The Jikan Lamp
May 29, 2016 15:34:16 GMT -6
"Mr. God" Benjamin Atreyu, John Gable, and 2 more like this
Post by occulo on May 29, 2016 15:34:16 GMT -6
We begin in darkness
Occulo: Jenson, Aurora and DeMarcus. Done. Gone. Beat. The warm up is over. Now the real tournament begins. Jay Omega. An old rival. You've beat me on this path before. Now I cross this bridge stronger.
Out of the darkness falls a wedge of wood on to a fire in the middle of the village. As it lands, small sparks flutter upwards and outwards like startled fireflies.
Itami: This man has beaten you before you say? On a similar path?
Occulo: Yes. It was the final of a number one contendor's match for the world title. He beat me fair and square. All ends up.
Itami: All fair you say?
Occulo: Yes Itami. No complaints.
Itami: But was it truly fair? Was your own performance in that match fair on you? Did you feel like you had cheated yourself? All that work and preparation and you fought a defeated fight all
along. That doesn't sound fair.
Occulo: I suppose you're right.
Itami: The only fair fight is the one you win. Otherwise you have lied to yourself, telling yourself you are a better fighter than you actually are.
Occulo: Damn. Give me a break!
Itami: Would you rather me rain down well meaning obfuscation on you my wisp?
Occulo: I'd rather you pass me that skewer
Itami chuckled and passes Occulo a twelve-inch metal skewer with a shiny oak handle at one end.
Thank you
He then picks up a few cubed pieces of meat sitting on a rock and impales them, before holding the skewer over the fire
Itami: I know what would benefit you Occulo.
The wrestler rotates the skewer a few times, the beef sizzling and popping out tiny blasts of fat in to the fire with a hiss.
Occulo: Aaah nice and rare. Just how I like it.
He sinks his teeth in to one of the chunks and rips it from the skewer. Tender as fuck.
Itami: Are you listening?
Occulo: Yes, sorry, go on
Itami: We're going to visit a friend of mine. Jikan. He holds an incredible secret. One that you must absolutely vow secrecy to.
Occulo: Of course. You know you can trust me.
Itami: Good. I will reveal all tomorrow. Sleep well. It is a long trip.
Occulo: Yes sir
Itami gets to his feet and walks to his house, whilst Occulo stares longingly into the very depths of the fire. He thought about how quickly things have changed, and just how much things have
changed in the past few months. The WCF had welcomed him and turned him in to a champion fighter, but gave him no direction. His constant booking into tag and trios matches gave him no room to develop. Fight for one minute or so and tag. He signed up to this as an individual and now this is how he would fight. He fought so often at the side of other competitors that he was constantly dubbed as the man who can't get it done himself. Riding on the coat tails they said. Now things were different, and this tournament was Occulo's perfect vessel to let the world know that given the chance, he can stand as the very best in the world. The UCI was the very thing he needed. It was the best thing that could have happened. No games now. Clean slate. Fight.
A small boy wearing a thick brown tunic walked up to Occulo and sat down next to him.
Occulo: Hello
The boy didn't respond, instead he just looked at Occulo with a baffled expression on his face. He looked happy and healthy, and his build insinuated that he was very much a worker.
Oh, ermm..konichiwa
The boy beamed a smile and put his hands together, bowing to his new friend. Know any more Japanese Occulo?
Ogenki desu ka? (how are you?)
He nodded
Boy: Watashi wa genkidesu (I am well)
Occulo smiled
Occulo: Namae wa? (what is your name?)
His face grimaced slightly as if he was concentrating very hard
Boy: Occ..occ...you...low
Occulo was unsure whether he had asked him the wrong question. Itami had taught him some very basic Japanese, but he was confident he hadn't asked the boy what his own name was
Occulo: Namae wa?
He pointed to the boy
Boy: Occ...you...low. Occulo. Occulo!
Occulo laughed and nodded
Occulo: Hai. Occulo (yes, Occulo)
The boy laughed and clapped his hands. He then got to his feet and started throwing several different fighting moves, each with their own utterance of sound
Kid Occulo: Hai? (Yes?)
Occulo: Hai! (Yes!)
The boy had very short dark hair, which Occulo began to realise was cut pretty much exactly the same as his. Looks like had a fan. Which was just fine.
Erm...Watashi no tonari ni suwa-tsu (sit down next to me)
The boy stopped and bowed again to Occulo, and sat down next to him, adopting the exact same seating position. He wanted to ask the boy if he should be at home at this hour, but had absolutely no idea how to ask this. Asking the boy to sit down next to him was the very extent of his knowledge.
Kid Occulo: You...you he...you hero?
Occulo looked stunned at his actual knowledge of English. He merely shrugged his shoulders, but nodded as to not disappoint him. Was he a hero already? Was his mere presence in the village a talisman? Occulo had never been a fan of heroes. He always associated heroes with cowards who can't fend for themselves...but these people, who existed in this tiny community, seemed to do so with the weight of his task on their shoulders. It became clear to him at this moment, when the boy asked if he was their hero, that he absolutely had to be, and that he was wrong all along. Those who look for a hero have looked for the hero in themselves, but faith is a fragile thing. It is the faith in themselves that lacked, but if a group of people can accumulate this faith and believe in one person who they know will save them, they know their faith will come up trumps. They had great faith in Occulo, and he would die to fulfill this. He wasn't going to let them down. The youthful, beady eyes of the child sat next to him sat like biblical text, which he only had to read to know he was the one, and if he had to sacrifice himself...well...he would cross that bridge when he came to it.
The boy looked over his shoulder as a female voice called his name. He gave Occulo a hug and bowed, before scurrying off.
Occulo: Sayonara, kid Occulo.
He smiled as he left and retired to his bed
CUT
Occulo sat in a darkened room. We see nothing, but hear his soft voice.
Occulo: Before what we see, what we hear, what we love and what we experience, there was nothing. Before time itself, there was nothing. Before everything we know. Nothing. The cosmos was a vast unknown, tightly strung together in an inconceivable mass. But then
He strikes a match
The smallest reaction of chemicals and suddenly, the nothing was filled with everything. The first spark on the line of gunpowder that would eventually lead up to the creation of Jay Omega. The Omega Man. Somewhere along this path occurred an event which intertwined your existence with the cosmos. For years later it brought you back. It brought you back from the dead. And whilst we may see that as a power, immeasurable and uncomprehendable, to the universe and whatever energy it used to bring you back, it was a mere miniscule discharge. A chance event. You got lucky Jay Omega. A mysterious energy brings a dead man back. Fuckin Jon Snow. Sadly for you though, your watch is ended.
CUT
Occulo and Itami stood in the village, making last minute preparations for their trip. Itami was busy sharpening the end of a long stick of wood in to what looked like some kind of spear. Whereas Occulo simply filled a couple of water bottles up as Kid Occulo ran up to them and bowed again.
Occulo: Ohayou gozaimasu (good morning)
Kid Occulo: Ohayou gozaimasu
Itami: ...
He scurried off and ran behind a building a few yards away. Occulo smiled and received a firm hand on his shoulder.
Come. We're leaving.
Occulo nodded and they set off down the path, and then left, in the opposite direction to the lake.
Occulo: So where are we headed? Who is this friend of yours? Jikah was it?
Itami: Jikan. He's a scientist. He used to live in the village but simply could not concentrate with the daily hustle and bustle.
Occulo: You call that hustle and bustle? You wanna live in Washington for a few years.
Itami: Anyway, he saught a secluded area to continue his study. He built a house on a harsh, snowy terrain miles from here.
Occulo: Seems a bizarre place to live
Itami: I guess he wanted to live in a place nobody else would want to. He is going to show you something quite invaluable to you.
Occulo: What?
Itami: You shall see. It is best you keep an open mind during this trip. Sometimes the best knowing is not knowing anything at all.
He's not wrong there. There are a lot of things in life, both now and in the past he would have been perfectly happy not knowing.
Occulo: How long have you been around here? Tell me more about you Itami.
Itami: You'll learn when we see Jikan. I promise you.
A few hours passed and our travellers are resting in a clearing by some tall trees with large, thick leaves that provided a refreshing canopy from the scorching sun.
Itami: We rest here.
Occulo: How much farther?
Itami: Another fifteen miles. We'll make it before sundown. Here
Itami reached into his black, cotton bag and took out a parcel, wrapped in brown parchment paper, and held together by string. He handed it to Occulo who quickly opened it
Occulo: You are a beautiful human being
Inside the parcel were some left over meat from last night's meal, covered in white rice
Itami: You'll need the strength
Occulo didn't respond, and instead set about the systematic destruction of the glorious meal. Itami took his own parcel out and consumed his meal with equal barbarism. As they finished, Itami
suddenly sat bolt upright and looked around as if he were a startled meerkat.
Occulo: Everything okay?
Itami: Silence
Occulo hushed and listened and looked around for something untowards. He could hear nothing but a strange pitter patter of feet.
Itami: IT COMES!
Occulo's curious face turned to horror as we
CUT
We return to the dark room where Occulo's face is lit by a single candle.
Occulo: Jay Omega beat me in the WCF. You were the last god damn hurdle between me and that one big match. You were a mountain back then Jay. I saw you as a monumental challenge.
He picked up the candle and slowly lifted it into the air, and then turned it upside down, revealing a gold, metallic surface of an unknown object. Suddenly a violent explosion of colour causes the very camera screen itself crackle and eventually shut off for a few seconds. We then see Occulo in what looks like some kind of tunnel of ultra bright colours, flying past him at light speed.
Occulo: The Omega Man. A man born out of the cosmos. A bastard son. Tell me Jay, when the universe raised you, what songs did it softly sing to you?
Son of star and cosmic ray
Our celestial light shall call you Jay
And across galaxies we'll watch you play
Before you return to Earth some day
Where our Omega Man shall fight
Against his foes on Sunday nights
And if our Omega Man loses his fight
The stars will heal him with their light
The colours start to fly past Occulo, again at warp speed. We start to hear strange, distorted sounds of voices which become clearer as time passes. The colours themselves slow down and start to amalgamate into recognisable shapes. We return to the last match between Jay Omega and Occulo. The two men are battling out in the ring, as Occulo hovers above it, looking down at them.
The way I look at you Jay. Pay close attention. Because it's not going to be the way I look at you on Sunday. The way I approach you, almost with a sense of nervousness. Why? Because you were a threat back then. You were a seasoned pro and a highly skilled veteran. The whole company knew you had exactly what it takes to be champion. But you know what Jay? I can't change this past but you know since then I've grown considerably stronger. I've grown into a giant mentally and my body is ready for whatever you want to throw at it. You may have been reborn in the Bethlehem of space surrounded by a a trillion Northern Stars, but this time you're not the chosen one, you're not the messiah this company hails.
Jay lifts Occulo and slams him into the mat, sending a spray of saliva jetting out of Occulo's mouth
I brought you here to watch this Jay because I want you to remember what it was like to be better than me. I want you to remember what it was like to be in the absolute peak of your career. I want you to remember what it was like to dominate. Hold on to that feeling Jay, because however miniscule it is compared to how it felt when that bell rang, it is a damn sight better than nothing. Hold on to that feeling Jay and treasure it whilst you can. Because I'm going to replace it with the feeling of crushing inferiority. Ever since your name was placed against mine on Sunday night's card you were already beyond the event horizon. There was no escape, and the black hole of defeat started pulling you in. Gradually, but with increasing speed. On Sunday night you will be fully enveloped, and the Universe's cosmic events would have brought you back in vein. An imperfection. Another imperfection. But no failure, because everything in the universe is an objective chain of events. Cause and effect. Your birth and subsequent destruction, like everything else...just is. Jay Omega, a supernova. Just one of a trillion, trillion stars that will simply...go out. A star can take a billion years to fade and cease to be, but you Jay, it will only take..
Jay covers Occulo in the ring, the ref counts
1!
2!!
3!!
A three count. Only three seconds, but it feels like a lifetime. Still, you'd know all about relativity wouldn't you, Jay Omega?
We hear the sound of the bell ring, but the one single note of the bell carries on, like a stuck record. As the tone continues the ring and everything around it move in extremely slow motion
You'd know, all about, relativity, wouldn't you, Jay Omega?
The action below him then explode into different colours, and again race past Occulo, until he is once more in total darkness
CUT
Itami: Occulo, hide. Now.
Occulo's terror holds him still. Approaching them was a creature unlike anything he'd ever seen before. It was a yellow, almost leapord like creature with two arched black horns protruding from its forehead. Its tail split in to three and flapped in the air as it galloped towards them, its teeth slightly tainted red, as if it had just eaten a bloody meal of flesh and bone.
I said hide!!
The beast sprung at Itami, who ducked and delivered a single, winding punch to its gut. With a yelp it seemed to bounce off his fist and flop to the ground.
Occulo!!
Occulo nodded and briskly climbed a nearby tree and hid in its canopy. The beast got back to its feet and stalked Itami, its briliant blue eyes slightly bloodshot from the blow.
Leave us. We are not your meal today.
Creature: You're my meal when I say you're my meal. Now stay there so I can rip you to pieces and feast on your gut.
Itami snarled and ran at the beast, that dodged, but as it tilted its head it's horn created a long, deep gash in Itami's leg, causing him to stumble and crash to the ground.
Occulo: Itami!!
Creature: Ahhh, it's always so much easier when they are already bleeding.
Itami tries to get to his feet, blood oozing out of his open wound. He manages, but is very unsteady.
Itami: Stupid, brainless beast.
Creature: I'll suck your blood from your wound, every last drop. I prefer to do this when my prey is alive, the twitching is joyous.
Itami: Try it.
The creature lunges at Itami, its teeth like knives. Itami crouches slightly and times a punch, that goes in to the creature's mouth and further, further down it's throat. The creature's eyes glare and Itami whispers into its ear.
Today, you die.
The earth shudders slightly as the entire back half of the creature is blasted off with a powerful, almost hurricane like blast of wind from Itami's hand. The explosion of blood, innards, fur and bone sprays out on to the clearing.
Occulo: Holy shit...
Itami removes his arm from the twitching, convulsing front half of the creature, which he throws to the side. Occulo climbs down and tends to Itami.
Are you alright? That was incredible. What was that??
Itami: That was a Niku Rippa. They are in abundance in these parts. But there's no need to worry now. Come here.
Itami smears two diagonal streaks of the Rippa's blood on to Occulo's face, and then his own
The Rippa can smell its own blood. It's like a repellant for them. It takes something powerful to beat these things in combat, so they know if they can smell their blood, it means extreme danger
is nearby.
Occulo: Well, it's a good job you're covered in it then
Itami: Quite. Come, this has delayed us too much. We need to make up some time.
Occulo: Right
They gather their things and proceed down the path. Occulo could not quite believe what he had just seen. Talking fucking leapords with horns and...whatever that was that Itami did. The true
power of Single Cloud was becoming more and and more clear to him, and the thought that one day he would harness this incredible power excited him more than anything in his entire life.
CUT
We open back up to the dark room. Occulo is still illuminated by the first candle. He then strikes another match and lights up a candle next to it. We see a bit more of the room he is in. Japanese characters run down on vertical banners, but we are unable to see fully what they say. The only thing we see is "TxMx xS x xExxON". We see blank white panels framed by thick wood, which provide support for the building they are in.
Occulo: Now is the most important part of time isn't it Jay? Now is how we react to the past and how we shape our futures. Now is the state of being. Now is the product of every mistake and every action we have ever experienced. In the past you were better than me Jay, you were better than me, but this is the now and it matters not how you could beat me back then, but what happened since then that makes it all too clear that I can beat you now. I have trained and taught myself and I have been taught by real, authentic masters. I am a considerably better fighter, and I am equipped both mentally and physically to beat you in to the ground. Whatever you were in the past, is irrelevant. You're my opponent and you're a hurdle I have to scale. The Jay Omega that we all know and love is finished. You are hanging on desperately to a life that has ended. You are hanging on desperately to this, your one and only purpose. When Jay Omega loses on Sunday night what will become of him? That will become clear soon to you. But I expect that failure in this tournament will spell the end of your career. You can no longer fight amongst the big guns and you can no longer challenge for the world title. You see you are probably thinking that I'm massively underestimating you. I can say with absolute confidence that I am absolutely not. You're a lesser creature and a lesser threat. Going out in the 2nd round is not even an underachievement for you. It's exactly right. It's spot on. I want people to remember you as a failure Jay. A self-absorbed, arrogant failure.
You want your place in the cosmos? I'll give you one. I'll give you the place of a tennis ball sized rock just barrelling its way through the darkness. Lost. Aimless. Totally powerless. A piece of rock that was perhaps once part of a grand planet, or a meteor that could destroy whole worlds and claim their essence as its own. But now, now you're hurtling towards the world of the UCI and I assure you're just going to burn up in the atmosphere and become nothing dust and vapour. You're doomed Jay, and it's going to be an absolute pleasure to be the one to end you.
He takes the candle, and again lifts up the gold object. We see a bit more of it now, and we see it is some kind of golden lamp. It has Japanese characters enscribed on it, but we cannot decipher them. He tips the lamp and out of it comes a thick, black liquid that oddly seems to shine. As soon as the liquid makes contact with the flame we see an explosion of colour once again. Occulo fades from our picture and the colours fade in to black...we then hear a tune.
The colours flash back to life and Occulo reappears
Occulo: You're clueless Jay. As much as you may think, the Universe is not on your side.
The colours fade to black as Occulo returns to the candle-lit room.
CUT
Occulo and Itami trudge lethargically across the now snowy landscape. Jikan's house was in plain sight, and Occulo was slightly nervous
Occulo: This Jikan, will he be pleased to see us?
Itami: He is my closest friend my wisp, you have nothing to fear. A friend of mine is a friend of his. Just, don't be too loud or boisterious.
Occulo: Yeah, I have a bad reputation for that
Jikan's house was made of dark stone with a thick, thatched roof, It wasn't too big, or too small. It was a refuge on an arctic tundra, and Occulo was still expecting a frosty reception. Itami walked up to the door which was made of cast iron and had a small peephole in the middle. He knocked on the door with rather thunderous bangs. After about ten seconds the door creaked open and stood on the other side of the door was a rather....rotund man. He was completely bald and was wearing a thick brown gown, with furry boots.
Jikan: Itami...my old friend
Jikan embraced Itami, who warmly patted him on the back
Itami: It is good to see you
Jikan parted and welcomed them in
Jikan: Please, come in out of the cold. I'll put some tea on.
Itami walked in and Occulo took a deep breath and followed him inside. The house was surprisingly warm, and the walls consisted of clear white panels seperated by thick, wooden support beams. There wasn't much in the way of material possessions, and in one room was a large desk surrounded by various scientific instruments. The three of them walked through to his kitchen area, in which was a large, round oak table. Itami and Occulo sat around the table whilst Jikan prepared the tea busily.
Itami: Jikan, please meet my student, Occulo
Jikan walked over to Occulo and bowed, and Occulo reciprocated.
He is an American that we have chosen to learn The Single Cloud
Jikan looked nonplussed by this. Perhaps he was that good a friend with Itami that he had full faith, that when the time came, they would prevail. He brought the tea over and rested it on the table, before taking a seat.
Jikan: So, what brings you here?
Itami: We are here for your assistance Jikan. You see Occulo is a professional wrestler in America.
Jikan: Oh how interesting!
Itami: I thought it would be useful for him if he were to experience the abilities of the Jikan Lamp.
Jikan looked at Itami with stunned silence
Occulo: ...
Jikan: The lamp...the lamp is not just for everyday use Itami...
Itami: Please Jikan. It will aid Occulo in his quest to win his tournament. His opponent you see defeated him in a similar tournament a year or so ago. If Occulo were to be able to look back and see how he fought, he would learn how far he is come and help him realise that he can beat him. Also, his opponent has a particularly interesting story.
Jikan: Well. A friend of yours is a friend of mine, and I never let down a friend. Come Occulo, let me show you the Jikan Lamp.
Jikan got to his feet and they exited the kitchen. Itami nodded at Occulo, who smiled back. They headed into a pitch black room. It was muggy and had a very musky smell.
Jikan: Be careful
He lit a match and held it up to a light fixture on the ceiling, which erupted into life and illuminated the rest of the room. It was bare, except for a small table in the middle with three candles
resting on a candleholder. Behind the table were two banners, which vertically read "TIME IS A WEAPON" in Japanese characters. Jikan picked up a glorious golden lamp. It had Japanese characters which read Jikan (time).
Itami: Beautiful. You did it.
Jikan lifted the lid and showed Occulo and Itami the contents. It was a strange, black liquid that seemed to shine as it moved. It was real, but for some reason didn't follow normal physics, as when it was sloshed about, it jumped a couple of seconds in time.
Jikan: This, is time. Have you ever thought about time Occulo?
Occulo: Not with great consideration sir
Jikan: Time is a fluid thing. It flows across the universe. It flows quicker for some than others, and it flows slower for some than others. It only flows in one direction, but what if we could build vessel that can sail on the sea of time?
Occulo smiled enthusiastically
As you know, when water meets fire it creates steam, which can move in all directions. If we can convert this liquid time into steam, we can see things in the past, present and the future.
Occulo: How did you make time in to liquid sir?
Jikan rested one hand on Occulo's shoulder
Jikan: This lamp is an extremely ancient device. It was in the village when Yama Uba attacked, but long, long, long before that, the mountain experienced a colossal eruption, and within seconds the whole village, as well as the village of Raibaru were completely frozen in time by the flow of ash and fire. The God Heiwa, deeply saddened by the events, wanted to capture this lost time. So he created the Jikan lamp, and melted down the remains of the village in to it. He hoped one day the lamp would be discovered and people would use it to see just how prosperous the villages
were back at this great time.
Occulo: Incredible...
Jikan: Indeed. I have used the lamp in such a way, and they were truly prosperous times. But then I found, that if I added some of my essence into the liquid, I can see in to my own past, present and future.
Occulo: What if you ran out of the liquid?
Jikan: Would we ever run out of time?
Occulo: Touché
Jikan: Sorry?
Occulo: Never mind
Jikan: I want you to try it Occulo. The lamp will use your essence and read you to show you what you need to see. These three candles, there is one for past, one for present, and one for future. Simply light one, pour the liquid on to the flame, and you'll experience it. The candles go from left to right.
Itami: Astounding. You are truly a genius Jikan.
Jikan: Thank you. Amazing what you can achieve with no distractions!
Itami: Indeed
Jikan: Come. We shall leave Occulo to it. It may be dangerous for us to exist in the same room when he looks at his past. We have a lot of catching up to do. Occulo, come find us when you have
finished.
Occulo: Yes, I will, thank you
Jikan puts out the light on the ceiling, and they leave the room. Occulo stands in the darkness.
CUT
We reopen to Occulo in the room, the past and present candles lit up.
Occulo: Jay Omega, you stupid clown. We've seen your past and your present, now, what does the future hold for Jay Omega?
He lights the final candle, takes the Jikan Lamp and pours it over the flame. This time nothing happens, not a for a few seconds...then there is an almighty colour explosion. They woosh past him as he speaks
Occulo: I don't fucking like you Jay. I never have done. There's nothing likeable about you whatsoever. You're an utterly ridiculous moron who has this grand idea of himself, thinking that you are too big for this earth and that space is the only place big enough for your big fucking head. Well, you're right there. Why don't you just go and hop in a fucking rocket and fuck off if you like space that much. "The Omega Man" you stupid fucking plank. You're just a man. I'm just a man. Joey is just a man. Hell, fucking CrowMac is just a man. Get off your ridiculous pedestal and -oh shit, you forgot your parachute when stepping off. You are by far the most deluded, ridiculous schizoid idiot in this company, and the WCF, and hell probably in the fucking world. Just who exactly do you think you are, strutting around singing like some kind of mentally ill chicken? Was it supposed to be funny? Are we supposed to absolutely breathtaken at your incredible originality? Oh yeah, clap clap, you absolute card. Jay Omega the all dancing, all singing super space man. I think we found a video of you being resurrected in your stupid fucking prime terralax of you being resurrected:
You're fucking Spanish Buzz, except you're not funny. The levels in which you absolutely give everyone a migraine and bore us to tears, yeah that's too infinity and beyond. I am going to give you such a brutal kicking, not even because I want to go through to the next round, no, I want to give you such a brutal kicking because I absolutely detest you. I just wish you'd shut up for one second. You're the James Corden of the UCI world. Some cringeworthy, lump of "personality" who thinks he's so hilarious. You want a mystery of the universe Jay? It's a mystery that A: Corden gets so much air time and B: How you get so much air time. You're the Gemini constellation. Two sides of the same moon. Everyone with half a brain absolutely fucking detests you and sighs every time you appear on screen. Quit with your whole...well...persona Jay. Just be the normal guy you are. Just be a guy called "Jay". You'd become 1% more likeable instantly. Your space ships and your black holes and your galaxies won't fucking save you in the ring Jay. At least what I'm doing is for my own development. What do you? Ponce around dancing about space and stars and you died and then didn't die. Yeah that'll help you become a good wrestler won't it? Yeah nothing says "I'm gonna be a world champion" like the "Brief History of a Dickhead" every fucking week. Your little space stories aren't interesting, it's more like this:
Oh look there you are in the first few seconds surrounded by all of your annoying, ridiculous characters. Your stories are as equally educational, as in "kids, here is how to NOT promote yourself".
Also what is with all this embarrassing forced hero shit? Why do you insist upon yourself so much? Nobody wants you to save them. People would probably rather be eaten by the monster than get saved by you. They have to like...thank you if you save them which involved having to talk to you. Fucking hero, you don't quite believe in the mysterious, anonymous hero persona do you? No, you take heroism and deepthroat people with it. You always have to look the big, strong tough guy. You always have to look the "cool" guy. It's so important to you. Your masculinity is like an ancient vase, fragile and flowery as fuck. You lack any form of subtlety. Absolutely embarrassing and downright cringeworthy. You must be the most humoured person in America. "I'm fucking so cool" "Are ya Jay? N'aww ain't you just the big tough guy, ain't you? Who's a big tough guy? Who's so cool?" Shut the fuck up Jay. Go fuck yourself.
When all is said and done Jay, you're going down. You're finished and I'm going to kick this off. Ladies and Gentlemen Jay Omega's going to hell. Jay Omega's going to experience fucking gravity for once and come crashing down to Earth.
The colours stop and Occulo starts to laugh as they fade to a middle aged Jay Omega in his back yard. He is wearing a set of knock-off NASA overalls and in the middle of his garden is a ten foot rocket...made out of cardboard. We see the names of several different breakfast cereals on the rockets as if it is advertising on a Formula 1 car. He is carrying a petrol cannister, which he empties out into what looks like an immersion tank duct taped on to the side of the rocket. He goes back into his house and returns with a full petrol cannister, which again he empties into the immersion tank. Forty journies and four naps later, he finally has the immersion tank full.
Jay: T-Minus five minutes until launch. Commence final checks.
Leaning up against the rocket are four, white plastic curtain rails which he walks around testing their rigidity. One falls down and he quickly puts it back before anyone notices. Across the lawn is a green hosepipe leading up to the bottom of the rocket, which again he checks and turns the tap on on his patio, water sprays out in all directions from holes in the hosepipe.
WE HAVE A PROBLEM! GAS LEAK! GAS LEAK!!!!!!!
He grabs his duct tape and frantically tapes over the holes, spluttering as the water sprays in his face.
Leaks have been attended to and fixed. Commencing launch in t-minus twenty seconds.
He runs into the house and grabs a tupperware box of sandwiches. He places the tub inside the rocket and then grabs a blowtorch, which he uses to ignite the rocket's bottom. He kicks the
curtain rails away and steps inside the rocket, sliding across quite a nifty sliding door. The whole rocket slowly becomes more and more enveloped in fire. We then see three nurses run into the garden.
Nurse: Oh my god! Jay! No! You're not a spaceman anymore!! Someone call the fire department!!
She grabs the hosepipe and frantically tries to put the fire out. At the same time she takes out a walky talky
Nurse: Head Nurse Houston, we have a problem
We hear sirens and hysterical panic amongst the other nurses and patients as the rocket collapses in a mess of fire, cardboard, plastic, sticky tape, tin foil, clingfilm, bread, ham, glow in the dark
stars, and what looks like an astronaut outfit made out of a shower curtain and a plastic fruit bowl.
The orange, yellow and red of the fire fill the screen and Occulo appears in hysterical laughter
Occulo: Christ...that...that was too much. That could easily be next week Jay, let alone when you've become an even more deluded, senile old man. I'm really looking forward to ending you on Sunday. Your Universe has begun its big crunch. See you Sunday!!
The room reverts back to darkness and all three candles are now lit. On the other side of the candles we see Kid Occulo, staring at Occulo a vacant expression on his face.
Uhh..what...what are you doing here?
A maniacal smile spreads across his face and as he opens his mouth the candles all blow out. Occulo quickly lights a match and lights the fixture on the ceiling. He stands alone in the room.
Occulo: What...what the hell?
Jikan and Itami enter the room
Jikan: How did it go?
Occulo: Uhm...amazing. Thank you.
Itami: You look startled
Occulo: Oh? Well...it was just a bit straining that's all
Jikan: Excellent.
Itami: Occulo, we stay here tonight and head back tomorrow.
Occulo: Got it
A few hours pass and Occulo is laid in his bed in the guest room. The moonlight intermittently enters the room as outside the house is a windmill with very slow moving, yet large panels. The room goes from pitch black to illuminated with cool, blue light every five seconds. He thinks about seeing the boy in the lamp room. Why was he there? How did he disappear? He rolled over and saw...him. Kid Occulo was stood in the corner of the room illuminated by the moonlight. He slowly sat up and the room plunged into darkness. When the moonlight filled the room, again the boy was nowhere to be seen.
Occulo: What...what is this?
He laid back down and turned around to face the other way. The boy was laid next to him. Staring deep into his eyes.
Kid Occulo: Will you be our hero?
Occulo stared into his eyes as a cold sweat drenched his body.
CUT
Occulo: Jenson, Aurora and DeMarcus. Done. Gone. Beat. The warm up is over. Now the real tournament begins. Jay Omega. An old rival. You've beat me on this path before. Now I cross this bridge stronger.
Out of the darkness falls a wedge of wood on to a fire in the middle of the village. As it lands, small sparks flutter upwards and outwards like startled fireflies.
Itami: This man has beaten you before you say? On a similar path?
Occulo: Yes. It was the final of a number one contendor's match for the world title. He beat me fair and square. All ends up.
Itami: All fair you say?
Occulo: Yes Itami. No complaints.
Itami: But was it truly fair? Was your own performance in that match fair on you? Did you feel like you had cheated yourself? All that work and preparation and you fought a defeated fight all
along. That doesn't sound fair.
Occulo: I suppose you're right.
Itami: The only fair fight is the one you win. Otherwise you have lied to yourself, telling yourself you are a better fighter than you actually are.
Occulo: Damn. Give me a break!
Itami: Would you rather me rain down well meaning obfuscation on you my wisp?
Occulo: I'd rather you pass me that skewer
Itami chuckled and passes Occulo a twelve-inch metal skewer with a shiny oak handle at one end.
Thank you
He then picks up a few cubed pieces of meat sitting on a rock and impales them, before holding the skewer over the fire
Itami: I know what would benefit you Occulo.
The wrestler rotates the skewer a few times, the beef sizzling and popping out tiny blasts of fat in to the fire with a hiss.
Occulo: Aaah nice and rare. Just how I like it.
He sinks his teeth in to one of the chunks and rips it from the skewer. Tender as fuck.
Itami: Are you listening?
Occulo: Yes, sorry, go on
Itami: We're going to visit a friend of mine. Jikan. He holds an incredible secret. One that you must absolutely vow secrecy to.
Occulo: Of course. You know you can trust me.
Itami: Good. I will reveal all tomorrow. Sleep well. It is a long trip.
Occulo: Yes sir
Itami gets to his feet and walks to his house, whilst Occulo stares longingly into the very depths of the fire. He thought about how quickly things have changed, and just how much things have
changed in the past few months. The WCF had welcomed him and turned him in to a champion fighter, but gave him no direction. His constant booking into tag and trios matches gave him no room to develop. Fight for one minute or so and tag. He signed up to this as an individual and now this is how he would fight. He fought so often at the side of other competitors that he was constantly dubbed as the man who can't get it done himself. Riding on the coat tails they said. Now things were different, and this tournament was Occulo's perfect vessel to let the world know that given the chance, he can stand as the very best in the world. The UCI was the very thing he needed. It was the best thing that could have happened. No games now. Clean slate. Fight.
A small boy wearing a thick brown tunic walked up to Occulo and sat down next to him.
Occulo: Hello
The boy didn't respond, instead he just looked at Occulo with a baffled expression on his face. He looked happy and healthy, and his build insinuated that he was very much a worker.
Oh, ermm..konichiwa
The boy beamed a smile and put his hands together, bowing to his new friend. Know any more Japanese Occulo?
Ogenki desu ka? (how are you?)
He nodded
Boy: Watashi wa genkidesu (I am well)
Occulo smiled
Occulo: Namae wa? (what is your name?)
His face grimaced slightly as if he was concentrating very hard
Boy: Occ..occ...you...low
Occulo was unsure whether he had asked him the wrong question. Itami had taught him some very basic Japanese, but he was confident he hadn't asked the boy what his own name was
Occulo: Namae wa?
He pointed to the boy
Boy: Occ...you...low. Occulo. Occulo!
Occulo laughed and nodded
Occulo: Hai. Occulo (yes, Occulo)
The boy laughed and clapped his hands. He then got to his feet and started throwing several different fighting moves, each with their own utterance of sound
Kid Occulo: Hai? (Yes?)
Occulo: Hai! (Yes!)
The boy had very short dark hair, which Occulo began to realise was cut pretty much exactly the same as his. Looks like had a fan. Which was just fine.
Erm...Watashi no tonari ni suwa-tsu (sit down next to me)
The boy stopped and bowed again to Occulo, and sat down next to him, adopting the exact same seating position. He wanted to ask the boy if he should be at home at this hour, but had absolutely no idea how to ask this. Asking the boy to sit down next to him was the very extent of his knowledge.
Kid Occulo: You...you he...you hero?
Occulo looked stunned at his actual knowledge of English. He merely shrugged his shoulders, but nodded as to not disappoint him. Was he a hero already? Was his mere presence in the village a talisman? Occulo had never been a fan of heroes. He always associated heroes with cowards who can't fend for themselves...but these people, who existed in this tiny community, seemed to do so with the weight of his task on their shoulders. It became clear to him at this moment, when the boy asked if he was their hero, that he absolutely had to be, and that he was wrong all along. Those who look for a hero have looked for the hero in themselves, but faith is a fragile thing. It is the faith in themselves that lacked, but if a group of people can accumulate this faith and believe in one person who they know will save them, they know their faith will come up trumps. They had great faith in Occulo, and he would die to fulfill this. He wasn't going to let them down. The youthful, beady eyes of the child sat next to him sat like biblical text, which he only had to read to know he was the one, and if he had to sacrifice himself...well...he would cross that bridge when he came to it.
The boy looked over his shoulder as a female voice called his name. He gave Occulo a hug and bowed, before scurrying off.
Occulo: Sayonara, kid Occulo.
He smiled as he left and retired to his bed
CUT
Occulo sat in a darkened room. We see nothing, but hear his soft voice.
Occulo: Before what we see, what we hear, what we love and what we experience, there was nothing. Before time itself, there was nothing. Before everything we know. Nothing. The cosmos was a vast unknown, tightly strung together in an inconceivable mass. But then
He strikes a match
The smallest reaction of chemicals and suddenly, the nothing was filled with everything. The first spark on the line of gunpowder that would eventually lead up to the creation of Jay Omega. The Omega Man. Somewhere along this path occurred an event which intertwined your existence with the cosmos. For years later it brought you back. It brought you back from the dead. And whilst we may see that as a power, immeasurable and uncomprehendable, to the universe and whatever energy it used to bring you back, it was a mere miniscule discharge. A chance event. You got lucky Jay Omega. A mysterious energy brings a dead man back. Fuckin Jon Snow. Sadly for you though, your watch is ended.
CUT
Occulo and Itami stood in the village, making last minute preparations for their trip. Itami was busy sharpening the end of a long stick of wood in to what looked like some kind of spear. Whereas Occulo simply filled a couple of water bottles up as Kid Occulo ran up to them and bowed again.
Occulo: Ohayou gozaimasu (good morning)
Kid Occulo: Ohayou gozaimasu
Itami: ...
He scurried off and ran behind a building a few yards away. Occulo smiled and received a firm hand on his shoulder.
Come. We're leaving.
Occulo nodded and they set off down the path, and then left, in the opposite direction to the lake.
Occulo: So where are we headed? Who is this friend of yours? Jikah was it?
Itami: Jikan. He's a scientist. He used to live in the village but simply could not concentrate with the daily hustle and bustle.
Occulo: You call that hustle and bustle? You wanna live in Washington for a few years.
Itami: Anyway, he saught a secluded area to continue his study. He built a house on a harsh, snowy terrain miles from here.
Occulo: Seems a bizarre place to live
Itami: I guess he wanted to live in a place nobody else would want to. He is going to show you something quite invaluable to you.
Occulo: What?
Itami: You shall see. It is best you keep an open mind during this trip. Sometimes the best knowing is not knowing anything at all.
He's not wrong there. There are a lot of things in life, both now and in the past he would have been perfectly happy not knowing.
Occulo: How long have you been around here? Tell me more about you Itami.
Itami: You'll learn when we see Jikan. I promise you.
A few hours passed and our travellers are resting in a clearing by some tall trees with large, thick leaves that provided a refreshing canopy from the scorching sun.
Itami: We rest here.
Occulo: How much farther?
Itami: Another fifteen miles. We'll make it before sundown. Here
Itami reached into his black, cotton bag and took out a parcel, wrapped in brown parchment paper, and held together by string. He handed it to Occulo who quickly opened it
Occulo: You are a beautiful human being
Inside the parcel were some left over meat from last night's meal, covered in white rice
Itami: You'll need the strength
Occulo didn't respond, and instead set about the systematic destruction of the glorious meal. Itami took his own parcel out and consumed his meal with equal barbarism. As they finished, Itami
suddenly sat bolt upright and looked around as if he were a startled meerkat.
Occulo: Everything okay?
Itami: Silence
Occulo hushed and listened and looked around for something untowards. He could hear nothing but a strange pitter patter of feet.
Itami: IT COMES!
Occulo's curious face turned to horror as we
CUT
We return to the dark room where Occulo's face is lit by a single candle.
Occulo: Jay Omega beat me in the WCF. You were the last god damn hurdle between me and that one big match. You were a mountain back then Jay. I saw you as a monumental challenge.
He picked up the candle and slowly lifted it into the air, and then turned it upside down, revealing a gold, metallic surface of an unknown object. Suddenly a violent explosion of colour causes the very camera screen itself crackle and eventually shut off for a few seconds. We then see Occulo in what looks like some kind of tunnel of ultra bright colours, flying past him at light speed.
Occulo: The Omega Man. A man born out of the cosmos. A bastard son. Tell me Jay, when the universe raised you, what songs did it softly sing to you?
The colours stop and Occulo sings
Son of star and cosmic ray
Our celestial light shall call you Jay
And across galaxies we'll watch you play
Before you return to Earth some day
Where our Omega Man shall fight
Against his foes on Sunday nights
And if our Omega Man loses his fight
The stars will heal him with their light
The colours start to fly past Occulo, again at warp speed. We start to hear strange, distorted sounds of voices which become clearer as time passes. The colours themselves slow down and start to amalgamate into recognisable shapes. We return to the last match between Jay Omega and Occulo. The two men are battling out in the ring, as Occulo hovers above it, looking down at them.
The way I look at you Jay. Pay close attention. Because it's not going to be the way I look at you on Sunday. The way I approach you, almost with a sense of nervousness. Why? Because you were a threat back then. You were a seasoned pro and a highly skilled veteran. The whole company knew you had exactly what it takes to be champion. But you know what Jay? I can't change this past but you know since then I've grown considerably stronger. I've grown into a giant mentally and my body is ready for whatever you want to throw at it. You may have been reborn in the Bethlehem of space surrounded by a a trillion Northern Stars, but this time you're not the chosen one, you're not the messiah this company hails.
Jay lifts Occulo and slams him into the mat, sending a spray of saliva jetting out of Occulo's mouth
I brought you here to watch this Jay because I want you to remember what it was like to be better than me. I want you to remember what it was like to be in the absolute peak of your career. I want you to remember what it was like to dominate. Hold on to that feeling Jay, because however miniscule it is compared to how it felt when that bell rang, it is a damn sight better than nothing. Hold on to that feeling Jay and treasure it whilst you can. Because I'm going to replace it with the feeling of crushing inferiority. Ever since your name was placed against mine on Sunday night's card you were already beyond the event horizon. There was no escape, and the black hole of defeat started pulling you in. Gradually, but with increasing speed. On Sunday night you will be fully enveloped, and the Universe's cosmic events would have brought you back in vein. An imperfection. Another imperfection. But no failure, because everything in the universe is an objective chain of events. Cause and effect. Your birth and subsequent destruction, like everything else...just is. Jay Omega, a supernova. Just one of a trillion, trillion stars that will simply...go out. A star can take a billion years to fade and cease to be, but you Jay, it will only take..
Jay covers Occulo in the ring, the ref counts
1!
2!!
3!!
A three count. Only three seconds, but it feels like a lifetime. Still, you'd know all about relativity wouldn't you, Jay Omega?
We hear the sound of the bell ring, but the one single note of the bell carries on, like a stuck record. As the tone continues the ring and everything around it move in extremely slow motion
You'd know, all about, relativity, wouldn't you, Jay Omega?
The action below him then explode into different colours, and again race past Occulo, until he is once more in total darkness
CUT
Itami: Occulo, hide. Now.
Occulo's terror holds him still. Approaching them was a creature unlike anything he'd ever seen before. It was a yellow, almost leapord like creature with two arched black horns protruding from its forehead. Its tail split in to three and flapped in the air as it galloped towards them, its teeth slightly tainted red, as if it had just eaten a bloody meal of flesh and bone.
I said hide!!
The beast sprung at Itami, who ducked and delivered a single, winding punch to its gut. With a yelp it seemed to bounce off his fist and flop to the ground.
Occulo!!
Occulo nodded and briskly climbed a nearby tree and hid in its canopy. The beast got back to its feet and stalked Itami, its briliant blue eyes slightly bloodshot from the blow.
Leave us. We are not your meal today.
Creature: You're my meal when I say you're my meal. Now stay there so I can rip you to pieces and feast on your gut.
Itami snarled and ran at the beast, that dodged, but as it tilted its head it's horn created a long, deep gash in Itami's leg, causing him to stumble and crash to the ground.
Occulo: Itami!!
Creature: Ahhh, it's always so much easier when they are already bleeding.
Itami tries to get to his feet, blood oozing out of his open wound. He manages, but is very unsteady.
Itami: Stupid, brainless beast.
Creature: I'll suck your blood from your wound, every last drop. I prefer to do this when my prey is alive, the twitching is joyous.
Itami: Try it.
The creature lunges at Itami, its teeth like knives. Itami crouches slightly and times a punch, that goes in to the creature's mouth and further, further down it's throat. The creature's eyes glare and Itami whispers into its ear.
Today, you die.
The earth shudders slightly as the entire back half of the creature is blasted off with a powerful, almost hurricane like blast of wind from Itami's hand. The explosion of blood, innards, fur and bone sprays out on to the clearing.
Occulo: Holy shit...
Itami removes his arm from the twitching, convulsing front half of the creature, which he throws to the side. Occulo climbs down and tends to Itami.
Are you alright? That was incredible. What was that??
Itami: That was a Niku Rippa. They are in abundance in these parts. But there's no need to worry now. Come here.
Itami smears two diagonal streaks of the Rippa's blood on to Occulo's face, and then his own
The Rippa can smell its own blood. It's like a repellant for them. It takes something powerful to beat these things in combat, so they know if they can smell their blood, it means extreme danger
is nearby.
Occulo: Well, it's a good job you're covered in it then
Itami: Quite. Come, this has delayed us too much. We need to make up some time.
Occulo: Right
They gather their things and proceed down the path. Occulo could not quite believe what he had just seen. Talking fucking leapords with horns and...whatever that was that Itami did. The true
power of Single Cloud was becoming more and and more clear to him, and the thought that one day he would harness this incredible power excited him more than anything in his entire life.
CUT
We open back up to the dark room. Occulo is still illuminated by the first candle. He then strikes another match and lights up a candle next to it. We see a bit more of the room he is in. Japanese characters run down on vertical banners, but we are unable to see fully what they say. The only thing we see is "TxMx xS x xExxON". We see blank white panels framed by thick wood, which provide support for the building they are in.
Occulo: Now is the most important part of time isn't it Jay? Now is how we react to the past and how we shape our futures. Now is the state of being. Now is the product of every mistake and every action we have ever experienced. In the past you were better than me Jay, you were better than me, but this is the now and it matters not how you could beat me back then, but what happened since then that makes it all too clear that I can beat you now. I have trained and taught myself and I have been taught by real, authentic masters. I am a considerably better fighter, and I am equipped both mentally and physically to beat you in to the ground. Whatever you were in the past, is irrelevant. You're my opponent and you're a hurdle I have to scale. The Jay Omega that we all know and love is finished. You are hanging on desperately to a life that has ended. You are hanging on desperately to this, your one and only purpose. When Jay Omega loses on Sunday night what will become of him? That will become clear soon to you. But I expect that failure in this tournament will spell the end of your career. You can no longer fight amongst the big guns and you can no longer challenge for the world title. You see you are probably thinking that I'm massively underestimating you. I can say with absolute confidence that I am absolutely not. You're a lesser creature and a lesser threat. Going out in the 2nd round is not even an underachievement for you. It's exactly right. It's spot on. I want people to remember you as a failure Jay. A self-absorbed, arrogant failure.
You want your place in the cosmos? I'll give you one. I'll give you the place of a tennis ball sized rock just barrelling its way through the darkness. Lost. Aimless. Totally powerless. A piece of rock that was perhaps once part of a grand planet, or a meteor that could destroy whole worlds and claim their essence as its own. But now, now you're hurtling towards the world of the UCI and I assure you're just going to burn up in the atmosphere and become nothing dust and vapour. You're doomed Jay, and it's going to be an absolute pleasure to be the one to end you.
He takes the candle, and again lifts up the gold object. We see a bit more of it now, and we see it is some kind of golden lamp. It has Japanese characters enscribed on it, but we cannot decipher them. He tips the lamp and out of it comes a thick, black liquid that oddly seems to shine. As soon as the liquid makes contact with the flame we see an explosion of colour once again. Occulo fades from our picture and the colours fade in to black...we then hear a tune.
THE JAY OMEGA GUIDE TO THE GALAXY (HOW TO GET BACK TO EARTH)
Time: 16:00
Destruction of Jay Omega due 18:00
Time to elapse before the end of Jay Omega: 2:00
RESURRECTED IN SPACE?
DON'T PANIC
Destruction of Jay Omega due 18:00
Time to elapse before the end of Jay Omega: 2:00
RESURRECTED IN SPACE?
DON'T PANIC
We then hear a voice narrate
Far out in the cosmos, a mere eighteen degrees parallel to the Prime Terralax a remarkable yet rather unsuccessful man named Jay Omega appeared out of nowhere like a fart in an empty room.
"Oh, I'm alive after all" said Jay, somehow harnessing the ability to respire in a vaccuum where there is no air, and somehow managing to stay alive. The apparently gilled Omega, floated around the emptiness like one of those strange seeds that weirdly float around your living room with the white, fluffy wings. Not long before this "event" Jay had been barbecued like a garlic bread in the oven of a recently reunited couple of which the husband had been on a business trip in Armenia for eighteen months. In the village hall of the Prime Terralax, the Events Comittee were discussing just what to do this Summer because the strawberry fair had to be cancelled because their nearest sun had unfortunately become the victim of a violent supernova, and let's face it, who wants to eat strawberries and cream in the dark? Klaxbert had only been on the comittee for a week when he decided "Oh, I know what would be a good idea, wouldn't it be hilarious if we just went totally left field and brought back a wrestler from a tiny wrestling company, on a tiny country called America, ona tiny planet called Earth, in a tiny galaxy called the Milky Way?". Because the comittee hadn't come up with a better idea than a galaxy wide game of hide and seek, this idea was motioned and with the explosive magnitude of a discount store party popper the cooked well done Jay Omega was reborn. The comittee celebrated and received a vote of confidence which read "Who needs a life giving, energy producing celestial body to have a good time?".
After quite a bit of floating and the Grade 2 learning of a number of rather pretty gymanstic maneouveres, Jay was picked up by the number 157 service from Wardrobica to Chairlegica. The driver wasn't best pleased. The moustached Sofaad thought Jay to be a drunk who had strayed from the pub named "Saturn's rings, aren't they lovely?" and only took him on board after a 51% vote amongst the passengers to do so. He became even more cross when they decided this would be a good opportunity for a sing song.
"Oh, I'm alive after all" said Jay, somehow harnessing the ability to respire in a vaccuum where there is no air, and somehow managing to stay alive. The apparently gilled Omega, floated around the emptiness like one of those strange seeds that weirdly float around your living room with the white, fluffy wings. Not long before this "event" Jay had been barbecued like a garlic bread in the oven of a recently reunited couple of which the husband had been on a business trip in Armenia for eighteen months. In the village hall of the Prime Terralax, the Events Comittee were discussing just what to do this Summer because the strawberry fair had to be cancelled because their nearest sun had unfortunately become the victim of a violent supernova, and let's face it, who wants to eat strawberries and cream in the dark? Klaxbert had only been on the comittee for a week when he decided "Oh, I know what would be a good idea, wouldn't it be hilarious if we just went totally left field and brought back a wrestler from a tiny wrestling company, on a tiny country called America, ona tiny planet called Earth, in a tiny galaxy called the Milky Way?". Because the comittee hadn't come up with a better idea than a galaxy wide game of hide and seek, this idea was motioned and with the explosive magnitude of a discount store party popper the cooked well done Jay Omega was reborn. The comittee celebrated and received a vote of confidence which read "Who needs a life giving, energy producing celestial body to have a good time?".
After quite a bit of floating and the Grade 2 learning of a number of rather pretty gymanstic maneouveres, Jay was picked up by the number 157 service from Wardrobica to Chairlegica. The driver wasn't best pleased. The moustached Sofaad thought Jay to be a drunk who had strayed from the pub named "Saturn's rings, aren't they lovely?" and only took him on board after a 51% vote amongst the passengers to do so. He became even more cross when they decided this would be a good opportunity for a sing song.
~*~ Oh we love a good bus ride ~*~
~*~ From the north to the south side ~*~
~*~ Picking up stragglers on the way ~*~
~*~ From the north to the south side ~*~
~*~ Picking up stragglers on the way ~*~
This repeated about eleven times until the driver simply warned them that he would quite happily turn the bus around if they did not stop with their incessant rambling. Jay arrived at the rather
pretty planet of Chairlegica, which was as pleasant as a cup of tea and a rich tea biscuit at your grandmother's bungalow in Torquay after a long drive from Whitby. Jay stepped off the bus and hadn't a Jimmy Choo what to do next. The Charligica tourist information centre had just opened up for the day and was warmly welcomed by Jay. As he stepped through the door a small tin bell rang and he was greeted by an automated message on the tannoy
"Welcome to Chairligica. We have a wide range of different things to see and do here. Why not go for a leisurely swim in the tepid lake where you can fulfill your lifelong dream of swimming with hodgehegs. Or head for the mountains for great views of the city and snowboarding and skiing, but please be aware that skiiers are held in great disregard here as most of them are pretentious cunts. Welcome to Chairlegicia. We have a wide range of..."
The announcement looped and was more annoying than when you want a piece of clingfilm and you can't quite find the end of it, and when you do you end up just ripping off a small piece and the whole thing just goes to pot like a rainy bank holiday in Cornwall. He walked up to the shop assistant who had a name badge that simply read "John". Surprised by the common name, and hopeful this was somehow an Earthling, Jay asked "Excuse me, I wish to travel to Earth, can you help me?". John looked as confused as Adam Young does when someone mentions a ten thousand word limit to him. John looked through an open door behind the counter and shouted "John! This alien freak wants to know how to get to Earth!". John giggled and received a reply "Oh! How silly!" said the voice. John then just stared at Jay in silence. "So is that a no then?" asked Jay. "Earth is far" said John. John then appeared from the door behind the counter, her long blonde hair rested above her broad, sail like shoulders. "So you wanna go to Earth? That'll cost you, won't it John?" "Yes John it will. At least 17 pence" said John. "17 pence?" said Jay. "Yes, low class common folk like you will have take the Intergalactic Express plane". "That's fine, but 17 pence...why 17 pence?" asked Jay, as baffled as a house fly is when he can't quite comprehend that flying into a glass window isn't the way out. John rolled her eyes and said "17 pence is an Earth currency. You want to travel? You need that currency". Jay slinked away from the counter like an inflatable dinghy that hadn't been tied up on Brighton beach well enough because their owners were from Leeds and lacked this basic level of survival training.
He exited the tourist information centre and noticed a four armed behemoth standing in a ring of neatly folded jumpers. A sign, near the ring read "If you beat me I'l give you 17 pence. Jay squealed at the convenience and headed over to the four armed man. "I accept your challenge!" said Jay. A man stepped from behind the four armed man and it was actually just two men stood behind each other. What an amazing illusion. Jay was absolutely flabbergasted by it, and just could not for the life of him figure out how it was done. "If you beat me, we'll give you 17 pence. You look like you are built to be a fighter so I expect a grand challenge!" said the two men in unison. One of the men exited the ring and started sweeping. For some reason their skin resembled corn on the cob. Aliens though. Jay began brawling with the man and was shocked at how utterly weak he had become. "What is this? I used to be world class, but now I can't even wrestle with a corn on the cob alien!" The alien slapped him across the face, creating a loud clapping sound like a fisherman throwing a wet cod on to one that had been there a couple of hours already in May. "Ow! For goodness sake that hurt!" said Jay, trying not to cry.
The alien then kicked him in the shin. "Awaaaaah" cried Jay. "Have you no restraint?" he moaned. The alien chortled, guffawed and laughed at the ease of this all so important battle for Mr Omega. He lifted Jay Omega in to the air and threw him to the ground, like a toddler throwing a tonka truck to the ground because well, it didn't really do what the real ones do. Jay wearily got to his feet and staggered in the presence of the great corn on the cob alien. "Ow" said the alien, looking at his feet. "What?" asked the curious Jay. "My corns are giving me a bit of jip" said the alien. Jay giggled at the irony and ran over, he then stamped on the alien's feet and pushed him over. The alien landed outside of the ring and rolled away, passed the tourist information centre and towards a barbecue they were having because last week it didn't rain, and that's a big deal on planet Chairlegica. The other alien handed him 17 pence and said "Well done. Shame you're an awful fighter. Honestly, you're really really bad. I'd happily and honestly say that you are by far the worst fighter I think I've ever seen. If John didn't have corns you may well be dead! Zero out of ten. No stars out of five. Utterly dreadful. Pathetically bad. You sir, could not outwrestle the bulbous daffodall man of planet gardencentre" Jay looked at the ground, his bottom lip shaking. "Okay that's enough" warbled Jay. "No, that's not. You are going to stand there and listen to all of the things in the universe you could not beat in a fight to emphasise just how bobbins you are at fighting. Another one, Tina Richmond from planet Xyzzy could beat you, and she only has one set of lungs!". An hour later the alien had finished comparing him to the rubbish of the universe and bid him farewell. Jay returned to the tourist information centre.
"Welcome to Chairligica. We have a wide range of different things to see and do here. Why not go for a leisurely swim in the tepid lake where you can fulfill your lifelong dream of swimming with hodgehegs. Or head for the mountains for great views of the city and snowboarding and skiing, but please be aware that skiiers are held in great disregard here as most of them are pretentious cunts. Welcome to Chairlegicia. We have a wide range of..."
"Hello John" said Jay. John looked up and beamed a smile at Jay, ready for his next HILARIOUS request. "Yes Sir, what can I do for you now? Do you want me to turn water into wine this time? Yeah? Feed the five thousand? Haha I read this ridiculous book about this superhero that could do these silly kinds of things". Jay placed the 17 pence on the counter. "Goodness! 17 pence! One way trip to Earth?" said the surprised John, who looked as shocked as a Traffic Warden receiving the key to the city. Jay smiled and received his tickets. "The flight leaves in ten minutes just out the back here" directed John, who Jay followed out the door behind the counter and to his amazement the grand spaceship that would take him back to Earth was actually a Ryanair Boeing 737 commercial jet. "Bon voyage" said John. Jay nodded and boarded the plane. He was the only one on the plane, oh, except for Steve Buscemi for some reason. "Welcome to the Ryanair flight to Earth" said the pilot who sounded as enthusiastic as a stamp collector with a leaky roof. "We're going in a minute, put your seatbelt on. NOW" finished the pilot. Jay was going back to Earth and had survived the mysteries of the cosmos. He decided that he was the man. He decided he was the "Omega Man". To which he then shed a tear because that is just horrible.
Now Jay is in a fighting tournament where he has to fight a man called Occulo who has actually done something in the past few months. Unlike Jay. Jay had about as much chance of victory as a volatile tourettes sufferer with a violent tick where every few seconds he thrashed his hands about.
THE END
pretty planet of Chairlegica, which was as pleasant as a cup of tea and a rich tea biscuit at your grandmother's bungalow in Torquay after a long drive from Whitby. Jay stepped off the bus and hadn't a Jimmy Choo what to do next. The Charligica tourist information centre had just opened up for the day and was warmly welcomed by Jay. As he stepped through the door a small tin bell rang and he was greeted by an automated message on the tannoy
"Welcome to Chairligica. We have a wide range of different things to see and do here. Why not go for a leisurely swim in the tepid lake where you can fulfill your lifelong dream of swimming with hodgehegs. Or head for the mountains for great views of the city and snowboarding and skiing, but please be aware that skiiers are held in great disregard here as most of them are pretentious cunts. Welcome to Chairlegicia. We have a wide range of..."
The announcement looped and was more annoying than when you want a piece of clingfilm and you can't quite find the end of it, and when you do you end up just ripping off a small piece and the whole thing just goes to pot like a rainy bank holiday in Cornwall. He walked up to the shop assistant who had a name badge that simply read "John". Surprised by the common name, and hopeful this was somehow an Earthling, Jay asked "Excuse me, I wish to travel to Earth, can you help me?". John looked as confused as Adam Young does when someone mentions a ten thousand word limit to him. John looked through an open door behind the counter and shouted "John! This alien freak wants to know how to get to Earth!". John giggled and received a reply "Oh! How silly!" said the voice. John then just stared at Jay in silence. "So is that a no then?" asked Jay. "Earth is far" said John. John then appeared from the door behind the counter, her long blonde hair rested above her broad, sail like shoulders. "So you wanna go to Earth? That'll cost you, won't it John?" "Yes John it will. At least 17 pence" said John. "17 pence?" said Jay. "Yes, low class common folk like you will have take the Intergalactic Express plane". "That's fine, but 17 pence...why 17 pence?" asked Jay, as baffled as a house fly is when he can't quite comprehend that flying into a glass window isn't the way out. John rolled her eyes and said "17 pence is an Earth currency. You want to travel? You need that currency". Jay slinked away from the counter like an inflatable dinghy that hadn't been tied up on Brighton beach well enough because their owners were from Leeds and lacked this basic level of survival training.
He exited the tourist information centre and noticed a four armed behemoth standing in a ring of neatly folded jumpers. A sign, near the ring read "If you beat me I'l give you 17 pence. Jay squealed at the convenience and headed over to the four armed man. "I accept your challenge!" said Jay. A man stepped from behind the four armed man and it was actually just two men stood behind each other. What an amazing illusion. Jay was absolutely flabbergasted by it, and just could not for the life of him figure out how it was done. "If you beat me, we'll give you 17 pence. You look like you are built to be a fighter so I expect a grand challenge!" said the two men in unison. One of the men exited the ring and started sweeping. For some reason their skin resembled corn on the cob. Aliens though. Jay began brawling with the man and was shocked at how utterly weak he had become. "What is this? I used to be world class, but now I can't even wrestle with a corn on the cob alien!" The alien slapped him across the face, creating a loud clapping sound like a fisherman throwing a wet cod on to one that had been there a couple of hours already in May. "Ow! For goodness sake that hurt!" said Jay, trying not to cry.
The alien then kicked him in the shin. "Awaaaaah" cried Jay. "Have you no restraint?" he moaned. The alien chortled, guffawed and laughed at the ease of this all so important battle for Mr Omega. He lifted Jay Omega in to the air and threw him to the ground, like a toddler throwing a tonka truck to the ground because well, it didn't really do what the real ones do. Jay wearily got to his feet and staggered in the presence of the great corn on the cob alien. "Ow" said the alien, looking at his feet. "What?" asked the curious Jay. "My corns are giving me a bit of jip" said the alien. Jay giggled at the irony and ran over, he then stamped on the alien's feet and pushed him over. The alien landed outside of the ring and rolled away, passed the tourist information centre and towards a barbecue they were having because last week it didn't rain, and that's a big deal on planet Chairlegica. The other alien handed him 17 pence and said "Well done. Shame you're an awful fighter. Honestly, you're really really bad. I'd happily and honestly say that you are by far the worst fighter I think I've ever seen. If John didn't have corns you may well be dead! Zero out of ten. No stars out of five. Utterly dreadful. Pathetically bad. You sir, could not outwrestle the bulbous daffodall man of planet gardencentre" Jay looked at the ground, his bottom lip shaking. "Okay that's enough" warbled Jay. "No, that's not. You are going to stand there and listen to all of the things in the universe you could not beat in a fight to emphasise just how bobbins you are at fighting. Another one, Tina Richmond from planet Xyzzy could beat you, and she only has one set of lungs!". An hour later the alien had finished comparing him to the rubbish of the universe and bid him farewell. Jay returned to the tourist information centre.
"Welcome to Chairligica. We have a wide range of different things to see and do here. Why not go for a leisurely swim in the tepid lake where you can fulfill your lifelong dream of swimming with hodgehegs. Or head for the mountains for great views of the city and snowboarding and skiing, but please be aware that skiiers are held in great disregard here as most of them are pretentious cunts. Welcome to Chairlegicia. We have a wide range of..."
"Hello John" said Jay. John looked up and beamed a smile at Jay, ready for his next HILARIOUS request. "Yes Sir, what can I do for you now? Do you want me to turn water into wine this time? Yeah? Feed the five thousand? Haha I read this ridiculous book about this superhero that could do these silly kinds of things". Jay placed the 17 pence on the counter. "Goodness! 17 pence! One way trip to Earth?" said the surprised John, who looked as shocked as a Traffic Warden receiving the key to the city. Jay smiled and received his tickets. "The flight leaves in ten minutes just out the back here" directed John, who Jay followed out the door behind the counter and to his amazement the grand spaceship that would take him back to Earth was actually a Ryanair Boeing 737 commercial jet. "Bon voyage" said John. Jay nodded and boarded the plane. He was the only one on the plane, oh, except for Steve Buscemi for some reason. "Welcome to the Ryanair flight to Earth" said the pilot who sounded as enthusiastic as a stamp collector with a leaky roof. "We're going in a minute, put your seatbelt on. NOW" finished the pilot. Jay was going back to Earth and had survived the mysteries of the cosmos. He decided that he was the man. He decided he was the "Omega Man". To which he then shed a tear because that is just horrible.
Now Jay is in a fighting tournament where he has to fight a man called Occulo who has actually done something in the past few months. Unlike Jay. Jay had about as much chance of victory as a volatile tourettes sufferer with a violent tick where every few seconds he thrashed his hands about.
THE END
Occulo: You're clueless Jay. As much as you may think, the Universe is not on your side.
The colours fade to black as Occulo returns to the candle-lit room.
CUT
Occulo and Itami trudge lethargically across the now snowy landscape. Jikan's house was in plain sight, and Occulo was slightly nervous
Occulo: This Jikan, will he be pleased to see us?
Itami: He is my closest friend my wisp, you have nothing to fear. A friend of mine is a friend of his. Just, don't be too loud or boisterious.
Occulo: Yeah, I have a bad reputation for that
Jikan's house was made of dark stone with a thick, thatched roof, It wasn't too big, or too small. It was a refuge on an arctic tundra, and Occulo was still expecting a frosty reception. Itami walked up to the door which was made of cast iron and had a small peephole in the middle. He knocked on the door with rather thunderous bangs. After about ten seconds the door creaked open and stood on the other side of the door was a rather....rotund man. He was completely bald and was wearing a thick brown gown, with furry boots.
Jikan: Itami...my old friend
Jikan embraced Itami, who warmly patted him on the back
Itami: It is good to see you
Jikan parted and welcomed them in
Jikan: Please, come in out of the cold. I'll put some tea on.
Itami walked in and Occulo took a deep breath and followed him inside. The house was surprisingly warm, and the walls consisted of clear white panels seperated by thick, wooden support beams. There wasn't much in the way of material possessions, and in one room was a large desk surrounded by various scientific instruments. The three of them walked through to his kitchen area, in which was a large, round oak table. Itami and Occulo sat around the table whilst Jikan prepared the tea busily.
Itami: Jikan, please meet my student, Occulo
Jikan walked over to Occulo and bowed, and Occulo reciprocated.
He is an American that we have chosen to learn The Single Cloud
Jikan looked nonplussed by this. Perhaps he was that good a friend with Itami that he had full faith, that when the time came, they would prevail. He brought the tea over and rested it on the table, before taking a seat.
Jikan: So, what brings you here?
Itami: We are here for your assistance Jikan. You see Occulo is a professional wrestler in America.
Jikan: Oh how interesting!
Itami: I thought it would be useful for him if he were to experience the abilities of the Jikan Lamp.
Jikan looked at Itami with stunned silence
Occulo: ...
Jikan: The lamp...the lamp is not just for everyday use Itami...
Itami: Please Jikan. It will aid Occulo in his quest to win his tournament. His opponent you see defeated him in a similar tournament a year or so ago. If Occulo were to be able to look back and see how he fought, he would learn how far he is come and help him realise that he can beat him. Also, his opponent has a particularly interesting story.
Jikan: Well. A friend of yours is a friend of mine, and I never let down a friend. Come Occulo, let me show you the Jikan Lamp.
Jikan got to his feet and they exited the kitchen. Itami nodded at Occulo, who smiled back. They headed into a pitch black room. It was muggy and had a very musky smell.
Jikan: Be careful
He lit a match and held it up to a light fixture on the ceiling, which erupted into life and illuminated the rest of the room. It was bare, except for a small table in the middle with three candles
resting on a candleholder. Behind the table were two banners, which vertically read "TIME IS A WEAPON" in Japanese characters. Jikan picked up a glorious golden lamp. It had Japanese characters which read Jikan (time).
Itami: Beautiful. You did it.
Jikan lifted the lid and showed Occulo and Itami the contents. It was a strange, black liquid that seemed to shine as it moved. It was real, but for some reason didn't follow normal physics, as when it was sloshed about, it jumped a couple of seconds in time.
Jikan: This, is time. Have you ever thought about time Occulo?
Occulo: Not with great consideration sir
Jikan: Time is a fluid thing. It flows across the universe. It flows quicker for some than others, and it flows slower for some than others. It only flows in one direction, but what if we could build vessel that can sail on the sea of time?
Occulo smiled enthusiastically
As you know, when water meets fire it creates steam, which can move in all directions. If we can convert this liquid time into steam, we can see things in the past, present and the future.
Occulo: How did you make time in to liquid sir?
Jikan rested one hand on Occulo's shoulder
Jikan: This lamp is an extremely ancient device. It was in the village when Yama Uba attacked, but long, long, long before that, the mountain experienced a colossal eruption, and within seconds the whole village, as well as the village of Raibaru were completely frozen in time by the flow of ash and fire. The God Heiwa, deeply saddened by the events, wanted to capture this lost time. So he created the Jikan lamp, and melted down the remains of the village in to it. He hoped one day the lamp would be discovered and people would use it to see just how prosperous the villages
were back at this great time.
Occulo: Incredible...
Jikan: Indeed. I have used the lamp in such a way, and they were truly prosperous times. But then I found, that if I added some of my essence into the liquid, I can see in to my own past, present and future.
Occulo: What if you ran out of the liquid?
Jikan: Would we ever run out of time?
Occulo: Touché
Jikan: Sorry?
Occulo: Never mind
Jikan: I want you to try it Occulo. The lamp will use your essence and read you to show you what you need to see. These three candles, there is one for past, one for present, and one for future. Simply light one, pour the liquid on to the flame, and you'll experience it. The candles go from left to right.
Itami: Astounding. You are truly a genius Jikan.
Jikan: Thank you. Amazing what you can achieve with no distractions!
Itami: Indeed
Jikan: Come. We shall leave Occulo to it. It may be dangerous for us to exist in the same room when he looks at his past. We have a lot of catching up to do. Occulo, come find us when you have
finished.
Occulo: Yes, I will, thank you
Jikan puts out the light on the ceiling, and they leave the room. Occulo stands in the darkness.
CUT
We reopen to Occulo in the room, the past and present candles lit up.
Occulo: Jay Omega, you stupid clown. We've seen your past and your present, now, what does the future hold for Jay Omega?
He lights the final candle, takes the Jikan Lamp and pours it over the flame. This time nothing happens, not a for a few seconds...then there is an almighty colour explosion. They woosh past him as he speaks
Occulo: I don't fucking like you Jay. I never have done. There's nothing likeable about you whatsoever. You're an utterly ridiculous moron who has this grand idea of himself, thinking that you are too big for this earth and that space is the only place big enough for your big fucking head. Well, you're right there. Why don't you just go and hop in a fucking rocket and fuck off if you like space that much. "The Omega Man" you stupid fucking plank. You're just a man. I'm just a man. Joey is just a man. Hell, fucking CrowMac is just a man. Get off your ridiculous pedestal and -oh shit, you forgot your parachute when stepping off. You are by far the most deluded, ridiculous schizoid idiot in this company, and the WCF, and hell probably in the fucking world. Just who exactly do you think you are, strutting around singing like some kind of mentally ill chicken? Was it supposed to be funny? Are we supposed to absolutely breathtaken at your incredible originality? Oh yeah, clap clap, you absolute card. Jay Omega the all dancing, all singing super space man. I think we found a video of you being resurrected in your stupid fucking prime terralax of you being resurrected:
You're fucking Spanish Buzz, except you're not funny. The levels in which you absolutely give everyone a migraine and bore us to tears, yeah that's too infinity and beyond. I am going to give you such a brutal kicking, not even because I want to go through to the next round, no, I want to give you such a brutal kicking because I absolutely detest you. I just wish you'd shut up for one second. You're the James Corden of the UCI world. Some cringeworthy, lump of "personality" who thinks he's so hilarious. You want a mystery of the universe Jay? It's a mystery that A: Corden gets so much air time and B: How you get so much air time. You're the Gemini constellation. Two sides of the same moon. Everyone with half a brain absolutely fucking detests you and sighs every time you appear on screen. Quit with your whole...well...persona Jay. Just be the normal guy you are. Just be a guy called "Jay". You'd become 1% more likeable instantly. Your space ships and your black holes and your galaxies won't fucking save you in the ring Jay. At least what I'm doing is for my own development. What do you? Ponce around dancing about space and stars and you died and then didn't die. Yeah that'll help you become a good wrestler won't it? Yeah nothing says "I'm gonna be a world champion" like the "Brief History of a Dickhead" every fucking week. Your little space stories aren't interesting, it's more like this:
Oh look there you are in the first few seconds surrounded by all of your annoying, ridiculous characters. Your stories are as equally educational, as in "kids, here is how to NOT promote yourself".
Also what is with all this embarrassing forced hero shit? Why do you insist upon yourself so much? Nobody wants you to save them. People would probably rather be eaten by the monster than get saved by you. They have to like...thank you if you save them which involved having to talk to you. Fucking hero, you don't quite believe in the mysterious, anonymous hero persona do you? No, you take heroism and deepthroat people with it. You always have to look the big, strong tough guy. You always have to look the "cool" guy. It's so important to you. Your masculinity is like an ancient vase, fragile and flowery as fuck. You lack any form of subtlety. Absolutely embarrassing and downright cringeworthy. You must be the most humoured person in America. "I'm fucking so cool" "Are ya Jay? N'aww ain't you just the big tough guy, ain't you? Who's a big tough guy? Who's so cool?" Shut the fuck up Jay. Go fuck yourself.
When all is said and done Jay, you're going down. You're finished and I'm going to kick this off. Ladies and Gentlemen Jay Omega's going to hell. Jay Omega's going to experience fucking gravity for once and come crashing down to Earth.
The colours stop and Occulo starts to laugh as they fade to a middle aged Jay Omega in his back yard. He is wearing a set of knock-off NASA overalls and in the middle of his garden is a ten foot rocket...made out of cardboard. We see the names of several different breakfast cereals on the rockets as if it is advertising on a Formula 1 car. He is carrying a petrol cannister, which he empties out into what looks like an immersion tank duct taped on to the side of the rocket. He goes back into his house and returns with a full petrol cannister, which again he empties into the immersion tank. Forty journies and four naps later, he finally has the immersion tank full.
Jay: T-Minus five minutes until launch. Commence final checks.
Leaning up against the rocket are four, white plastic curtain rails which he walks around testing their rigidity. One falls down and he quickly puts it back before anyone notices. Across the lawn is a green hosepipe leading up to the bottom of the rocket, which again he checks and turns the tap on on his patio, water sprays out in all directions from holes in the hosepipe.
WE HAVE A PROBLEM! GAS LEAK! GAS LEAK!!!!!!!
He grabs his duct tape and frantically tapes over the holes, spluttering as the water sprays in his face.
Leaks have been attended to and fixed. Commencing launch in t-minus twenty seconds.
He runs into the house and grabs a tupperware box of sandwiches. He places the tub inside the rocket and then grabs a blowtorch, which he uses to ignite the rocket's bottom. He kicks the
curtain rails away and steps inside the rocket, sliding across quite a nifty sliding door. The whole rocket slowly becomes more and more enveloped in fire. We then see three nurses run into the garden.
Nurse: Oh my god! Jay! No! You're not a spaceman anymore!! Someone call the fire department!!
She grabs the hosepipe and frantically tries to put the fire out. At the same time she takes out a walky talky
Nurse: Head Nurse Houston, we have a problem
We hear sirens and hysterical panic amongst the other nurses and patients as the rocket collapses in a mess of fire, cardboard, plastic, sticky tape, tin foil, clingfilm, bread, ham, glow in the dark
stars, and what looks like an astronaut outfit made out of a shower curtain and a plastic fruit bowl.
The orange, yellow and red of the fire fill the screen and Occulo appears in hysterical laughter
Occulo: Christ...that...that was too much. That could easily be next week Jay, let alone when you've become an even more deluded, senile old man. I'm really looking forward to ending you on Sunday. Your Universe has begun its big crunch. See you Sunday!!
The room reverts back to darkness and all three candles are now lit. On the other side of the candles we see Kid Occulo, staring at Occulo a vacant expression on his face.
Uhh..what...what are you doing here?
A maniacal smile spreads across his face and as he opens his mouth the candles all blow out. Occulo quickly lights a match and lights the fixture on the ceiling. He stands alone in the room.
Occulo: What...what the hell?
Jikan and Itami enter the room
Jikan: How did it go?
Occulo: Uhm...amazing. Thank you.
Itami: You look startled
Occulo: Oh? Well...it was just a bit straining that's all
Jikan: Excellent.
Itami: Occulo, we stay here tonight and head back tomorrow.
Occulo: Got it
A few hours pass and Occulo is laid in his bed in the guest room. The moonlight intermittently enters the room as outside the house is a windmill with very slow moving, yet large panels. The room goes from pitch black to illuminated with cool, blue light every five seconds. He thinks about seeing the boy in the lamp room. Why was he there? How did he disappear? He rolled over and saw...him. Kid Occulo was stood in the corner of the room illuminated by the moonlight. He slowly sat up and the room plunged into darkness. When the moonlight filled the room, again the boy was nowhere to be seen.
Occulo: What...what is this?
He laid back down and turned around to face the other way. The boy was laid next to him. Staring deep into his eyes.
Kid Occulo: Will you be our hero?
Occulo stared into his eyes as a cold sweat drenched his body.
CUT
