“Zero blemishes on the record. Let’s change that. Let’s humble the unhumblable. How about we strip away the layers of coke and get right down to taking away this run you’ve been on here in UCI.”
- Corey Black.
Do good to remember that; all of you. Do good and know your place as challengers, not champions -> never champions. Do good to remember that you are all here to ‘humble’ the unhumable. That is why each of you are here -> isn’t it? Isn’t it? I have something you want.
two somethings… three somethings.. My TV title, my HM title, my undefeated UCI record. You all act as though you have the tools or tricks necessary to defeat me. Yet you all know that to be a false hood. You all know that on the rare occasion that ZMAC has been felled he has gotten right back up.
#living_the_gimmick.
#no_gimmick_needed.
So this right here will be interesting to see -> men who know me well enough to emulate me.
Men who know better than to trust the judgement of their selfish angels.
This will only get you a moment of glory -> if such glory is afforded to any of you at all.
But in truth, you all already want to be Zombie McMorris. You want my freedom and my swagger. You want my self endangering attitude and you want to be able to ‘do so much with so little.’ You all want to be able to walk into a match and call your opponent a homo and walk out as champ. You all want to roll into a forum and watch as the smaller fish scurry away. You all want to come up in a federation and have instant credibility as one of the strongest, toughest, craziest, sicko’s ever. I get it. I really do. Its Envy. You all Envy me for what I have and what I do. I have seen some of you try this week. I have seen most of you quit and give up.
Nova.
Price.
Dylan.
L. Verez.
In truth that only leaves CD and Kaz. Two men who have talents above the rest -> but not above me. They are two men with the confidence in their abilities to at least challenge me in hopes that their respective fights are good enough.
But alas, they won’t be and this entire week will have been for nothing. Nothing except for padding my own career here in UCI.
Ready or not
Here I come
LMAO WRONG GIMMICK
#ITS_NEVAH_THE_WRONG_GIMMICK.
_______________________
Enter now into a room of stifling sensation. The quiet is maddening. The darkness id frightening. The air is thin and restrictive. Every shallow breath is a labor that just makes you want to breath harder but you can’t. As you stand, your legs and buttox become cramped. Your shoulders ache from being in a tilted position. Your head and neck are stabilized by a rather intrusive device. There is an oasis of eight inches of space between you and the confinements of this room but you will never reach it. You are stuck. Standing in an uncomfortable position for what feels like hours. Everything aches with lactic acid. Everything burns for a moment to relax but nothing can. You are at the mercy of whatever this is.
Until… you succumb. Your heart beat was your only company but now, even that has left you.
Somebody. Anybody.
help.
Soon a rush of air can be felt calming caressing your face. The air lock opens. The world is in color again as you fall forward, collapsing into your hands and knees. Was this an experiment or just a dream?
The lights return in the holodeck aboard IT-717 ATLAS. Ruby Redd has been called back to command to help with a patrol and investigation into a new technology that could be disastrous. D.A.A.T or DNA Alternate Amplification Trans-Stasis. It is a hyper deprivation chamber that sends nanobots into a living subject in order to change their genetic code into that of another living subject. In lay terms, body doubling. Rubys Commander looks stern and grim in his white command uniform that is sleek and stylish yet adorned with his many awards and accolades.
Commander William J. Sprock.
Race: Human.
age: 53 Human Years.
Height: six foot 2 earth inches.
Weight: 211 pounds
His hair was buzzed down and shown with salt and pepper coloring and his eyes were weary from this new black market threat. He gripped the edge of the table that was the holographic film of the stasis from the inside.
“It goes without saying Ms. Redd that this is a dangerous piece of nano-tech that needs to be controlled but the black market has had a death grip on this technology for some time and the Galactic Patrol has not been able to secure it. All of our efforts have been fruitless. Our newest briefing has indicated that one of these nano-pods has been built on Earth and since you are the senior agent on the planet, I am leaving it in your hands to discover where the tech is and secure it for the Patrol. Feel free to use any means necessary I urge caution however because if anyone gets you DNA, hair, skin cells, nails, anything, they can genetically copy you and wreak havoc across the multiverse.”
“That’s OK Commander.” Says Ruby with a smile. “ I think I know a guy who can help.”
“ Fantastic. Whats his name?”
__________________________________
ZOMBIE MCMORRIS
IN
EMULATION MELTDOWN
_______________________________________
Earth. Greenland. 72 north by 40 east. 60 Miles North of Nares Straight.
An unknown para-military base stands in the freezing arctic cold. Somewhere deep underground is the nerve center of this para-military instillation stands Corey “Ava Brawn” Black and Taylor “Adolf” Swift. Two peas in the Nazi pod. Two fascists in the fancy feast dessert of life. Like a sour lemon curd with a bleach after dinner mint. They conspired. They conspired with eye patches and evil mustaches. They conspired by not calling Caitlin Jenner a hero and yes, they even considered to kill MEME culture as we know it.
Of course these were not the really real Corey Black and Taylor Swift, even if the motives are spot on. Even if they look the same, sound the same and thought the same. It is the thinking that made it all the more difficult and sinister. In this bunker, in the room adjacent to the one they found themselves in- CON FUCKING SPIRING TO FULL MEMES DEAD – was the D.A.A.T machine. How or why it is on Earth and how or Why anyone on EARTH would want to be Corey Black or Taylor Swift is Jam Willys guess but it has not stopped them from planting fake articles about Taylor swift being a Nazi or Corey Black attempting to subvert and subdue meme culture from the internet.
Their plots, Nefarious. Their Schemes were slick. The only thing they didn’t count on… That damn iTunes Agreement. Collect the metadata. Mine the cookies. Capture screen shots. Transmit location. Share your information with third party systems. Their reckless abandonment to rid the world of meme culture has been their undoing.
They just… didn’t know it yet.
Corey Black looks on proudly at a computer screen. He just got done shit posting terrible memes about his bey, his spirit animal ‘ you’re my next platinum record’ Taylor Swift. The sad part is, the real Corey Black thinks these were good. He even tried to tell a story with them too. He tried to cover all of his own bases but he didn’t use fire fox. He used Google Chrome. Is internet session was a public as Kaz Mazy TMNT obsession. It was unhealthy. It was unwise. Most unwise.
Before he closed the crower he tabbed over and purchased a Delux edition copy of WCF 2k18. Complete with collators tin, a nip of Jack Daniels and a collects figure of an 9 inch tall Jay Price. Corey Black clicked ‘BUY NOW’ and through the use of Paypal, it was bought. He closed the laptop and job was well done.
… The insidious Bastard.
______________________________
The Sand Bar. Hawaii.
In the shadow of Pantheon West was The Sand Bar; a tourist bar that saw too many business in flower shirts and to many kids with strawberry smoothie plastered on their mugs and faces. It was always hoppin’, even in the middle of the day and that is where we find our hero of this story, Zombie McMorris. ZMAC was enjoying a glass of Wild Turkey as ‘ Piano Man’ played softly in the ambiance of the bar. Ruby walks in wearing her normal street clothes; dark purple spaghetti strap, short-shorts and some cute flats she found at the flea market. She comes up behind ZMAC and wraps her arms around the front of his chest.
“I need your help.” She sighs.
“Bathroom. Five minutes.” ZMAC replies.
“ No, not that; Southpaw. Like, I need your help-help.” She flicks her wrist upwards, shoving her mission statement in ZMACs face.
“What even is this?” He asks.
“It’s a machine that can replicate living cells. Make one person into the another.”
“Kinda like what I do.”
“Yes.”
“Dicks!”
“That’s why I need your help. If your abilities, your DNA is unstable and can only be transferred by chromosome pairing and replication. The machine only copies code of sequenced human DNA. Yours is different. I’m supposed to find this machine and bring people to justice.”
“Twelve Parsecs. Hard labor.” ZMAC mocks.
“This isn’t funny. Any alien can become anyone on this planet.”
“ Rube, none of this is my problem.”
“ I also got a report that Corey Black and Taylor swift are trying to destroy meme culture.”
The Booty Trombone Cowboy Meme and the Shia clap danced in ZMACs head for a moment.
“Now. Its my problem.”
“ I need you to find out information for me. I know you have connections.”
“ I’ll take care of it. He gets you and goes to leave the bar, transforming into Nova Kaine as he does so.
____________________________
4 days later
“The Seweres in Hawaii are dark and full of turtles.”
- Probably Kaz Mazy. Sounds like sum fucked up boo-shit he’d say.
ZMAC ( as Nova ) heads into the sewers, where he does all his Krookodile and obscure Russian hipster drugs. There he runs into a full fledged honest to goodness 6 foot tall three fingered purple dicked ninja fucking turtle. This is Novas contact in the sewer. This is where he gets all his good shit from. If’n you want good shit, you go to the fuckin Sewers. Get yourself a swamp thing or sum shit. ThankfullyZMAC stuck to the shadows and remained hidden.
This sum kind of a turtle in a trench coat flashed the goodness and whipped out his turtle cock per Novas standard way of paying for things. Tongue, Tits and asshole. Fucking Beta mo’fawk. However, Ol’ Z wasn’t havin that shit. He aint suckin’ no turtle dick. ZMAC flashs a wad of cash and the two get to talking.
“ I didn’t come here for that. I came here for information. Word on the street is that theres some transplanting, body snatcher shit hittin’ the rounds. I want in. I want to know where it is.”
“ I.. have no idea what you’re talking about. You wana hop on this dick and get the good shit?”
ZMAC breaks his disguise and morphs into Kaz before going awf on the turtle power in charge.
“Nah niggah, does it look like I want to hop up on that turtle dick? I’ll stomp a mother fuckah straight out of his TMNT superman sox. Straight up blast you in them jimmy J’s. Send you howlin back tah mastah pizza rat. Serve you up on them anchovies dreams, you feel me? Fuckin whack ass, gangstah ass mo fuckah. Go fuck Kaz Monstah on your lame jobbah ass. I own these streets. I own all this undah the ground trip. Look at all this stuff. Isnt it neat. I’m the mother fucker whose got everything. Look around here, mother fucker… I got everything. Gadgets and gizmo’s a plenty. I got thing-a-ma-bawbs hangin from the ceiling on this shit and around my neck and if’n you keep rockin your tone you’ll be addin to my collecting with.. what do you even call them things? Those feet? Fuck you. You think you can come at me up there where they walk. You wanan be part of that world you gone be suckin my dick. Bet you up there, they don’t repremend their daughters but I’mma reprimand a bitch like you. I’mma make you know what them people know… you gone know why this fire burns. Its Kaz Monstahs turn. I’m runnin for that Hypermedia shit and I’m hering about sum mother fuckin Corey Black niggah bout ready to drop memes from the planet and if’n that be happening then I get cant my shit done. Tell you what, you got 5 seconds to tell me what I need to know or else I’mma drop this leg on you Hulk Hogan Sex Tape style. Bust my jimmy rock off ya dome piece. Take you out back and bust them cheeks like an old bike in the middle of this white boy snow storm. I been hearing shit, turtle. I’ve been hearing a lot of shit and tell you what, I’ve been doing it all. Kaz Monstah been hanging and banging your years now and it ain’t going to stop. I got shit to do turtle and belts to win…”
“Look son, I sell pizza and Krookodile. I ain’t got no knowlage of no whatever the hell it is.”
“You got it by the slice, knegrown?”
“Shit son, I got pieces by the pieces. You want that hook up?”
“You got it, son.”
The exchange goes off without a hitch. ZMAC disappears back into the shadows as the ninja turtle takes off his mask to reveal the mother fucking Chupbracabra. Fuckin’ Chuup up in this bitch. He takes out a cell phone and dails a number.
[ … yah… its me. ] he says with a lizard hiss. [ They’re onto us. Sumone knows. ]
____________________
Back up on the surface, ZMAC has changed back into his own form, munching on a piece of pizza he bought off a ninja turtle for a hundred bucks. TMNT pizza, son -> its worth the price. However he then gets a phone call.
“ You and Me” by lifehouse rings out as he looks at his BBM.
[ RUBY ]
ZMAC snacks on his pizza as he answers with a mouth ful. On the other end, somethings like Ruby is much the same.
“Yo, Rube.. you need to slow the fuck down.. We both cant talk with our mouth full…. Captured? Don’t you have a galactic patrol? Off screen? Mother fuckah that’s weak. ]
disconnected.
_____________________
The Para-military base in Greenland.
Ruby is tied up wit the phone crushed by her feet. Standing before her Is a man that tooks like Tommy Lee Jones from like 93’ except he was taller and leaner and had red eyes.
“ You weren’t calling for help, were you?” he hissed.
“ I was calling my boyfriend!” She protested.
“ Heh. Bawby Cair-Jew cant save you.”
“ I wasn’t calling Cairo, you dick.”
“So then it was Balfore… Even better. We have.. a score.. to settle… “
“No! I was calling my boyfriend.”
The man looks confused. “ Whose you’re boyfriend?”
“ZMAC!” she yells. “ ZAWMBIE FUCKIN’ MCMORRIS.”
The mans eyes go wide. “ Oh shit, your boyfriends Zombie McMorris.”
_____________________________________
Back in Hawaii
ZMAC heads back up to his room in Pantheon West. ZMAC is packing an old Alice pack ready to hunt down whoever has Ruby when a flash of light cracks the floor like a bolt of lightning from the window. Commander Sprock is standing there.
“You are Zombie McMorris?” Asks Sprock.
“You speak to me? Son I’ll end you.”
“You are Ruby Redds emergence contact. We lost communication with her a few days ago. Shes on a mission and –“
“ I know. She told me. But I think she’s been kidnapped.”
“We fear that she went missing. We cant trck her where-abouts; her GPS had been removed.” Says Sprock with a long face.
ZMAC keeps digging through the bag and pulls out a metal dial with small spikes on the underside. Sprock sees that and is surprised.
“Where did you get that?” He asks.
“Who do you think?” Replies ZMAC, jamming the dial into his right hand. The dial allows him to control his time traveling powers.
“Here. You can tweak it and fade in and out of the moment. You might be able to go back and retrace your steps and thus hers. You can use it to shadow her and go to where she is.”
“Niggah, that’s very Ex Machima of you.”
“Dude, its future space tech.”
“Then why cant you do it?”
“ Its experimental. I was told you cant die. You have best shot out of anyone.”
Sprock tinkers with the device for a moment and overrides the circuitry, allowing for he calls Temporal Playback.
“There, that should do it.” Says Sprock, stepping away from ZMAC.
ZMAC twists the dial and smashes the button. In an instant he disappears in a flash of light.
ZMAC rides temporal waves in a vortex of heavenly flame. He rematerializes as a figment back at the bar, watching everything transpire in fast forward. He sees himself leave the bar. However, Ruby stays and has a drink. Soon after a man comes up to her and distracts her as a powder is slipped into her drink. From there, things go dark as time shifts forward. ZMAC lurches forward in time until he has caught up in time where Ruby is being held captive. The Chrono-dial stops as ZMAC warps into existence right next to Ruby.
“The fuck is this?” He queries. He points at the man and snarls. “ Pennington, I thought we had a deal?” Without hesitation ZMAC flies across the room with a psycho crusher knocking the man down and starts laying the boots to him. “Mother fucker, we had a fucking deal. I’m going to stomp you out like a bad fucking habit.”
The mans henchmen come into the room but ZMAC roars with anger as the as waves his goons away.
“ No, don’t. He will kill you like a small dog.”
“Krampus, you limp dick mother fucker!” STOMP. STOMP. STOMP. “ If you were behind this, I swear to Jam Willy Christ It’ll be the end of you.”
Krampus gets fed up with the games and uses his freak strength to throw ZMAC off of him. He stands up with his red eyes and nostrils flaring.
“ You’re dead right I did it. I did it to frame Corey Black so that I could hurt that son of a bitch, Balfore. I thought my goons kidnapped Cairos girlfriend… “ He turns to his goons and yells. “ BUT THEY KIDNAPPED THE WRONG FUCKING BITCH!”
“Yah. Ya’ll done goofed. Ya’ll done fucked with my game son. We had a deal, son. We had an agreement And you done broke that shit. I’m over here holdin my shit down on the Internet trip and you’r over here trying to kill that shit. You most unthick mother fucker! I have a fucking match on Monday and I’m suppose to defend the strap agaist Corey Black AND KAZ MAZY! Both are Odins friend. I’m your fucking ally in all this and you done bit the hands that feds you. You backwitz Chuup lookin, mother fucker! You get rid of memes, people already think that’s half my game. You take away half of my psychological advantage. But hey, if’n you want Corey Black – you wana be Corey Black, I can be corey Black.”
ZMAC morphs into Corey Black and shoots on Krampus.
“ Who is this that stands before me? I bet you didn’t expect that I could do this, did you Krampus. No one expected to see Corey Black in UCI and truthfully, neither did I but when I see something ripe to conquer, the King of Wrestlers takes his prize. It does not matter who stands before me, my Burning Hammer fells all that stand before me. I have weak enemies who wish to take what is mine, a prize that is mine. I have come to ensure the failure of a couple of upstarts and off shoots. I am here to remind these fuccbois that no matter where they have come from or what they have done, I am the king of all wrestlers and no matter where they are, they will pay their respects to their king.
The Hyper Media is something I have little interest in other than the fact it is another realm of the wrestling world for me to conquer and claim as my own. All of these people in this match are just cheap rip offs of me. And I already spoke about that. This man right here that you see before you is the OG. I am the blue print that everyone is trying to emulate. You stand there and you say you tried to be me but there is only one king of wrestlers. There is only one Corey Black. I meant what I said when I said that UCI will never be the same after Summermania. The world will be a very different place from as you see it now or as you think it to be when you’re done with it. You see, I can defeat you even in this form. Corey Black has been putting puny gawds in their place well before your beef with Odin Balfore. My beef here is with ZMAC and the treachery he embodies. He was a gable and a loose cannon that I thought I could control but he is a flake with one trick. I came to UCI to tie up loose ends. I can tell you that, you red eyed, Tommy Lee Jones looking, ‘ I’m innocent’ mother fucker. I can tell you that I don’t care. I didn’t come to UCI to lose. I didn’t come to UCI to give it my best shot. I’m not Lame ass Dylan Wade or L- whoever the fuck and I’m sure as fuck not Princess. I’m the rightful King of North. I hold down my fort like a bawse because I am a mother fucking bawse. I will not forgive you and I will not take it easy on you or anyone else in the ring from me on Monday night. My Elbow is hungry and it needs to be fed. From the Kaz Mazy to the Nova Kaines and the Zombie McMorrises, I will spread the legend of the King of werestlers all over the globe. I don’t care if you’re Krampus or Jesus Christ. I’m the mother fucking Jesus Christ of the wrestling ring. This Hyper Media Championship is just another notch in my belt and accolade on my mantel piece. Now, which one of you are going to suck my dick? Get wid it or wut!”
Corey Black lunges at Krampus and and cracks him old skool dirty with that elbow.
GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE SON!
KING OF WRESTLERS HAVE ARRIVED.
ZMAC transforms back into his own yes.
Yah son, the King of wrestlers has arrived indeed..
