. But I have serious doubts he's the only one involved. And isn't 15's timing just a little too coincidental? Last week 15 threatened us, then destroyed my truck, then as luck would have it.. Kevin Bishop and Corey Bull are receiving a tag team title match. I see right through you... Bishop or should I say 15.
That desperation.. it just grows more and more apparent doesn't it? Because even you Kevin know that you and Corey Bull would have been screwed this week. You don't have near the experience to best Bonnie and myself on your own now do you? So you decided to gamble. You decided to throw us off our game by inventing a new threat for the Guardians. But I'll seen your tricks before Bishop. Fool me once shame on me. But this time I am not fooled.
You hoped that I would focus on destroying 15 for wrecking my ride. And you're right. I am focused on 15. It just so happens I'm turning that focus on you. Because you see I'm not going to wait for 15 to reveal himself. I'm going to destroy each and every person who could be 15, could be involved with the group associated with 15, plotted with 15, hell even anyone who 15 might have bought a sandwich! This kind of devious plot, with this kind of “lucky” timing that makes me think you're involved Bishop.
You won't be after this week. 15's dreams of destroying the Guardians are going to die just like your dreams of being a tag team champion. You shouldn't have messed with the Guardians the first time Kevin. But you got away with it. Well Bonnie Blue kicked your ass a lot but in the end you survived. You even got the world title. That encouraged you didn't it? That emboldened you. That made you think you should double up. You should try again. But you fucked up Bishop. You want to make things personal with the Guardians? We end the careers of people who make that mistake. There's a reason the Syndicate left Chicago in this reality and went to that other place. There's a reason Andre Holmes run off licking his wounds. There's a reason the Beach Krew never got a foothold in the UCI. That reason is us! You made no secret of the fact you wanted to destroy the Guardians Kevin. Is it because you're jealous of us? Because the Guardians.. we're a real team, we're a real family. Your Brotherhood never truly had that. It was always at it's core a brainwashed cult that's only real reason for existing was to satisfy your ego Bishop. That's why I know you have something to do with 15. You couldn't resist taking one last shot at destroying the Guardians could you? The key words are one last shot. Because you took your shot. You failed. And you are about to pay the price for it. I figured you out Bishop. You beat me before many times Kevin, but when you threatened my family, the Guardians. You brought a whole new Alex Richards upon you. If you think your partner Corey Bull is a scary guy wait until you see the man across the ring from you this week Kevin. I will not only bury you, I will dig up your corpse just so I can do it again before finally pissing on your grave! Was it worth it Kevin? Was it worth your complete and utter destruction just to try and take the tag team titles from the Guardians. You're stupid and short sighted Bishop. You beat me when it was over the world title. Multiple times. But then you fucked up. You made it personal when you threatened the Guardians. You're going to regret that for the rest of your life, however long.... or short that might be. When you lost the world title to Bonnie Blue it sent you into a tailspin it took you months to recover from. You will never recover from what happens to you this week. I promise you that. Guardians never forget Kevin. We won't forget what you did in the past, we know what you're still trying to do now. This is the time... this is the time we get our final payback. Corey Bull.. pray you don't get in our way. Because I'd have no issues in ending you as well.
Fade To Black