Feedback

Dawg, this RP was solid gold. Use of non-linear storytelling was on point to set up a tone and theme, also made for tight pacing. The shoot was great, reading it, there is no doubt the mission of Harry and co, and doing it with such a great voice. Which is something I can't stress enough, the voice of your writing and the general characters is so succinct in its expression that its honestly quite impressive.

It also feels real. One with UCI is a lot of it is fun based in absurdity, so seeing something like this where it almost reminds me of exact people I know/have known is really cool to me. The interplay between your three characters felt incredibly natural while make all three of them very distinct with their own speech patterns, beliefs, etc. etc.

I'm a fan, I wish you the best of luck this week as I believe you've hit it out of the park.

__________________________________________

RP: Shadows Come to Light


Handler: Hippo Harry



Overview thoughts: A promo that would be better served with full color coding that tries to expand on character development but falls victim to muddled presentation.




RP Breakdown

Scene description: 2

Character Development: 3

Shoot: 2

Flow: 3


Overall Rating: 3 out of 5




Critical Review:

FAIRLY CRITICAL REVIEW AHEAD





Oh boy. I havnent done this in a long time but I’ll dust this off.

My stance on this promo is almost the complete opposite of what jack said in his little review. Thankfully I give detailed reviews so I can break this down fully. I honestly thought this promo was a bit of a mess due in part to the fact of the way it is structured and color coded. You color coded the middle but didn’t color the beginning or end of the piece. You do fairly well with letting the audience know whose talking but I found myself back tracking. Is this a bad promo? No. Is it an OK promo? Yes.
Do you do character development well; yes. I see a lot of tweaks that can be done in a promo that falls flat. I just find everything to be middle of the road with hints of better elements coming through. Like what Jack said in his review about feeling distinct character differences, I can see that even if I’m getting lost reading it. You even have fun shoot but I don’t feel as though it is on point with the match.


Scene Description: You have very basic shoot which is fine. I’m honestly the last person to give out on scene description. To me, this was acceptable. There are often times too many people who give three paragraphs of description for literally nothing to happen. You give the audience enough to get a general idea and leave them to fill in the details.

Character Development: Basic is kind of the theme for this review because again, you give just enough. It is enough for me to say that it is there without you giving me a complete section of Harry really going after outside goals or character arcs. You do flush out the brothers a bit but the brothers are not Harry. It is important to have a strong supporting cast but that character build up for the main guy has to be there too. I do understand that Harry is coming up and climbing and he’s going through this with his brothers but what I read felt like a very small dose considering that Killing Floor is a majoy PPV.

Shoot: This is my big gripe with all promos. Me personally, I’m very shoot heavy and feel that it is whats going to win you the match. This is more of the basic but you kind of have the opposite issue from what others have. Mostly people will give the ‘ I’m going to kill your ass and beat you for three’ kind of shoot and I groan and wish there was flavor. You have the flavor. You have the diction and the voice but I felt the shoot was lacking substance. You don’t really talk about what you’re going to do to Shadowlove in the match – you don’t talk about what kind of match it is or what its for or what it really means to you outside that you recognize it’s a chance for you to move up. As a face you can still say meaningful and impactful things without giving disrespectful heel shoot.

Flow: The promo flow was pretty bad for me for reasons that I described. I don’t care about color coding, it is rather optional but if you’re going to code one scene, you might as well code the others. When you don’t things can look lazy or messy. I went back and had to re-read things and when I have to do that, nothing sticks with me other than a few sentences.

Heres what I remember, having read this promo 3 times and having re read multiple parts.

1. Chinese boxes.

2. The statue of blind justice.

3. Camp crystal buries its own and a blade reference because Shadow loves time is up.

4. Harry aint famous yet.


So if you’re reading this and saying “ ge ZMAC, that’s not my promo at all..” Well then theres an issue. If you tell me that theres more to your promo elements than that, than a stronger effort needs to put that across to me.

Again, the promo isn’t bad. I can understand what you’re trying to do but we’re still in the grey area of “OK promo land” Theres tweaks and balances you can do to extend the promo quality without having to write a book. I do like your character and I want it to succeed so you can match up with higher level writers and make good things happen for yourself.




Suggestions:

keep layout consistent with coloring

make sure character dialogue is well defined as such

expend of the depth of your match shoot.

give more meaningful character development sections.

    Thanks for that input, mane. Really needed them shoot lessons! I can be too be nice and dodge the meat of matches. Also, TY for addressing my format. Gonna take these into next week and on. Thx for helping the Hippo - even tho I can be an 🍑🤡 sometimes😝 . GL Sunday, Z!