From the Desk of D.D. Means - Volume 1
Aug 10, 2017 21:59:07 GMT -6
Bonnie Blue, Alex Richards, and 4 more like this
Post by @DeztinySpeaks on Aug 10, 2017 21:59:07 GMT -6
From the desk of Miss D.D. Means" vol. 1
Hey guys!! What's up internet wrestling fans?! Those of you native to the greatest city on planet EARTH and my home of Philadelphia may remember my editorial column from the Philadelphia Daily News. If you followed that, then you're aware PDN and I parted ways, mutually. I wanted to write about what was in my heart more than what the publisher wanted to hear, and for me that meant I had to branch out! If you know me, you know my love of combat sports...but our publisher didn't believe in covering the vivid world of professional wrestling, or the brutal world of mixed martial arts for that matter, in his paper. So that leaves me without a job.
Until today! Today, I'm writing this blog on a tryout so to speak, to potentially become the newest member of the United Championship Infinite media team! I'll be reviewing their most recent show, initial reactions, and trying to publicize them further. And, if they like what they see, maybe this becomes a reoccuring thing. If not, no harm no foul, I'm happy to finally be writing about something I love! Now, with that out of the way, let's get on with volume one of my "From the Desk" series!
Okay, so, we're looking at their "Summermania" event, which aired on July 31st. It's a big show too, how exciting my first blog is going to start with such a huge event! Up first, Nova-Kaine is having, it sounds like a bit of an open challenge. Ooh, how surprising! Let's see how it turns out!
"The Raging Storm", the two-hundred twenty-five pound monster...Sah'ta Thor answers the challenge! You think Nova might be regretting this now? Sah'ta Thor has dominated this encounter thus fa -- whoa, a neckbreaker by Nova, and a frog splash follow up! But just a two count, the Raging Storm is still in this! Sah'ta rises, a pair of chops and a punch to the heart, now Nova is back to receiving. Nova looks like he's on drean street -- WHOAMG, what a running knee strike from Sah'ta Thor, that has to be it! I don't think Nova has even moved after....wow, even the crowd knew it was over, they were in unison with the referee as he counted!
Winner: "The Raging Storm" Sah'ta Thor!
Up next we have Sam Kidsgrove, taking on the "smartest man in UCI", Joe Smarts! ...I don't think Joe is really smart...but this crowd sure does seem to LOVE Sammy! What a heart throb .
A series of ten suplexes and a running knee from nowhere, sees Sam Kidsgrove walk away victorious! And maybe lookin' a bit cuter as he does.
Winner: Sam Kidsgrove
Next is El Payaso Loco versus Suzi Spitz, or as Gravedigger put it "the Mexican versus the pornstar most likely originally found on Pornhub." Wow, disrespectful much? ...And with a single kick, this one is over faster than it started!
Winner: El Payaso Loco
Okay! Looks like the real action is starting now! The UCI Rising Star division has been a real hot topic as of late with everyone looking to be the person to carry the banner of Rising Star on their back like Atlas carries the world! Matt Angel takes on Cheyanne whom takes on the one known only as Oblivion! Should be an exciting triple threat! So much fast paced action, Matt to Cheyanne, Matt to Oblivion, Oblivion to...wait, why is Cheyanne and the monster not fighting?! Now Matt backs into Cheyanne whom throws him INTO the monster?! Oblivion his the Dirt Nap DDT, and this one is over! Cheyanne just helped the monster? What are they pulling on Matt Angel here?!
Winner: Oblivion over Matt Angel
Ooh, a "Hollywood Deathmatch" with the Evil Paul Rudd taking on Alex Richards! Why is he evil? What is a Hollywood Deathmatch and does it differ from the crazy Japanese deathmatches? I can't wait to watch it!
...This may be the first time I've seen a piano in a wrestling match...
He...he just. Alex Richards...he RIPPED THE THUMBNAIL OUT OF PAUL RUDD'S HAND WITH PLIERS!! Good grief I'm gonna be sick! Ohmigosh somebody take that wrench away from Paul Rudd! This had everything, run-ins, wrench shots, table breakage...it's like a literal House of Horrors...
Winner: Alex Richards
I....don't know how I can continue this blog after my first ever Hollywood Deathmatch. I don't think anyone can overtake that performance...but up next is Mama Mustache versus Betty Adams in a................."Silver Cougar Fight". I don't even know, what to believe, anymore. This. This happened, and uhh...well, hopefully we never have to see this again.
Winner: Mama Mustache
Now with more Rising Stars action, we get a bit more serious with Japanese sensation Umeji taking on, the Halifaxian Canadian, Cormack MacNeill. What a rarity in this sport! Two competitors with a mutual respect for the other! Both go hard, trade their best shots, near fall after near fall and...a double pin? But only one can advance to the Rising Star final!
Winner: Double pin.
Another Rising Stars match, let's hope this one doesn't end in more than one winner! Cordelia Malice takes on Karlie Nash. And wow what a knockdown, drag 'em out brawl it is! Drama, suspense, big moves and two counts, but in the end, it's Cordelia Malice with "Divine Malice" to take her place in the final!
Winner: Cordelia Malice
Now things are heating up! It's time for the UCI Intercontinental Championship, with Casey Holiday defending versus Shadowlove and Calvin Harris!
Shadowlove...an iconic, intrinsic part of the UCI family. And, of course his lovely better half, Ms. Miyamoto...maybe tonight is the night where they etch their names into UCI history forever!
The ever-hated, and self-proclaimed Martyr of Pro Wrestling Calvin Harris. Is there anyone more hated than this man? Not just in UCI, but wrestling as a whole? That reaction is real though loud though...I'm sure a LOT of people would pay top dollar to see him get knocked out! Guess that's good business by UCI then...
And of course the current reigning Intercontinental Champion, Casey Holiday! Drawing the most polarizing reaction of the night thus far, some love her, others hate her. But she's the Champ, and you'd be a fool not to respect that!
Whoa, what a fast title match! All that hype, and the Martyr escapes in under two minutes with the Title!! What a quick appearance by an icon like Shadowlove, and a disappointing showing by the, well now I guess former Champion Casey. And now Bonnie Blue and the Beach Krew hit the ring? Ohmigosh they're stomping the life out of Casey! Tough night for the former Champion indeed...but why would Bonnie and the Krew do such a thing?!
Next up we have ANOTHER title match, this one a double title match! The Television and Hypermedia Titles on the line for several people in a gauntlet match!
What a crazy encounter, with TWO new champions, Kaz with the TV Title and Corey Black with the Hypermedia! I don't even know if I can follow all this action, that was an easy twenty-five minutes all over the ring! Historic title reigns crashing down...and new legacies forged as of this night!
And finally, our UCI World Championship main event! Bonnie Blue from earlier tonight defends her Title against Bolas de Arana and Frank Patrick Venable! I wonder if Casey Holiday might try to get some payback after what Bonnie's Beach Krew did to her earlier tonight?!
How in the world are these three still moving? It's like they're not human! It's lik -- WAITAMINUTE SONIC SCREWDRIVER BY BONNIE! Cover, two, and STILL!!! She did it, she retained the title! But FPV wasn't pinned...she's made an anemy of Casey Holiday! Looks like Bonnie's reign is about to get filled up with contenders real quick! What a way to end a HUGE show!
Well everyone, there's UCI Summermania, lots of athletic action, plenty of drama, and even some comedy! Go check it out, order the Pay-Per-View, and support this big company! Many hours of entertainment to be had, you won't regret it! I certainly hope you (and UCI Wrestling, so I can get this job!) enjoyed this blog, and you'll check back for volume two? I mean, come on...I'm Destiny Means.
You know you love me.
Hey guys!! What's up internet wrestling fans?! Those of you native to the greatest city on planet EARTH and my home of Philadelphia may remember my editorial column from the Philadelphia Daily News. If you followed that, then you're aware PDN and I parted ways, mutually. I wanted to write about what was in my heart more than what the publisher wanted to hear, and for me that meant I had to branch out! If you know me, you know my love of combat sports...but our publisher didn't believe in covering the vivid world of professional wrestling, or the brutal world of mixed martial arts for that matter, in his paper. So that leaves me without a job.
Until today! Today, I'm writing this blog on a tryout so to speak, to potentially become the newest member of the United Championship Infinite media team! I'll be reviewing their most recent show, initial reactions, and trying to publicize them further. And, if they like what they see, maybe this becomes a reoccuring thing. If not, no harm no foul, I'm happy to finally be writing about something I love! Now, with that out of the way, let's get on with volume one of my "From the Desk" series!
Okay, so, we're looking at their "Summermania" event, which aired on July 31st. It's a big show too, how exciting my first blog is going to start with such a huge event! Up first, Nova-Kaine is having, it sounds like a bit of an open challenge. Ooh, how surprising! Let's see how it turns out!
"The Raging Storm", the two-hundred twenty-five pound monster...Sah'ta Thor answers the challenge! You think Nova might be regretting this now? Sah'ta Thor has dominated this encounter thus fa -- whoa, a neckbreaker by Nova, and a frog splash follow up! But just a two count, the Raging Storm is still in this! Sah'ta rises, a pair of chops and a punch to the heart, now Nova is back to receiving. Nova looks like he's on drean street -- WHOAMG, what a running knee strike from Sah'ta Thor, that has to be it! I don't think Nova has even moved after....wow, even the crowd knew it was over, they were in unison with the referee as he counted!
Winner: "The Raging Storm" Sah'ta Thor!
Up next we have Sam Kidsgrove, taking on the "smartest man in UCI", Joe Smarts! ...I don't think Joe is really smart...but this crowd sure does seem to LOVE Sammy! What a heart throb .
A series of ten suplexes and a running knee from nowhere, sees Sam Kidsgrove walk away victorious! And maybe lookin' a bit cuter as he does.Winner: Sam Kidsgrove
Next is El Payaso Loco versus Suzi Spitz, or as Gravedigger put it "the Mexican versus the pornstar most likely originally found on Pornhub." Wow, disrespectful much? ...And with a single kick, this one is over faster than it started!
Winner: El Payaso Loco
Okay! Looks like the real action is starting now! The UCI Rising Star division has been a real hot topic as of late with everyone looking to be the person to carry the banner of Rising Star on their back like Atlas carries the world! Matt Angel takes on Cheyanne whom takes on the one known only as Oblivion! Should be an exciting triple threat! So much fast paced action, Matt to Cheyanne, Matt to Oblivion, Oblivion to...wait, why is Cheyanne and the monster not fighting?! Now Matt backs into Cheyanne whom throws him INTO the monster?! Oblivion his the Dirt Nap DDT, and this one is over! Cheyanne just helped the monster? What are they pulling on Matt Angel here?!
Winner: Oblivion over Matt Angel
Ooh, a "Hollywood Deathmatch" with the Evil Paul Rudd taking on Alex Richards! Why is he evil? What is a Hollywood Deathmatch and does it differ from the crazy Japanese deathmatches? I can't wait to watch it!
...This may be the first time I've seen a piano in a wrestling match...
He...he just. Alex Richards...he RIPPED THE THUMBNAIL OUT OF PAUL RUDD'S HAND WITH PLIERS!! Good grief I'm gonna be sick! Ohmigosh somebody take that wrench away from Paul Rudd! This had everything, run-ins, wrench shots, table breakage...it's like a literal House of Horrors...
Winner: Alex Richards
I....don't know how I can continue this blog after my first ever Hollywood Deathmatch. I don't think anyone can overtake that performance...but up next is Mama Mustache versus Betty Adams in a................."Silver Cougar Fight". I don't even know, what to believe, anymore. This. This happened, and uhh...well, hopefully we never have to see this again.
Winner: Mama Mustache
Now with more Rising Stars action, we get a bit more serious with Japanese sensation Umeji taking on, the Halifaxian Canadian, Cormack MacNeill. What a rarity in this sport! Two competitors with a mutual respect for the other! Both go hard, trade their best shots, near fall after near fall and...a double pin? But only one can advance to the Rising Star final!
Winner: Double pin.
Another Rising Stars match, let's hope this one doesn't end in more than one winner! Cordelia Malice takes on Karlie Nash. And wow what a knockdown, drag 'em out brawl it is! Drama, suspense, big moves and two counts, but in the end, it's Cordelia Malice with "Divine Malice" to take her place in the final!
Winner: Cordelia Malice
Now things are heating up! It's time for the UCI Intercontinental Championship, with Casey Holiday defending versus Shadowlove and Calvin Harris!
Shadowlove...an iconic, intrinsic part of the UCI family. And, of course his lovely better half, Ms. Miyamoto...maybe tonight is the night where they etch their names into UCI history forever!
The ever-hated, and self-proclaimed Martyr of Pro Wrestling Calvin Harris. Is there anyone more hated than this man? Not just in UCI, but wrestling as a whole? That reaction is real though loud though...I'm sure a LOT of people would pay top dollar to see him get knocked out! Guess that's good business by UCI then...
And of course the current reigning Intercontinental Champion, Casey Holiday! Drawing the most polarizing reaction of the night thus far, some love her, others hate her. But she's the Champ, and you'd be a fool not to respect that!
Whoa, what a fast title match! All that hype, and the Martyr escapes in under two minutes with the Title!! What a quick appearance by an icon like Shadowlove, and a disappointing showing by the, well now I guess former Champion Casey. And now Bonnie Blue and the Beach Krew hit the ring? Ohmigosh they're stomping the life out of Casey! Tough night for the former Champion indeed...but why would Bonnie and the Krew do such a thing?!
Next up we have ANOTHER title match, this one a double title match! The Television and Hypermedia Titles on the line for several people in a gauntlet match!
What a crazy encounter, with TWO new champions, Kaz with the TV Title and Corey Black with the Hypermedia! I don't even know if I can follow all this action, that was an easy twenty-five minutes all over the ring! Historic title reigns crashing down...and new legacies forged as of this night!
And finally, our UCI World Championship main event! Bonnie Blue from earlier tonight defends her Title against Bolas de Arana and Frank Patrick Venable! I wonder if Casey Holiday might try to get some payback after what Bonnie's Beach Krew did to her earlier tonight?!
How in the world are these three still moving? It's like they're not human! It's lik -- WAITAMINUTE SONIC SCREWDRIVER BY BONNIE! Cover, two, and STILL!!! She did it, she retained the title! But FPV wasn't pinned...she's made an anemy of Casey Holiday! Looks like Bonnie's reign is about to get filled up with contenders real quick! What a way to end a HUGE show!
Well everyone, there's UCI Summermania, lots of athletic action, plenty of drama, and even some comedy! Go check it out, order the Pay-Per-View, and support this big company! Many hours of entertainment to be had, you won't regret it! I certainly hope you (and UCI Wrestling, so I can get this job!) enjoyed this blog, and you'll check back for volume two? I mean, come on...I'm Destiny Means.
You know you love me.