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Post by Results on Jul 4, 2017 23:05:06 GMT -6
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Post by Results on Jul 4, 2017 23:07:02 GMT -6
Cordelia Malice Segment
Cordelia Malice: Last week at Election Day Payaso Loco refused to come out to fight. I got… lets call it a little upset. Fuck it, lets call a spade a spade here, I was fucking pissed. Payaso had the audacity to call me a slut and then didn’t have the balls to come out and face what was coming to him. Maybe because he was scared, maybe because he KNEW how the match was going to end.
But he has since come out and apologized. He apologized both for what he said and then what he did. And he challenged me to a match. Well, Payaso… I DON’T forgive you. Your words are not forgivable. Only actions can satisfy my wrath, and next week at Overload I will get my revenge. I ACCEPT your match in refusal of your apology, and you will get what you finally deserve… if I decide to show up.
The crowd boos.
Jimmy Garcia: Cordelia Malice was really starting to garner the respect of the fans before she had gotten injured at Lazarus. But she seems to be losing favor with some of them. Of course this is UCI and the fans are allowed to react however they want which is why some of them are cheering for her heinous actions, but there is an overwhelming feeling of disgust in this building right now that is just palpable.
Cordelia Malice: But that’s not the only reason I’m out here tonight. In my rage last week I attacked an innocent bystander. I… I kicked this machine next to me, the RefBot 9000. It is apparently very expensive and a very important part of our infrastructure and for that I am supposed to be very sorry.
Well, obviously I’m not even the slightest bit sorry for it. I’ve been asking for a challenge since I started here in UCI. Yet I keep getting involved in matches against the likes of Petrov and DeMarcus Jordan who couldn’t be bothered to lace his boots during our match, and getting attacked by pussies like Kuno Kenji and verbally assaulted by Payaso Loco, NONE of them are up to the level that I am Talentwise and passionwise. Yet, after all my victories, and everything that I’ve done since I’ve come to UCI it took THIS. It took me kicking this fucking machine to get Spencer Adams to finally call me and notice me.
Well, if kicking the machine is what it takes to get noticed, maybe I’ll take it a step farther this time and see how much he takes notice.
Malice kicks the machine again knocking it over. She reaches into her pants and pulls out a pipe and starts beating down on the machine, each shot emanating a thunderous clank reverberating throughout the arena. She shouts primal screams with each blow finally screaming.
Cordelia Malice: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK OF ME NOW!
Suddenly Payaso Loco comes running down but stops at ringside as Malice takes notice. She begs for him to come in as she holds the pipe but Loco thinks better of the situation. Malice starts shouting at him.
Cordelia Malice: You fucking bitch. At least you showed your face, or your mask or whatever the fuck you call that thing this time. You showed up to the ring but you won’t step in the ring because you’re a fucking coward.
She tosses the pipe aside.
Cordelia Malice: What about now?
Payaso shrugs then slides under the bottom rope. Malice is quick to kick the man while he’s down but he gets to his feet and pushes her. She trips over the robot laying prone on the ground and she rolls out of the ring leaving Payaso alone with RefBot 9000 in the ring. He drops down and puts the robot’s head on his lap and strokes it’s head as Malice walks back down the ramp towards backstage. Payaso’s gaze returns to the robot who’s eyes slowly begin to flicker then finally shuts off.
He wipes his eyes and puts his head down on the robot’s head before raising a defiant fist in the air and shouting towards the heavens…
Payaso Loco: POR QUE!!!!! |
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Post by Results on Jul 4, 2017 23:16:17 GMT -6
Main Event Tag Team Match Defenestration Jones/Casey Holliday vs Super Stache Brothers
Taylor Lorde: Ladies and gentlemen! The following tag-team contest is scheduled for one fall, and is your main event for the evening!! Introducing first!
A.D.I.D.A.S. by Korn plays throughout the arena as Buff and Biff Mustache make their way down the entrance ramp, being sure to embrace the thousands and thousands cheering fans that are vying just even the slightest touch of the two most charismatic and euphoria inducing wrestlers in UCI history.
Taylor Lorde: At a combined weight of four hundred and fifty-five pounds, they are the UCI... Gang Bang... Champions! They are Biff and Buff, the Super Stache Bros!!
The crowd is a mix of reactions as our Tag Champs make lewd gestures towards Taylor and the crowd. They look up the entrance ramp as A.D.I.D.A.S. dies down, Taylor raising her mic.
Taylor Lorde: And their opponents!
The house lights briefly flicker as the vocal intro to Ciara's version of "Paint It, Black" begins. Multicolored lasers play across the darkened stage when the music kicks in.
I see a red door, and....
A figure appears on the stage, silhouetted against the InfiniTron as it comes to life with the image of a thick pane of glass.
....I want it painted black.
On screen, the glass is struck by some unseen force as the drumbeat joins in, shattering in slow motion. The stage lights brighten progressively as the 'Tron shuts off again, until Defenestration Jones is fully illuminated, the light reflecting off her gold-and-black singlet. Her lip curls in a sneer of disdain for the fans as she slowly raises a fist into the air.
Taylor Lorde: Introducing first, from Chicago, Illinois, Defenestration Jones!!
Boos rain down from the crowd, fueling her as she stalks down the aisle with an arrogant swagger. She stops at the bottom of the ramp, eyeballing the Stache Bros as she awaits her partner. "Paint It Black" fades out as the chorus of "Fashion" by Lady Gaga hits the PA system. Casey Holliday steps through the curtains, instantly drawing a mixed reaction from the crowd. She starts to walk down the ramp, obviously confident in her self-proclaimed, prodigious abilities.
Taylor Lorde: And her partner! She is the UCI Intercontinental Champion, Casy Holliday!!
She has a smirk on her face as she gets to the ring, obviously enjoying whatever reaction she's getting from the fans. She gives Defenestration a look as they meet at the bottom of the ramp, nodding as she slips off her title and they slide into the ring together. The Super Stache Bros meet them ring center, throwing suggestive banter.
Jimmy Garcia: Biff and Buff seem almost HAPPY that their opponents are females.
Gravedigger: Well, they're perverts, Jimmy. Of course they love when two sets of tits are opposite them.
Jimmy Garcia: Can you say that on television?
Gravedigger: I don't see anyone stopping me.
Referee Miranda Green slides in, taking the three titles from their respective holders and giving them to an attendant at ringside. She looks to both teams, explaining the rules; she takes a moment to let the Stache Brothers know that she isn't on their shit. She sends each team to their corners, then rings the bell.
Jimmy Garcia: It looks like Defenestration will start the match for her team, while Biff looks to be in for the Tag Champs.
Gravedigger: This should be a good match. Two dominant alpha males against a former cop and a wrestling prodigy.
Jimmy Garcia: Please. The Stache boys will likely lose their minds if Jones brought her cuffs...
Indeed, Biff's first action is to hold his wrists out, practically BEGGING to be cuffed. Jones shrugs, starting to reach behind her; Biff draws closer in horny anticipation. As he gets within reach, Jones lays him out with a smack to the face that can be heard from space. Biff looks up to Buff, who seems concerned.
Buff Mustache: You okay, little buddy?
Biff Mustache: Yeah. I think I just jizzed a little bit.
Both: HOO-YAH!
Defenestration stalks over, lifting Biff to his feet. A few chest slaps later, Biff is flung across the ring with an irish whip, looking for a clothesline on the rebound. Jones ducks, catching Biff on the rebound and hitting a massive belly-to-belly. Biff hits hard; Buff calling out to Jones.
Buff: Yeah, black beauty! We can toss each other around all night at the Mustache Mansion, hoo-yah!!
Jones slowly walks over, a slight grin. Buff leans back, motioning to his dick. Casey starts into the ring after Biff, gaining Miranda Green's attention... which allows Jones to kick Buff down under!! Buff drops off the apron, holding his jubblies, as Defenestration turns her attention to Biff.
Jimmy Garcia: Oh, come on. The Super Stache Bros are deplorable, but that's just downright crude.
Gravedigger: The word you're looking for, Jimmy, is HILARIOUS.
Jones grabs Biff up by his mustache, the younger brother whimpering as he follows her lead. Defenestration tags in Holliday, who jumps to the top turnbuckle and drops an elbow to Biff's shoulder. He drops, Jones heading outside to the apron.
Jimmy Garcia: A bit of foul play here by Jones and Holliday puts them at an advantage in the early going; but the Stache Bros aren't Tag Team Champions for nothing.
Gravedigger: It's Gang Bang Champions, Jimmy. Get it right.
Jimmy Garcia: They can say what they want, the official name is Tag T...
Gravedigger: As long as THEY hold the titles, we refer to them as the UTI Gang Bang Champions. Capiche?
Casey grabs up Biff, setting him up for a body slam. As he hits the mat, Casey drops into a pin, getting a one count for her trouble. Holliday gets to a knee as Biff rolls over, pushing himself up. Casey drops an elbow, hitting Biff upside the head and knocking him back to the mat. She wraps her arms around Biff's head and bends backwards over him into a bridge, Biff crying out to his brother. Buff starts into the ring, Miranda moving over to stop him. Biff uses the distraction to reach up, grabbing a handful of hair and pulling for dear life. Casey releases the hold, smacking the shit out of Biff's hand to force him to let go. She falls back, rubbing her head as Biff starts crawling to his corner.
Jimmy Garcia: If Biff can tag in his big brother, the size advantage could even the odds for the champs.
Gravedigger: I just want to see the tape from Buff and Jones at the Manor later. That should be interesting.
Jimmy Garcia: What in the blue hell is wrong with you?
Casey looks up as Biff gets within reach of Buff, quickly running over and grabbing Biff's foot. The younger Stache looks back as Casey pulls him back to the center of the ring, stomping on his legs and abdomen. Biff covers his junk- because apparently, that's his money maker- as Casey drags him further across the ring to tag in Jones. Defenestration starts in, stomping a hole into Biff before looking up to Buff, waving her hand across her neck. She picks up Biff, pushing him into the turnbuckle.
Jimmy Garcia: And now Jones with repeated strikes to the chest!! Biff is starting to look sunburned!!
Gravedigger: He looks as red as the tip of his dick! Hey-oh!!
Jimmy Garcia: Seriously. What the hell?
Jones walks a few feet away from the corner, staring a hole into Buff. The elder Mustache simply gyrates on the apron, then motions for her to bring it. Jones shakes her head, charging full-force into Biff with a big splash. Biff falls out of the corner and hits the mat as Casey tags herself in, jumping to the top turnbuckle.
Gravedigger: And once again, the ladies are ALL over Biff Mustache!!
Jimmy Garcia: I... I can't even with you right now. Casey Holliday with the senton from the top turnbuckle, and here's the cover!!
1!!
2!!
No!!
Gravedigger: And as always, Buff slides in to help his little brother hit that girl in all the right ways.
Jimmy Garcia: WHAT THE HELL?! Where's Sebastian when you need him?!
Gravedigger: He has penis envy and refuses to be out here for any of the Stache Bros' matches...
Defenestration slides into the ring as Buff backs away, Miranda turning to stop Jones from getting involved. Buff smirks, starting back up on Casey...
Until he's caught off-guard by the opening riff of "Crazy Train". The crowd is roaring as Payaso Loco shoots out of the back, looking down at the ring. Buff leans on the ropes, daring Loco to get involved... and Loco starts to the ring!!
Jimmy Garcia: We thought Loco was done with the Stache Brothers, but apparently he has unfinished business!!
Gravedigger: Damn masked idiot. Can't let go.
The distraction allows Holliday to tag Jones back in; whose first action is to dump Buff outside the ring. The elder Stache lands hard on the outside, mere inches from Payaso. Loco looks to the crowd, pointing down at Buff... then walks around and takes a seat at the announce table.
Jimmy Garcia: Payaso! Good to have you! We're missing a man and Digger...
Payaso Loco: Si. I heard this fanboy's comments. I couldn't stand it either.
Gravedigger: You're just jealous that the Sta...
Payaso Loco: Shut your hole, ese vato, before I shut it for you. I got no problem taking out a has-been.
Gravedigger: Why you little...
Payaso Loco: What did I JUST say, pendejo?
Defenestration grabs up Biff, flinging him across the ring. Biff rolls over in pain, but realizes where he is and reaches up for a tag. Unfortunately, Buff is still barely on his knees on the floor opposite him. Biff rolls out of the ring, buying some recovery time.
Jimmy Garcia: Smart move there by Biff, getting out of dodge. Just might ve able to save the match for himself and his brother.
Payaso Loco: Si. You have diez secundos to use on the outside. That time is muy importanto; it could truly mean the difference between victory and defeat.
Defenestration rolls out of the ring after Biff, Miranda giving them a warning to get back into the ring. Biff starts off the long way around the ring, Jones following after. Green gets to a count od three as Biff rounds the corner, Casey dropping to the mat. Stuck between Holliday and Jones, Biff charges into the ring, rushing the opposite side and rebounding with a dropkick as Jones climbs the apron. Defenestration hits the floor, Casey Holliday yelling at Biff. The younger Stache bro responds with a finger point to his groin, then to Casey, followed by a lewd gesture depicting a sexual act.
Jimmy Garcia: Deplorable. What a terrible thing to show people on national television.
Gravedigger: I think it's th...
Payaso Loco: Silencio! No one cares what you think. The Mustache Brothers clearly fall from a line of deviant incestual freaks who happen to be mentally disabled.
Gravedigger: Well, that's just...
Payaso Loco: I know, Wave. I agree; it IS the most accurate statement you've ever heard about them.
Miranda reaches a count of seven as Biff continues to taunt Casey, Jones on her feet outside. Holliday starts into the ring, Green moving in to intercept as Buff charges around the corner, dropping Jones with a shoulder block. He picks Defenestration up, rolling her into the ring for Biff and slapping the mat. Green turns as Biff drops, sliding in for the count.
1!!
Jimmy Garcia: No, no, no...
2!!
Gravedigger: GET 'EM, BOYS!
Kickout by Jones.
Payaso Loco: Señoritas in this business are a tough bunch. The hermanos are going to need more than cheap shots and low blows to win this one.
Biff looks up, Buff calling for the tag. Biff looks over to Holliday, standing and gyrating, then walks over to tag in his brother. The pair walk over to Jones, standing on either side. They gyrate for a moment, then lock arms and drop a double elbow. Biff walks off as Buff makes the cover.
1!!
2!!
Broken by Holliday.
Casey rolls through the senton, nailing Biff with a clothesline as he turns around. She gets to her feet, turning around... Buff grabs her up by the ass in a modified belly-to-belly suplex! Casey rolls out of the ring both hurt and violated, Buff turning his attention back on Jones.
Gravedigger: What a move...
Payaso Loco: By Senorita Holliday, si. She just saved the match AND took outi one of the Mustache Bros.
Gravedigger: I meant Buff...
Jimmy Garcia: Is just a sorry little man with ED who makes up for it with sex puns?
Payaso Loco: You got the hang of it, Jimmy.
Buff walks over to Defenestration, grabbing her legs. He makes a few thrusting motions before twisting one of them around, looking to lock in Buff's Stuff... but Jones gets her free foot up and kicks Buff in the ass, sending him across the ring. She rolls over, starting to a knee as he uses the ring ropes to stand. As Jones gets up, Buff charges out of the corner, looking for a clothesline...
Jimmy Garcia: OUT OF NOWHERE, Casey Holliday with a spear to Buff!!
Payaso Loco: Casey is loco; using that move and likely the last of her energy to save her compadre.
Gravedigger: Casey's done and the Mustache Bros just need to...
Payaso Loco: Need to accept that not everything can be handed to them by cheating and deception.
Gravedigger: When are you gonna let me finish my own sentences?
Payaso Loco: When YOU start using the right head to think with during these matches.
Jones starts over to Buff, but pauses. She grabs up Holliday, placing her partner in their corner. Biff starts to his feet, Defenestration running up with a shining wizard that causes Biff to roll out of the ring on the momentum alone. She shifts her gaze to Buff, nodding as the crowd cheers.
Mus-tache Bro-thers! Get Him Jones!
Mus-tache Bro-thers! Get Him Jones!
As Defenestration backs up to prepare the match, she gets tagged on the back by Casey who voluntarily gets inside the ring. Defenestration doesn’t know what she’s doing until she watches Casey perform the Corkscrew Neckbreaker on Buff Mustache who lands on the back of his neck in the center of the ring. She cockily hooks the leg up after floating over for the pin attempt!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Jimmy Garcia: STOCK PLUNGE BY THE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION! HERE IS THE PIN ATTEMPT!
One!
Two!
Three!
Ding Ding Ding!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
“Fashion” by Lady Gaga replays around the interior of the arena and Casey rolls out of the ring to retrieve her UCI Intercontinental Championship belt. She backs up the entrance path holding the belt high over her head while Defenestration isn’t too happy having her moment stolen from her.
Sebastian Reid: Wow, talk about an attention wh-
Gravedigger: Don’t you dare say it Reid! Casey saw an opportunity and took it. Defenestration Jones should be happy, no she should be gracious for teaming with a mastermind! |
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Post by Results on Jul 4, 2017 23:17:19 GMT -6
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Post by Results on Jul 4, 2017 23:19:32 GMT -6
Spencer Adams Segment
We return from commercial with Spencer back in the ring, staring towards the ramp in anticipation.
Spencer Adams: Before I bring Teo and Jenson out here again...I almost forgot something big.
Jimmy Garcia: Incoming news alert!
Spencer Adams: I’ll be blunt right now. This #BeachKrew thing? Bonnie’s disrespect toward the big bad GM who was kind enough to grant a week off after her title defense? It’s absolutely uncalled for! In light of recent happenings, this year’s big Summer special will no longer be known as Beachmania. Instead, on July 31st, UCI will host….Summermania!!!
The crowd cheers a bit, because they’re marks even though the PPV name change is horrible and Spencer will probably just bring Jeremy Piven (Pippen? Pivot? Pudding?) out to verbally botch it in like a week or something.
Spencer Adams: Now, back to earlier. I demanded The Gents find us a challenger for Bonnie Blue and I’m ready for the answer. Teo..Jenson, it’s time, gents.
The crowd pops as Jenson helps his partner out onto the stage, the two smiling in delight.
Andre Jenson: Spence, Spence, Spence. Rest easy now. We found you the perfect challenger for Summermania.
Teo del Sol: You called on the two of us. You wanted the counter to Bonnie Blue? Well...allow us to bring out the answer..
The guitar rifts of "Feel Invincible" by Skillet and the lights go out and a blue spread light aims at the entrance.
Sebastian Reid: Oh yes! One million times yes!
Bolas de Arana pops through the curtain, making his way quickly down to the ring to roaring applause from the audience.
Jimmy Garcia: Spencer asked The Gents to deliver on a big time challenger for Bonnie Blue and they did just that!
Bolas steps toe to toe with Spencer, shooting a quirky grin as the UCI’s owner looks the superstar up and down a bit before raising the mic to his lips.
Spencer Adams: Yeah, I dig it, I do.
Crowd: BOLAS! BOLAS! BOLAS! BOLAS! BOLAS!
Spencer Adams: Allow me to throw you all...one more curveball though.
Gravedigger: Gotta keep the marks on their toes, guys!
Spencer Adams: Bolas de Arana vs. Bonnie Blue...a great choice for a world title match at Summermania. However, is it enough? I asked you two to find me a prime challenger for the throne and you did just that, but...I’ve got a smarmy little bitch of a champion to try to humble this month. To me, that means that it was time for me to raise that bar just a little bit higher. That being said, I have done a little search of my own, so allow me to introduce Bonnie’s other challenger at Summermania..
Sebastian Reid: What’s boss man got up his sleeve for us this time?
Jimmy Garcia: The suspense is too much!
The lights dim to a blood red, as glitchy electronic noises fill the arena. Many suspect that "Ghosts n' Stuff" is about to play...until instead they get a snippet of multiple songs. First "You Know My Name," then "Mountain Song," "Ghosts 'n Stuff, "The Scott Pilgrim Anthem," and finally "Professional Griefers." This snippets play seemingly at random until all sound stops, and the lights go off completely, until three letters pop up on the titantron, in big white letters.
"FPV”
Gravedigger: NO FREAKIN WAY!
Jenson and Teo turn in shocked unison as FPV steps onto the stage, nodding and shooting a determined look across the arena towards both Bolas and Spencer.
Sebastian Reid: First, Bolas de Arana! Now, FPV! That’s what I call a main event!
Jimmy Garcia: Summermania just became one of the biggest moments in UCI history!
Overload fades out as the music continues to blare to the image of Bolas looking right back towards the ramp. |
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