A Fairly Good Time (Guardians RP #1)

Sunlight spilled from the cloudless blue onto the merry little hamlet of Wibbly-Wobbly-on-the-Waterfront, a sprawling, ten-acre community of half-timber cottages and tents of striped canvas. Situated in a field just beyond the suburbs of Chicago, the tiny village sang with the notes of industry: hammer clanged on anvil, hawkers called their wares, steel clashed upon the stage to win the hand of maiden fair. Muddy tracks were strewn thick with straw, and trampled down by the throngs of patrons attending Chi-town's newest -- and only -- Renaissance festival. No one was entirely certain how it had come to be; only that money had appeared in the right coffers, and in significant enough quantity, that the little town was built, populated, and opened in half a fortnight. The Guardians arrived, each by their own conveyance, just as the gates of a makeshift palisade were thrown wide to admit the crowd.


Jeffrey Bankston clung to his parents' hands, agog with wonder at the dizzying array of sights and sounds. The entire place was a surreal fantasy; highborn nobility mingled with sprites and fairies; pirates consorted with mermaids; a Roman Centurion and a Samurai strolled side-by-side down the hay-lined path. An overwhelmed Bonnie Blue trailed along behind with Jay Omega, whose attention seemed riveted on the rather generous endowment overflowing a wench's bodice.


"Ya wanna watch where you're goin', Jay?" she asked, as a motley-clad jester tottered by on stilts.


"Lighten up, Baby Blue, it's all -- " His tone was teasing, but the words made her wince.


"Don't call me that."


Bonnie said it more sharply than she'd meant, though if he'd noticed, his face betrayed no hint; he remained impassive, cool. Their eyes met, and he saw, briefly, what she kept hidden from the others. After a moment's reflection, he nodded in understanding. Together, the quintet moved with the crowd along the footpath, enjoying the sunlight, the festive atmosphere, the varied shop displays that dazzled the eye with form and color. Surely nothing could go wrong on so fine a day.


Omega drew to a halt in front of a large, open-sided tent, where long wooden tables were arranged in neat rows. A sign hung over it read:



He led the way inside, to a wooden counter that ran the length of one side of the tent. Dozens of barrels and kegs, neatly stacked, served as backdrop. Jay pounded a fist on the counter.


"Pubmaster! Mead for my compatriots and I!" he called, despite the fact that the middle-aged barkeep was standing roughly three feet from him. "In fact, mead for everyone! The Guardians have much to celebrate!"


And with that statement, Jay Omega slapped a couple of large-denomination bills on the counter. This announcement elicited a polite round of applause from the three other patrons in the establishment -- it was early, yet; just nearly noon.


"He's really getting into the spirit of this, isn't he?" Nightmare observed quietly.


"Guardians, sir?" queried the bartender, as he expertly topped four cups with pale golden liquid. He sounded like Michael Caine, but looked like Michael Rooker. "The Guardians? Them what fights on 'at new Yew-See-Eye program every week?"


"None other," Jay replied, puffing out his chest a little.


"An honour, sir," said the bartender. "A real honour." Then he hesitated, eyeing Bonnie dubiously as he lowered his voice. "Is it true, then, sir? Is yon maiden indeed a ...witch?"


"Verily. Be glad she's on our side." Omega grinned at the barkeep as he handed out the cups. Jay raised his in a toast. "Here's to our respective victories. Bonnie, Polar ... that fight against Beachkrew was epic. You took everything those asshats had to throw at you, and kept on coming."


"Never give up," Polar quipped, "never surrender!"


Their cups met, a touch of mead spilled, and someone called it alcohol abuse. As Bonnie brought the cup to her lips, she understood why. The first sensation was sweetness, an aroma of spring flowers, and the slight tang of fermentation that served only to enhance the honey flavor. A tingling warmth rushed through her body, and she imagined that was how it would feel to kiss God -- provincially speaking. It was divinity in liquid form. The conversation wandered on without her while she recovered her senses.


" -- had to feel great getting that win over Occulo," Cameron was telling Jay.


"Shit, yeah. It wasn't easy. A couple of times, I wasn't sure I would."


"I never doubted it," Bonnie commented, feeling completely sanguine by now. "I did have some questions about this Renaissance thing, but it's actually kinda cool."


"Yeah. I'm a little surprised, myself," Jay admitted.


Bonnie consulted a map, with a list of the day's scheduled shows printed on the reverse side. "Says here there's a mud show -- what the hell's a mud show? Is it what it sounds like? 'Cause it sounds dirty."


"Well, it's... mud," said Nightmare, rolling her eyes.


"Kinda the point I was makin'," Bonnie told her. "You got a problem with me?"


There was a long silence; the kind of silence that reigns when the Doomsday Clock is at Eleven-Fifty-Nine. The two women locked eyes. Jay and Polar tensed, ready to intervene as the seconds ticked on, inexorably, toward Twelve. Jeffrey Bankston watched the interplay between his mother and Bonnie Blue, aware of subtle nuances without understanding them; though he, too, recognized the danger.


"Mommy?"


The boy injected the slightest quaver of alarm into his voice, compelled more by instinct than cunning. And suddenly, Crystal Bankston's entire demeanor changed. The smile she offered Bonnie wasn't especially reassuring.


"Not at all," she replied coolly.


Scooping Jeffrey into her arms as she rose from the table, Nightmare proceeded swiftly out of the tent without another word. The other Guardians breathed a collective sigh of relief. Polar hastened to catch up with his wife. Bonnie and Jay lingered, finishing their drinks.


"What the hell is her deal? I ain't never been nothin' but nice, an' all she does is give me attitude."


"I wouldn't take it personally," Omega advised. "Think of it as... paying your dues."


That said, he downed the rest of his mead and walked outside, leaving Bonnie no choice but to follow along. They caught up with the Bankston family beside a large wooden sign, which proclaimed:





Beyond the sign was a broad space, dominated by sawn logs placed in a semicircle around a large hole in the ground, filled with moist, squishy earth. Barely visible in all the muck was a wooden platform that was probably supposed to be a stage. As the audience took their seats, actors emerged from behind a mud-stained curtain. Intriguing as the prospect may have been, Cameron's eye was caught by something far more bizarre.


"Hold up, guys," he said slowly.


Though unintentional, Bonnie and Nightmare responded in tandem: "Still not a guy."


Crystal gave a grumble of annoyance, but Bonnie wasn't paying attention. Her gaze was now fixed where Polar's was.


"Is that... Andre Jenson and Teddy Sol over there?" she asked, a hint of disbelief in her voice.


"In the petting zoo?" asked the Phantasm.


Bonnie nodded her confirmation. "In the petting zoo... yeah..."


They all stared for a moment. Jay Omega shook his head at the sight.


"We're going to need a lot more mead," he said, and wandered off to procure some.


"Shoulda known we'd run into those two here," Polar said. "This is the coolest party in town!"


"Reckon we oughta check this out?" Bonnie asked. "Y'know, for strategic purposes an' such."


"I'm... just... trying to figure out what's up with the llama."


"I'm glad you said somethin'. I didn't know if it was in poor taste or not."


"The llama seems pretty into it," Nightmare interjected, "if that means anything."


Cameron Bankston, Jr. turned to his wife, as if to wave her off.


"You may want to let us handle these two. They're crafty and dangerous," he told her.


"Oh, no- no way is Jeffy missing the petting zoo and then taking it out on me later. You four behave, ok? I'm petting a sheep. End of story," she said.


Taking young Jeffrey by the hand, she led him off; the boy toddled along, turning back to stare in childish bewilderment at the two grown men surrounded by cuddly animals.


"Crafty and dangerous, huh?" Bonnie asked skeptically, her gaze fixed on the llama; Polar shrugged. "AJ's pretty cool, actually. So long's he ain't bein' mind-controlled by shapeshifting monsters from another reality."


"Then let's go say hi," he said, and started forward.


"Do you think they'll let me keep this one?" asked Teddy Sol, scratching behind the llama's ears.


Andre Jenson barely heard him, locked in a contest of wills with one seriously ill-tempered avian.


"You think this bird is actually a druid? I do. He seems to be trying to cast some sort of shapeshift spell."


"Hold up," Teddy said. "It's the Guardians."


"Nah, don't think so, just a regular druid or something, definitely not skilled enough to be a Guardian," AJ assured him.


"No. There." Teddy pointed.


"That's a llama," said Andre.


Gently, Teddy Sol turned Jenson's head toward the approaching Bonnie and Phantasm. "The other there."


"Oh, those guys!" Andre shook his head at Teddy. "Why didn't you just say so?"


In unison, the pair greeted the Guardians. "Hi, guys!"


"Howdy, y'all," Bonnie said, giving both men her patented dazzling smile.


"I'm kinda jealous," Polar said, looking at the menagerie. "I like your fan club way more than ours; so far it's just awkward pictures my mom sends us of the neighborhood kids wearing Guardians t-shirts."


"What fan club? I thought I disbanded the official LARP fan club of Kem thanks to the Hyrule incident in the Fourth Age of Molt." Jenson seemed genuinely puzzled.


"I always preferred the Third Age, myself," opined Teddy.


Andre scoffed. "Nah, too many baubles. The Fifth age worked though. I loved the sepia colour."


The Polar Phantasm cleared his throat in a not-so-subtle way.


"I think he meant the animals," Teddy told him.


AJ pointed at the bird he'd been staring at. "That one's a druid."


Everyone just stared at him for a moment, uncertain how to respond, until Teddy tactfully changed the subject.


"Anyway, what's up, Guardians?" he asked.


Andre smiled warmly at Bonnie. "Lady Blue," he said, nodding. "And Mr. White. A pleasure to see you. We were here checking out these animals for spells and other such things of importance. Definitely not merely petting, especially not the Llama."


"Definitely not the llama, no. Indeed."


"Quite."


But Cameron, at least, wasn't listening. His attention had been diverted by a litter of baby bunnies that had hopped into the enclosure.


"Is there any way we can continue this discussion while cuddling these bunnies?" Polar asked. "I know I'm supposed to be intimidating and stuff right now, but- christ, just look at them. Those bunnies need love. I'm going to love these bunnies right now."


"Careful, now," AJ warned. "I've seen Monty Python..."


"Those things can eat your heart out. Attack, just like that!" Teddy added enthusiastically.


With extreme caution, Bonnie set down the little rabbit she'd just picked up, entirely unaware that she was being fucked with.


"It's OK, Lady Blue. This one is mostly harmless. I'm sure we will not have any issues today," AJ reassured her.


"Not today anyway," added Teddy. "We need to make sure that this bunny is away from the arena on Sunday."


"Sunday?" echoed Andre, confused.


"Yes. Remember what's happening Sunday?"


"Nope."


Teddy nodded toward the Guardians, trying to spark some recollection in his partner. "The match..?"


Bonnie and Polar exchanged an uncomfortable glance, as it dawned on Jenson what Teddy was talking about.


"AH! THE MATCH! Completely forgot. It will be a great honour to step into the ring with you once again, Lady. Last time I was a little out of sorts as you know so I didn't really get the chance to give you my best efforts."


Bonnie smiled at him again. "Lookin' forward to it, Sugar..."


Teddy shot AJ a quizzical look.


"Oh, yeah, I was somewhat possessed by an inter galactic space faring demon virus thing that had a blood lust for death and destruction and really hated Lady Blue here," he explained.


Bonnie nodded her agreement. "It got pretty weird. Not in the fun way."


"Oh, yeah," Teddy replied, with nonchalant shrug. "Happens."


"Rest assured," Jenson added, "I am no longer possessed. I am in charge of my own faculties. More so than that druid there, that's just taking the piss now."


He gestured toward the bird, which was hopping on the perch, pulling desperately at the straps securing its legs. Meanwhile, the llama had begun spitting at random children.


"Llama seems to be enjoying himself, though," Teddy observed.


"Listen, y'all, for what it's worth -- I'm glad we got you two this week. I've always been a big fan of Teddy's work, an' AJ... man, you're one of the best I ever stepped into the ring with. Gonna be a real pleasure doin' this without any distractions this time around."


Andre performed a theatrical, sweeping bow. "I thank you for those kind words Lady Blue. Mr Phantasm, I wish you the best of luck."


With impeccable timing, Amy hurried over to collect Jenson, explaining that he was required on the stage. Catching sight of Bonnie, she smiled.


"Hey, girl, whatup?" Bonnie greeted.


"Hi, Bonnie! Glad you could make it out this weekend! I'd stay and chat, but... well, we're in a little bit of a hurry."


And with that, she propelled Jenson away from the petting zoo, leaving the other three to stare after them.


It wasn't long before the Guardians reunited, drawn from the petting zoo by the enticing scents of festival foods: ye olde turkeye legge, roasted corne on ye cobbe, and the ever-traditional Frito-chili pie (or, as it is known in the North, a "walking taco") -- and the lure of more alcohol. The quintet wandered the festival, shopping, laughing, and generally enjoying themselves. Even Nightmare had foregone any further hostilities toward Bonnie. It was beginning to appear as if this were, indeed, a day when nothing could go wrong.


"Hey," Omega said, drawing up short beside a sign posted near the central stage. "Sword demo in a few minutes. Let's check that out!"


To be continued...





A DAY AT THE FAIR
Episode One: A Fairly Good Time
Series conceived by Bonnie Blue and Jay Omega
Series directed by Jay Omega
Episode written by Bonnie Blue
Special guest writers: Teddy Sol and Andre Jenson


[(c) United Championship Infinite 2016. All rights reserved.]