Exit Strategy (RP 3 of 4)
May 29, 2016 8:05:46 GMT -6
"Mr. God" Benjamin Atreyu, John Gable, and 5 more like this
Post by Alex Richards on May 29, 2016 8:05:46 GMT -6
Reader's Notes (Not Part of the Roleplay): This is part three of a four part series featuring myself and the incredibly talented Guardians squad. Please read There Is No Out, and There's Always An Out before this part. Unless you want to be confused. Stay tuned for the finale, five man band
Also there is a color coding system
Alex Richards is orange
Shaun Zach Richards is white
Nikola Tesla is gold
Jay Omega is bright green
Nightmare is black
Bonnie Blue is green-blue (mainly because straight blue doesn't show up on the board)
the eye-seven is olive
Polar is white BOLDED
Now that that's all out of the here enjoy the roleplay. It starts now.....
Because I got High plays and Alex pulls out his massive ancient cell phone from the 80s that shouldn't take text messages but does. Alex looks at it, looks delighted and begins to speak to his brother and cameraman Shaun
That's the Omega Man! We have big plans and he needs the Strange Rover. We have a long, hard day of searching ahead of us. Bring the camera!
Can't.
Why not?
You're competing for the television title this week. That means you have a limited amount of tv time in order to qualify.
So the winner is the representative of television! Then has limited time on television? That's so strange!
Alex breaks into a grin.
I love it! Rules that contradict the purpose of the title? Sounds it it was pratically made for the Archduke of Mass Confusion! Alright, I'll just straight to Polar's base by taking a plane, then renting a car. Wow, that's way too normal for my liking. Guess I'll just have to get a ride from Jay from there. Sorry Zach, I'd love to have you but this is top secret.
I'll manage.
Flash forward to the hangar where we see Nikola Tesla tinkering with Alex's souped up, highly impressive massive black truck that he will certainly talk more about when he has the time! Alex rushes the mad scientist, nearly breaking his ribs with a massive bearhug. Alex approaches the Strange Rover and kisses the hood multiple times.
My baby! How I have missed you! You have Zim-Quila? Silly question! You run on Zim-Quila! How did you find it Nicky?
For the millionth time don't call me.. forget it.. no time! The guys need you and they need you now! Get in, the new and improved GPS will explain en route. You need to come up with a plan for this on the fly.
Something random on short notice? That's my specialty!
Strange Rover takes off If you read There's Always an Out you know what happened. What happens next here is Jay and Alex back at the hangar sharing a drink.
I'm glad of two things, the first that we are drinking Whoop Ass beer instead of Zim-Quila. The second that you showed up just in time.
Was there ever a doubt? Now you promised me a tour of the place didn't you? I need to find places to ninja drink after all.
Tour starts, most of it is edited out.. except for this
You're going to love this! It's one of my favorite things in the hangar... this... is... The Hologym!
Jay looks at Alex expecting to see excitement, instead he sees apathy.
You should know by now, I've never met a gym I liked.
Alex jiggles his ample belly.
But this is a HOLOgym! Want to do cardio training? Zombie apocalypse! Strength training? Hulk simulation! The possibilities are limited only by your imagination!
Let me try...
An image of Wentworth Updegraff,Jr behind a desk appears out of thin air. Kind of how the hologym works
“Wentworth”: I made 300 billion dollars investing in Hostess Stock!
Wentworth giving stock advice? The fuck?
Nap training. But why is he thinking about twinkie stock?
You created him, he talks about whatever you want. I think he's really accurate to life. The real Wentworth also constantly talks out his ass about stuff he knows nothing about. This joint isn't going to smoke itself. Let me know when you're done enjoying the hologym.
Wentworth.. just kind of rolls off the tongue don't it? I'll be calling you Wendy from here on out. Not because you fight like a girl, because that's a huge insult to Bonnie, Aurora, and the Blue Lady, because that's the level of respect I have for you and your family.
Image changes to Wentworth in a 50s housewife dress.
When I saw I was facing Wendy this week I thought not another fucking Undegraff! There's the Rockafellers, the Trumps, the Omegas, then way down on the food chain, the Undegraffs. They want to be remembered for being filthy rich but really they are only remembered for being a clan of quitters! That's not just modern day Undegraffs.. they have always quit throughout history!
Image switches to Wentworth crossed with Abraham Lincoln including beard
During the civil war, great great grandfather, Hiram Undegraff became imfamous for being the only person to quit first on the north,then on the south, then spend the rest of the war pretending to be Amish. After the war ended he then quit the Amish too!
Image of Wentworth changes into a cross with cartoon Buzz Lightyear
In the early 1960s Eugene Wentworth got involved in the space program. He was originally supposed to be on the first manned space mission but got scared and you guessed it quit. He would later create a fake moon landing people still mock to this day. I have more examples, many more examples, but really the Wentworth that have been in wrestling speak for themselves. Before Wendy there was Blake and my personal favorite Hunter “Party-Train” Undegraff! Does anyone remember these guys? No? That's because Wendy's family didn't do jack! They weren't really wrestlers, they weren't even really managers. They were just sort of there. So I gotta wonder.. how did a bunch of talentless hacks get on tv so much?
Alex looks over to Jay. But Jay is too busy with a J of his own to respond.
This kind of reminds me of the time Jay brought some time on MTV and played non stop Japanese death metal because he said I have too much money to ever spend anyways and besides the world needed more mergingmoon. He was right, mergingmoon is awesome. But unlike Jay, the Undegraffs somehow thought the world needed more of them in wrestling, inspite of their complete lack of talent. Looks like Wendy followed in the family business of throwing money around to get what you don't deserve. I wonder how much it cost for him to get the main event of the first show in the UCI? Or how much it cost for him to get a television title match? Wendy, it wasn't money well spent. You failed in the world title tournament and I'm about to make sure you fail again! Then you can follow in the family business, quitting and running away with your tail tucked between your legs!
This just goes to show you.. rich don't mean smart. I mean you think you're gonna be sucessful in wrestling because what.. you won a few amateur wrestling matches? First off, you probably paid all your opponents to lose to you. Secondly it's amateur wrestling. It's like if I claimed I can take the head off of every man I wrestle because I'm awesome at knocking over mailboxes from the Strange Rover! They don't have anything to do with each other and it's a stupid comparison! I'm a triple theat! I've been a great wrestler for years, I'm the best drinker in over 98 different countries including Russia. By the way their vodka is kind of weak. I'm feared in every Chinese buffet ever created. What do you got? Money? Yeah, not good enough. I'm a real wrestler, you're just some rich guy pretending. Buy your own tv network, you aren't buying the television title. That's mine!
Alex looks intensely as the image changes to Asher Bradley holding his baby glock.
Normally at this point I would drank Zim-Quila till I puked.
Why haven't you? I'm getting worried.
Simple. I am going to hurt Asher Bradley as badly as I possibly can during our match. A I want him to know why. I saw Asher trying to explain that because people didn't like him when he was a child because his father was a bodyguard for a drug dealer. So clearly he had no choice but to become a hit man. That's complete and utter bullshit. People didn't like you so you decided that killing other innocent people was the way to go? You think you had it hard? You're pathetic, you're weak, and most importantly you're wrong! I sobered up so I could tell you about my childhood. You think people shunning you is bad, you whiny little bitch. When I was a child, I was raped by a pedophile! Then he used his wealth to buy off my parents so he would get away with it. In return my parents had me thrown in an assylum so they could keep the money! You want to throw a pity party for yourself take it elsewhere! I'm a hundred times the man you are and not just in size! Sure, I got mine with Stuart Jackson. But you want to use the fact you had a fucked up childhood as the reason you're a fucked up adult? I don't fucking think so! I don't choose to be the shittest possible person... anymore. I'll be damned if I let you get away with it either!
Alex has obviously flipped a switch. Jay watches him then nods.
Alexander.. can't say it's a pleasure.
Alex thinks for a second, goes into his always present doctor's bag and pulls out his bottle of Zim-Quila.. and a boot.. which he quickly drains.
Better make it a double.
Alex drinks every gulp calming him down.
Truth be told Asher, I kind of feel sorry for you. I used to be filled with rage too. Then I had a drink and got over it. Take that stick out of your ass and that scowl off your face. You ain't fooling anyone or scaring anyone. Not me at least. I just see a frightened little man hiding behind a gun. You want to do damage but you ain't strong enough to do it by yourself. You need a weapon. Does that gun make you feel like a big man?
That's actually a serious question. I'm a big man and I never needed to carry a gun. You're used to scaring people because they fear death. Makes you feel powerful? I don't fear death. I've seen death, not really that bad. You can't bring that gun into the ring and you can't imtimidate me. So what are you gonna do to me? I told you I was going to hurt you bad. That's because you need to learn a lesson. You need to learn how to let go.
If you sing that shitty Disney let it go song I swear...
I get to fight the person who thinks money is everything, and the person who thinks of no one except themselves. Kind of like I get to conquer my whole childhood in one match huh? Also I get to be the first champion in the UCI to boot? Sounds like a great day to the be the Archduke! You can listen to me or not Asher, but sooner or later you're gonna learn Alex isn't kidding about everything. The way I see it fancy pants Wendy probably thinks he's too good for tv dinners or the tv title, when he loses that's gonna be his excuse. Asher is gonna wish he was Ash from Evil Dead but he doesn't have his boom stick and without it he's nothing. So that leaves only one. The man who watches the shit out of old reruns when he's hammered after closing hour! Champion of all television? I look like Uncle Fester of course it's me!
Tour continues fortunately everyone has already seen Guardian's base because quite frankly we don't have time to show more. It ends with..
This is the conference room. I hope there are no questions because we're already ten minutes late.
Alex looks in he sees Bonnie , and Nightmare calmly sitting at the conference table chatting calmly. He smiles
We're late and nobody is mad? I think I'm liking this whole Guardian deal you have going on Jay.
The duo enter the room, take a seat. Nightmare starts talking.
We waited long enough we have to get started without Polar. Fortunately when you lived with Polar as long as I have you know his plans even before he does. The ASA's got schematics and tech specs on Project: Antarctica and most of the interesting tech inside, hard and soft copies. Polar knows for a fact that there is a secret backup of these files kept off-site. We need that information! One team would have to hit one target while team two takes out the second... You'll have to do it at the same time to maximize confusion and minimize resistance.
Wow.. she even sounds like Polar.
But with boobs!
Bonnie reaches over and slaps Alex.
That's all well and good but where is the second site?
That's the interesting part. There is a certain poetic justice in the fact that Frizzell keeps the backups at his own home.
No disrespect but I thought you guys had Polar doing your planning? Where is he?
It's kinda his thing but..
We have to improvise a lot.
You mean we can go off script? Awesome because I have this great idea where we steal all the alcohol from Frizzell's house.. drink it.. paint our skin blue and go full on Braveheart!
My name might be blue but even I don't think that's a good idea. Tell me you're joking.
Say what you will.. my plans always work out.
Strangely enough, they usually do no matter how weird they sound.
Cam's good at figuring shit out, for sure, and he's probably filled in a lot of details I didn't think about... that's kind of his thing, if anything. Don't let him fool you, though- he's not always plotting to save the universe. Sometimes I think he's off 'thinking about stuff' somewhere just so I won't bother him.
Well that's just absurd.
You know what I mean by alone time, right?
You mean to tell me you think he's jerking off or something?
You mean to see that's how Polar handles problems ducking off to wax the one eyed horned toad in the middle of a mountain while all the suckers have their think tank. I have a whole new level of respect for Polar!
There's no way..
I could spank the monkey all over this place! I mean c'mon I was almost jerking my gerkin in the hologym. I mean in there you can get jerked by anyone from history. Morticia Adams.. here I come!
I reckon we could find out.
Bonnie's eye sparkle with mischief as everyone in the room turns to her in interest.
If he was doing it he would be doing it under the watchful eye of Iceberg-Seven
Jay calls out to Polar's artifically intelligent supercomputer
Eye-Seven!
Iceberg-Seven is online! Welcome user “Jay Omega”
Is Polar beating his meat right now?
Nightmare shakes her head knowing the answer before the robot gives it.
Sorry Jay Omega answering that is a violation of my prime directive.
That's like... Asimov's First Amendment of Robotics, or something. No robot shall rat its owner out for spanking the monkey.
Or he just doesn't want to watch.
I for one welcome the coming of our robot overlords.
The trio look concerned as Alex shrugs.
If the future is robots that cover for you whacking your willie, the future is good. Plus the Strange Rover provides me a neverending source of Zim-Quila. Technology is fucking sweet! Gunfights, Polar jerking off inside of a mountain.. you know the only thing that would make this better.. we should get fucked up!
How fucked up are we talking? We still don't know what Polar's up to. He could need us in a sober state.
We all know what he's up to. And drunken jerking is awesome.
Thanks for that unpleasant thought. I bet I can tell you what he's thinking just based on what he's listening to. Eye-Seven; cut in the audio from Q1, Level 7
Everyone is confused slightly by the response; "Our House" by Madness begins playing about halfway through the track at a fairly loud volume. After a few seconds, Nightmare shouts "Cut it, Eye-Seven" and everything goes quiet...
No way anyone is hiding out in a mountain masturbating to ska.
Speak for yourself! That's epic strangeness right there. Respect!
What does the ska mean anyways?
Not a clue.
Like I said.. Ska slapping the bass!
Probably just relaxes him.
It's the new reggae, he's probably smoking a doobie.
The group begins talking over each other continuing to come up with ideas as Polar Phantasm casually strolls into the room.
Look who finally showed up.
We have to solve the mystery. What's up with the ska?
It's obvious. He's using it to Rocky Mountain One Man Band!
No mystery I just felt like ska.
Well that's anti climatic. Do we have a plan?
Of course we do Jay. Came up with it in the car on our way back. Just needed a few moments to just beat it.
The group looks at Polar in amazement.
You really were..
No, you guys just talk loud. I could hear you over the ska. Now about that plan we're going to split into two seperate teams and hit two targets at the same time..
I already told them about that.
So I don't have to say anything and still get credit for it? It's good to be boss sometimes. Short version you guys sneak into the big shady government facility and blow part of it up while you steal stuff out of another part, no big deal. We're gonna break into the house of a power-mad high-level spook and steal some of the most sensitive information in human history from right under his nose. Should be a party.
Party? I'll bring the Zim-Quila and a 750 pound drunken bull named Crazy Jimmy!
Polar starts to speak give details unfortunately time is
Also there is a color coding system
Alex Richards is orange
Shaun Zach Richards is white
Nikola Tesla is gold
Jay Omega is bright green
Nightmare is black
Bonnie Blue is green-blue (mainly because straight blue doesn't show up on the board)
the eye-seven is olive
Polar is white BOLDED
Now that that's all out of the here enjoy the roleplay. It starts now.....
Because I got High plays and Alex pulls out his massive ancient cell phone from the 80s that shouldn't take text messages but does. Alex looks at it, looks delighted and begins to speak to his brother and cameraman Shaun
That's the Omega Man! We have big plans and he needs the Strange Rover. We have a long, hard day of searching ahead of us. Bring the camera!
Can't.
Why not?
You're competing for the television title this week. That means you have a limited amount of tv time in order to qualify.
So the winner is the representative of television! Then has limited time on television? That's so strange!
Alex breaks into a grin.
I love it! Rules that contradict the purpose of the title? Sounds it it was pratically made for the Archduke of Mass Confusion! Alright, I'll just straight to Polar's base by taking a plane, then renting a car. Wow, that's way too normal for my liking. Guess I'll just have to get a ride from Jay from there. Sorry Zach, I'd love to have you but this is top secret.
I'll manage.
Flash forward to the hangar where we see Nikola Tesla tinkering with Alex's souped up, highly impressive massive black truck that he will certainly talk more about when he has the time! Alex rushes the mad scientist, nearly breaking his ribs with a massive bearhug. Alex approaches the Strange Rover and kisses the hood multiple times.
My baby! How I have missed you! You have Zim-Quila? Silly question! You run on Zim-Quila! How did you find it Nicky?
For the millionth time don't call me.. forget it.. no time! The guys need you and they need you now! Get in, the new and improved GPS will explain en route. You need to come up with a plan for this on the fly.
Something random on short notice? That's my specialty!
Strange Rover takes off If you read There's Always an Out you know what happened. What happens next here is Jay and Alex back at the hangar sharing a drink.
I'm glad of two things, the first that we are drinking Whoop Ass beer instead of Zim-Quila. The second that you showed up just in time.
Was there ever a doubt? Now you promised me a tour of the place didn't you? I need to find places to ninja drink after all.
Tour starts, most of it is edited out.. except for this
You're going to love this! It's one of my favorite things in the hangar... this... is... The Hologym!
Jay looks at Alex expecting to see excitement, instead he sees apathy.
You should know by now, I've never met a gym I liked.
Alex jiggles his ample belly.
But this is a HOLOgym! Want to do cardio training? Zombie apocalypse! Strength training? Hulk simulation! The possibilities are limited only by your imagination!
Let me try...
An image of Wentworth Updegraff,Jr behind a desk appears out of thin air. Kind of how the hologym works
“Wentworth”: I made 300 billion dollars investing in Hostess Stock!
Wentworth giving stock advice? The fuck?
Nap training. But why is he thinking about twinkie stock?
You created him, he talks about whatever you want. I think he's really accurate to life. The real Wentworth also constantly talks out his ass about stuff he knows nothing about. This joint isn't going to smoke itself. Let me know when you're done enjoying the hologym.
Wentworth.. just kind of rolls off the tongue don't it? I'll be calling you Wendy from here on out. Not because you fight like a girl, because that's a huge insult to Bonnie, Aurora, and the Blue Lady, because that's the level of respect I have for you and your family.
Image changes to Wentworth in a 50s housewife dress.
When I saw I was facing Wendy this week I thought not another fucking Undegraff! There's the Rockafellers, the Trumps, the Omegas, then way down on the food chain, the Undegraffs. They want to be remembered for being filthy rich but really they are only remembered for being a clan of quitters! That's not just modern day Undegraffs.. they have always quit throughout history!
Image switches to Wentworth crossed with Abraham Lincoln including beard
During the civil war, great great grandfather, Hiram Undegraff became imfamous for being the only person to quit first on the north,then on the south, then spend the rest of the war pretending to be Amish. After the war ended he then quit the Amish too!
Image of Wentworth changes into a cross with cartoon Buzz Lightyear
In the early 1960s Eugene Wentworth got involved in the space program. He was originally supposed to be on the first manned space mission but got scared and you guessed it quit. He would later create a fake moon landing people still mock to this day. I have more examples, many more examples, but really the Wentworth that have been in wrestling speak for themselves. Before Wendy there was Blake and my personal favorite Hunter “Party-Train” Undegraff! Does anyone remember these guys? No? That's because Wendy's family didn't do jack! They weren't really wrestlers, they weren't even really managers. They were just sort of there. So I gotta wonder.. how did a bunch of talentless hacks get on tv so much?
Alex looks over to Jay. But Jay is too busy with a J of his own to respond.
This kind of reminds me of the time Jay brought some time on MTV and played non stop Japanese death metal because he said I have too much money to ever spend anyways and besides the world needed more mergingmoon. He was right, mergingmoon is awesome. But unlike Jay, the Undegraffs somehow thought the world needed more of them in wrestling, inspite of their complete lack of talent. Looks like Wendy followed in the family business of throwing money around to get what you don't deserve. I wonder how much it cost for him to get the main event of the first show in the UCI? Or how much it cost for him to get a television title match? Wendy, it wasn't money well spent. You failed in the world title tournament and I'm about to make sure you fail again! Then you can follow in the family business, quitting and running away with your tail tucked between your legs!
This just goes to show you.. rich don't mean smart. I mean you think you're gonna be sucessful in wrestling because what.. you won a few amateur wrestling matches? First off, you probably paid all your opponents to lose to you. Secondly it's amateur wrestling. It's like if I claimed I can take the head off of every man I wrestle because I'm awesome at knocking over mailboxes from the Strange Rover! They don't have anything to do with each other and it's a stupid comparison! I'm a triple theat! I've been a great wrestler for years, I'm the best drinker in over 98 different countries including Russia. By the way their vodka is kind of weak. I'm feared in every Chinese buffet ever created. What do you got? Money? Yeah, not good enough. I'm a real wrestler, you're just some rich guy pretending. Buy your own tv network, you aren't buying the television title. That's mine!
Alex looks intensely as the image changes to Asher Bradley holding his baby glock.
Normally at this point I would drank Zim-Quila till I puked.
Why haven't you? I'm getting worried.
Simple. I am going to hurt Asher Bradley as badly as I possibly can during our match. A I want him to know why. I saw Asher trying to explain that because people didn't like him when he was a child because his father was a bodyguard for a drug dealer. So clearly he had no choice but to become a hit man. That's complete and utter bullshit. People didn't like you so you decided that killing other innocent people was the way to go? You think you had it hard? You're pathetic, you're weak, and most importantly you're wrong! I sobered up so I could tell you about my childhood. You think people shunning you is bad, you whiny little bitch. When I was a child, I was raped by a pedophile! Then he used his wealth to buy off my parents so he would get away with it. In return my parents had me thrown in an assylum so they could keep the money! You want to throw a pity party for yourself take it elsewhere! I'm a hundred times the man you are and not just in size! Sure, I got mine with Stuart Jackson. But you want to use the fact you had a fucked up childhood as the reason you're a fucked up adult? I don't fucking think so! I don't choose to be the shittest possible person... anymore. I'll be damned if I let you get away with it either!
Alex has obviously flipped a switch. Jay watches him then nods.
Alexander.. can't say it's a pleasure.
Alex thinks for a second, goes into his always present doctor's bag and pulls out his bottle of Zim-Quila.. and a boot.. which he quickly drains.
Better make it a double.
Alex drinks every gulp calming him down.
Truth be told Asher, I kind of feel sorry for you. I used to be filled with rage too. Then I had a drink and got over it. Take that stick out of your ass and that scowl off your face. You ain't fooling anyone or scaring anyone. Not me at least. I just see a frightened little man hiding behind a gun. You want to do damage but you ain't strong enough to do it by yourself. You need a weapon. Does that gun make you feel like a big man?
That's actually a serious question. I'm a big man and I never needed to carry a gun. You're used to scaring people because they fear death. Makes you feel powerful? I don't fear death. I've seen death, not really that bad. You can't bring that gun into the ring and you can't imtimidate me. So what are you gonna do to me? I told you I was going to hurt you bad. That's because you need to learn a lesson. You need to learn how to let go.
If you sing that shitty Disney let it go song I swear...
I get to fight the person who thinks money is everything, and the person who thinks of no one except themselves. Kind of like I get to conquer my whole childhood in one match huh? Also I get to be the first champion in the UCI to boot? Sounds like a great day to the be the Archduke! You can listen to me or not Asher, but sooner or later you're gonna learn Alex isn't kidding about everything. The way I see it fancy pants Wendy probably thinks he's too good for tv dinners or the tv title, when he loses that's gonna be his excuse. Asher is gonna wish he was Ash from Evil Dead but he doesn't have his boom stick and without it he's nothing. So that leaves only one. The man who watches the shit out of old reruns when he's hammered after closing hour! Champion of all television? I look like Uncle Fester of course it's me!
Tour continues fortunately everyone has already seen Guardian's base because quite frankly we don't have time to show more. It ends with..
This is the conference room. I hope there are no questions because we're already ten minutes late.
Alex looks in he sees Bonnie , and Nightmare calmly sitting at the conference table chatting calmly. He smiles
We're late and nobody is mad? I think I'm liking this whole Guardian deal you have going on Jay.
The duo enter the room, take a seat. Nightmare starts talking.
We waited long enough we have to get started without Polar. Fortunately when you lived with Polar as long as I have you know his plans even before he does. The ASA's got schematics and tech specs on Project: Antarctica and most of the interesting tech inside, hard and soft copies. Polar knows for a fact that there is a secret backup of these files kept off-site. We need that information! One team would have to hit one target while team two takes out the second... You'll have to do it at the same time to maximize confusion and minimize resistance.
Wow.. she even sounds like Polar.
But with boobs!
Bonnie reaches over and slaps Alex.
That's all well and good but where is the second site?
That's the interesting part. There is a certain poetic justice in the fact that Frizzell keeps the backups at his own home.
No disrespect but I thought you guys had Polar doing your planning? Where is he?
It's kinda his thing but..
We have to improvise a lot.
You mean we can go off script? Awesome because I have this great idea where we steal all the alcohol from Frizzell's house.. drink it.. paint our skin blue and go full on Braveheart!
My name might be blue but even I don't think that's a good idea. Tell me you're joking.
Say what you will.. my plans always work out.
Strangely enough, they usually do no matter how weird they sound.
Cam's good at figuring shit out, for sure, and he's probably filled in a lot of details I didn't think about... that's kind of his thing, if anything. Don't let him fool you, though- he's not always plotting to save the universe. Sometimes I think he's off 'thinking about stuff' somewhere just so I won't bother him.
Well that's just absurd.
You know what I mean by alone time, right?
You mean to tell me you think he's jerking off or something?
You mean to see that's how Polar handles problems ducking off to wax the one eyed horned toad in the middle of a mountain while all the suckers have their think tank. I have a whole new level of respect for Polar!
There's no way..
I could spank the monkey all over this place! I mean c'mon I was almost jerking my gerkin in the hologym. I mean in there you can get jerked by anyone from history. Morticia Adams.. here I come!
I reckon we could find out.
Bonnie's eye sparkle with mischief as everyone in the room turns to her in interest.
If he was doing it he would be doing it under the watchful eye of Iceberg-Seven
Jay calls out to Polar's artifically intelligent supercomputer
Eye-Seven!
Iceberg-Seven is online! Welcome user “Jay Omega”
Is Polar beating his meat right now?
Nightmare shakes her head knowing the answer before the robot gives it.
Sorry Jay Omega answering that is a violation of my prime directive.
That's like... Asimov's First Amendment of Robotics, or something. No robot shall rat its owner out for spanking the monkey.
Or he just doesn't want to watch.
I for one welcome the coming of our robot overlords.
The trio look concerned as Alex shrugs.
If the future is robots that cover for you whacking your willie, the future is good. Plus the Strange Rover provides me a neverending source of Zim-Quila. Technology is fucking sweet! Gunfights, Polar jerking off inside of a mountain.. you know the only thing that would make this better.. we should get fucked up!
How fucked up are we talking? We still don't know what Polar's up to. He could need us in a sober state.
We all know what he's up to. And drunken jerking is awesome.
Thanks for that unpleasant thought. I bet I can tell you what he's thinking just based on what he's listening to. Eye-Seven; cut in the audio from Q1, Level 7
Everyone is confused slightly by the response; "Our House" by Madness begins playing about halfway through the track at a fairly loud volume. After a few seconds, Nightmare shouts "Cut it, Eye-Seven" and everything goes quiet...
No way anyone is hiding out in a mountain masturbating to ska.
Speak for yourself! That's epic strangeness right there. Respect!
What does the ska mean anyways?
Not a clue.
Like I said.. Ska slapping the bass!
Probably just relaxes him.
It's the new reggae, he's probably smoking a doobie.
The group begins talking over each other continuing to come up with ideas as Polar Phantasm casually strolls into the room.
Look who finally showed up.
We have to solve the mystery. What's up with the ska?
It's obvious. He's using it to Rocky Mountain One Man Band!
No mystery I just felt like ska.
Well that's anti climatic. Do we have a plan?
Of course we do Jay. Came up with it in the car on our way back. Just needed a few moments to just beat it.
The group looks at Polar in amazement.
You really were..
No, you guys just talk loud. I could hear you over the ska. Now about that plan we're going to split into two seperate teams and hit two targets at the same time..
I already told them about that.
So I don't have to say anything and still get credit for it? It's good to be boss sometimes. Short version you guys sneak into the big shady government facility and blow part of it up while you steal stuff out of another part, no big deal. We're gonna break into the house of a power-mad high-level spook and steal some of the most sensitive information in human history from right under his nose. Should be a party.
Party? I'll bring the Zim-Quila and a 750 pound drunken bull named Crazy Jimmy!
Polar starts to speak give details unfortunately time is