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Post by Derek Wellings on Jun 26, 2017 10:56:02 GMT -6
It's been seven months and I usually write fan fictions. Sadly I use two different writing styles and am NOW trying to consolidate with ONE writing style, so it'll take time getting use to. Nevertheless, I'm using it now and I'd like some feedback. I HIGHLY doubt I was able to best Calvin Harris for the title this week, although he CLEARLY is something I'll enjoy working with, assuming booking is up for it too. I digress, here's a link to my RP. ANY feedback is welcomed, I figured the judging scale is the same as MOST other places (Character Development, Wrestling Focus, Flow). I write in a serialized format, to some degree, so my role plays do build from one another, although they maybe on different days and sometimes carry over stories. Living With Wendy 1: BeginningsIf you have comments, PLEASE leave them. If you have questions, feel free to ask. FAQ Question: What is Derek & Wendy's relationship? Answer: Derek is Wendy's Foster Father. |
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Post by SEAMAC on Jun 27, 2017 22:47:41 GMT -6
Why should I as the reader care about your character if your character himself doesnt care? Why should I latch onto the fact that Derek is 50? WHy should I care if hes going for a championship and he himself doesnt care? Then you talk about beating the dog piss out of people then you cover your bases because even in the promo I can tell you feel you won't win. So what does any of that actually matter in terms of Derek, and his title match? Clearly he doesnt think he can win or even really want to win. Whats his motivation? Because right now as the reader, anything before your last paragraph is undone by it and takes me out of an emotional connection with Derek.
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Post by payasoloco on Jul 2, 2017 13:42:14 GMT -6
I'm with Z on the age thing.
We understand that there is a stigma that comes with old age, and it's perfectly fine to address it- with subtlety.
Drawing our attention to the fact that you're pushing a certain age takes away from the rest of your character.
I do like the relationship aspect w the adopted daughter. You seem very well adept to CD, and I like seeing the relationship between them.
I think I see what ZMac is saying about Derek's mood swings; you're confident, but the way he addresses his match almost feels like he's having second thoughts. You have to feel comfortable enough in your own skin to admit you faults, but still believe you have the balls to topple your opposition.
It's a good rp overall. I think once you get into your stride, you're gonna be a World Title contender.
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