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Post by Jack "The Crack" Schlongson on Sept 24, 2017 8:17:05 GMT -6
Been a while since I focused a whole RP on shoot. Feel free to let me know what you think.
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L Verez {L-7}
Hypermedia Champion
Open minds and positive vibes!
Posts: 289 
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Post by L Verez {L-7} on Sept 25, 2017 1:12:02 GMT -6
Been a while since I focused a whole RP on shoot. Feel free to let me know what you think. I'll say, this was a very enjoyable shoot RP! The thing about shoot RPs is just how stagnant they can be, if you don't try to shake things up. Spoiler alert; this is nowhere near stagnant! I'm a bit bad at reading RPs from start to finish, so this was my first true introduction to the Jack Shlongson character, and already, I'm in love. The broadcast was a fun way to theme up the RP. Good idea to keep the RP interesting. Jack's character shines through immensely. Usually, a simple gay male is a cliché for representing the LGBT community. But Jack proves to be an onion, rather than a simple onion ring, with his fascinating characteristics, his stylistic approach to the wrestling scene. You can definitely tell there's more to the Rainbow King than meets the eye. His reasonings for being upset with UCI about taking his tag title reign with his secret lover, Andre Holmes. The narration to describe the Television broadcast was very captivating. You were able to make a simple Television static sound intriguing. I very much enjoyed how you rainbow colored the word "technicolor". I also laughed at how he didn't let his broadcast partners get much screentime, most likely due to his inflated ego. I'm basically rambling at this point. Probably because I'm tired. But I don't really have any big complaints. Some people might not agree with how you focused on Shadowlove more than the other competition, but I agree with this choice, due to the fact that Shadowlove is the current champ. Overall, you've proved that you don't always need a big story to make a fun role-play. My weakness with the role-play game has always been shoot, and this role-play has definitely helped me realize that there's much more you can do with a full on shoot RP than I originally thought. So you've actually helped me a lot more than I'm probably helping you here. Oops. But anyways... Keep up the good work! You're definitely one of my favorites to win this match! |
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Post by Jack "The Crack" Schlongson on Sept 25, 2017 9:27:31 GMT -6
Been a while since I focused a whole RP on shoot. Feel free to let me know what you think. I'll say, this was a very enjoyable shoot RP! The thing about shoot RPs is just how stagnant they can be, if you don't try to shake things up. Spoiler alert; this is nowhere near stagnant! I'm a bit bad at reading RPs from start to finish, so this was my first true introduction to the Jack Shlongson character, and already, I'm in love. The broadcast was a fun way to theme up the RP. Good idea to keep the RP interesting. Jack's character shines through immensely. Usually, a simple gay male is a cliché for representing the LGBT community. But Jack proves to be an onion, rather than a simple onion ring, with his fascinating characteristics, his stylistic approach to the wrestling scene. You can definitely tell there's more to the Rainbow King than meets the eye. His reasonings for being upset with UCI about taking his tag title reign with his secret lover, Andre Holmes. The narration to describe the Television broadcast was very captivating. You were able to make a simple Television static sound intriguing. I very much enjoyed how you rainbow colored the word "technicolor". I also laughed at how he didn't let his broadcast partners get much screentime, most likely due to his inflated ego. I'm basically rambling at this point. Probably because I'm tired. But I don't really have any big complaints. Some people might not agree with how you focused on Shadowlove more than the other competition, but I agree with this choice, due to the fact that Shadowlove is the current champ. Overall, you've proved that you don't always need a big story to make a fun role-play. My weakness with the role-play game has always been shoot, and this role-play has definitely helped me realize that there's much more you can do with a full on shoot RP than I originally thought. So you've actually helped me a lot more than I'm probably helping you here. Oops. But anyways... Keep up the good work! You're definitely one of my favorites to win this match! You referring to Andre Holmes as Jack's secret lover might be my favorite part of this feedback haha. Thank you so much for the feedback, I always appreciate hearing from people. Especially when they detail things that stuck out to them, it helps me really figure out what lands and what doesn't. I'm also glad that, even though the RP was entirely based on the persona of Jack instead of my usual back and forth between that and his real self, that the character still comes off as interesting and layered. I've tried real hard since day one to make sure he isn't another cliche character, so that also means a lot to me. I'm glad my RP could help you in some way as well haha. I always love helping elevate competition and showing people things they could potentially play with. Again, thanks for you feedback and I'll get to returning the favor very soon. |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Sept 26, 2017 20:32:49 GMT -6
L is on the same boat as me - a very sexy banana boat. Now, shall I unleash the Kraken? ... oh yea, a song:
Fell in love with the defense of history. Some might be drawn towards socio-polotical spectrums of current day - and we probably should - but I feel this promo has a deeper cut to make. IT doesn't jsut want to skim the surface, it wants the prize hidden deep in the darkest lore of this company. As observers, we're drawn towards the conflict at the heart. I want to know why the injustice has happened b/c erasure is the crulest misdeed we can make on our history. You defeinitely capitulated that while taking a new form in Jack. He usually seems a fiery wallflower as opposed to the one bumping noses or swinging punches. I loved this new side to him (and how he keeps waving above my textbox as I jot all this stuff down). Honestly, we need more of Jack the firebrand.
Pace is probably my only gripe. I felt it needed more speed to add the drama of arguments, then a cooling off near the end. Soemthing to pull us back from the topic like decrescendo - because it definitely wasn't meant for a stinger. I might have more tomorrow, so that is my big points for now. Message me if you'd like anything elaborated beyond any o that, kind sir. Another heart pulling from start to end. Keep on Kicking A!
- U (and also a silly nancy)
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Post by SHADOWLOVE on Sept 30, 2017 17:07:48 GMT -6
I didn't want to give my critique before the outcome. lol
The hardest thing for anyone to do is write a character that doesn't appear to be a cliché and separates them from all the other clichés by making a gimmick their own without the standard comparisons. The two that Shadow seems to get compared to is Wentworth Updegraff Jr. and John Gable but I've tweaked him to where he stands out on his own comparisons or at least that's what I have tried to do and that’s what you'very done with Jack in my opinion.
I know from experience writing Shadow that Jack can be a complex character to write and peeling those layers back to keep a character interesting can be complicated most of the time. But having so many opponents in one match with the 3000 word limit, you were bound to sacrifice either shoot or character development some way. I tried to keep both even but it didn't transfer well from the script in my head to page as I would've liked. I give props to the Rising Stars division with their word limit.
My personal opinion was that either Jack or Obi were going to win the match, Jessica and myself were good but I think we would both agree, we weren't great. The word limit will keep you focused, I know that I had to edit my characters down some but not enough to where I would lose the essence of them.
You will find that you won’t lose your character with the word count as long as your opponents remain in the triple-threat range, less is good. I think it will suit Jack in the long run, not to less and not to much, to where you lose sight of where you want Jack to be character wise.
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