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Post by Results on Jul 4, 2017 22:17:48 GMT -6
Introduction
The Royal Farms Arena is live from Baltimore, Maryland. The cameras pan around the interior of the arena showing the diversity of fans who paid their tickets to experience this night. The aftermath of Election Day is here and it cuts over to Jimmy Garcia, Gravedigger and Sebastian Reid sat behind the announce table.
Jimmy Garcia: Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to another episode of Monday Night Overload! We are in the aftermath of Election Day and what a pay-per-view that was. Tonight in our main event features the new UCI Tag Team Champions, the Super Stache Brothers, against Defenestration Jones and the current UCI Intercontinental Champion, Casey Holliday!
Gravedigger: I’m glad the Super Stache Brothers won! It’s about goddamn time those belts were off those hooligans. However, I’m still upset that Bonnie Blue is still our UCI World Heavyweight Champion! Every time we get a chance to make this company better, here she comes being a thorn in that future’s side.
Sebastian Reid: I have to agree. Her change into #beachkrew. We’re seeing a different Bonnie, a more vicious one. Tonight however is a night of new faces and new chances. What shall we see?!
Tarantula plays through the Royal Farms Arena as our broadcast opens up to an ocean of screaming fans. We pan around and come full circle to the announce table.
Sebastian Reid: Hello, ladies and gents! Welcome to Overload on SyFy! We’ve got some big things in store for you all tonight coming off the fallout from Election Day!
Jimmy Garcia: Some new champions, some still holding onto their championships of course!
Gravedigger: Let’s get right to what’s on everyone’s mind right now.
Sebastian Reid: The world title scene?
Gravedigger: No way, The Mustaches holding tag gold of course!
Jimmy Garcia: Don’t remind me..
Sebastian Reid: As for the world title scene, we’re set to here from the boss right now!
Cameras are turned to the ring where Spencer is seen standing front and center, mic in hand with a stern look on his face.
Spencer Adams: UCI fans..
Crowd: BOOOOO!!
Spencer Adams: Really? Already? We’re not starting with the back and forth. You may wanna just stay seated, eat your popcorn, and shut your damn mouths, because as much as you probably love hating on me..there are pressing matters to talk about.
Crowd: BOOOOOO!!!
Spencer Adams: First off, I must inform all of you that after The Gents competed for the tag straps, Teo was involved with one of those “arrow to the knee” incidents. Therefore, Teo del Sol and Andre Jenson are taking a step back from active competition until further notice.
The crowd lets out a synchronized groan of disapproval.
Spencer Adams: However, since I am such a superior visionary in the world of sports management...say hello to UCI’s new general entertainment and new talent specialists!
The Crowd explodes as a twanging bass riff cuts through the stadium. All eyes converge on the entrance ramp as spotlights swirl through the audience as Teo del Sol and Andre Jenson step onto the stage to a big round of applause. The Two Gents make their way down the ramp, Teo doing so gingerly and favoring a braced knee. Jenson helps his friend up the steps as they approach ringside and the two step through the ropes to meet the owner in the ring.
Spencer Adams: Let’s hear it for The Two Gents!
Crowd cheers.
Spencer Adams: Let’s hear it for the guy who just made a genius hire!
Crowd boos.
Spencer Adams: Whatever. Anyway, you two know why I’ve brought you out here.
A moment of silence occurs as Teo and Jenson nod their heads.
Spencer Adams: So...elephant in the room. Those who watched Election Day already know, Bonnie Blue is still UCI world champion..
Heavy boos.
Spencer Adams: Our new specialists here are well aware that tonight...I’m looking for a contender to face Bonnie. More specifically, THEY will be looking for me.
Jenson lifts a mic to his lips.
Andre Jenson: Believe me when I say that the two of us will find the best man-
Teo del Sol: or woman!..
Andre Jenson: Yes, or woman...for the challenge.
Spencer Adams: It’s sorted then. You two, get a move on. I expect an answer by the end of the night.
The Gents dip back to the outside as Spencer is left grinning in the middle of the ring.
Jimmy Garcia: You hear that? A new challenger for the world title will be named TONIGHT! I can’t wait!
Sebastian Reid: Definitely some big time candidates out there! |
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Post by Results on Jul 4, 2017 22:20:24 GMT -6
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Post by Results on Jul 4, 2017 22:22:35 GMT -6
The Two Gents Segment
The camera pans to the backstage area where the Gents are on the lookout for the new number one contender. Teo looks at Jenson who is holding some measuring tape.
Teo: So, we need this new number one contender to be Strong.
Jenson: Right.
Teo: He's gotta be fast
Jenson: Gotcha
Teo: He's gotta be fresh for a fight.
Jenson: Teo. You know what we need?
Teo: A hero.
Jenson (grinning): You read my mind. But who can beat Bay Watch?
Teo: Someone they never expect!
Jenson: Hmmmm let's go outside, we'll think of someone.
They didn't even get the chance to open the door properly. As soon as it started opening Kyle Cameron came tumbling through.
Cameron: AS YOUR ACTUAL WORLD CHAMPION I DEMAND A MATCH AGAINST THAT SILLY BITCH.
He shouts this while lying on the floor, as he fell face first and hadn't quite got up yet. His voice was muffled.
Jenson: Didn't I beat you for that?
Teo: Yeah, but the thing happened with the Dwarves.
Jenson: Oh yeah. Well, sorry bud. I think we need something a little stronger than you. Besides, last I heard you were grounded until you were 53.
Cameron: Don't you dare tell anyone about this.
Gravedigger: I feel so much better knowing these two are on the case!
Garcia: You know sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.
Gravedigger: So's your mom. |
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Post by Results on Jul 4, 2017 22:25:23 GMT -6
Alicia Elkslay vs Derek Willings
”Strike Back” by Kira Justice plays loudly and Derek Wellings walks out. The fans cheer him loudly as they look at the Airborne Ranger. Derek takes a hat off and throws it into the audience, he clenches his fists and throws them up in the air. Black and gold pyro sparkler pyro raise up from behind him, Derek takes several steps forward before throwing his fist down to have bright white pyro explode behind him. He runs towards the ring, jumps as he nears it and rolls in between the middle and bottom ropes, before taking a knee and throwing the championship up above his head again.
Taylor Lorde: This match is scheduled for ONE FALL! Introducing First --- From Detroit, Michigan --- He is DEREK WELLINGS!
He looks at several people in the audience, taking his shirt off he tosses it into the crowd. The Airborne Ranger closes his eyes and absorbs the atmosphere for a moment before he jumps off the turnbuckle. Then crotches down in the corner, waiting for his opponent.
Jimmy Garcia: Big match up he-
Jimmy's voice cuts as he looks on in confusion.
Sebastian Reid: That's right, Jimmy! Elks-
Just like Jimmy, Reid also seems to be experiencing an audio issue. The two look at each other in confusion.
Gravedigger: Mic issues, gentlemen? Seems like mine is working fine!...Too bad for you all, I don't really feeeel like announcing right now. Breeeak time.
Digger smirks to himself, kicking up his legs and resting them on the table.
The screen turns into a hazy mixture of black/white/pink, as an image of an Angel appears atop the tron as the intro to Dear Agony's 'Low' resonates its way throughout the PA system. The crowd, although a little unsure on how to react based off the simple imagery and music they have heard/seen to this moment, begin to cheer the moment Alicia bursts out from behind the curtain. A soft sigh leaving her lips, she extends her arms out as if she is an angel, before beginning to half-skip, half-walk her way up the ramp.
Taylor Lorde: His Opponent --- From Atlanta, Georgia --- Weighing in at one hundred and twenty one pounds --- She is "THE ANGELIC PRINCESS" ALICIA ELKSLAY!!!
Alicia is all smiles now, as she makes her way to the steel ring steps, leaping atop of them and looking out at the crowd, giving them an opportunity to take pictures/whatever they so desire. After all, that's what she's here to do: entertain them in any way she possibly can. Whether that be inside or outside of the ring. Extending her arms once more, she bends down, dipping into the ring between the middle and top ropes (of course, with the audience snapping pictures and the males oogling her), before she stands back up and takes her position for the upcoming bout.
DING, DING, DING!
Stepping out of their respective corners, Alicia and Derek look into one another's eyes, both attempting to assess the situation. Both, trying to find the best point from which to launch an assault; acquire the 'upper hand', at least in the opening stanza of this battle. Yet they are both going about it in different manners --- whilst Alicia is more calm, relaxed in her approach, allowing herself more time to take in the crowd; acquire her bearings on performing on a stage of this magnitude, Derek is much more methodical, focused on ensuring that the route that he eventually chooses has a few flaws as possible. That it shall ultimately be the road, that leads to his victory.
Watching Alicia closely, Derek allows a soft smirk to cross his lips, before raising his right hand in the air, in an attempt to lure Alicia in, under the guise of a traditional 'collar and tie' style of lock up. Softly looking at the outstretched arm, Alicia cautiously reaches her arm out, only to instead pivot her body 90 degrees to the left; raise her left arm, before sliding a knee into the stomach of Wellings --- forcing him to bend down; right into a side headlock. An open, more common for the 'street fights' she has been in the past, yet also an adequate manner in which to commence a wrestling match.
It doesn't last too long, as Wellings is able to use his body strength in order to wrap his right arm around the back of his foe, before pushing himself into a standing position; fall backwards with a modified version of your typical back suplex, softly chuckling as Alicia's back/neck land atop the mat with a thud; her body stretches out in the 'spread eagle' formation. Commando rolling to his right, Wellings is able to re-acquire a vertical base, as he walks over to the slowly rising Alicia, making sure she remains back-first on the mat thanks to a sharp boot to her midriff, followed by dropping a pointed elbow right into her stomach, causing a slight yelp to leave the mouth of the young 18 year old.
Kipping back up, Derek glances down at the prone, still spread out form of Alicia, a tinge of annoyance slightly hidden in his eyes --- not at Alicia, but rather at the fact that the crowd is almost jeering each move he makes. That every time another blow is landed, they are letting out a chorus of boos, yet cheering when Alicia landed the headlock. As such, he decides to viciously stomp Alicia in the stomach thrice, before grabbing her right arm; yanking her hurriedly into the air, only to reel her in and drive her straight back down with a clothesline, softly chuckling as he hears the soft squeal of pain flow into the air from her lips.
Maintaining his hold on her arm, he hoists her back up, repeating the move before this time, releasing his grasp --- only to hook his arms around her waist and lift her onto his shoulder, looking for a running belly-to-belly suplex. Or well, that was the intention anyway --- Alicia is able to muster up enough strength to wrap her right arm around the back of his neck, then use his own momentum in order to pull them both down to the mat with a DDT, letting out a deep breath as Derek rolls to his left, landing back first on the mat next to her.
Feeling a slight tinge of pain run up his spine, Derek places his palms flat onto the canvas, before using them in order to lift himself back up; glance over at the slightly ginger and staggering Alicia --- it was obvious that despite the move, she is the one who is 'worse for wear' right now, although then again, one cannot truly know the true state of a wrestler.
Awaiting her to reacquire a fully vertical base, he hones right in on her chest, driving not one, not two, but three brutal backhanded chops (A shout of "Woo" from both Derek/The crowd accompanying each) into the breast region, before wrapping his arms firmly around her waist; lifting, then dropping her with an overhead belly to belly --- the momentum of which causes her to bounce back up off the canvas upon impact, before laying still; prone, as her eyes slightly glaze over.
Slightly rolling to her right, Alicia uses what little strength she has burning inside of her to make her way to the ropes; use them as leverage to push her way back to her feet, even if it's only to find herself flying back over the top rope; land brutally on the protective matting below, courtesy of a 'clothesline from hell' style of Lariat from the grizzled "Airborne Ranger".
-1
Alicia feels soft moans leave her lip with each breath, as she tilts her head slightly to the right; attempts to regain some sort of bearing. Some sense, of where exactly she is. Derek on the other hand, simply backs away from the ropes, almost daring Alicia to re-enter the ring. Almost inviting her, to step back into the fire once more.
-2
Rolling onto her stomach, Alicia begins to attempt to push herself up, bracing her body as her arms begin to shake; wobble under her own body weight. It is at this point that Derek briefly considers rolling out of the ring, slightly irritated at the amount of time Alicia is burning; knowing that each second he delays the resumption of the onslaught, she is gaining more and more recovery.
More and more energy to counter-act anything he might throw at her --- only deciding against it because he knows deep down, that she might merely be 'playing possum'. That she could be trying to entice him into attacking, so that she herself, can launch her offensive force.
-3
Finally managing to acquire a standing position, Alicia feels her legs wiggle as if they were made of jelly, as she slowly but surely makes her way back to the ropes, only to hesitate the moment she catches the fire within Derek's stare. Her mouth slightly agape, she begins to take two steps back, before slightly turning her head to her right, then to her left before continuing forward, whilst Derek creeps ever closer to the position she is attempting to use in order to return to the ring.
-4
Alicia finally inhales deeply, before running in the direction of the ring; sliding back into it under the bottom rope, only to be met with a sharp running knee drop to the small of her back. Wincing, she attempts to push herself to at least an 'all-fours' position, only for Derek to instead elect to lift her by the waist, pulling her into a reverse bearhug position, before pivoting his body ninety degrees and dropping her back/neck first in the center of the ring with a vicious looking release german suplex, the force of which is enough to cause spittle to rise from Alicia's mouth upon landing.
Derek isn't finished though, as he quickly scurries up to his feet, lifting Alicia up; pivoting his body to his right, so that he can complete the side belly-to-belly suplex, before maintaining his grip upon her slender figure; delivering a similar overhead belly-to-belly to the only that caused her to attempt her escape moments before. Despite the crowd still being somewhat mixed in their reaction (though it is mainly cheers at this point), Derek smirks to himself --- he came out here with the purpose of using Alicia as the 'messenger'; a way to show Calvin Harris that his sights are still firmly planted on the rising stars championship around his waist. That anything else, is just a 'means to an end' for him --- a way, to forge his path back to what he desires.
Watching as Alicia's mouth begins to slur, he gestures for her to 'get up' and 'bring it on' before crouching into a position not too dissimilar to how one would prepare to launch into a football tackle --- or in this case, a spear. Which is exactly what occurs, as Wellings thrusts the entire weight of his body into one fluid motion; almost running right through his foe as his shoulder rams into her stomach, before sliding his free arm over her, for the lateral press cover.
-1
-2
Alicia's shoulder gently rising off the mat, a split second after the ref's hand slammed against the canvas for the second time --- much to the annoyance of Wellings. Slamming his own palms against the mat, he glances across at the ref, then back down at the almost unconscious Elkslay, who is barely stirring at this very moment. Driving three firm fists into the face of Elkslay, Wellings forcibly grabs her right arm, before lifting her and himself up from the mat; irish whipping Alicia off the far right hand side ropes --- nailing her with a sickening big boot upon her rebounding back into his path.
The anger flowing through his veins, he doesn't allow her any moment to breath, before ruthlessly lifting her off the ground once more, this time picking her up in a manner like you would expect from a fireman carrying somebody out of a burning building, only to simply fall backwards and drive her body into the mat with a Samoan drop. The impact, causing her to convulse like a fish out of water before laying still and spread eagle atop the mat. Yet all Derek does, is simply smirk before gently dropping his knee into her right arm, then into her chest.
He just wants her to break --- he's willing to break every singular bone in her body, if it means he will be the one walking out with the victory; the one, staking his claim for another shot at Harris. Attempting to raise her to her feet once more, he is slightly stunned when almost out of sheer instinct, the 'Angelic Princess' is able to lift up her right leg, catching him with a toe kick to the chest and forcing Wellings to take a step back. Yet it isn't enough to prevent him from stepping straight back over the top of her; roughly pull her up by the neck --- almost as if the kick was a sign of disrespect.
Almost as if he saw it as a 'taunt' of sorts. Three jabs to the face of Derek follow, each one causing him to jolt his head back slightly and loosen the grip he holds, before with what one could probably assume is her 'last gasp', Alicia is able to leap into the air; fire off a dropkick to ensure that as she hits the mat, so does Wellings. Both lay prone, trying to ride the pain flowing through them --- trying to find a way, to ensure that they can be the one that walks away with the victory. The one that puts their name 'up in lights' as people like to call it.
Feeling his breathing stagger, Derek is slowly able to rise to his feet, glancing out to the crowd, then back at the still downed Alicia, knowing that her failure to stand, equates to his opportunity to re-assert himself upon the battle. To make sure that her little 'comeback', is very short lived.
Clasping her left hand with his own right hand, Derek reels Alicia in towards his body once more, only for her to surprisingly plant her feet firmly against the canvas, defying not only the momentum, but also the overwhelming strength advantage he has over her --- though her resilience is instead punished by a driving knee to the stomach, followed by a sit-out powerbomb/pinning combination.
-1
-2
Just as the referee's hand is about to hit the mat for the third and final time, Alicia is able to slightly roll herself forward --- not enough to acquire momentum to push herself up, but enough so that the pinfall is halted; Derek feels the burning rage inside of him grow more and more. Frustrated, he lets out a loud growl, before throwing Elkslay off him and rising to his feet, almost not caring how far he feels he needs to go.
Just how much pain, he puts her through --- her consistent kick outs are starting to take him over the edge. They're forcing him into a position where all that is running through his mind is "how do I finish her off? How do I win this?". Snarling, Derek drops a knee right atop Alicia's throat, causing her to gargle and gag, before smiling as he hoist her up --- only to be caught by surprise when Alicia turns her hips to her right; manages to hook his legs with her own in a modified roll up
-1
-2
Derek kicks his legs up, flinging Alicia off him, yet seething with anger. Not just at Alicia for one-upping him, but also at himself for allowing her to one- up him. Rolling onto his stomach, he rises, before charging at, then taking down Alicia with a running body avalanche, then a second when she slowly makes her way back to a vertical base, following the impact of each with an ear-piercing roar.
Feeling the blood rushing through his body, Wellings hoists Alicia up once more, roughly placing her on his shoulders and turning his body to the right for an airplane spin --- only for Elkslay to slide off and send him stomach and ribs first into the near left turnbuckle with a vicious dropkick to the small of his back, before kipping herself up; cartwheeling and following him into the corner with a back elbow smash to his right temple. Letting a slight smile cross her face, she softly whispers to herself, trying to find a way to ignore the pain shooting through her body. Knowing that every second she wastes, is another second Derek can resume the beating he had been inflicting upon her.
Connecting with another sharp elbow to the temple when Derek turns to face her, Alicia pulls his head under her right armpit, before scaling the turnbuckle and leaping off --- her body doing a full 360 rotation in the air, before crashing both her back and his neck/head into the mat with a brilliant yet also brutal Tornado DDT. Pain riddled in each breath she takes, Alicia slowly attempts to stand, only to feel her legs collapse under her; her body crash against the canvas, crumpled yet not broken. Just like Derek's own; prone form, resting about two and a half feet to the right of Alicia.
As much as she wants to, the yelps escaping her lips each time she moves, combined with the shooting pain in his ribcage prevent Elkslay from rolling towards Wellings; attempting the cover. Inhaling slightly, Alicia lifts her right shoulder about a foot off the mat, before gritting her teeth and placing her hands firmly on the mat. She knows she'll have to push through this 'pain barrier', just as she has done many times in the streets; only this time, she has an audience, fans who are cheering her on --- she is the underdog; she is the one that is defying the odds --- even if she ultimately falls.
Arriving back at a vertical base, she is briefly jolted by the sight of an on-coming Derek --- he had been able to rise to his feet and set himself up for a spear in the time it took for Alicia to notice, but a quick stutter-step to the right ensures that his efforts are for naught, as his body merely connects with the steel of the turnbuckle. Thus allowing Alicia to drop down; connect with a chopblock into roll up combination.
-1
-2
At the very last possible microsecond, Derek is able to roll his body forward enough, so that Alicia is forced to relinquish her pin. Softly sighing, Alicia feels a slight look of irritation cross her face --- much like Derek, she too was beginning to wonder just how far she was going to have to do, in order to win. In order, to finally be able to put him away. Yet at the same time, she knows that just like any fight --- the moment she dwells for even a split second too long on that, is the moment the opportunity is lost.
Watching as Derek slowly; gingerly makes his way back to his feet, she attempts to floor him with a roundhouse --- only for him to duck under it; instead hoist her straight into the air, dropping her onto his knee in a pendulum backbraker, before swinging her around and into a sidewalk slam. Enough, to buy him some more time in order to scheme. In order, to lay out the preparations for how he intends on finishing this bout.
Sharply stomping on Alicia's chest, he lifts her to her feet; much like he did earlier in the bout, Irish whips her in the direction of the ropes once more --- only this time, as soon as he releases her, he commences bouncing off the ropes on the opposite side before connecting with a lunging shoulder tackle --- the momentum and impact causing Alicia to somersault through the air, before faceplanting onto the canvas and right in position for Derek to set up for his 'Basic Training' maneuver.
Alicia is hoisted in the air, but manages to drop down with Derek set up to eat The Angelic Song finisher.
-1
-2
-3!
DING DING DING!!
Taylor Lorde: The winner of this match, Alicia Elkslay!
Sebastian Reid: Can you guys hear me?
Jimmy Garcia: Mics are fixed apparently..
Gravedigger: Oh god dammit, I was looking forward to a night off.. |
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Post by Results on Jul 4, 2017 22:28:09 GMT -6
The Two Gents Segment
Andre Jenson and Teo Del Sol are now in the locker room, the camera is focussed on a huge bicep with measuring tape around it. You can hear Jenson and Teo talk as the camera slowly pans out.
Teo: It's a big bicep.
Jenson: Like a python?
Teo: 2 foot ones.
Jenson: So he's strong.
Teo: Yep, Strong.
Jenson: What do you think?
Teo: I don't know, what do you think big guy? Do you wanna be number one contender?
Petrov: Petrov fuck Bonnie. Hard. Petrov fuck anything. Petrov want fuck now.
Jenson: I don't think that's how it works.
Petrov stares his thousand yard stare at Jenson, who slowly backs away. As he's backing away he bumps into none other than Kyle Cameron.
Cameron: I DEMAND....
He didn't get the chance to continue because Jenson picked him up, turned around, put in him front of Petrov who cracked his knuckles. They then slowly left the room, leaving Cameron face to face with a Petrov who just wants to fuck.
Garcia: Well, that young man isn't having a good evening. It's just about to get a lot more...
Gravedigger: Rapey. I'm going with Rapey |
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Post by Results on Jul 4, 2017 22:31:55 GMT -6
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Post by Results on Jul 4, 2017 22:34:59 GMT -6
Joe Smarts Segment
Gravedigger: UPDATE! That viral Smarts face plant video has just hit 3 million views!
Jimmy Garcia: Hold up! I have just received word that Joe Smarts has met up with Spencer Adams to decide which title he'll have a shot at!
----
Spencer Adams: Okay, Joe, which non-World title do you want to go for?
Joe Smarts: Okay, after longs hours of tinking, I has decided the World title!
Spencer Adams: ...Joe. You can't go for that title.
Joe Smarts: It are a free country!
Spencer Adams: ...
Joe Smarts: Fine! I are go for Alpha Championship.
Spencer Adams: ...Joe. You're not in WCF anymore.
Joe Smarts: ...Wome En's Championship?
Spencer Adams: ...Joe. You are not a woman. And that doesn't even exist in UCI!
Spencer Adams: How about I make a suggestion for you? The Television Championship.
Joe Smarts: HAHAHAHA! Me? The Kings of Televees? HA! I'm not even a televee!
Spencer Adams: Okay. How about the tag championship?
Joe Smarts: Sure.
Jimmy Garcia: There we go!
Spencer Adams: Great! Who's gonna be your partner?
Joe Smarts: Um... Let go K-Bish.
Spencer Adams: Does he know that you'll be his partner?
Joe Smarts: Nope.
Spencer Adams: Okay, let's call him.
---
In the Bishop residence
RING! RING!
Kevin Bishop: Moshi Moshi.
Spencer Adams: Hey! Would you like to go for the tag titles with Joe Smarts?
Kevin Bishop: Hahaha <hangs up>
Karma Bishop: Who was that?
Kevin Bishop: Prank callers
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Spencer Adams: He said no.
Joe Smarts: Dammit.
Spencer Adams: Okay, so which title do you choose?
Joe Smarts: Uh... Um... Hows about... the... Univoisal Championship?
Spencer Adams: I FUCKING GIVE UP.
Spencer flips over his desk, and a nearby table and walks out of the door.
Spencer Adams: FUCK YOU.
Jimmy Garcia: And it's final- it's inconclusive. |
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Post by Results on Jul 4, 2017 22:41:51 GMT -6
UCI Television Championship Zombie McMorris © vs Petrov 2.0
Jimmy Garcia: Well guys, another week, another TV Title match. Up next we have ZMAC defending against the powerhouse known as Petrov.
Sebastian Reid: Don’t get it twisted, Petrov is a scary and powerful man; ZMAC may have his work cut out for him.
Wavedigger: I know wouldn’t want to fight Petrov but then again I’ve fought against the Coked Up Mad Man and let me tell you – this is going to be a fight.
Taylor Lord: Ladies and gentlemen.. the following match is for the UCI Television Championship! Making his way to the ring first.. the challenger…. PETTRROOVV!!!!
Petrov's voice can be heard over the PA saying in a calm but intimidating voice "Total. Fucking. Badass." as Blind by Korn starts to play. The crowd begins to talk amongst themselves in anticipation as the intro plays out before the words "ARE YOU READY!?" are shouted and the song drops in as Petrov emerges from the curtain and leans back and let's out a deep voiced shout and walks to the ring with a serious look on his face. He runs up the steps and climbs between the ropes as he paces about while shadowboxing and waiting for his opponent.
"Killed By Death" hits the PA system as the arena begins to fill with smoke. The Guitar and drums kick in and play up as the crowd search for ZMAC. Them vocals smash the speakers as the spot light is shows ZMAC whose stand out in the middle section of the area.
Fans: If you squeeze me lizard, I’ll put my snake in you. I’m a romantic adventure and a reptile too.
He stands there with his back turned to the ring with his arms out in a ‘T’ pose. He turns to face the crowd as he takes a few steps down the aisle way.
Fans: Easy! Easy!
He pumps the crowd up as they go rabid for the Coked UP Mad Man who reaches into his pulls out a vial of cocaine and snorts it.
Fans: The only time I’m gone be easy is when I’m.. KILED BY DEATH! KILLED BY DEATH!
Taylor Lorde: Making his way to the ring.. from the Big Easy.. He stands six feet, six inches tall and weighs in at two hundred and twenty pounds… He is the Coked Up Mad Man.. ZZZOOMMMBIE… MCMORRR-IISSS!
Fans: I’m a lone wolf ligger but I ain’t no pretty boy!
Fans swarm him as he takes beer after beer and chugs them; getting some all over his face and chest. ZMAC is in a sea of “Dove Killah Certified OG’s” as the fans lift him up and body surf him down to the crowd barrier.
Fans: KILLED BY DEATH! KILLED BY DEATH! KILLED BY DEATH!
He jumps the barrier and slides into the ring. ZMAC takes to the adjacent turnbuckle and taunts the crowd before taking off his jacket and throwing it to the towards the time keeper. The Honey Badger has arrived.
Wavedigger: Both men are the same height except ZMAC gives up about forty pounds of roided up muscle.
DING DING
The men lock up as Petrov easily gets the upper hand and throws ZMAC half way across the ring into the turnbuckle. Petrov runs at ZMAC and clocks him with an over hand right as Petrov begins a savage beatdown.
Reid: It’s not looking good ZMAC. Petrov might be too much.
Wavedigger: Reid, have you ever had a blood feud with a Norse God?
Reid: What? Um, no? Is that even a que-
Wavedigger: Then you don’t know shit.
Petrov is smashing ZMACs head off the turn before dead lifting him and choke slamming him by the back of his head.
the pin..
1..
2…
NOO!!!
Jimmy: ZMAC kicks out! I have no idea how he survived that.
Petrov picks up ZMAC and bear hugs him before hitting him with a belly to belly slam.
Reid: ZMAC has the speed advantage but you cant use that on your back.
Petrov picks him up but ZMAC thymbs him in the eye and hits the a FALCON PUNCH to the gut that doubles petrov over. ZMAC hits the ropes and comes back with a psycho crusher that wobbles the big man.
Jimmy: ZMAC having trouble getting the big man down. ZMAC tries for a curbstomp but gets swatted away however, he is quick to counter that into a superkick that drops Petrov to a knee.
Reid: DOVE KILLER!
The pin.
1.
2..
NOOO!!
Powerful kick out by Petrov. ZMAC lands on his feet and comes back with a lion sault. ZMAC stays on Petrov with left hands. ZMAC reaches into his jorts and pulls out a vial of cocaine and rides that rail.
Wavedigger: ZMACS going for the home run early.
ZMAC waites for Petrov to get up as he tries for a Lou Thez Press but gets caught.
Crowd: FUCK YOU!
Jimmy: Petrov with that soul crushing Powerbomb / styles clash combo.
The pin..
1..
2..
3..
NOOO!!
Wavedigger: The Cocaine is doing its thang just like I’mma bout to do my thang on this wing and two piece.
Petrov picks up ZMAC for a suplex but ZMAC blocks it and turns it into a sling shot suplex of his own
ZMAC: BOOT PARTY!
WHAM!
ZMAC runs and connects with a curb stomp…He waits for Petrov to get up and connects with a Dove Killer.
ZMAC with the pin..
1..
2..
3 !!!!
Wavedigger: All of those boots to head took their toll on Petrov. ZMAC knows his element. ZMAC knows how to brawl. Petrov is powerful but ZMAC knows how to get the job done.
Reid: Impressive win by ZMAC.
Taylor Lorde: Ladies and gentlemen… the winner of the match and STILLLL… UCI Television Champion… ZOOMMBBIIEEE MCCMOOORRISSS!!!
The ref hands ZMAC his belts as he throws them over his shoulder and enters the crowd, flipping Petrov off as the fans Crowd surf him around the area. |
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Post by Results on Jul 4, 2017 22:45:33 GMT -6
The Two Gents Segment
The camera yet again catches up with the Two Gents who are still trying to find the next number one contender. They are in a basement right now, full of boxes and general containers.
Gravedigger: Oh great, it's these two clowns again. Who the hell are they trying to get now?
The answer, it seems was Wentworth Updegraff Jr. They stare at the carbonite frozen legend and Jenson shrugs. He then puts on a welding mask and starts up the blowtorch. They hear a voice behind them.
Defenestration Jones: What are you doing?
Teo: We want to see if this guy wants to be number one contender.
Jones: Why?
Jenson: We need to find someone to beat the crap out of Baywatch so Bonnie starts being normal again.
Jones: You're not going to find it from this guy.
Teo: Because?
Jones: You're both fucking idiots is why.
Jenson: Got a better idea?
Jones: I think so. I think.
She is interrupted by Kyle Cameron who jumps out of a box.
Kyle: IT SHOULD BE.
She punches him, hard, knocking him out and back into the box. She shakes her head and puts the lid back on, muttering under her breath, then she proceeds to pile boxes on top of it. The gents take their cue and leave.
Jenson: She could have been?
Teo shakes his head: Nah, space time continuum and paradoxes. It'd be weird.
Jenson sighs as they again try to find another option.
Jenson: Should we just throw a d20?
Teo shrugs.
Gravedigger: So, they are going to make their decision on a dice roll? We're really going to have these two clowns trying to choose our next number one contender based on a dice roll? WHAT THE HELL WAS SPENCER THINKING? |
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Post by Results on Jul 4, 2017 22:45:51 GMT -6
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Post by Results on Jul 4, 2017 22:52:02 GMT -6
L Verez vs Karlie Nash
Jimmy Garcia: Up next, we have a one on one match between “The Cougar Hunter” Karlie Nash, and “Not of this World” L Verez!
Gravedigger: Ah yes, a legitimate woman facing a wannabe woman that thinks it's an alien. Guess which one I prefer.
War Machine by AC/DC plays in the arena, Tracy steps on the stage and moves to the side, Karlie steps on the stage, Tracy and Karlie walks to the ring showing disdain for the crowd, Tracy walks up the steps and enters the ring, Karlie climbs the ropes from outside and flashes the loser sign to the crowd, she then climbs down and stretches in her corner.
Taylor Lorde: Currently in the ring. From St. Paul Minnesota. Weighing in at 172 lbs. She is “The Cougar Hunter” KARLIE NASH!!!
Sebastian Reid: Karlie's been on a bit of a losing streak as of late. Let's see if she can turn things around for herself in this match!
Gravedigger: I will lose all faith in humanity if she isn't able to beat this alien tranny.
Sebastian Reid: Do you ever have anything GOOD to say about L Verez?
Gravedigger: Uh… her tits look real enough, I guess.
Sebastian Reid: Yeah, great job… I bet she would feel very flattered after hearing that.
As the beat to her song starts, L Verez starts walking slowly to the stage with her hands behind her back. Then she slowly turns toward the ring, and moves her arms to an X-crossed position, with an L hand sign on her right hand, and a V hand sign on her left. Once the bass drops, she 360 spins as she drops down to one knee. Her right hand is holding up her sunglasses, and her left is out with her "come in peace" symbol. As she gets back up, she lifts her right arm up with an "OK" symbol, and her left arm out to the side with her peace symbol.
Taylor Lorde: And her opponent! From a distant galaxy.. weighing in at 125 lbs. She is “Not of this World” L VEREZ!!!
After making some odd gestures to the crowd, she quickly rolls to the ring and heads up the top rope as the beat intensifies with a robotic sci-fi like instrumental. She goes up the top turnbuckle, facing the crowd, lifting her arms back up. Her left back to her side with the peace symbol, and her right making an upside-down OK symbol against her eye, also sticking her tongue out. As her music begins to fade out, she sits on the top turnbuckle, with two peace signs held together in a praying position, as she awaits the ring of the bell.
Gravedigger: Speak of the he/she/it devil.
Jimmy Garcia: L Verez seems to be dealing with some Guardians business as of late. Let's hope that isn't clogging her mind too much. Especially with the fact that she hasn't suffered a one on one loss as of yet.
Gravedigger: For some odd reason, this thing hasn't been pinned or submitted since it joined UCI. I really hope Karlie can change that…
Before the ref can call for the bell, Nash and L go eye to eye towards each other. Having to be separated by the ref.
Jimmy Garcia: These two are both itching for a win here! Let's see which of these two wants it more!
*DING DING DING*
Sebastian Reid: Wow! The bell rings, and these two are instantly going at it, blow for blow! Punch for punch!
Karlie Nash gets the upper hand, and gets L to the corner.
Gravedigger: Hell yeah. Stomping a mud hole to the damn thing. This is the type of shit I like to see!
Sebastian Reid: Oh, but Verez catches Nash’s foot and begins to rise and back up Nash to the middle of the ring. Tripping her other leg now.
“WOOOO!! WOOOOOO!!!”
Jimmy Garcia: She locks in the Figure 4 Leg Lock!
Gravedigger: For something that's supposedly “Not of this World,” it definitely likes to use a lot of “Earth like” maneuvers.
Karlie Nash reaches the bottom rope to break the submission. L Verez respectfully lets go, stands up, and backs away with her hands up.
Gravedigger: Verez walks back over to Nash to continue its offence, only to receive a kick to the family jewels from the Cougar Hunter. The alien goes down to its knees, and Nash hits a vicious big boot to the side of the head that brings it down to the mat!
Jimmy Garcia: Continuing the onslaught of stomps to the Protector of the Universe. Kneeling down now to hit some major elbows!
L Verez grabs Karlie Nash's arm and money flips her while still keeping hold of the arm.
Sebastian Reid: L is locking in the arm bar now, and using some of that joint manipulation by pulling Nash’s fingers back! Now Karlie's squirming her way to the bottom rope, trying to break the submission! She reaches it, causing L to break the hold, but not without Nash kicking Verez away.
Gravedigger: Verez seems to really be trying to make Nash submit here. What's it trying to prove?
Jimmy Garcia: Both women back to a vertical base now.
Gravedigger: And the brawl is back on as they start fucking each other up again! Hell yeah! Now this is the type of fight I like to see!
Jimmy Garcia: Verez is the one gaining the upper hand this time, backing Nash into the turnbuckle.
“WOOOOOO!!!”
Jimmy Garcia: Deadly chop to the chest!
Gravedigger: It's just jealous that Nash has better tits.
Jimmy Garcia: She tries to use more of that joint manipulation, but Karlie pushes her back and rolls under the bottom rope and drags Verez with her.
Gravedigger: Now this brawl is continuing on the outside! This is getting good! Where's my popcorn?
1… 2…
Sebastian Reid: Oooh! Karlie throws Verez to the steel steps! And now to the barricade!
3… 4… 5…
Sebastian Reid: L Verez retaliates and throws Karlie Nash into the barricade! Now clotheslines her over it and into the crowd! Their brawl continues, and the crowd is loving it!
7… 8…
Gravedigger: Awwe. Just when it was getting good.
9… 10!
*DING DING DING*
Taylor Lorde: The result of this contest is a double countout. This match is a draw.
Jimmy Garcia: Both women stop for a second in disappointment, knowing that their loathing towards each other had cost them the match.
Gravedigger: Ooh, but that's not stopping them from continuing their fight. I think they're going backstage now… Dammit. This was getting interesting too.
Jimmy Garcia: Business is not done between these two fierce competitors! |
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Post by Results on Jul 4, 2017 22:55:14 GMT -6
El Payaso Loco vs Joe Smarts
Taylor Lorde: The following contest...IS SCHEDULED FOR ONE FALL!
Crowd: ONE FALL!!
The opening riff of "Let's Go" hits the PA as the lights lower. Red, white and green spotlights flicker around the entrance ramp, falling onto one central space. At that point, they focus upwards as Payaso Loco descends from the rafters on a cord of some form, landing safely on the ground. He detaches himself from the cord, making a beeline for the ring and jumping from the floor, over the top rope and into the ring. He flies up to the nearest turnbuckle, his arms outstretched as he takes in the reaction from the fans.
Taylor Lorde: Introducing first, from The Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrabbit Hole! Weighing in at 184 pounds...THIS IS EL PAYASO LOCCCCOOOOOOOOO!
The opening beats of 'Catgroove' plays throughout the arena as the crowd goes silent. As the music continues, a faint voice echoes around the arena. The only words that are understandable are
'Dams it, the mic is toos quiet.'
Then a deafening voice can be heard over the arena saying
'HERE COME... OH FUCKS, IT TOOS LOUD!!!'
Finally, as the final part of the opening beats of Catgroove plays, a reasonably loud microphone can be heard throughout the arena.
'Here come the World Smartsest Man, Captain Bruddahhood, JOE SMAAAAAARTS!!!!
Then the crowd realises that Joe fiddled with the mic volume, and they cheer out loud when he struts out on stage, doing a Scotty 2 Hotty dance down, I suppose, as the main part of Catgroove plays.
Joe climbs up the steps, and falls over the ropes into the ring. He then taps his head, as he fails to try and display his 'intelligence'.
Jimmy Garcia: Singles action here tonight! How exciting!
Gravedigger: You sound like a video game commentator Garcia. Get your head in the game.
The ref checks if both men are ready, then calls for the bell.
DING DING DING.
The match begins with the usual lock up, with Loco taking the early advantage, hitting two quick kicks to the side of Smarts. He then executes a russian leg sweep, and once Joe is grounded, follows it up with a elbow drop. He then goes for a very quick pin.
ONE!
Kick out by Smarts.
Jimmy Garcia: Loco looking to end this as early as humanly possible.
Sebastien Reid: I can understand why, but you're gonna have to do more then just that to get the pin here.
Loco picks up Smarts and tries to hit some more kicks in...BUT NO, Joe catches him by the leg, taunts him by pointing at his own temple, before dropping his foot down and dropkicking the luchador! With Payaso on the ground, Joe goes to the ropes and jumps onto them, executing a springboard leg drop on the downed Loco. Not ready to go for the pin just yet, Joe goes up to the top, gets in position for the SWANTON BOMB, immediately going for the pin.
Jimmy Garcia: Picture perfect Swanton from The World's Smartest Man.
Gravedigger: As dumb as this kid is, he knows how to hit a damn good bomb. Still dumb though.
ONE!
TWO!!
Kickout by Loco.
Shocked at the two count, Joe is stunned long enough for Payaso actually get up from behind him and land a STIFF soccer kick right to the back, lighting up Smarts' back in a painful red. Loco then follows it up with his signature, looking to put Joe away right here and now!
Sebastian Reid: Golpe de la Mariposa!! What a great move, and it just might be the one he needs!
Cover
ONE!
TWO!!
KICKOUT BY JOE.
Now Loco is the one in shock, almost positive that move would have put Joe away, as the crowd is on their feet.
Gravedigger: Loco pulling Smarts to his feet now.
Jimmy Garcia: Smarts has his nose!
Smarts turns to the crowd, lifting Payaso's invincible nose towards the crowd. Payaso quickly regroups and dips below Smarts to roll him into the pinfall.
ONE!
TWO!!
THREE!!!
DING DING DING!!
Taylor Lorde: The winner of this match, El Payaso Loco!!
Sebastian Reid: Unbelievable! Smarts may be in shock right now, but Payaso has made the most of a very....Joe Smarts moment if I do say so myself. |
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Post by Results on Jul 4, 2017 22:56:08 GMT -6
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Post by Results on Jul 4, 2017 22:57:26 GMT -6
Super Stache Bros Segment
As we return from break we see a ring filled with mustache shaped balloons, as well as a plethora of old wrestlers. Most familiarly in the center of the ring are the Patriarch and Matriarch of the Mustache Dynasty, Ursula and Ernesto Mustache, more commonly known as Mama and Papa Stache.
Mama Stache: Shut yaw gawd damn mouths for one gawd damn second while I soak in my own juices for a moment.
Papa Stache: While Mama takes care of her personal business let me introduce you all to the hottest tag team since the team of Kevin Snatch and Scott Balls, The Insidhers. The tag team I’m about to introduce, brothers, will NEVER be rolled up from behind, they ALWAYS get their heat back and they produce buy rates, they sell tickets and their work rate is second to none. So without further ado, brother, allow me to introduce the UTI GANG BANG CHAMPIONS… BIFF, BUFF… THE SUPER STACHE BROTHERS!
A.D.I.D.A.S. plays as Biff and Buff strut their stuff down the entrance ramp, playing to the crowd, rubbing themselves up with oil, and stroking their titles like it’s a beautiful lady. They get to the ring as the music subsides and their father greets them with a loving embrace. Mama Stache then grabs Buff by the face and plants a long wet kiss on his cheek. She then shakes Biff’s hand.
Mama Stache: Smell ya hand, Biff.
He obliges.
Biff: Oh god, what is that?
Mama Stache: That’s where you came from. I was just wrist deep inside myself for the past 2 minutes.
Buff rubs his face amorously as she says this.
Mama Stache: Now I’m sure you’re wondering who all these jabronies out here are. Well, first of all I want to introduce you to the man that very well may be your ACTUAL father, a man I banged more times than your father stole heat from somebody… The NAKED BOY, DICK FLAREUP!
Dick Flareup: WOOOH! I’m the Rolls Royce Ridin, slippin and slidin, workin’ jerkin, wine dine sixty nine, sweetest thing since Judy King THE NAKED BOY, and to BE THE MAN you have to BEAT OFF THE MAN… and you two boys… you really beat off those two teams last week. Congratulations.
Biff: Didn’t we meet this week in Vegas?
Dick Flareup: I’ve met a lot of people in a lot of places this week, Boy. You’re gonna have to be more clear.
Papa Stache: Well we don’t have time to get rolled up for that, brother. Because I have to introduce you to my greatest rival, the man that teamed up with Paul Horndog while I teamed up with Mr. TeaBag at the Colossal Tussle one back in 1984, brother. He is Rowdy Rodney Pipeher!
Rodney Pipeher: Hehe… well… it’s a funny thing isn’t it to be here in the ring with you two boys, when just 30 years ago me and your father were tearing down Madison Square Garden brick by brick… And then at The Colossal Tussle 6 I wrestled Black Dick Brown and had gone half black face, that totally wouldn’t fly in this day in age. But I came here for two reasons, and that’s to Chew Bubble gum and eat ass… and I’m all outta bubblegum!
Mama Stache: Meet me backstage lata, honey. And of course, you two will remember the greatest promo of all time, The American Cream Musty Rolls!
Musty Rolls: Well listen here, dadio. I’ve wined and dined with Drag Kings and Queens and ate on the street with franks and beans. I reach out my hand, reaching for your hand reaching for my hand. I feel the power that you send me, dadio. And I’m ready to unload my American Cream all over you all. And to you two boys standing there proudly with your titles, I want to congratulate you on your victory and know that my hand is here reaching out to your hand reaching back out to mine. That I AM the American Cream, and I represent the people…
Papa Stache: Shut your fat mouth, Rolls. There’s a reason why we dressed you up like a clown and made you dance around like a jive turkey when you came to World Grappling Federation back in 91. And you only made it in Jim Cockett organization, Brother. Now, to the coup de grass. I wanted my boys here to be introduced to the greatest tag teams of all times, brother. First, the team of Smash and Cracks… PENETRATION!
The Super Stache Brothers walk over to them and shake their hands.
Buff: I know you two… THE ASS FOUNDATION!
Biff: That’s our cosuins, Bret “Hit That” Ass and Jim “The Hammer” Neidass!
They hug their Uncles who they think are their cousins but probably aren’t related to them at all.
Papa Stache: And this is Cravey Boy Smith and The TNT Kid, The British Bullcocks!
Cravey Boy: Meester Hit That… me and Neidass are so fooked right now. We smoked so much crack before we got out here.
Mama Stache: Shut your gawd damn mouth. All of deez peoples were considered the greatest tag teams of all times. Each of them won those GAWD DAMN GANG BANG TITLES back in their day, and each of them had been known for sporting a mustache at least for a small portion of their careers.
Papa Stache: And all of them paled in comparison to the light that I shone, brother… hey… wait a minute. What are these guys doing here?
Golden Man One: Yo soy El Cockquistadors!
Mama Stache: The Cockquistadors? They were useless talent, brought in to get the Penis of Pain over. Who invited deez guys.
Biff: Wait a minute… what are these…
Biff and Buff walk over to the Cockquistadors and examine their faces. Then simultaneously they reach up for their mustaches and pull them off to a horrid gasp from the entire ring.
Buff: FAKE MUSTACHES!
Biff: Who are these fools?
They rip off their masks to reveal...
Biff: Who the H-E- Double Dildos are you guys.
2 fat neck bearded men are revealed from underneath the masks.
Man 1: We're Damian Kaine and Kaz Mazy!
Man 2: And we're here to kick you butt!
Biff and Buff look at each other and laugh before delivering a clothesline to the two men and sending them over the top rope and down below.
Buff: Is THIS all that UTI has to offer regarding the Gang Bang Division. I think it's clear that The Super Stache Brothers are the REAL main event picture in UTI today! Heck, we're even in the main event tonight.
Biff: That's right, and if Defecation Hones and the Intercoursenental Champion Casey Holliday think that they can make us look foolish tonight in the Main Event well then we've got 3 words for you...
Biff and Buff: SUCK MY PENIS!
Papa Stache: AND WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN BIFF AND BUFF, THE SUPER STACHE BROTHERS GO WILD IN YOU!
Mama Stache: Gawd Damn it will you three shut up already. Me and Pipeher have some plans about eating ass that we gotta take care of.
Jimmy Garcia: Well that certainly was something... are you wearing a fake mustache?
Gravedigger: Mine grows in all patchy... this is much better.
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Post by Results on Jul 4, 2017 23:03:06 GMT -6
Co-Main Event Triple Threat Match “Evil” Paul Rudd vs Calvin Harris vs Shadowlove
Jimmy Garcia: And now it's time for tonight's co-main event, featuring the "Handsome Half-Breed" Shadowlove, "Evil" Paul Rudd, and Rising Stars Champion "The Martyr" Calvin Harris in a non-title match.
Gravedigger: A non-title match with potential title implications, Jimmy -- in the unlikely event that one of these guys can pull off a win over Calvin Harris tonight!
Sebastian Reid: Easier said than done, 'Digger! Calvin Harris is a highly decorated competitor and a deadly ring veteran who hasn't lost a match yet in the UCI! Only one other athlete on our roster has taken Harris to a draw -- and she's up next in our tag team main event! But first --
The crowd immediately starts to boo loudly as "The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived" by Weezer hits the speakers. A solitary spotlight illuminates the stage, empty for several long seconds before "Evil" Paul Rudd bursts through the curtain, dressed in a royal-blue sequined robe with elaboate white marabou feather trim. He struts down the aisle with regal grace, arms upraised to the jeering crowd and a wicked grin plastered across his face.
Taylor Lorde: The following three-way match is scheduled for ONE FALL! First to the ring, from Passaic, New Jersey... He is the "King of Cannes" -- "EVIL" PAUULL RUUUDDDD!!!!
Leaping onto the ring apron, Rudd shields his eyes against the glare of the ring lights and pans his gaze theatrically over the crowd. He points in the direction of an attractive young lady and runs his tongue seductively across his lips as he strips off the sparkly, feathery robe in a way meant to be suggestive -- until he gets a mouthful of feathers and, distracted, nearly trips over the trailing hem. A ringside assistant helps him out of the robe, and is hastily shoved asside as thanks. Paul climbs into the ring, perching on a turnbuckle to taunt the crowd.
Jimmy Garcia: Paul Rudd claims to have murdered Alex Richards -- who made a surprise appearance at Election Day last week and announced his intention to Make the Guardians Great Again!
Gravedigger: After an impressive victory over scumbag Chicago Mayor David Sanchez, "Evil" Paul Rudd should have had his time in the spotlight, but instead, another interfering Guardian upstages him.
Sebastian Reid: Rudd has cheated his way to every win he's had in this company so far, but tonight is bound to be a different story.
"PERSONAL JESUS” by Depeche Mode begins to play throughout the darkened Arena. A mixture of multicolored laser lights and strobe lights illuminate the Arena along with theatrical smoke and fog sets the scene like a Four Season Fashion Show. The Audience throughout the Arena stand in anticipation for what is about to be the "New and Improved" wrestling trend in the UCI.
Coming through the theatrical smoke and fog and appearing under the fashion show lighting is the one and only, "The First Couple of Professional Wrestling" in all of sports entertainment, "The Handsome Half-breed" Shadowlove, along with his personal bodyguard/valet, "The Fashionista Sensei" Ms. Miyamoto, stopping for a second, taking in the aura of the Arena, pose like fashion models on a catwalk.
Taylor Lorde: Coming to the ring next, from right here in Baltimore, Maryland... He is the "Handsome Half-Breed" -- SHADOWLOOOOOVVVE!!!!
The Audience throughout the Arena begin clicking away with their cameras like the paparazzi during a "Hollywood" premiere. Ms. Miyamoto leads the way down the aisle with "flirty" confidence as Shadowlove, a few steps behind her, enjoying the view. "The First Couple of Professional Wrestling" make their way to the squared circle. Shadowlove slides into the ring like a snake. Ms. Miyamoto, with catlike precision, walks up the ringside steps and seductively enters the ring through the second rope.
"HER STRUT" by Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band begins to play throughout the arena. Shadowlove stands in the middle of the ring, spreads his arms straight out and bows his head, as if, being crucified on a cross. Jesus Wept! Ms. Miyamoto, exuding fantastic supermodel energy, as she walks with a stiff, erect, and apparently arrogant and conceited "Strut" around "The Handsome Half-breed" Shadowlove, to a rousing "Standing Ovation" from the crowd. She lowers her RayBan sunglasses down her perfectly flawless nose of her angelic looking face showing off her incandescent green eyes, nodding in approval at such a Magnificent Specimen, while tapping a rolled-up copy of the Wall St. Journal in the palm of her hand.
Ms. Miyamoto cradles up against Shadowlove's body, caressing his muscular chest with her fingers and raises her RayBan sunglasses up her perfectly flawless nose of her angelic looking face, hiding her incandescent green eyes, with her middle finger. Shadowlove raises his head, with his classically masculine and modern mussed, razor-textured, choppy finished dark brown hair. He shows off his fighters face, with an ice cold stare which radiants from his blue eyes. A malevolent, tight wolfish, whiplash smile, slowly appearing on his lips showing off perfectly white even teeth in a "'The Face Of The Franchise’, the whole ‘F’N’ Show, Mr. UCI, if you will, or whatever expletive that you want to put in front of his name.” shit-eating grin as he strips off the black leather trench-coat like a Chippendale's dancer.
A couple of salty looking Japanese dudes named Kyodai and Shatei, known as the bodyguard duo of Black Rain, both sporting jet-black crew-cut hair, sunglasses, custom-made black Giorgio Armani business suits appear out of nowhere and stand in an on guard, very protective, ever vigilant attack formation behind Ms. Miyamoto outside the squared-circle.
Jimmy Garcia: These two always know how to make an entrance!
Gravedigger: Meh.
Inside the arena the fans were sitting on the edge of their seats waiting in anticipation for the next bit of action to take place. With that being said Fall Out Boy's "Memories" began to hit the arena's speakers. The guitar riff kicking it all off and it was something the thousands in attendance were able to recognize from the start. Didn't take long at all for those fans to begin to change their tune. They went from being excited for action to completely and utterly loathing the show. All because of who was about to make their to the ring.
Only a few seconds had passed since the song began to play. That's when the curtain could be seen being slowly pulled back. Stepping out a moment later happened to be none other than the man known as the Martyr of Pro Wrestling himself, Calvin Harris. Seeing the man caused the crowd to uproar again, but this time with louder boos and jeers. All of them hoping that this was going to be enough to get him to go away. However they should've known better than that. Standing center of the stage, Calvin looked around the ring with this smug smirk on his lips. The type of smug smirk that would make people want to knock it right off his expression.
That being said Calvin found himself stretching his arms out to either side of him. Almost like he was encouraging the crowd to give him more hate. For this was something that actually motivated him and something that actually drove him. Like puppets the fans gave in booing even louder and vocally expressing their hatred for him anyway that they could. After a few moments he lowered his arms back down at his side and began to slowly make his way down the ramp.
Taylor Lorde: Ladies and gentlemen. Introducing at this time all the way from Chicago, Illinois. Weighing in at two hundred and twenty seven pounds. He is known as the Martyr of Pro Wrestling, and YOUR Rising Stars Champion. . . CALVIN HARRIS!
Hearing that announcement put the crowd on edge. It was like they were hearing nails running down a chalkboard. Not a pleasant situation at all. Again they were vocal getting louder with their boos. At this point they were so loud it was hard for people to even hear themselves think. Let alone begin to form an actual thought that made any sense. By this time that he had been introduced to the crowd. Calvin was halfway down the ramp, seemingly taking his time. That smirk of his remained on his expression as he let out a couple of chuckles at those fans he deemed pathetic. Though, he had finally made it to the end of the ramp.
Calvin took a couple of steps towards the ring and reached up with his right hand grabbing the middle rope. He proceeded to pull himself up onto the apron and onto his knees. He pushed himself right up to his feet and in a pretty swift motion. He lifted one leg over the middle rope, ducked down under the top, and found himself right in the ring. That's when Calvin took it upon himself to take the nearest turnbuckle. He climbed it right up to the second rung and looked out at the booing crowd. Not a single one of them were backing down from how they felt about him. Something that was just making him happier and happier with each boo he heard.
All of the sudden he brought his hands up and out to each side of him while tilting his head back a bit. It was almost like he was in a position where he was forcing the crowd to "bask" in all his glory or as if he was wanting them to "praise" him. Something that wasn't going to happen. Not even on his best day. That taunt remained for only a couple of seconds. At least until the theme song found itself fading out. At that point Calvin turned himself around leaping down from the turnbuckle and found himself bouncing around on his two feet waiting for the next bit of action to take place.
Gravedigger: Now THIS is a champion! This man, right here, is the best thing to step into a UCI wrestling ring since Casey Holliday!
Sebastian Reid: An apt comparison, since it looks like Harris might be able to go the distance and challenge Holliday's record for the longest-reigning Rising Stars Champ!
DING! DING! DING!
Jimmy Garcia: There's the bell, and Calvin Harris goes right after "Evil" Paul Rudd with a series of rights, and it's all Rudd can do to cover up and protect himself!
Meanwhile, Shadowlove leans casually against the ropes, arms folded across his perfectly chiseled chest, and watches the brawling combatants with a smirk. Rudd finally counters with a thumb in Calvin Harris' eye, prompting a sarcastic golf clap from Shadowlove. Rudd flips Shadow off and takes the opportunity to whip Harris across the ring.
Gravedigger: The Rising Stars Champ bouncing off the ropes here, ducks a lariat attempt from Paul Rudd -- and runs right into a springboard dropkick from Shadowlove! Cover!
Sebastian Reid: And Paul Rudd breaks it up! He kicks Shadow off Harris and reaches down to pull the Martyr to his feet! Rudd with a DDT to Calvin Harris! How long can the champ stand up to this double-team offense?
Jimmy Garcia: He won't have to! Here comes Shadowlove!
Shadow taps Rudd on the shoulder. Just as Paul Rudd turns to face him, Shadowlove pokes two fingers directly into Rudd's eyes, like something out of a Three Stooges film. Rudd responds by slapping Shadow in the face! Surprised, Shadowlove backs off, rubbing the side of his face as he stares at the King of Cannes. A scowl knits Shadow's brow, and without warning, he rushes at Rudd and sends him over the ropes with a running clothesline!
Gravedigger: There goes Paul Rudd, and now it's Shadowlove and Calvin Harris, sizing each other up!
They lock up in the middle of the ring, but Shadowlove quickly gets the upper hand and sets Harris up for a suplex -- Calvin snakes one leg around Shadow's to block! Shadowlove backs him off with a European uppercut, then tries again.
Sebastian Reid: Belly-to-belly from Shadowlove! And a bridge into the pin!
ONE . . .
TWO . . .
Jimmy Garcia: Kickout by Calvin Harris! Love him or hate him, he's got the heart of a champion!
Shadowlove and Harris get back to their feet, circling each other warily. Shadow looks for an Irish Whip, but Harris reverses, sending Shadowlove into the ropes!
Gravedigger: Shadowlove catches the ropes and stops his momentum, but he's not out of danger yet! Paul Rudd is on his feet and watching the action in the ring like a cat!
Sebastian Reid: Rudd on the apron, and locks in a hangman's choke while Shadowlove's back is turned! This is a no-disqualification match! Anything goes!
Jimmy Garcia: Harris isn't about to be left out here! He runs right at Shadow and Rudd, crashing into them and spilling both men to the ringside mats!
But he's not done yet. Calvin Harris backs up several paces, checks his distance from the ropes, and waits as Shadowlove and Paul Rudd struggle back to their feet. Then, he rushes forward, somersaults over the top rope, and crashes down right on top of the two men!
Gravedigger: OH MY GOD! The Rising Stars Champ just took both his opponents down with a somersault plancha! He doesn't look great, but Rudd and Shadow have been destroyed here at ringside! Not one of these men is moving!
Rudd is first to his feet. He grabs a recovering Shadowlove and runs him into the crowd barrier, to a huge boo from the audience. Puffing out his chest, Paul Rudd taunts the fans, giving Harris time to get up. The Evil One turns around just in time to see the champ headed his way! He ducks Harris' reach, dropping to one knee and delivering an uppercut to the groin!
Sebastian Reid: A low blow from the King of Cannes!
Paul Rudd pops back to his feet, whips Harris into the apron, then rolls him into the ring. Climbing in after him, Rudd hesitates to shout abuse at the jeering crowd.
Jimmy Garcia: Paul Rudd better watch out!
Gravedigger: Too late! Calvin Harris out of nowhere with a brainbuster DDT right on the ring apron!
Paul Rudd lies on the canvas, halfway in the ring. A now irritated Calvin Harris stalks back and forth, eyeing Rudd, then Shadowlove, and finally comes to a decision. He grabs Rudd by one arm and drags him to the middle of the ring.
Sebastian Reid: And the champ making his first pinfall attempt here.
ONE . . .
TWO . . .
THR -- KICKOUT!
Jimmy Garcia: Paul Rudd kicks out with authority! For an actor, he is surprisingly skilled in the ring! Both men back on their feet now, with Shadowlove still recovering on the outside.
Gravedigger: The Evil One looking frustrated now, as he moves toward the ropes. He rebounds, building his momentum, looking for a clothesline --
Sebastian Reid: Denied! Harris ducks the clothesline and Rudd hits the ropes on the opposite side! Springboard -- caught by Calvin Harris!
Jimmy Garcia: Not just caught! Harris uses Rudd's momentum to turn it into a fallaway moonsault slam! Harris giving Rudd a much-needed Moment of Clarity! And another cover!
ONE . . .
TWO . . .
Gravedigger: Broken up by Shadowlove with a massive elbow drop off the top turnbuckle! Now Shadowlove with the pin on Rudd!
ONE . . .
Sebastian Reid: Only a one-count, though, as Rudd gets a shoulder up!
All three competitors on their feet now, and a look passes between Paul Rudd and Calvin Harris. Both of them turn their focus on Shadowlove, who smiles confidently. Fists fly as Harris and Rudd concentrate their attack on the Handsome Half-Breed, who fends them off with admiable skill. At least for a few moments, until the numbers overwhelm him. Miaymoto climbs onto the ring apron, ready to assist, but the referee spots her and goes to warn her away from the ring. With the ref distracted, Rudd takes full advantage. Shrugging out of the shoulder straps of his sapphire-blue velour singlet, the Evil One grabs Shadowlove in a front facelock and wraps the dangling fabric around Shadow's neck.
Jimmy Garcia: Paul Rudd and Calvin Harris working in tandem to take down Shadowlove, who has been a wrench in the works of this match from the opening bell!
Miaymoto's frantic pointing finally draws the ref's attention back to the match. Paul Rudd promptly releases his hold on Shadow and sends him stumbling away. Harris waits for the perfect opportunity -- then nails Shadowlove with a backstabber!
Gravedigger: Backstabber from the Martyr, and now both he and Rudd are laying boots to the Handsome Half-Breed!
Suddenly, however, they stop, and look at one another, then at the fallen Shadowlove. The same idea occurs to both men at the same time, and they each scramble to make the cover. Inevitably, Rudd and Harris start trading fists.
Sebastian Reid: Rudd reaching into his tights, now, and he's got something -- it's -- it's a handful of powder! He throws it right in Calvin Harris' eyes and follows up with a dropkick that puts the blinded Harris down on the canvas! Here comes the cover -- NO!
Jimmy Garcia: It's Shadowlove! The Handsome Half-Breed pulls Paul Rudd into position for a suplex, but Rudd fights his way out of it! A rake to the eyes sends Shadow staggering away from him!
Gravedigger: Just long enough for Rudd to drive both knees into Shadowlove's back before he locks in that rear naked choke!
The ref is there in an instant, checking on Shadow, who isn't inclined at all to tap out. He struggles, reaching forward with both arms, trying to power out of the hold. Seconds pass, and the more he fights, the weaker he gets, until Shadowlove goes limp in Rudd's arms.
The official lifts up Shadow's arm... it drops.
He lifts it a second time... again, it drops.
One final time, the referee lifts Shadowlove's arm, then releases... and it flops lifelessly against the mat. The official calls for the bell.
Taylor Lorde: The winner of this match -- by submission -- "Evil" PAUULL RUUUDDDD!!!!!
Paul Rudd jumps to his feet as his music hits the speakers, and allows the ref to raise his arm in victory as the crowd gives voice to their displeasure. After a few seconds, he slips between the ropes and walks regally down the steps, pausing to allow the ring attendant to drape his sequined, feather-trimmed robe over his shoulders before he disappears backstage. |
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