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Post by M.A.X on Aug 17, 2017 12:00:26 GMT -6
Yo, just posted my first RP as this guy, CHE-CHE-CHECK IT OUT!!!
(and, you know, please leave some feedback for me)
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2017 21:18:36 GMT -6
Pros: I'm enjoying the character - especially the language. Statistical over human interaction is a must to pull this off, and you did. Dialogue worked well and gave insight into motives. Sold the mind of a machine well.
*quick swirl of cognac*
Cons: Maybe more setting - I know it's difficult w/ the 1k limit to add more and be cohesive. His dialogue could have more ironic quips (unintentional ones too) to show more disconnections w/ humanity. Also, will M.A.X. be adopting more of aspects of humanity as he progresses ? I'd love to read that!
humble opinions, good and bad,
- U (well, his handler)
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Post by M.A.X on Aug 18, 2017 7:34:25 GMT -6
Thank you very muh Mr. Umeji's handler, yeah i felt the rp was played maybe a little too straight, I'll see what i can do next time around.
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L Verez {L-7}
Hypermedia Champion
Open minds and positive vibes!
Posts: 289 
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Post by L Verez {L-7} on Aug 18, 2017 13:16:34 GMT -6
About the same as Umeji. A clearer setting, and maybe some fleshed out side characters would've made for an easier read. I do really enjoy the M.A.X character so far though! His sarcastic humor, and the way he was able to manipulate the side characters was very fun to read! You also made pretty good use of the 1k word limit. You made me wanna read more, which is definitely a good thing. I look forward to seeing how your story progresses!
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Post by M.A.X on Aug 26, 2017 14:57:11 GMT -6
Another RP up, should be more fun and more setting, Look at this thingy!(again, feedback makes me happy) |
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Post by Jack "The Crack" Schlongson on Aug 27, 2017 20:01:58 GMT -6
I REALLY like this character. This most recent RP, though seemingly no mention of the match, is incredibly entertaining and funny. The pacing is solid, like it usually is with your work, and I think the character has a very distinct personality. He clearly comes off smart, but also amusingly hung up on weird things due to his intelligence which makes him rather unique. I've seen 'android' gimmicks in e-fedding before, but this might be one of the best executions of it as far as making a legit fun to read character. Would really like to see where you take it, how you develop the character, where the story goes. I think this is a very clever concept that you can play around with a lot.
Again, would have liked to see some match focus, but limits are a bitch and it seemed you were more interested in CD than anything else. I think once you get moving forward with less limitations, you'll really get the chance to make some interesting stuff.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2017 20:32:10 GMT -6
There was a discussion w/ cormack's stuff earlier that might be of help for M.A.X. too: That is, taking full advantage of the expanded universe. Colroful vignettes to help get the past the cliff fall of 1k limits and whatnot. I know my dude is at least 10x better for making a number side materials - just for point of reference.
You definitely got the voice down even more this week. I'd keep in that direction. Excited to see what's next for him and GL!
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Post by Kaz on Aug 27, 2017 20:45:42 GMT -6
There was a discussion w/ cormack's stuff earlier that might be of help for M.A.X. too: That is, taking full advantage of the expanded universe. Colroful vignettes to help get the past the cliff fall of 1k limits and whatnot. I know my dude is at least 10x better for making a number side materials - just for point of reference. You definitely got the voice down even more this week. I'd keep in that direction. Excited to see what's next for him and GL! This guy. Gives that good feedback. I need some Umeji feedback in my life. |
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Post by M.A.X on Aug 27, 2017 23:52:38 GMT -6
Again, would have liked to see some match focus, but limits are a bitch and it seemed you were more interested in CD than anything else. I think once you get moving forward with less limitations, you'll really get the chance to make some interesting stuff. to be perfectly honest, i did have some match focus in mind, but when i was about to get to it i realized i was already on 1100 words, and it was all i could do to trim away enough to get it down to 1000, nevermind even more |
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Post by M.A.X on Sept 10, 2017 13:56:25 GMT -6
Another RP posted: Daddy IssuesGo check and feedback if you feel like being awesome |
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Post by Jack "The Crack" Schlongson on Sept 11, 2017 15:38:46 GMT -6
"Microwave pizza" Not aesthetic, bruh.
Did like more of an inclusion of shoot this time around, using your signature snark. The relationship between the two characters is progressing nicely, interested to see where it ends up. I did like the inclusion that 'there is something wrong with everyone in this sport' because...yeah. Your character's voice is solid. You play the low word-count well, better than most by keeping the narrative a rather minimal affair, the one draw back being the progression of story is very incremental, but thats more you playing to the medium than a real detraction.
Keep it up, dawg.
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