HOW DEEP IS DOWN?

UCI RP 1



Street Fight



ZMAC

vs.

Damien Kaine





______________________
















For the first time in a long time.



For the first time in a long time.



For the first time -> in fo ‘ evah. DK. I hope that felt good.



Have you ever lost a match to a man you through down a chasm into the fiery pits of hell? I mean, I know you think you got this in the bag but hey -> it can only get me once. It can only get me once but ol’ Z can get you each and every mother fuckin’ time. I heard that shit, son. I heard that shit as I was fallin.’ Head that you were a winner for the first time in a long time. I bet felt good. Like nuttin raw in the poon-> good.



You did it –> son. You made it. You finally got one over on ol’ Z.



However, I cant help but feel that I’ll be back next week. In truth, that free fall feels good in my hair. Do you know whats even funnier about this; I’ll have come out of this stronger and you’ll still be Damien fuckin Kaine. All I need now is a Balrog to fight but I’ll kick that shit and wax poetic and see where I land. You better hope to gawd that the world aint hollow and flat. You better pray to gawd that I don’t drop out in China. Better pray to Gawd that I don’t pop out a rice patty and get cho punk azz. Its only a 24 hour flight from Bejing to LA. Keefer Sutherland aint going to save your ass.



Enjoy your week in a self-imposed witeness protection program. Next week I’m k-k-k-kummin fo’ yo’ azz.







__________________________________



CHAPTER 1: Helheim. Arrival



The high pitched whistle of human flesh at terminal velocity pierced the thick air that hung with sulfur, iron and brimstone. ZMAC crashes into the ground, creating and impact crater.



Ding: you have now reached Helheim – ground floor.





ZMAC gets to his feet and grumbles. "don’t have my jacket. Fuckin stupid piece of trash DK. Fuck him. Gotta pull a promo from hell. How the fuck am I suppose to get back? "




the landscape is dry, red, and cavernous. Its silent except for the howl of the wind that comes through from an unknown source. ZMAC picks a direction and starts walking. Either he’ll find something or something will find him.







______________________________________



CHAPTER 2: How Deep is Down?



The Bridgestone Arena. Nashville.



20 Mins. After ZMAC falls into a pit and plummets to god knows where.





Ruby Red storms into the Guardians locker room. Alex, Bonnie and Damien are there; three little ducks all in a row. Ruby grabs DK and throws him up against the wall.



“The fuck did you do with him? What, you think you can show up once in six months, throw a fucking strump and send my man into a fissure beneath the Earth?”



DK is nervous. Looking at Ruby is like looking at Bonnie except Ruby as deep, dark, almost purple, red hair.



“Don’t you fucking look at her – you fucking look at me. Right at me.” Says Ruby in a stern voice, unconcerned about Bonnie or Alex.



“It – It was –“ Mutters DK.



“Go ahead. Tell me it was an accident.” Ruby pulls a switch blade from her back pocket and presses the pointy end down on DKS crotch. “ Tell me it was a fucking accident and I’ll fucking end you right now and watch you bleed to death all over this floor as you howl and cry and beg. A river of blood oozing from your scroat-snatch. You fucking worm.”



“Ruby!” Yells Bonnie, trying to put herself between the two. Ruby shoots Bonnie a look but quickly stares down DK again.



“Ask her, DK!”  Ruby presses the steel tip into the meat tip. “Ask her if I’ll do it. She can read my thoughts. Ask her!”



DK looks at Bonnie who reluctantly shakes her head in the affirmative.



“Now ask me if she’d do it!”



“Wou-would she?” DK asks sheepishly but the only reply he gets is the threatening whisper of steel.



“You fucked with my man. You took my Southpaw away from me. You call yourself a fucking camel of wrestling that drives this company. All I see are three whiney fucking bitches.” Ruby looks at Bonnie.

“And you call yourself a time witch; a daughter of Johnny Reb. Fucking pathetic. You wana know why you three faggots don’t get any respect around here – look in the fucking mirror; don’t fucking cry to Spencer. You two have literally gotten title shot after fucking title shot when my man is the one that carried this company on his back without an agenda. He did it for his boi -> for his friend. That was his only reason. Then he became HM champ and Richards dick buddy couldn’t handle it. You guys couldn’t stand him having the tag belts or the world title. I get it – you’re all afraid –“ Ruby shakes her head in the affirmative. “ Yah. I understand. I would be too. But you also know that one way or the other, Ol’ Z will be back sooner than all of you think and than you’ll have him to answer too. But not before you answer to me.”



Ruby goes to trust the knife but Bonnie judo tosses her to the ground, snapping her arm.



“You two, leave us.” Says Bonnie. Alex walks towards the door as DK scrambles.



Ruby gets to her feet. “ Whats the matter time witch – the truth hurts in any reality.”



“Just like your arm.” Replies Bonnie.



“Oh BB, this is just foreplay. You should know by now – all the times I’ve caught you watching us with that sexy little third eye of yours.” Ruby snaps her arm back. It heals almost instantly. “ You should also know that I’ve taken so much raw dick from ZMAC that its bonded to my DNA. Did you know that or did you squeeze those two fingers together inside our tight, wet, cunt – cum - then - slink off to cry in your guilt before he gets to finish. I don’t hate you, BB. I am you but I’ll tell you this much; I am seriously fucking embarrassed by you. Stiffen those tits and drop the zeros you have dragging you around. Your new little ankle weight just sent my man to god knows where and here I am doing something about it. I don’t cry to Spencer when I don’t get my way or feel jilted. I go and get my results. I suggest you do the same.”



Ruby puts the knife away and walks past Bonnie.



“love you, sis.”



Ruby exits the room.



__________________________________



CHAPTER 3: AN ADVOCATE SPEAKS





The Bridge Stone Arena – Nashville.



35 minutes after the event





Vincent Buddy Roman standswith his hung long, cuped at the handas if in mourning. His face is red and eyes are sad. His voice somberly as he stares into the camera and addresses the crows at the Bridge Stone Arena.



“ Damien Kaine, I apologize you’re the sadness in your life. Sorry but not sorry. However, whatever newly acquired powers that you have recently received –they are ill advised. Trust me, I am an advocate. You are a man that no longer has the heart or desire to go out there and face adversity but yet you want to claim hardship against the world around you. How dare the world keep you down and hold you back. Well, perhaps if you showed up to work every once and a while and contributed to the company you claim to backpack ( spoilers: you don’t ) than maybe Spencer would be apt to give you something worth while and yet out of the kindness of his heart he gave you a match against the former world champion and liaison to SyFy –MY client – Zombie McMorris. And what did you do, Damien? You knew that you could not defeat MY client in singles action by the grace and time honored tradition of the rules set by your fore-fathers and my dear uncle Jonah and so you had to skirt the rules. You think you are above the Law. And let me tell you this – no one is about His Law.



You know Damien Kaine that you could not defeat my client and so you reached down and acted desperately. You took whatever bullshit made believe powers you found in that far east trinket shop and before you knew what you had you were buying and selling and packaging and boom – you committed a serious crime. You not only destroyed the Earth – an endangered ecosystem – you not only caused severe structural damage to the area – to the ring – you not only threw my client into a cavernous abyss but most of all you endangered my children. I am Father, Damien Kaine. I do not know of you know that but I am a proud and loving father. I love my children, Daimen and you put them in danger and for that I will never forgive you. Know this Damien, there is a reckoning coming for you- for all of this. It is a reckoning that your little Earth Bender- Jutsu – anime –cartoon tookus cannot cash. You know the piper that you have to pay. Now you have to look in the mirror and admit it to yourself.



If you think that all of this will not go unnoticed or unpunished – you are gravely mistaken. You publicly endangered thousands of people – and I don’t know about you but in this economy that’s called terrorism. You have not been in this ring for months and months at a time and when you come back you destroy private property and throw a very kind, gentle and selfless man – the best man that I have ever known into a dark and cold abyss all because you feel you are the guy driving this company. Yahweh help us all if you, Damien Kaine, are the one driving this company. I thank Gawd every day of my life that it is MY client driving this company but now I can see things as they always are – as I always have seen things.



The Guardians are jealous and petty that someone other than them are in the drivers seat. See, there it is. So clear. The guardians are the camels that drive UCI and look how they react when someone else is given the chance. They MURDERED the greatest man I have ever known in my entire life.



The Guardians.



Bonnie Blue



Alex Richards



Jonny Rabid



Damien Kaine



L Varez



Preecha Kammon



Wade More.



You’re currently the world champion. You’ve had championship after championships after title shot after title shot and yet you still stooped to MURDER all because you didn’t get your way one time.



You know my client very well and you all know that there are greater consequences than anything any of you can imagine. Damien Kaine you should have stayed home because your last ditch effort – your last ditch attempt to win a match you could not win just sparked a war that none of you will survive. You wanted a challenge – you wanted a fight – you wanted to prove yourself and yet all you have shown anyone is that you’re just a sniveling little bitch. So you want a challenge- you had it in my client and you had to murder him just so that Taylor Lorde could announce you the winner – the victor of a professional sports contest. You cannot even lose gracefully – you had attempted to take half the arena with you and go ahead and tell me that you didn’t mean to. You meant it and I know that you meant it. Although you have no sense of personally responsibility – none of you Guardians do – so of course – its not your fault. So whats wrong with a little collateral damage as long as you’re not the ones on the receiving end.



Damien Kaine, you could not defeat my client by the rules of the game but I am going to go to Spencer right now and ask that My client has a rematch with you. And no, not one by the rules. One without rules. Next week, you verse ZMAC in a street fight. So yah, do your little Jutsu bullshit. Go ahead, rip the Earth open but your tricks will not save you. Your tricks will not save you or any of your friends because the Pale Rider is coming for you and vengeance will be in his wake. You had the chance to make this right, Damien but instead you chose to dig not only your grave but the graves of all your friends. All the Guardians.



Now just like all the people whose lives your endangered just a short time ago – neither you or your friends will be safe and no one will be able to stop him or save you. I know you think you got the upper hand that the Evil Incarnate has bene slain but you know deep down there is no slaying that Evil. That Evil is a kind that will live on forever. So you might be thinking that you are done with this. You might be thinking that there is no way that MY client will be back next week but you’d be wrong. The real question is: will you be there next week and will you survive to see the week after?



I can tell you truly, Damien that your actions this week were cruel, foolish and reckless. I can tell you truthfully that you will reap what you sow and I can tell you truthfully that all of this is not worth what you think its worth. If you were trying to prove a point- you proved it.



You proved that you and all of the other guardians cannot defeat my client in straight up one on one competition. You have proved that you and the guardians are jealous, petty, selfish and pathetic human beings – and I use that term loosely. You have proven that all of you have a death wish. Well wish granted. This time next week – MY client will be viewed as a hero – a savior – a vanquisher of lesser ills and sickness in this world. My client would have survived a harrowing fall down an abyss – came back and defeated the very man that put him there in the first place. Everyone will remember the day ZMAC got hurled into a rift in the Earth but also everyone will forget the man that put him there. All you did was grow the legend of my client and shorten your own career. It is sad but it is also completely understandable considering who you are.



Damien Kaine, next week will be like this week. You will be battered and beaten. You will be ravished and raped. You will be on the verge of complete domination and you will suffer. Zombie McMorris is the greatest talent that UCI has ever known. Truth be told, Damien Kaine, is that no one will remember you; not after next week. Not after my client gets done with you. Then my client, after picking his teeth with the weakest Guardian will continue up the ladder against the rest of them.



Against all of them.





And he will stand victorious.



Because victims arnt you all.”









___________________________________



CHAPTER 4: BOAT ON THE RIVER



Helheim. Ice Flow River.










ZMAC is laying on his back. Legs crossed listening to music on his golden CrackBerry through a pair of ear buds. He is moving along on a small boat ferried by a cloaked figure.



“So where are we again?” Asks ZMAC to the cloaked figure.



“Helheim.” Rasps the figure.



“Whys it all icey and shit? Back there was hot N shit where I landed.”



“That’s.. for the tourists…” scoffs the figure with a glare off in the distance. Echo’ing voices of millennial frat boys yelling “YOLO” and “SWAGG LIFE” will haunt the figure for years to come. “You, you’re different.”



“But so wait; this isn’t Hell? I’ve been to Hell before.”



“This is Helheim. Its reserved for Demi God Warriors like yourself. Valhalla is reserved for those who died in battle.”



“I died in battle plenty of times. I never came here.”



“Exactly. You didn’t die in battle. You got throw into an abyss of eternal damnation like a punk bitch. Where did you think you were going to go – Detroit?”



ZMAC sighs in frustration. “This sparklin’ wiggle gotz jokes for days N shit. Prolly waiting an epoch to crack that whiffer. “



“I have been waiting a long time to use that. It is not often we get your kind in these parts.”



ZMAC sits up and takes off his ear buds. “ Really and how many immortal coked up madmen do you get around these parts?”



“Immortal; is that what you tell the stink bags up there? More than you think and less than we should.”



“Well I’ll be gone in less than 48 hours so please – yack it up. Right before hit that cosmic highway I’m going to wear your pelvis as a buckler.”



“Yah.” Chuckles the ferryman. “You and all the rest. You people are all alike.”



“What do you mean, ‘ you people?’ and what rest?”







________________________________________________





CHAPTER 5: Sympathy for the Devil





Damien Kaine, this part id just for you. My client is still incapacitated in God knows where. Perhaps you feel as though you will have an easy night against a man that cannot compete at this coming Overload. You, young man could not be more wrong. You may have cast aside the Evil Incarnate but you did not cast aside the advocate. Less you forget, I am the manager of Zombie McMorris and as his manager I am able to speak on his behalf and speak I shall. You may feel as though you can dodge, deflect or absorb all the sling, arrows and barbs that the Coked Up Madman can throw at you – you’re probably used to it by now in this point in your life. However, and it is with such a halting measure – you are not used to me. No one here is really well adjusted to deal with the kind of verbal assault that is unique to my ever portly charm.



Full stop Damien Kaine because you will get no sympathy from this deal with hands greasy from tuna and spicy from mustard. You will gain no quarter from the Eater of Rye breads both seeded and unseeded alike – my ravenious hunger knows no distinction between them. Just as my ravenious hunger knows no distinction between you or the rest of your Guardian filth. Trust this Jew when he tells you that you will not enjoy next Monday night and that your shitty like Earth bending powers will not save you. Then again, you never were any good at saving yourself – or anyone else for that matter.



I heard through the grapevine that you wanted a match high up on the card. You were given a respectable mid-show match – more indicative of your talents, skills and quite frankly- of your recent attendance. You were gifted that match in my humble opinion and humble it truly is. However, it was your original opponent that you were not happy with. You were not happy with Matt Angel. You felt as though Matt Angel was beneath you. How dare My mensch and straight up savage, Spencer Adams do you dirty like that. So OK, perhaps Spencer Adams did not give Damien Kaine true justice with such an opponent so he takes Zombie McMorris out of his match and swaps him with Matt Angel. Surely that should more than make up for any wrongs you felt against you Surely all wrongs and sleights have been righted. But no, not for you. You went out there and did yourself no favors. So please, Damien, do not take pity on me because my hair line has receded and parted like the Red Sea or that I have gained the weight equal the sinners on this Earth. That is my cross to bare but last week – last week was yours.



This week you face my client in one on one, no rules combat. That is a situation that you have no hope of winning – even if you were to fulfil an ancient alien prophecy and had three magic wishes from a lamp and had the blood of a mozaku running through your shitty- tiny – veins of yours. It is because my teeth are the ones that bite. It is my bite that is toxic – infectious and will lead to a septic shock – killing you before you even knew what has happened.



In truth, it has already happened. Feel free to go back and see where you already lost. Find the exact moment where you lost control of your life and this match. Monday night when you step in the ring with my client, you will realize just how big of a mistake you have made. So please, open that rift again. May your team mates be throw wildly into the abyss. May you finally be held accountable for your actions. You Damien Kaine have no one to blame but yourself as MY client batters you like a step-child on Easter. As my client dominates you like Roy Moore Dominates small children. As my client assaults you like an Al Frankin slumber party. There will be no Jesus Juice here. No higher powers can save you now. And you’ll just be praying for this to be over with. You cannot take any more. Whatever it is, just get this over with. You want to go home.



Damien Kaine. This isn’t WCF. You will have no safe haven here.



You are home.



RAW. WILD. UNFORGIVING AND CALCULATING LIKE A HARVY WEINSTIEN PRODUCTION OF ‘THE ADVENTURES OF ANNE FRANKS SECRET BOTTOM ATTIC’



coming to the world- next week.



starring Damien Kaine as the victim.



A part he knows all to well. And like all victims- deep down you enjoy it because deep down you know that you can do no better. This week. You will do no better and fare no better than any of your previous outings. The funny thing is that MY client took his world title loss rather gracefully. Now UCI, Damien Kaine has released the wrath. That is just kind of what happens when you open unknown pits to the underworld – You never know whats going to crawl out or whats going to come back. Make no mistake about it, Damien, MY client will be back and he is going to choke you out and beat you until you quit. He is going to rip you a new axe wound and then move onto each and every one of your friends.



The UCI was safe for a time but not no more. I cannot control this kind of rage. I can point it in a direction – your direction.



The direction of destruction and ruin.


So in a loud clear voice put your hand over your heart and repeat after me. 


CONQUER. THE HATE.