Crowtations 5/22/16

So, the world ended.

Know what?

Just Like that Chewbacca woman, I feel fine.



And...cut the music.

Fade up on: Me, moving on. And looking around at a bold new era, where the best e-fedders on the planet have gathered together to get back to what it's all about. Having fun. Ya' know, I don't just see a marvellous cornucopia of awesome writers amassed here, I see survivors. I see men and women of gumption and spirit. I see friends. Thank you all so much for joining us on this crazy new adventure. Make it yours along the way. Own this. It's your house now too.

Right, let's kick this on! Welcome to the first ever CROWtations, true believers! We're running a little bit late this week due to work commitments, but here we are! So what's all this about? Well, it's basically the best bits of your r/p's from the past week. A little while ago this used to be known as “Lines of the week”, but well, that's a long story, and one told all too often already.

So, let's get down to it with my top ten picks of the week!

1/ This is not an existential crisis. Disregard the fact that I spent the last ten minutes puking my guts out in a gas station bathroom, my only company the exposed serpentine fluorescent light bulb hanging above me, coiled. Sitting in silent judgment. Pay no attention to the writing on the wall, or more accurately the broken mirror where I scribbled something vaguely resembling the Yellow Sign in a fit of rage. If I was going mad, the whole world could too for all I care.

Erin Fausse's use of description here is a sight to behold in: This Is Not The End Of The World

2/The priest’s low, Latin droning echoes through the gigantic sanctuary. All around, gargoyles hang from the top of the walls, and paintings sit with judgmental stares permanently plastered on their faces. Golden cups and plates sit behind the priest, and elegant red drapery hangs from all angles. All of this is for a half empty room of mostly bored but obligated people. Wentworth lets his eyes drift around lazily. Of the dozen or so people he sees, half are wearing headphones, five are checking Facebook, and one is actually paying attention to the priest. Though, he’s so old, Wentworth thinks it may be dementia setting in. Updegraff silently curses himself for making this promise to his grandmother. A woman on her deathbed can be quite persuasive

More amazing description, this time from Wentworth Updegraff Jr: Of Winners, Losers, and Cesspools.

3/The shifting patterns began to lose their cohesion, melting like clocks in a surrealist painting as the lines stretched out toward them. A slow, steady vibration began rumbling through the Ranchero's frame. On the dashboard, the odometer dials spun in different directions, the numbers a blur. The radio powered on with a high-pitched squeal that rose in intensity when the jagged black and white lines ruptured against the car, shaking it violently. Bonnie shifted into reverse and tried to back out, but to no avail. The car was stuck, and the shields were failing.

Bonnie Blue kicks off a three part Guardians special in style with: Guardians, Assemble!

4/ Phantasm: Don't ask; long story. Ok, short version- Frank and I were gonna build a robot that was just made out of fists. Actually, that's pretty much the whole story. Wow, I thought that there was more to that, but... nope. Three years later, I can honestly say we just wanted to make a robot completely out of fists. I think we were gonna call him Mr. Punchy.

More Guardians gold with Polar Phantasm's: Up, Up and Away!

5/

Omega proves to be no “Return of the Jedi” with this great song and dance third-act, named after the Floyd Classic: Dark side of the Poon Moon!

6/It's been months since I wrestled, most of my friends are gone, my teammates are gone. Pantheon is gone, their legacy has been pissed on. So why am I here? I'm here for redemption. Once upon a time people thought I was good enough to be world champion. This is the time where I prove those people correct. Maybe I couldn't save Pantheon, but I can prove them right when they thought I was the future of wrestling. I'm an ugly, Uncle Fester looking, alcoholic swilling madman but when this tournament is over they will call me champion. Bonnie Blue, no hard feelings afterwards but once the match begins you might as well be my worst enemy because you're trying to take my dream away. I won't let you. After we're done, after I've advanced.. I'll even buy you a drink. But when the match is on..

Alex Richards showing his serious side in the rather quite good: Want to Meet Alex? Consider yourself disappointed.

7/I was in High School, and all I wanted to be was the dude who could stick around. Every day living with that mindset continued to drive me into madness. Too long have I had to be sitting in the back seat watching everyone else have their chance at the driver's wheels but what made it even worse was that the people driving didn't even know how to change gears, and master the clutch on reaching maximum speed. So I kicked out the door, sat in the driver's seat, strapped my seat belt, and then what do you know? Fastest time I made. That's exactly how I see it in this.

Andre Holmes proves his shoot skills are formidable indeed with: Prove Me Wrong

8/Right now only a few hundred eyes will be watching but in a few weeks there's going to be thousands upon thousands taking a gaze at this baby face rollin' through every major city in America. I'm going to win every damn piece of gold UCI has to offer. They want me to find a tag team partner and win some Tag Team Championships, I'll do it! I'm a team player, duders. Rising Stars? Television? World Champion? There's no limits and chains that can stop me from taking all the gold from anyone I want. Rai isn't going to stop me. Aaron Miles isn't going to stop. No one will stop me from being the best damn part of UCI's Overload every Sunday Night!

Babyface shoots can be tough, yet Chase makes it all look so simple with: First Time Again!

9/The last time we got in the ring together I didn’t care about you Holmes and I took you lightly. I had no motivation to beat a midget like you but that is not the case this time. Not only do I have the revenge factor but I have not forgotten when you said the last time we were matched up. You called me the gatekeeper and claimed that I am just someone people get lined up to face before their career skyrockets. That when they beat me they walk through the gate of being elite. That’s funny kid. Everyone had a few laughs and thought it was cute and I myself chuckled a bit. I have lost to some people that are considered elite but when it comes down to it, I’m still better than all of them and you. I am still the standard bearer in professional wrestling. You may consider me as the gatekeeper but if that’s the case….you’re not getting through the gate on Sunday. I’m going to stonewall you and throw you back down the hill to the bottom. I don’t even understand why you would think you are even a candidate for being elite anyway.

Kemp's acid touch to his promos remains as sharp as ever in, “Opting Out and Coming Home”

10/Wade's clasped eyelids burst open and that long awaited scream finally escaped from deep within his gut. He groaned as he sat up in his bed, his muscles now working of their own accord, ripping and pulling tubes from his hand and nose. He stood to his feet and felt the piercing cry of a siren overtake his ear drums. He held his hands to his head, trying desperately to drown out the noise. The bright of the lights threatened to take him once again, but an unknown voice delicately calmed him.

Wade Moor wakes up surrounded by Aliens and tubes. Sounds like he has an awesome night out in: odǝu ʎonɹ ǝʎǝs. (That's “Open your eyes” in case you don't want to stand on your head.)

Right, that's ya lot for this first inaugural week, see you all in seven!