Post by Alex Richards on Oct 24, 2017 7:51:12 GMT -6
The meeting at the remote cabin between the Guardians continues. Unfortunately for you dear reader this is Alex Richard's part of the proceedings. And Alex Richards isn't paying attention. Sure he is speaking as is Bonnie and Preecha but he's not really remembering anything connected to the conversation. Instead his mind wanders... wanders back to a certain recent memory...
The black super souped up truck also known as the Strange Rover speeds to it's destination. Which appears to be a large heavy link chain fence with barbed wire around the top of it. This would probably be difficult to get through. If you know Alex Richards wasn't driving a near invincible tank of a truck which he uses to plow through the fence. He backs the truck off then crashes though the fence again. He backs the truck off again but appears satisfied with the size of the hole, as he decides to park the truck. Out hops Alex Richards, his girlfriend Rebecca Thatch, his brother Shaun Zach Richards, and two lesser known characters, the pink leisure suited, young Ron Jeremy look a like Steven Osbourne, and a blonde woman who is wearing a skin tight pink dress. Alex looks around grinning as he spots the signage on the fence.
Alex Richards: What's more welcoming then that?
SZR: You're kidding, right?
Shaun and Alex are arguing over the meaning of the signs, Keep Out!!! Danger!!! Warning! No Trespassing! This Means You! Stay Away!
Alex Richards: No way, I take those signs as a challenge! What does No Trespassing mean to you Becky?
Rebecca Thatch: Obviously it's a challenge!
Alex Richards: Hell yeah it is! You don't keep the Guardians out of somewhere with a sign! If I see an electric fence I piss on it! If I see Z Mac holding a belt he doesn't deserve I take it from him. If I see Corey Bull I remind him he's done nothing. If I see candy being offered by strangers I take it. And most importantly If I see a no trespassing sign I ignore it! It's what I do!
Steven Osbourne: I get that. When the super sexy boogeyman slayer sees a girl with a boyfriend he sees a challenge!
Women: Like.. I have a boyfriend.
Steven Osbourne: This is Amber Del Vallee. I only introduce her for proof that I am awesome. You see in spite of the boyfriend we're still going to have sex in... wait where are we?
SZR: Tell em Alex. I mean we could have stayed in a hotel, we even could have stayed in the Strange Rover.. but we are staying at the..
Alex uses the spooky ghost voice to mock his brother, because that's kind of what he does.
Alex Richards: Spooky abandoned hockey arena! You know the one with the serial killer? Legend has it he was a huge Toronto Maple Leafs fan who was driven over the edge by his team's failure. So he started living in the bowels of the arena looking for spectators to slash after hours. Canadians, huh? Go figure! The killer was never caught as the story goes. And the locals say he still haunts this place waiting for people to return so he can kill again...
ADV: Like you guys really know how to set the mood.
Rebecca Thatch: I know right! This place is awesome!
Alex Richards: I knew you would love it Becky! I don't know why this seems to scare you though Zach. You're always the skeptic when it comes to crazy stuff I want to do. But yet you believe in this?
SZR: Last year before the Killing Floor you got arrested by the dog police and saved by a giant cat.
Alex Richards: It wasn't a giant cat. She was the Big Kat.
Steven Osbourne: Dudes I totally got laid by this chick with a big cat. I swear my Big Stevie almost got lost in that puss.
ADV: Like.. I don't get it. Do you like have sex with cats?
Steven Osbourne: Only chicks in cat costumes.
ADV: I like left that at home.
Rebecca Thatch: If there was a killer you would so be going first.
SZR: And there is! Because with Alex the likely scenerio always comes up!
Alex Richards: I know! Makes life way more exciting that way!
SZR: No it doesn't!
Rebecca Thatch: Relax Shaun, Alex hasn't gotten us killed yet.
SZR: The yet is the part that worries me.
Alex Richards: Give me one good reason we shouldn't spend the night here.
SZR: I already did!
Alex Richards: Becky, you be the judge?
Rebecca Thatch: Not even close.
SZR: Well um... the power is out and it's dark.
Steven Osbourne: Rebecca.. Amber you heard the man.. take your shirts off and expose those headlights!
Rebecca looks in the direction the voice came from and says with disgust.
Rebecca Thatch: Not for you I won't.
Amber however has slipped down her dress. Exposing her huge porn star caliber breasts.
ADV: Like.. that totally didn't work.
Steven Osbourne: It's working for me babe!
SZR: You're a pig.
Steven Osbourne: You're just jealous you didn't think of it first.
Alex Richards: You want light? I came prepared.
SZR: You prepared? That doesn't sound like you at all.
Alex returns to the Strange Rover and comes back with five miner's helmets with lights on the front of them.
Alex Richards: I've been looking for an excuse to use these.
Rebecca Thatch: What's the big deal? It's always dark out for me and you don't hear me complaining.
The group made their way through the fence and towards the arena which appears to be in obvious disrepair. The windows are all smashed out, years of dust and grime coat the outside of the building. Alex looks disappointed.
SZR: Good. You look put out. Does this mean you're giving up and going to the hotel?
Alex Richards: No, I'm just disappointed that the door isn't chained. I was looking forward to breaking it down.
Rebecca Thatch: you can do it anyways, babe.
Alex Richards: Hey.. you're right!
And with that Alex charges putting his shoulder into the wooden door knocking it open. He immediately spots the souvenir booth which has dusty looking blood red t shirts with the slogan You're gonna die on them.
Alex Richards: Sweet.. free shit!
SZR: You do know there is no reason for those to exist, right?
Alex Richards: Probably just coincidence. Besides the Team was the Charlestown Killers. I think someone just made this whole thing up in hopes that we wouldn't break in.
Rebecca Thatch: Makes sense to me.
SZR: That makes no sense! All of this makes no sense! I wanted to go to one of those haunted houses you see advertised around Halloween. Fake blood.. fake chainsaws.
Alex Richards: Fake excitement! If you're going somewhere haunted go somewhere that's really haunted that's what I say! Besides if you want to win the Killing Floor you have to go where mere mortals fear to tread.
Steven Osbourne: Enough with the scary shit you're making Amber shiver and huddle up against my manly chest. Wait.. that's not a bad thing please continue.
Rebecca Thatch: I don't know why you're so upset Zach.. if this was a real horror movie you know Steven and Amber would die first.
And as if on cue Steven and Amber look at each other and sprint down the hall.
ADV: We're like going to smoke pot.. drink and have sex!
Steven Osbourne: Damnit you weren't supposed to tell Alex that! Now he's gonna drink our beer! Wait.. we're having sex.. Nevermind Alex can drink our beer while I slam dunk myself a quickie! To the golden showers Amber!
Rebecca Thatch: That doesn't mean what you think it means.
Steven Osbourne: Yes it does!
Alex snorts.
Alex Richards: Like I would steal his beer. Whoop Ass Lite Beer? If man was meant to drink light beer we wouldn't have beer bellies.
SZR: Those are unhealthy.
Rebecca Thatch: I agree.
Alex Richards: Oh, not you too!
Rebecca Thatch: I got in the path of your belly flop at that pool last week...
Alex Richards: Well that was your fault Becky. I warned you to leave the pool before I jumped off the roof.
Rebecca Thatch: I did.. you landed on the sidewalk!
Alex Richards: Wow.. I musta been drunker then I thought. Wait a minute.. I don't even remember that.
Rebecca Thatch: You knocked yourself out and then landed on your stomach.
Alex Richards: See... my beer belly broke my fall! Probably saved my life.
Rebecca Thatch: Now that you mention it.
SZR: If there is a killer I hope he takes me first.
However a girlish scream from the locker room likely dashes Shaun's hopes. We see Steven Osbourne and his bimboish girlfriend in a partial state of undress with Steven, naturally, being the one doing the screaming.
ADV: You were the one who told me to stick my finger up your butt.
Steven Osbourne: But your hands are so cold babe.
ADV: I'm not like sticking my hands in a microwave again.. it's so burny.
Steven grins a devilish grin.
Steven Osbourne: I got a much better idea Amber. Place your hands upon my Big Stevie and it'll heat things up for sure.
ADV: Like I need another drink if I'm gonna do that. I'm not easy you know.
Steven Osbourne: hotdog down a hallway.
ADV: What?
Steven Osbourne: Umm.. nothing. How about we hit the bong too. The sexual superman aims to please.
Steven hands Amber a drink and grabs one for himself. He takes a hit off of the bong.. then offers one to his lady. That's as much of a gentleman as you can expect from Osbourne. They drink and are about to get down... until a hockey stick with a machete blade attached to the end of it slice through the air.. and slices through Amber's neck! A large man wearing a bloody Maple Leaf's sweater and a sinister looking hockey mask crows in triumph.
Killer: HE SHOOTS... HE GORES! HA HA HA HA HA!
The hockey masked killer lets out a sinister laugh as Steven Osbourne kicks him in the nuts.
Steven Osbourne: Cock block me will ya? That'll learn ya.
Steven delivers a second nut shot before turning his back and walking from the room. The psychotic hockey killer has other ideas however, using his weapon to slap the bong into.. and through the chest of Steven Osbourne!
Killer: TWO MINUTES... FOR HIGH STICKING! HA HA HA HA! GET IT... HE'S HIGH! HA HA HA HA!
The Killer sprints off laughing to himself as our trio of heroes, having heard the screams finally make it to the locker room seconds too late to stop the carnage but just in time to see the bloodbath.
SZR: ohmygod.. ohmygod.. ohmygod.. it's a bloodbath.. he butchered him.. we gotta go.
Alex Richards: Yeah.. we gotta go get that son of a bitch.
Rebecca Thatch: That's what I'm talking about.
YOU GUYS JUST DON'T KNOW WHEN TO PUCK OFF DO YA? HA HA HA HA!
The masked hockey sweater wearing killer has obviously returned this time holding a razor sharp skate on a long chain which he swings at the trio who narrowly avoid the contact. They rush from the dressing room and without a word of thought separate. Alex and Rebecca head towards the ice level.. with Alex leaping and body checking his way through the boards. He offers a hand to Rebecca to get onto the rink.
Rebecca Thatch: If this place is supposed to be abandoned, why is there still ice?
Alex Richards: It's a horror movie parody it doesn't have to make sense.
Rebecca Thatch: No.. I wasn't saying that. I'm saying that if there's ice that means the killer had to have flooded it himself. So he knows where we are.
But the hockey masked serial killer didn't chase Alex and Rebecca. He couldn't resist. No horror movie villain can. When Shaun Zach left the dressing room he took off in the direction of the bleachers. And he climbed up.. and up.. and up. The killer gave chase.. finally flinging his skate on a chain weapon and catching Shaun around the ankles with it causing him to land hard on the wooden steps face first.
Killer: TWO MINUTES FOR TRIPPING.. AND A LIFE MISCONDUCT! HA HA HA HA!
The psycho killer continues to laugh as he slashes open Shaun's throat with the skate blade causing the jugular to spurt blood. Meanwhile Alex Richards is plotting. He has knocked over one of the hockey nets set up on the ice and is breaking off one of the long spikes that attached the net to the surface.
Alex Richards: Alright.. I got a plan. You take this spike.. I'll break off the other one and when he hits the ice.. we hit him.
Rebecca Thatch: That doesn't sound like much of a plan.
Alex Richards: You got a better one?
Rebecca Thatch: Yeah.. I say we..
Rebecca doesn't get out another word as the massive zamboni smashes its way onto the ice surface and immediately flattens Rebecca Thatch. Driving around the ice until it is a bright red color.
Killer: TIME TO RESURFACE THE ICE... WITH BLOOD! HA HA HA HA!
Alex Richards: Oh hell no!
Alex drags the bloody maple leafs sweater wearing murderer off of the zamboni. He stabs the first spike he broke off into the shoulder of the killer. He stabs the second spike he was ripping off while Rebecca was getting run over through the other shoulder.
Alex Richards: Last year at the killing floor we did the Scooby Doo.. I think it's time to continue that tradition. Let's see who you really are... before I kill your ass.
Alex rips off the mask revealing... Andre Holmes. Alex looks shocked..
Alex Richards: You have got to be kidding me.
Andre pulls himself off of the zamboni.. grabs Alex by the throat and tosses him across the ice surface.. yeah into the one remaining net... which explodes on impact. As Alex fades away he hears the final words from his rival.
Killer: I'M GOING TO DRINK YOUR BLOOD OUT OF THE STANLEY CUP! HA HA HA HA HA!
The scene fades to a white, mirrored room. Alex Richards stands alone. No longer blown to bits. A goofy smile on his face.
Alex Richards: I guess it's time for me to discuss the killing floor ain't it? To give you some of those king of mass confusion insights on my opponents. To drink Zim-Quila and drink in victory.
Alex grins again.
Alex Richards: Yeah.. that was pretty good wasn't it? I crack me up! And I will continue cracking me up. As I verbally destroy my competition. So let the fun begin! Zombie McMorris.. you're the champ so you get to go first. Why the fuck are you even in this? You're a zombie.. zombies don't eat titles.. zombies eat brains! I'm taking your belt so I should at least leave you something.. so here's a poem. Roses are Pink, Rudy Red is a Whore.. You're gonna die on the killing floor!
Alex Richards: Preecha K-Mart.. you're next up bro! And you know.. I hate preachers! Church is boring. They once kicked me for snoring! Hey.. that rhymed... can I has world title now?
Alex Richards: Bonnie Blue.. Bonnie Blue. Your bonnie lays over the ocean. Because I tossed you in the water before winning the match!
Alex Richards: Celeste Mallory... man.. your parents must have hated you. I can tell just from that name dude.
Alex Richards: Corey Bull.. I knocked out a real bull before! And beat up a centaur! What is a fake bull gonna do to me? Nothing!
Alex shakes his head.
Alex Richards: I can't do this amateurish bullshit anymore. Not even to prove a point. Most people going into the killing floor. They aren't going to know what they are getting into. They aren't going to know just how deadly it's going to be. They are going to treat the killing floor just like I did. And end up in exactly the same way. Massacred. Bloodied. Left for dead on the Killing Floor. Avery Miles got a thought of what the killing floor was all about. He ran away screaming.. never to return. He forfeited his chance at the world title because he didn't want to get into the killing floor. Now I'm going to show you all why he was a smart man.
Alex looks around.. at the glass mirrors.
Alex Richards: It's like a fun house. A clown scene. I remember the clown scene from last year.. Andre Holmes sent all the Guardians on a wild goose chase. He created this mass hysteria in order to distract everyone else in the match from the real threat. Him. I don't blame him. It was smart of him. But this time.. I don't play his game. I don't play everyone else's game. This time.. I give you all a taste of my version of Hell.. my version of the Killing Floor.. my version of all of your collective destructions. If you don't give the killing floor respect.. you bleed out. Now I think it's about time that I show you the reverence I have for the killing floor.
Alex kicks through the mirrors, blood streaming down his legs. He steps through the jagged, broken glass.. and...
To be Concluded....
The black super souped up truck also known as the Strange Rover speeds to it's destination. Which appears to be a large heavy link chain fence with barbed wire around the top of it. This would probably be difficult to get through. If you know Alex Richards wasn't driving a near invincible tank of a truck which he uses to plow through the fence. He backs the truck off then crashes though the fence again. He backs the truck off again but appears satisfied with the size of the hole, as he decides to park the truck. Out hops Alex Richards, his girlfriend Rebecca Thatch, his brother Shaun Zach Richards, and two lesser known characters, the pink leisure suited, young Ron Jeremy look a like Steven Osbourne, and a blonde woman who is wearing a skin tight pink dress. Alex looks around grinning as he spots the signage on the fence.
Alex Richards: What's more welcoming then that?
SZR: You're kidding, right?
Shaun and Alex are arguing over the meaning of the signs, Keep Out!!! Danger!!! Warning! No Trespassing! This Means You! Stay Away!
Alex Richards: No way, I take those signs as a challenge! What does No Trespassing mean to you Becky?
Rebecca Thatch: Obviously it's a challenge!
Alex Richards: Hell yeah it is! You don't keep the Guardians out of somewhere with a sign! If I see an electric fence I piss on it! If I see Z Mac holding a belt he doesn't deserve I take it from him. If I see Corey Bull I remind him he's done nothing. If I see candy being offered by strangers I take it. And most importantly If I see a no trespassing sign I ignore it! It's what I do!
Steven Osbourne: I get that. When the super sexy boogeyman slayer sees a girl with a boyfriend he sees a challenge!
Women: Like.. I have a boyfriend.
Steven Osbourne: This is Amber Del Vallee. I only introduce her for proof that I am awesome. You see in spite of the boyfriend we're still going to have sex in... wait where are we?
SZR: Tell em Alex. I mean we could have stayed in a hotel, we even could have stayed in the Strange Rover.. but we are staying at the..
Alex uses the spooky ghost voice to mock his brother, because that's kind of what he does.
Alex Richards: Spooky abandoned hockey arena! You know the one with the serial killer? Legend has it he was a huge Toronto Maple Leafs fan who was driven over the edge by his team's failure. So he started living in the bowels of the arena looking for spectators to slash after hours. Canadians, huh? Go figure! The killer was never caught as the story goes. And the locals say he still haunts this place waiting for people to return so he can kill again...
ADV: Like you guys really know how to set the mood.
Rebecca Thatch: I know right! This place is awesome!
Alex Richards: I knew you would love it Becky! I don't know why this seems to scare you though Zach. You're always the skeptic when it comes to crazy stuff I want to do. But yet you believe in this?
SZR: Last year before the Killing Floor you got arrested by the dog police and saved by a giant cat.
Alex Richards: It wasn't a giant cat. She was the Big Kat.
Steven Osbourne: Dudes I totally got laid by this chick with a big cat. I swear my Big Stevie almost got lost in that puss.
ADV: Like.. I don't get it. Do you like have sex with cats?
Steven Osbourne: Only chicks in cat costumes.
ADV: I like left that at home.
Rebecca Thatch: If there was a killer you would so be going first.
SZR: And there is! Because with Alex the likely scenerio always comes up!
Alex Richards: I know! Makes life way more exciting that way!
SZR: No it doesn't!
Rebecca Thatch: Relax Shaun, Alex hasn't gotten us killed yet.
SZR: The yet is the part that worries me.
Alex Richards: Give me one good reason we shouldn't spend the night here.
SZR: I already did!
Alex Richards: Becky, you be the judge?
Rebecca Thatch: Not even close.
SZR: Well um... the power is out and it's dark.
Steven Osbourne: Rebecca.. Amber you heard the man.. take your shirts off and expose those headlights!
Rebecca looks in the direction the voice came from and says with disgust.
Rebecca Thatch: Not for you I won't.
Amber however has slipped down her dress. Exposing her huge porn star caliber breasts.
ADV: Like.. that totally didn't work.
Steven Osbourne: It's working for me babe!
SZR: You're a pig.
Steven Osbourne: You're just jealous you didn't think of it first.
Alex Richards: You want light? I came prepared.
SZR: You prepared? That doesn't sound like you at all.
Alex returns to the Strange Rover and comes back with five miner's helmets with lights on the front of them.
Alex Richards: I've been looking for an excuse to use these.
Rebecca Thatch: What's the big deal? It's always dark out for me and you don't hear me complaining.
The group made their way through the fence and towards the arena which appears to be in obvious disrepair. The windows are all smashed out, years of dust and grime coat the outside of the building. Alex looks disappointed.
SZR: Good. You look put out. Does this mean you're giving up and going to the hotel?
Alex Richards: No, I'm just disappointed that the door isn't chained. I was looking forward to breaking it down.
Rebecca Thatch: you can do it anyways, babe.
Alex Richards: Hey.. you're right!
And with that Alex charges putting his shoulder into the wooden door knocking it open. He immediately spots the souvenir booth which has dusty looking blood red t shirts with the slogan You're gonna die on them.
Alex Richards: Sweet.. free shit!
SZR: You do know there is no reason for those to exist, right?
Alex Richards: Probably just coincidence. Besides the Team was the Charlestown Killers. I think someone just made this whole thing up in hopes that we wouldn't break in.
Rebecca Thatch: Makes sense to me.
SZR: That makes no sense! All of this makes no sense! I wanted to go to one of those haunted houses you see advertised around Halloween. Fake blood.. fake chainsaws.
Alex Richards: Fake excitement! If you're going somewhere haunted go somewhere that's really haunted that's what I say! Besides if you want to win the Killing Floor you have to go where mere mortals fear to tread.
Steven Osbourne: Enough with the scary shit you're making Amber shiver and huddle up against my manly chest. Wait.. that's not a bad thing please continue.
Rebecca Thatch: I don't know why you're so upset Zach.. if this was a real horror movie you know Steven and Amber would die first.
And as if on cue Steven and Amber look at each other and sprint down the hall.
ADV: We're like going to smoke pot.. drink and have sex!
Steven Osbourne: Damnit you weren't supposed to tell Alex that! Now he's gonna drink our beer! Wait.. we're having sex.. Nevermind Alex can drink our beer while I slam dunk myself a quickie! To the golden showers Amber!
Rebecca Thatch: That doesn't mean what you think it means.
Steven Osbourne: Yes it does!
Alex snorts.
Alex Richards: Like I would steal his beer. Whoop Ass Lite Beer? If man was meant to drink light beer we wouldn't have beer bellies.
SZR: Those are unhealthy.
Rebecca Thatch: I agree.
Alex Richards: Oh, not you too!
Rebecca Thatch: I got in the path of your belly flop at that pool last week...
Alex Richards: Well that was your fault Becky. I warned you to leave the pool before I jumped off the roof.
Rebecca Thatch: I did.. you landed on the sidewalk!
Alex Richards: Wow.. I musta been drunker then I thought. Wait a minute.. I don't even remember that.
Rebecca Thatch: You knocked yourself out and then landed on your stomach.
Alex Richards: See... my beer belly broke my fall! Probably saved my life.
Rebecca Thatch: Now that you mention it.
SZR: If there is a killer I hope he takes me first.
However a girlish scream from the locker room likely dashes Shaun's hopes. We see Steven Osbourne and his bimboish girlfriend in a partial state of undress with Steven, naturally, being the one doing the screaming.
ADV: You were the one who told me to stick my finger up your butt.
Steven Osbourne: But your hands are so cold babe.
ADV: I'm not like sticking my hands in a microwave again.. it's so burny.
Steven grins a devilish grin.
Steven Osbourne: I got a much better idea Amber. Place your hands upon my Big Stevie and it'll heat things up for sure.
ADV: Like I need another drink if I'm gonna do that. I'm not easy you know.
Steven Osbourne: hotdog down a hallway.
ADV: What?
Steven Osbourne: Umm.. nothing. How about we hit the bong too. The sexual superman aims to please.
Steven hands Amber a drink and grabs one for himself. He takes a hit off of the bong.. then offers one to his lady. That's as much of a gentleman as you can expect from Osbourne. They drink and are about to get down... until a hockey stick with a machete blade attached to the end of it slice through the air.. and slices through Amber's neck! A large man wearing a bloody Maple Leaf's sweater and a sinister looking hockey mask crows in triumph.
Killer: HE SHOOTS... HE GORES! HA HA HA HA HA!
The hockey masked killer lets out a sinister laugh as Steven Osbourne kicks him in the nuts.
Steven Osbourne: Cock block me will ya? That'll learn ya.
Steven delivers a second nut shot before turning his back and walking from the room. The psychotic hockey killer has other ideas however, using his weapon to slap the bong into.. and through the chest of Steven Osbourne!
Killer: TWO MINUTES... FOR HIGH STICKING! HA HA HA HA! GET IT... HE'S HIGH! HA HA HA HA!
The Killer sprints off laughing to himself as our trio of heroes, having heard the screams finally make it to the locker room seconds too late to stop the carnage but just in time to see the bloodbath.
SZR: ohmygod.. ohmygod.. ohmygod.. it's a bloodbath.. he butchered him.. we gotta go.
Alex Richards: Yeah.. we gotta go get that son of a bitch.
Rebecca Thatch: That's what I'm talking about.
YOU GUYS JUST DON'T KNOW WHEN TO PUCK OFF DO YA? HA HA HA HA!
The masked hockey sweater wearing killer has obviously returned this time holding a razor sharp skate on a long chain which he swings at the trio who narrowly avoid the contact. They rush from the dressing room and without a word of thought separate. Alex and Rebecca head towards the ice level.. with Alex leaping and body checking his way through the boards. He offers a hand to Rebecca to get onto the rink.
Rebecca Thatch: If this place is supposed to be abandoned, why is there still ice?
Alex Richards: It's a horror movie parody it doesn't have to make sense.
Rebecca Thatch: No.. I wasn't saying that. I'm saying that if there's ice that means the killer had to have flooded it himself. So he knows where we are.
But the hockey masked serial killer didn't chase Alex and Rebecca. He couldn't resist. No horror movie villain can. When Shaun Zach left the dressing room he took off in the direction of the bleachers. And he climbed up.. and up.. and up. The killer gave chase.. finally flinging his skate on a chain weapon and catching Shaun around the ankles with it causing him to land hard on the wooden steps face first.
Killer: TWO MINUTES FOR TRIPPING.. AND A LIFE MISCONDUCT! HA HA HA HA!
The psycho killer continues to laugh as he slashes open Shaun's throat with the skate blade causing the jugular to spurt blood. Meanwhile Alex Richards is plotting. He has knocked over one of the hockey nets set up on the ice and is breaking off one of the long spikes that attached the net to the surface.
Alex Richards: Alright.. I got a plan. You take this spike.. I'll break off the other one and when he hits the ice.. we hit him.
Rebecca Thatch: That doesn't sound like much of a plan.
Alex Richards: You got a better one?
Rebecca Thatch: Yeah.. I say we..
Rebecca doesn't get out another word as the massive zamboni smashes its way onto the ice surface and immediately flattens Rebecca Thatch. Driving around the ice until it is a bright red color.
Killer: TIME TO RESURFACE THE ICE... WITH BLOOD! HA HA HA HA!
Alex Richards: Oh hell no!
Alex drags the bloody maple leafs sweater wearing murderer off of the zamboni. He stabs the first spike he broke off into the shoulder of the killer. He stabs the second spike he was ripping off while Rebecca was getting run over through the other shoulder.
Alex Richards: Last year at the killing floor we did the Scooby Doo.. I think it's time to continue that tradition. Let's see who you really are... before I kill your ass.
Alex rips off the mask revealing... Andre Holmes. Alex looks shocked..
Alex Richards: You have got to be kidding me.
Andre pulls himself off of the zamboni.. grabs Alex by the throat and tosses him across the ice surface.. yeah into the one remaining net... which explodes on impact. As Alex fades away he hears the final words from his rival.
Killer: I'M GOING TO DRINK YOUR BLOOD OUT OF THE STANLEY CUP! HA HA HA HA HA!
The scene fades to a white, mirrored room. Alex Richards stands alone. No longer blown to bits. A goofy smile on his face.
Alex Richards: I guess it's time for me to discuss the killing floor ain't it? To give you some of those king of mass confusion insights on my opponents. To drink Zim-Quila and drink in victory.
Alex grins again.
Alex Richards: Yeah.. that was pretty good wasn't it? I crack me up! And I will continue cracking me up. As I verbally destroy my competition. So let the fun begin! Zombie McMorris.. you're the champ so you get to go first. Why the fuck are you even in this? You're a zombie.. zombies don't eat titles.. zombies eat brains! I'm taking your belt so I should at least leave you something.. so here's a poem. Roses are Pink, Rudy Red is a Whore.. You're gonna die on the killing floor!
Alex Richards: Preecha K-Mart.. you're next up bro! And you know.. I hate preachers! Church is boring. They once kicked me for snoring! Hey.. that rhymed... can I has world title now?
Alex Richards: Bonnie Blue.. Bonnie Blue. Your bonnie lays over the ocean. Because I tossed you in the water before winning the match!
Alex Richards: Celeste Mallory... man.. your parents must have hated you. I can tell just from that name dude.
Alex Richards: Corey Bull.. I knocked out a real bull before! And beat up a centaur! What is a fake bull gonna do to me? Nothing!
Alex shakes his head.
Alex Richards: I can't do this amateurish bullshit anymore. Not even to prove a point. Most people going into the killing floor. They aren't going to know what they are getting into. They aren't going to know just how deadly it's going to be. They are going to treat the killing floor just like I did. And end up in exactly the same way. Massacred. Bloodied. Left for dead on the Killing Floor. Avery Miles got a thought of what the killing floor was all about. He ran away screaming.. never to return. He forfeited his chance at the world title because he didn't want to get into the killing floor. Now I'm going to show you all why he was a smart man.
Alex looks around.. at the glass mirrors.
Alex Richards: It's like a fun house. A clown scene. I remember the clown scene from last year.. Andre Holmes sent all the Guardians on a wild goose chase. He created this mass hysteria in order to distract everyone else in the match from the real threat. Him. I don't blame him. It was smart of him. But this time.. I don't play his game. I don't play everyone else's game. This time.. I give you all a taste of my version of Hell.. my version of the Killing Floor.. my version of all of your collective destructions. If you don't give the killing floor respect.. you bleed out. Now I think it's about time that I show you the reverence I have for the killing floor.
Alex kicks through the mirrors, blood streaming down his legs. He steps through the jagged, broken glass.. and...
To be Concluded....