The Maldonado Brief! (Episode 1)
May 24, 2016 19:52:36 GMT -6
"Mr. God" Benjamin Atreyu, Spencer Adams, and 7 more like this
Post by Jorge Maldonado on May 24, 2016 19:52:36 GMT -6
The Maldonado Brief
Hola UCI-verse! Jorge Maldonado here with the inaugural edition of The Maldonado Brief hosted on UCI.com! In a week filled to the brim with star studded matches, the fear of being lost in the shuffle had to be ever present in the minds of the men and women lining that locker room...but everybody lived up to and beyond the wildest of expectations. Newcomers, veterans, and legends of the business abound in an action packed episode of Overload! Without further ado:
First, Spencer Adams hit the ring to a warm Chicago reception to announce the tournament to decide the first ever UCI World Heavyweight Champion! Shortly after, Benjamin Atreyu and John Gable – two of the four UCI co-owners - interrupt their compatriot to...I don't know...be dicks? Amidst the buzz and excitement for the first ever Overload, we might forget that it might not all be unicorns and rainbows up at headquarters. Does this spell doom on the horizon, or do opposites truly attract? I'm hoping for the latter, I still need to feed my cats!
Next, the team of S T I L L E T T O (Diavolo & Thursday Kerrigan) take on the team of Edward Thorton, Jr. and Burn Out in a battle of the rookies! What started out as a promising match turned quickly into a one sided beatdown, culminating in heartbreak and a career threatening injury for the promising second generation Thorton and his legendary father! Burn Out's capacity to compete still remains unknown at this moment, though he is scheduled for a match at the next edition of Overload. Was this a calculated move by S T I L L E T T O showing off their aptitude for depravity and viciousness? Or were they actions committed in the “heat of the moment”?
Regardless, all of our well wishes in the UCI go out to Thorton Jr, Sr and their family!
In the second bout of the evening, Dustin Beaver takes on Scarecrow and Zombie McMorris in what essentially amounted to a handicap match! Though Beaver fought the good fight, his efforts proved fruitless when Scarecrow hit him with the Murder of Crows for the finish and advanced in the UCI World Championship tournament! Beaver showed that he won't stop, no matter the odds stacked against him, and The Dank Step Cowboys put on one hell of a clinic in tag team wrestling! All three men will be reckoning forces heading forward into the future.
Next on the docket, Andre Holmes graced the screen to show the UCI-verse that he is still simply “Relentless” (Shoutouts to mon amigo FPV for taking the reigns on this interview! Crushed it!) before Polar Phantasm – one of his two opponents for the evening – interrupted him with a message of his own. The two traded heated barbs before going their own way before their match. Surprisingly absent from this interview was Kyle Kemp who usually takes every opportunity to tell the world that he is “Better Than You.” Are we looking at a more disciplined Kyle Kemp? Or was he getting his cod polished backstage somewhere?
Either of those options are pretty cool.
In another charming UCI segment, resident “Chef” Atticus Rex serves up a meal to S T I L L E T T O and Benjamin Atreyu discussing Atreyu's vision for the future of the UCI. I don't know how S T I L L E T T O could eat after what they did to the Thorton's earlier in the evening (or how they could eat that parmesan crusted banana fart drizzle shits that “Chef” was serving up. Anyone else wonder why “Chef” is in quotations? I digress). It looks like S T I L L E T T O were on board with Benjamin's market plan, but this blogger wonders if his vision synchronizes with that of the other three co-owners? Only time will tell on this one.
In the third match of the night, Andre Holmes came out with a decisive victory over two seasoned veterans of an eighteen by twenty after locking Kyle Kemp in the Holmes Sweet Holmes, forcing him to tap out. That is one hell of a specialty submission move and tapping out was Kyle Kemp's only viable option if he didn't want to take a 6-8 month hiatus from the ring. Brains over brawn in these types of situations is the way to go. Live to fight another day. Needless to say, Kyle Kemp will be looking for revenge in the coming weeks, so if I were Andre Holmes I would sleep with one eye open. Regardless of the outcome, the three men put on one hell of a match that left the UCI-verse hyped for their futures!
The next match consisted of three relative newcomers to the ring, the stalwart Chase Jackson, cool Aaron Miles, and the mysterious Rai. After this match up, there's no denying that these three men have the abilities to make it all the way to the top, though Chase Jackson got the best of this trio after he Jacked Up Rai and advanced in the UCI World Championship tournament! Be on the look out for what these three guys bring to the table in the future!
We cut back to Thursday, Allesandra, Benjamin Atreyu, and the “Chef” Atticus Rex serving up the second course of...something (Seriously? What was that? It looked like a baboon ass covered in afterbirth. Remind me to grab a cheeseburger before showing up at the arena!) They spent the next few minutes trashing the men who's careers – nay, lives! - they put in jeopardy before shamelessly eating that baboon ass. Hope it gave you a stomach ache worse than the one I got watching this.
The fifth match was another UCI World Championship consisting of newcomer Lyndon “Big” Diehl, Chance Von Crank, and the one and only Wade “Broseidon” Moor. Wade Moor picked up a frightening victory in this match after a devestating Broseidon Punch to Lyndon Diehl. If I were either of those two men, I wouldn't take this loss too hard – Wade Moor always looks a twitch away from ripping a man's head off! Did he just set the tone for the rest of the UCI World Championship tournament?
Uh, remember when I said Rai would be someone to look out for in the future? Put a pin in that! He was left laying in a pool of his own blood and rushed to the hospital with a severe skull wound and fracture...at the hands of a debuting Nathan Von Liebert! If you thought we had some frightening characters before NvL showed his face...then God Bless the poor unwashed soul who has to step into the ring with him! Wishing Rai the best in his recovery! That's the brakes, though.
In our next – and sixth! - match of the evening it's “The Hired Gun” Asher Bradley versus Kyle Cameron and Michael (all three newcomers to the squared circle as well!) in a hot, drama filled contest! After a hard fought battle, Kyle Cameron snaked out the win by rolling up Michael from behind – with a little tug on his tights for good measure! There's something about Kyle Cameron...I hate his rat face, I wish I could punch him a hundred times, but he knows how to manipulate what's happening in the ring to his advantage. He is definitely someone who's opponents need to keep both eyes open in the ring with him!
Backstage, Kyle Cameron further proved why he's just such a douche and left a hundred thousand people raring to punch him in the face...before my amigo FPV showed up and laid him out with that BOOM! HEADSHOT! Gracias, huey! Wish it could have been me instead!
Seriously? These four again? This time “Chef” was serving up some chicken lumps (which I'm pretty sure were just grounded hot dogs) and just as this was starting to develop into something of interest, the feed cuts to black. S T I L L E T T O left us speechless a second time tonight, just like the ending to The Force Awakens. Thanks for nothing Abrams.
Erin Fausse picks up the win in our seventh match of the night after Alex Richards made a fatal mistake that ended up costing him the match. I blame it on ring rust because other than that one mistake, Alex Richards seemed on the ball tonight, as well as the beautiful Bonnie Blue! I expect big things from all three that were in this match, and count on Erin Fausse being another dark horse name in the UCI World Championship tournament. Could you imagine the inaugural champion being a women? Exciting times we're living in!
The second to last match of the night was another UCI World Championship match, this time a fatal four way consisting of Andre Jenson, Occulo, Demarcus Jordan, and Aurora! Occulo nets the win after hitting the Oesophagus Bureau and pinning Demarcus. My inner nerd really wanted to see Andre Jenson win, but I couldn't be more over the moon with Aurora! A true star who's desire to win is outweighed only by her ferociousness in the ring. Keep an eye on her as she rounds out her career in the UCI, and congratulations to Occulo for advancing in the UCI World Championship Tournament!
And in the main event of the night – and also another match in the UCI World Championship Tournament – Jay Omega takes the last bracket after hitting Teddy Sol with the Metallica and pinning him decisively in the middle of the ring! All four men left it in the ring though and put forth their very best efforts. Jay Omega's name has always been synonymous with the word “success”...could this be shades of the future we saw Sunday Night?!
FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON UCI OVERLOAD!!!
- the man
- the saiyan
- the cat lover
Jorge Maldonado