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Post by Frank Patrick Venable on May 18, 2017 5:09:11 GMT -6
Introduction
The Smoothie King Center is ELECTRIC as the introductory pyrotechnics go off to the beat of "Ascension" by Gorillaz. The camera pans around the sold out crowd ready to see who will become the inaugural Battle of New Orleans winner, as we go to our announce team.
Jimmy Garcia: LIIIIIIIIIVE FROM THE BIG EASY, welcome to the Battle Of New Orleans!
Gravedigger: Good lord could you cheese it up any more, Garcia?
Sebastian Reid: In any case, we've got no shortage of action to get to tonight. Fittingly for the first edition of this tournament, the field is filled with interesting competitors. Will the Coked Up Madman ZMAC take it all like many think he will? Or will the old dog Nova-Kaine show us he still has a few tricks up his sleeve?
Jimmy Garcia: What about his nephew current Television Champ Damian Kaine?
Gravedigger: My money is personally with the Brotherhood on this one. With three different representatives in this cup, they've got the number s on their side.
Sebastian Reid: And then there's the wild cards. CJ Phoenix. Hunter Updegraff. Jaice Wilds. The Mustache Boys. KYLE...CHAMPION...CAMERON. It's gonna be an interesting night, for sure.
Jimmy Garcia: Let's waste no more time, on to our opening match! |
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Post by Frank Patrick Venable on May 18, 2017 5:15:41 GMT -6
First Round
ZMAC vs. Hunter Updegraff
“Cocaine” by the Dayton Family suddenly blares over the PA system. Hunter Updegraff dances out onto the entrance ramp, draped in a long coat made of, what look to be tiny mirrors. He is flanked by two women, both of whom are holding large bottles of vodka. They pour shots in the mouths of waiting fans, as Hunter dances down the ramp, hyping up the fans.
Taylor Lorde: Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is an opening round match of the Battle of New Orleans tournament! Coming to the ring first, standing six feet, six inches tall, weighing in at two hundred and forty pounds, the Party Train, Hunter Updegraff!
The crowd cheers wildly, as Hunter slaps hands with some of them and slides himself into the ring. He dances around a bit, sliding his shiny mirror coat off as the girls on the outside continue to pour shots down the throats of fans. Hunter’s music dies.
Taylor Lorde: And his opponent…
"Killed By Death" hits the PA system as the arena begins to fill with smoke. The Guitar and drums kick in and play up as the crowd search for ZMAC. Them vocals smash the speakers as the spot light is shows ZMAC whose stand out in the middle section of the area.
Fans: If you squeeze me lizard, I’ll put my snake in you. I’m a romantic adventure and a reptile too.
He stands there with his back turned to the ring with his arms out in a ‘T’ pose. He turns to face the crowd as he takes a few steps down the aisle way.
Fans: Easy! Easy!
He pumps the crowd up as they go rabid for the Coked UP Mad Man who reaches into his pulls out a vial of cocaine and snorts it.
Fans: The only time I’m gone be easy is when I’m.. KILED BY DEATH! KILLED BY DEATH!
Taylor Lorde: Making his way to the ring.. from the Big Easy.. He stands six feet, six inches tall and weighs in at two hundred and twenty pounds… He is the Coked Up Mad Man.. ZZZOOMMMBIE… MCMORRR-IISSS!
Fans: I’m a lone wolf ligger but I ain’t no pretty boy!
Fans swarm him as he takes beer after beer and chugs them; getting some all over his face and chest. ZMAC is in a sea of “Dove Killah Certified OG’s” as the fans lift him up and body surf him down to the crowd barrier.
Fans: KILLED BY DEATH! KILLED BY DEATH! KILLED BY DEATH!
He jumps the barrier and slides into the ring. ZMAC takes to the adjacent turnbuckle and taunts the crowd before taking off his jacket and throwing it to the towards the time keeper. The Honey Badger has arrived.
The ref gives each man a quick review of the rules, before signalling for the bell to ring. Immediately as he does so, Hunter and ZMAC sprint toward each other, meeting in the middle of the ring and getting lost in a flurry of punches. The crowd erupts, as the men go to work on each other. Eventually, Hunter gets a bit of an edge, backing Zombie up into the corner. He switches from fists to elbows, hurling a number at McMorris’ jaw. Eventually Zombie shoves him backward, and runs out of the corner with a nasty lariat, taking Hunter down hard.
Jimmy Garcia: Already a vicious match between these two.
Gravedigger: I expected no less. This isn’t gonna be a wrestling match. There are two nasty brawlers in that ring right now. These fans are about to get a fight!
ZMAC dives on Hunter and hits him with a flurry of rights to the skull. In desperation, Hunter takes the one minor opening he sees, and grabs ZMAC’s arm, flipping him to the mat, and locking in an arm bar. Hunter wrenches on the hold, and uses his free hand to deliver three quick chops to Zombie’s chest. Zombie reaches for the ropes, but when he sees he is out of reach, he grabs Hunter’s tank top. He yanks Updegraff toward him, and hits him with a headbutt that sends him backward. Free of the hold, Zombie pops up to his feet. Hunter tries to get up too, but can only get to a sitting position, before Zombie runs forward and delivers a firm kick to his chest.
Gravedigger: ZMAC taking Hunter’s breath out of his body with that kick. I think he may have just taken the advantage.
Hunter gasps for breath, but ZMAC gives him no time to relax. He lifts Hunter up, and whips him toward the ropes. Hunter manages to hold on and reverse the whip, but Zombie is quick, and slides under the bottom rope. Hunter falls to a knee, still having trouble breathing. ZMAC slides back into the ring, and runs at Hunter, hitting him with a knee to the head. Zombie quickly covers him.
...1!
...2!
...No! Hunter kicks out.
Jimmy Garcia: Zombie trying to end the match early, but the Party Train isn’t going down that easily.
Zombie picks Hunter up and tosses him roughly into the corner. Lunging forward, he hits him with a few heavy knees to the ribs, before tossing him into the center of the ring. Hunter gets to his hands and knee just in time to catch a hard kick to the side. He rolls across the ring, and drags himself outside, trying to get a moment to recover. ZMAC is having none of it. He rolls out of the ring, and grabs Hunter by the back of the head, running him across the floor, and tossing him into the steel guardrail. He picks Hunter up, and lifts him up sideways, running him spine first into the ringpost.
Gravedigger: Zombie McMorris going to work on Hunter Updegraff. I think party boy might’ve bitten off more than he can chew here.
Jimmy Garcia: Then you don’t know Hunter.
Zombie slides in and out of the ring to restart the count. He then goes to pick up Hunter, but Updegraff lunges forward and catches ZMAC in the ribs with an elbow. Zombie doubles over, allowing Hunter to jump up, and bring his knee in contact with McMorris’ skull, sending him stumbling backward. Zombie catches himself before falling, and runs headlong at Hunter. Updegraff is ready though, and lifts a leg , hitting him with a big boot that sends him to the concrete. Hunter lifts him with great effort, and rolls him under the bottom rope, before following after.
Jimmy Garcia: Both men in the ring again, and both men recovering.
Hunter gets up first, bringing ZMAC with him. He hits him with two rights, followed by a discus clothesline, and covers.
...1!
...2!
...No! ZMAC kicks out! Hunter hits him with a few more punches, before lifting him up, and attempting a tiger bomb. Somehow, ZMAC uses the momentum to do a full flip and land on his feet. He then hits Hunter with a series of rights and lefts, followed by an ugly but vicious enziguri. He then kneels on Hunter’s sternum, and hits him with rights and lefts until the referee gets fed up with yelling, and shoves him off the man. ZMAC goes to yell at the ref, and this gives Hunter enough time to recovers, and roll him up for the pin.
...1!
...2!
...No! Zombie kicks out, and both men hop to their feet. They run t each other, and this time McMorris swoops around Hunter, rolling HIM up.
...1!
...2!
...No! Hunter kicks out, and both men jump up again. They run at each other, this time ZMAC kicks Hunter in the gut, doubling him over, before grabbing him around the waist, and hitting a gutwrench spike powerbomb.
Gravedigger: There it is! The Axe Wound!
ZMAC covers Hunter.
...1!
...2!
...3!
Zombie rolls off of Hunter, and sits, stunned by the match itself, before falling over.
Taylor Lorde: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner, Zombie McMorris!
Jimmy Garcia: Wow. As expected, ZMAC moves on, but a hell of a fight from Hunter Updegraff.
Gravedigger: Yeah, even I have to give him credit for that one.
ZMAC rolls out of the ring, and walks to the back, his fist raised in victory, as the crowd cheers him on.
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Post by Frank Patrick Venable on May 18, 2017 5:19:45 GMT -6
First Round Match
Damian Kaine vs. NegaSonik
The guitar riffs of “Caffeine” by Jeff and Casey Lee Williams brings the crowd to their feets. As the song moves along, Damian Kaine runs to the stage, hopping around before dashing down the ramp and sliding under the bottom rope.
Taylor Lorde: Making his way to the ring, from Savannah, Georgia! Weighing in at 157 pounds. Representing the Brotherhood! He is “The Prodigy of Pestilence,” Damian Kaine!
Jimmy Garcia: Tonight we are seeing for the first time a Post-Brotherhood Damian Kaine, now flying the colors of The Guardians that have graced UCI since the beginning.
Gravedigger: Stupid move if you ask me. The Brotherhood was DK's best shot at any sort of glory, he'll never make it any where with these time traveling bozzos.
Sebastian Reid: I may be a bit biased here, but I've seen this boy grow from nothing to something. Don't be so quick to judge Gravey.
Kaine hops to his feet, and immediately climbs the corner, backflipping off of the top rope. He then removes his vest and settles in his corner, waiting for the match to begin.
NegasoniK comes out very slowly swaying side to side to the beat, he slowly walks to the arena with a devious grin on his face, when he gets to the ring apron he slowly crawls up onto the apron,after sitting on his knees for 3 minutes examining the crowd he throws his head back laughing. Then he stands up and flips over the ropes running to the corner, climbing the turnbuckle, where he throws his hands up and then backflips from the turnbuckle.
Gravedigger: How awkward is it gonna be for Damian's first round match to be against one of his old friends. You have to think NegaSoniK is at least a little disappointing in his bro here.
Jimmy Garcia: In any case, we're going to see what these two men are made of right here, right now!
The bell rings. Damian extends his hand for a handshake, but Nega refuses, already creating tension, before Nega takes advantage of this brief moment and harges at Damian with a fast clothesline! Damian is sent to the ground, falling right onto his back. Capitalizing on this early advantage, Nega goes for Rolling Thunder, hitting it perfectly onto the still downed DK. The crowd is booing considerably, but Nega pays it no mind as he picks Damian up for a deadly swinging neckbreaker!
Gravedigger: Nega with the early advantage, putting the boots on that traitor Damian.
Sebastien Reid: That's a bit harsh, but I have to agree that Nega is doing perfectly so far.
Smiling at his success so far, Nega tries to pick DK back up again, but Damian catches himself and quickly lands a knee to Nega's gut, stunning him enough for a quick Hurricanrana! The tide turning in his favor, DK lands a quick leg drop to the throat of the downed Nega before hopping up to the top rope quicck as a whistle, and although it looks at first as if Nega will dodge it, Damian hits him with a pitch perfect elbow drop!
Jimmy Garcia: YES! The Macho Man would be proud!
Sebastian Reid: That's it, now Damian has to capitalize on this second wind and go for the pin!
Indeed he does, as Damian hooks the leg.
ONE!
T-Kickout by Nega.
Damian has no time to get back to the top, as Nega has gotten back on his feet. A visibly angry Nega grapples DK and jumps into the air with Damian's head underneath his arm for a jumping DDT. As Damian clutches his head from the DDT, Nega flips him onto his back and starts mockingly daning in front of him before hitting the Patented W-O-R-M.
Jimmy Garcia: This is just showboating right here, there's no reason for this.
Gravedigger: The only thing NegaSoniK is guilt of here is outdated dance moves, nothing else.
After hitting the move, Nega hooks the leg.
ONE!
TWO!!
Kickout by DK, and before Nega can hit any other move, SURPRISE ROLL UP!
ONE!
TWO!!
Kickout by Nega!
Now back into the groove, DK picks Nega up and quickly STOs him to send him back to the ground. Damian then goes back up to the top and crouches...
Jimmy Garcia: Oh boy, Damian Kaine going high risk again. Will it be worth it?
It is! Frog Splash from Damian Kaine! He goes for the pin!
ONE!
TWO!!
THR-NOO, NEGA KICKS OUT!
Having lost too much energy from the frog splash, Damian is left vulnerable, as Nega flips him over to his back. Nega then climbs to the top himself, and gracefully hits his moonsault. He looks almost certain he's won as he hooks the leg.
ONE!
TWO!!
THREE!!!
Jimmy Garcia: NO! NO! DAMIAN KICKED OUT! DAMIAN KICKED OUT!
Gravedigger: Bullshit, you're just wishing he did Jimmy.
To the shock of both Nega (and Gravedigger apparently) the referee declares that DK did kick out in time. Nega is so shocked, that he doesn't notice Damina getting up and kneeing him in the face, sending him down. Damian goes back to the top, hopefully for the last time, and hits his finisher.
Sebastian Reid: SILVER BULLET! THIS IS YOUR CHANCE, KID!
Damian goes for the pin, exhausted.
ONE!
TWO!!
THREE!!!
Jimmy Garcia: Damian Kaine is moving onto the Semi Finals of the Battle Of New Orleans! What a match!
Sebastian Reid: The kid put everything out there in the ring, I'm proud of him.
Gravedigger: Too bad he used up so much energy. And having to face ZMAC next round, things are NOT going to get easier for him, I can tell you that. |
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Post by Frank Patrick Venable on May 18, 2017 5:22:55 GMT -6
First Round Match Biff Mustache vs. Buff Mustache
“Trampled Underoot” By Led Zepplin plays as Biff Mustache struts and dances his way to the ring.
Taylor Lorde: Introducing first… BIFF MUSTACHE!
Gravedigger: This mother fucker has been crazy impressive since he started in UCI. He has yet to be pinned and I know he doesn’t plan on losing to his brother tonight.
Jimmy Garcia: His methods leave little to the imagination but he certainly is effective, I’ve got to give him that.
“At Last” by Etta James plays as Buff rubs oil all over his chest and poses for any ladies that will watch.
Sebastian Reid: He made his debut last week in tag team action. We have yet to see him in singles action but if he can walk the talk that he’s been putting out there then we’ve got a match on our hands tonight.
Gravedigger: They flex together, they fight together and they fuck together. And finally we get to see them fight against each other. This is likely going to be the greatest match in the entire tournament.
The bell rings. Biff and Buff stare at each other in the ring and start talking smack to each other. The anticipation in the building is palpable as the crowd eagerly awaits the two brothers to go at it in the ring.
Jimmy Garcia: Buff Mustache has proven to be more technically sound but Biff is a firecracker in the ring who can’t be underestimated. These two men know each other more than anyone else knows each other in this tournament. They train together every day.
Biff and Buff still talk smack to each other. Biff is really going off on his older brother and Buff just smiles at him. Biff looks visibly frustrated and then is hit with a pelvic thrust by his brother and he drops to the ground out cold.
Sebastian Reid: What just happened?
Gravedigger: I think I know what happened.
Buff looks at his brother who looks up at him, smiles and winks. Buff returns the gesture, drops down and hooks the leg.
1…2…3!!!
Jimmy Garcia: That’s it?
Gravedigger: THE PENIS POKE OF DOOM!
Sebastian Reid: You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. I think these guys are entertaining but what the fuck is that all about. Everyone else is going all out in the tournament and Buff gets a free pass to the semi-finals. This is bullshit.
Jimmy Garcia: Contact was made and the pinfall was counted. I hate to admit it but the Mustache Brothers cheated the system.
Gravedigger: Cheated, they played the system. How many times have we all been played by the system. It’s about damn time that someone played the system!
Biff and Buff get to their feet and Biff raises his brother’s hand, wiping the sweat off of his brow after the ‘effort.’
Jimmy Garcia: Like it or not Buff Mustache is going onto the next round to face the winner of Erin Fausse or Kyle Cameron and he’s going into it fresh!
Taylor Lorde: The winner of this match… BUFF MUSTACHE! |
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Post by Frank Patrick Venable on May 18, 2017 5:25:37 GMT -6
First Round Match
Kyle Cameron vs. Erinn Fausse
The hand-percussion that begins The Handsome Family's "Far From Any Road" plays over the speakers as the lights begin to dim. Within a few seconds, darkness falls upon the arena as the acoustic guitar kicks in, playing a vaguely sinister riff. A few more seconds later, Erin Fausse emerges from the back, her arrival punctuated by Brett Sparks' ominous baritone.
"From the dusty mesa/Her looming shadow grows/Hidden in the branches of the poison creosote"
She takes a deep breath in and exhales slowly, a smile forming on her face as thunderous jeers greet her. Her head cocked to the side, she begins her descent towards the ring, her confidence unfazed by the sea of disapproval from the audience. At the ringside area, she ascends the steel steps, pausing at the first one and turning to face the audience. The smile never leaving her face, she forms her left hand into the shape of a gun and takes aim at the audience, seemingly opening fire on the paying customers. As the boos increase in volume, she rolls her eyes and makes her way up the remaining stairs, stepping into the ring under the bottom rope. As she backs towards her corner, she shrugs at Taylor Lorde, who has already taken a few steps away from her. Her eyes slide shut as Lorde begins to introduce her and she falls into the corner, awaiting the beginning of the match.
Gravedigger: Boy can I not wait to see her tear that little shit Cameron apart.
Jimmy Garcia: For once Gravedigger, I agree with you. Never did like that Kyle guy, too delusional.
Sebastian Reid: some would say Erinn has the easiest first match out of anyone in this tournament. We shall see.
"So Whatcha' Want" by The Beastie Boys hits, and Kyle Cameron emerges from the curtain wearing the CURLIEST, HOBO-IEST BEARD anyone's ever seen. ACTUAL World title over his shoulder, Kyle makes his way down to the ring, shit talking the fans.
Kyle Cameron: FUCKING LOSERS.
Gravedigger: I gotta ask...why the hell does Cameron still have that damn fake belt. Isn't Damian Kaine the actual...well, ACTUAL World Champion?
Sebastian Reid: I don't remember, best not to think to much about it.
The bell rings, and the shit talking from Kyle continues, mouthing off to a visibly annoyed Fausse, who proceeds to shut him up with a punch riiiiiiiiiiiiight to the face, and as Kyle falls to the ground, Erinn begins to give him her own personal baptism. The stomps to the face that comprise Baptism Unto Death start, and before long Kyle is already surrendering. The referee has to pull Erinn off of him as the bell rings.
Jimmy Garcia: Did...did we just see the quickest match in UCI history?
Gravedigger: I hope so. In any case, Erinn Fauss moves on to face Buff Mustache later tonight. Now THAT's gonna be a match.
Sebastian Reid: *audibly shudders*[/font][/font] |
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Post by Frank Patrick Venable on May 18, 2017 5:36:58 GMT -6
First Round Match
Nova-Kaine vs. Psychopomp
Jimmie Garcia: What a heck of a showing here tonight so far, folks and we continue with Nova-Kaine vs our Rising Stars Champion, Psychopomp.
Sebastian Reid: Two men who aren't afraid to raise the bar to get the job done… BONO has been lit all night long.
Gravedigger: Can we get to the introductions already? No one cares this much about underdogs...
The lights go out and Babylon by The Tea Party start to play from the speakers. Different colored light beams go off to the rhythm of the song and Psychopomp jumps in the middle of the entrance to the stage dressed in a black Brotherhood tshirt, black tights, black kick pads with black boots, black wrist tape, and his hair is a little a mess with water dripping down to the floor.
Taylor Lorde: Introducing first, hailing from Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Weighing in at 225 lbs and standing at 6’2”, the current Rising Stars Champion, PSYCHOPOMP!
The lights turn back on and while Pomp walks down the aisle, he high fives only the fans that are wearing Brotherhood t-shirt like he is and ignores the others. He rolls inside the ring and gets on his knees to raise his arms in victory allowing white sparks to drop down on him from the rafters. Pomp hands his title off to one of the ring rats outside the ring and he rests himself in his corner.
Gravedigger: When is someone going to knock this guy off?
Sebastian Reid: I thought you were a Brotherhood mark?
Gravedigger: Not for all of them…
Jimmy Garcia: Well the Pompster is going to have his hands full here tonight. A 20 year veteran of the squared circle has decided it's his time once again… An Ohio boy who has a love for HIGH flying as he says.”
Sebastian Reid: If i could come back, i don't see why Nova-Kaine can't, so good for him.
Gravedigger: Let's just go to the ring...
"Paper Cut" by Linkin Park starts blaring across the arena and red beams of light aim at the entrance of the ramp.
Taylor Lorde: Introducing next, hailing from Columbus, Ohio. Weighing in at 205 lbs. And standing at 6’2”, he is Ohio’s Best Export, the Extreme Cruiserweight, The HERO of the UNDERDOGS, NOVA-KAINE!!!
Nova walks out dressed in a red tank top with a black sun logo in the middle of it, a pair of loose fitting black pants, and black boots. Nova moves his body with the beat of the music and he bows to the fans in attendance. Nova throws up a salute and he runs down the ramp full speed. At the end of the runway, Nova slides into the ring and pops up in the middle. He moves to the music a bit more before ascending the far right side ring corner, where he bows to the fans. Nova leaps off the top rope and he stares at a cocky looking Psychopomp standing in his corner with arms crossed.
Jimmie Garcia: Same height, but it looks like Pomp has 20 pounds on the high flyer.
Sebastian Reid: Don't count an old dog out, Jimmie.
Pomp pulls his tshirt off and he tosses it to Taylor Lorde. Pomp smirks as he meets Nova in the center of the ring and Nova extends a right hand. Pomp looks down at it and he extends his hand, but he quickly pulls it away in a psyche type fashion. Pomp turns towards the fans with his arms held out and he gets an array of boos.
Crowd: Booooooooooo.
Pomp turns back toward Nova and he hocks a lugi right in his face. Nova wipes the spit off of his face and he returns the favor with a big right forearm to Pomp’s face.
Sebastian Reid: Pomp's going to feel that one and it totally rocked him back.
Pomp bounces back first into the ropes behind him and he comes back with a flying forearm, dropping Nova to the ground. Nova quickly rolls and kips back up.
Jimmie Garcia: Impressive speed from the vet.
Gravedigger: Oooo he didn't need a walker… Big deal, get over it.
Sebastian Reid: He looks to be measuring Pomp up here…
Nova puts up a guard with his left arm and Pomp falls right into Nova’s flurry of kicks after Nova reverses Pomp’s attempt at a punch. Nova lights Pomp’s chest up and he finishes him off with a spinning roundhouse to the side of Pomp's head.
Sebastian Reid: A vet move targeting Pomp's head there…
Jimmie Garcia: He doesn't look to be stopping there, partner.”
Nova looks down at a dazed Pomp and he runs against the ropes opposite of him. Nova springboards off the middle rope and he comes back with twisting senton.
Gravedigger: Okay, that was a bit impressive…”
Pomp holds his ribs and he rolls all the way to the outside. Nova doesn't let off as he runs the ropes and lands a flipping senton the unaware Pomp. Nova slides back into the ring and salutes the fans.
Sebastian Reid: That right there is the nonstop chain moves that's been blowing up the indy scene as of late.
Pomp comes to on the outside and he looks to be frustrated. He throws his hands at the ring and starts to head up the ramp.
Jimmie Garcia: It looks like Pomp is throwing in the towel folks.
Gravedigger: A damn coward.
As Pomp is almost to the top of the ramp the curtain bellows a big cloud of thick smoke in his face and “Original Prankster” by The Offspring starts to play. Pomp stands looking around confused and suddenly out of the curtain stumbles Danny Demento in an all black 3 piece suit with pot leaves designed all over it and he carries his dented up black chair he calls Chuck. Danny throws up his left index finger and shakes it toward Pomp.
Nova-Kaine: Some RISING STARS CHAMP, am i right?
Danny holds down the stage as a pissed off Pomp turns back toward Nova in the ring.
Nova-Kaine: Uh oh, Pomp looks like he needs to learn how to chill, dudes! Double D, you got some of that Green Serene? It’d definitely calm this dude’s tits.
Pomp has enough of Nova’s mouth, so he makes a full run to the ring, mouthing expletives on the way. Pomp slides into the ring and he gets into Nova's face.
Sebastian Reid: Smart move, the vet using his mouth to lure Pomp back there.
Pomp doesn't hesitate as he rakes Nova's eyes and drops him exclamation point style with a ddt. Pomp stands back up and spits on Nova for good measure.
Gravedigger: He's one sick puppy…
Nova goes to get back up, but Pomp delivers a well placed soccer kick to Nova's exposed ribs.
Jimmie Garcia: Stiff kick there and he's sent reeling.
Nova rolls away holding his side, but Pomp doesn't miss his opening.
Jimmie Garcia: Pomp looking for it…
Pomp drops an elbow on Nova’s back and he slaps on Hands of Faith.
Sebastian Reid: He's looking to lock on all of that Crossface.
Nova starts to struggle to break the crossface, but Pomp is pulling it way back.
Sebastian Reid: Pomp showing some real ring smarts out there… Grounding a high flyer is a really good strategy.
Gravedigger: Ooo you don't say…
Sebastian Reid: Shut up, let's just watch the match.
Pomp yanks back again and Nova uses the momentum against him, wiggling his way out of the hold. Nova gets back to his feet and he holds onto the back of his neck.
Sebastian Reid: Pomp falls back a bit, he's looking for his next opportunity.
Nova and Pomp circle each other and Pomp over powers Nova into a side headlock. Pomp rakes Nova’s eyes again and he keeps ahold of his head, running and driving his head into the mat with a bulldog. Pomp points down at Nova, then looks sheepishly over to the corner ring post to his left.
Jimmie Garcia: I think Psychopomp is looking to end this one here…
Sebastian Reid: He's calling for The Sacrament here…
Jimmie Garcia: He's measuring Nova…
Pomp does a 360 spin as he launches with a leg drop, but all he hits is canvas as Nova rolls to the outside apron.
Sebastian Reid: Need I say it… Vet.
Jimmie Garcia: Well scouted for sure and great ring awareness.
Nova watches as Pomp rolls on the ground holding his back. Nova ascends the top rope and he waits patiently for Pomp to get to his feet. As Pomp finds his feet, a bit dazed, Nova launches from the top rope with a high angle frog splash, smashing Pomp back down to the mat.
Jimmie Garcia: An Ode to Danny Demento and he drops down for the pin fall.
1…
2…
KICK OUT!
Pomp gets his shoulder up and Nova scurries back to his feet, followed by Pomp. The two stare across the ring at each other.
Jimmie Garcia: Pretty well matched I'd say…
Pomp is the first on the attack as he throws a right haymaker, but Nova blocks it, returning a toe kick to the gut doubling Pomp over. Nova grabs Pomp in a front facelock and lifts him in the air, drops him into a falcon arrow.
Sebastian Reid: Fall From Grace, now Nova going to the top again.
Nova stands on the top turnbuckle and he stares down at Pomp.
Jimmie Garcia: HIGH TIMES!!!
Gravedigger: Thank god this is over.
1!!
2!!!!
3!!!!!
Ding ding ding |
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Post by Frank Patrick Venable on May 18, 2017 5:47:18 GMT -6
First Round Match
CJ Phoenix vs. Jaice Wilds
Taylor Lorde: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall and is a Battle of New Orleans first round match!!
"Re-education Through Labor" begins to play as the cameras pan through the crowd. Then, 13 seconds into the song, Phoenix runs out onto the stage as the beat drops. He stretches his arms out as he looks at the crowd before running down the ramp with his arms stretched out and flames following him on each side until he reaches the end of the ramp.
Taylor Lorde: Making his way to the ring first! From Baton Rouge, weighing in at two hundred and five pounds; he is C! J! Phoeeeeniiiix!!
He slides into the ring and runs up one of the turnbuckles. He then does a cross sign with his hands before pointing upward and hopping off the turnbuckle into the ring.
Gravedigger: Fucking tool. This guy should have stayed in retirement rather than wasting our valuable time and money..
Jimmy Garcia: Well, that's not very nice. Maybe CJ still has that spark he started with...
Sebastian Reid: It's all gonna be okay. If you pay any attention, you know the guy he's pitted against could carry a dead fish through a decent match.
Taylor Lorde: And introducing his opponent!!
"Side Of A Bullet" by Nickleback hits the speakers as the Mid-Card Masterpiece enters the arena!! There are cheers and whistles and applause and those dollar store noisemakers!! Jaice makes the most epic generic entrance you have ever seen, and sonuva bitch, are people excited!!
Taylor Lorde: From Puerto Vehlo, Brazil! Weighing in at one hundred and eighty-four pounds, he is the Xtreme Aerialist! JAICE! WILDS!!
More cheers! More applause! More noisemakers! Jaice hugs people and high fives motherfuckers and gives the fans all the love they give him!! Then he's in the ring and peoplr are STILL going nuts! The ring announcer gets a fist bump! CJ Phoenix doesn't! It's pandemonium!!
Sebastian Reid: Now HERE'S a pleasant addition to the UCI roster. A man who knows how to put on a show!
Gravedigger: For once, we agree on something!! Wilds is no stranger to cutting loose and hurting people... I hope we see some broken bones!!
Jimmy Garcia: I feel like that's a little over the edge...
Gravedigger: Your face is over the edge.
The referee rings the bell, Phoenix and Wilds sizing each other up. CJ chuckles, raising a hand to Wilds. Jaice takes a second in caution, reaching up and locking hands with Phoenix. CJ raises his other hand, again Wilds proceeds with caution. As soon as both wrestler's hands are interlocked, CJ uses his size advantage to force Wilds to a knee.
Jimmy Garcia: Phoenix being smart here; using a contest of strength to give himself the advantage in the early moments.
Sebastian Reid: Smart, but not smart enough! Wilds pushes himself up enough to gain leverage, dropping underneath Phoenix and sending him flying across the ring!
CJ stumbles, taken by Jaice's surprise offense. He uses the momentum to charge across the ring, rebounding off the ropes. He looks for a clothesline, Wilds limbos Matrix-style beneath Phoenix's arm. CJ rebounds again, this time looking for a shoulder block; but Wilds sidesteps and spins around Phoenix. CJ stops on a dime, spinning around into a pele kick from Wilds. Jaice kip-ups to his feet as CJ falls to his ass.
Sebastian Reid: A smaller Wilds using that veteran ability to counter a flurry of CJ's offense!
Gravedigger: CJ is a failure in life. Can't understand who he blew to get this match.
Jimmy Garcia: I'm sure once the match REALLY gets going, Phoenix will mount some really great offense.
Wilds charges Phoenix, CJ rolling away and outside the ring. Wilds nods as CJ grins, taunting. The Xtreme Aerialist shrugs, falling back and rebounding across the ring. He flies through the middle and bottom ropes... Right into an elevated knee from Phoenix!! Wilds hits the floor hard, CJ standing and stalking his opponent. Wilds reaches out, grabbing the crowd barrier... And Phoenix hits a hard senton to Wilds. Jaice collapses to the floor again as the referee hits a count of three. CJ picks Wilds up, the smaller man trying to struggle away. It is for naught as CJ drives Jaice into the crowd barrier with a release German suplex. Phoenix slide back into the ring at 8, just long enough to break the count. He slides back out, stalking Jaice.
Gravedigger: Okay, MAYBE Phoenix has a little gas in the tank.
Jimmy Garcia: He's using the environment around the ring to dismantle Wilds! This is disgusting!!
Sebastian Reid: I don't mind a little ringside beatdown if it means the match keeps going.
CJ lifts Jaice to his feet, the Midcard Maniac swinging wildly. Phoenix starts towards the nearest set of steps, tossing Jaice with force. Wilds manages to react last moment, hopping up onto the steps. CJ charges up, and is met with a springboard uppercut for his troubles. The ref reaches a count of six as Jaice sits against the crowd barrier, reaching up with one arm.
Sebastian Reid: This match has been getting good, but it's going to end prematurely if they get counted out!!
Gravedigger: CJ's talentless ass shouldn't even be in this thing. If Wilds has to take a loss for Phoenix to be eliminated, fine by me.
Jimmy Garcia: Wait! Jaice just rolled into the ring at 9... And he slides back out to save the match!
Gravedigger: See, now Wilds is being dumb. Should have taken the count-out and moved on. He DOES realize he'll have two more matches tonight...
Sebastian Reid: Jaice isn't one to shy away from a fight no matter WHAT the odds!!
Wilds slowly walks over to Phoenix, who is more dazed than injured. He stretches a hand out to grab CJ's head, but is quickly nabbed and pulled into the crowd barrier. Phoenix smiles, Jaice crumples to the floor like a sack of potatoes. Phoenix stalks Wilds until the ref reaches 5, sliding into the ring. He chuckles, watching as Wilds reaches helplessly for something stable.
Gravedigger: Ref's at 7 and Jaice ain't moving. Good on CJ to take the count-out.
Jimmy Garcia: Ref is at 8... Wait! Jaice is up to a knee! Phoenix drops back, here's the suicide plancha!!
Crowd: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!!
Sebastian Reid: Mother of all the fucks!! CJ Phoenix came soaring out of the ring, NO WAY could he have expected Wilds to propel himself off the crowd barrier into a massive mid-air disaster kick!!
The crowd is going apeshit, the ref isn't sure what to do for a moment, and you can be sure the fans at home are jumping out their seats right about now. Neither man is showing signs of life, the ref opts to check on them. After a moment, he waves to the stage. A moment passes at best as EMTs rush the area, checking both men.
Jimmy Garcia: This has, admittedly, been a rather short match; but all the action happening OUTSIDE the ring has taken its toll.
Gravedigger: Action?? Jaice took a fucking knee to the jaw in midair, then a senton... Now CJ gets a fucking boot to the face while coming down from the ring... It's a fuckfest of high-flying punishment right now!!
Sebastian Reid: One of these guys SHOULD be moving on in the tourney, but it looks like they're both incapaci...
Gravedigger: MOTHER OF GOD.
Jaice suddenly comes to life, pushing away the EMT's. CJ is still hardly moving, but Wilds staggers over and grabs him up. He smacks Phoenix, rolling him into the ring and jumping onto the apron. Phoenix only begins to stir as Jaice points to the turnbuckle, the fans roaring.
Jimmy Garcia: I think Wilds is calling for the end!!
Sebastian Reid: How the hell are either of them still conscious?? And Wilds is going top turnbuckle?!
Wilds stands perched, waiting for Phoenix. CJ slowly starts to a knee, then on both feet...
Gravedigger: AERIAL ACE!!
Sebastian Reid: ARE YOU FUCKIN KIDDING ME?! Phoenix just nabbed Wilds out of thin air, and is going for the powerbomb!!
Jimmy Garcia: No! Wilds reverses! Hurricanrana into the ropes... Jaice looking for an Xtreme Dream!!
Sebastian Reid: PHOENIX DUCKED THE KICK! Rebound...
Gravedigger: SPEAR TO WILDS!! SPEAR TO WILDS!! IT'S OVER!!
1!!
2!!
3!!
Sebastian Reid: SONUVA BITCH, Wilds at 2 3/4!!
Jimmy Garcia: It was closer than that!! The ref's hand was a micrometer off the mat on that one!
Gravedigger: How in the hell is this match getting put away?!
CJ looks up to the ref, arguing over the count. The desperation in his eyes tells the story; the abuse from the outside attacks is taking its toll. Phoenix crawls to the closest set of ropes, getting to his feet. He looks to Wilds... Then starts stomping his foot.
Gravedigger: This is it! Phoenix is calling for that Talon Kick!
Sebastian Reid: If he nails that, it HAS to be the end of BoNO for Wilds...
CJ screams at Wilds to stand. Jaice seems almost unable, grasping unsuccessfully for any form of physical support. The crowd is on their feet, CJ continues to yell. Jaice rolls onto his side, but still appears all but out of it. Phoenix is tired of waiting, storming over and grabbing a handful of hair... PELE KICK!! Phoenix falls back, stunned, but charges up again... Another pele!! Phoenix falls into the ropes, Wilds is on one knee. CJ rubs his temple, trying to gain his bearings.
Jimmy Garcia: Wilds charges up! Back body drop sends Jaice outside!
Sebastian Reid: He landed on the apron! CJ didn't notice!!
Phoenix turns around, charging at the Xtreme Aerialist- and is met with a shoulder to the gut for his troubles. Wilds hops almost instinctively to the nearest top turnbuckle, throwing his arms above his head to form an "X" before jumping...
Jimmy Garcia: He's got the corkscrew senton variation... Extending the leg...
Sebastian Reid: AERIAL ACE!! It's done!!
Both men land with a hard *thud*, the ref sliding into position. A second passes as Jaice weakly lifts an arm, barely draping it onto Phoenix's chest.
Crowd: 1!!
Sebastian Reid: This is it!
Crowd: 2!!
Gravedigger: Crazy sonuva bitch...
Crowd: 3!!
"Side of a Bullet" hits the PA as the bell sounds, the ref standing. He points to Jaice, signifying his victory before calling the EMT's back into the area.
Taylor Lorde: Here is your winner, advancing to round 2 of the Battle of New Orleans. The Xtreme Aerialist, JAAAAIIIIICE WIIIIIIIIILDS!!
Both men are placed on stretchers, starting up the ramp. At the top, Wilds manages to raise one arm up in victory before slumping back down, wheeling to the back.
Jimmy Garcia: There you have it, folks. Jaice Wilds comes to UCI, pulls out all the stops and wins his first match.
Gravedigger: But at what cost, fellas? I mean, he's going to have maybe 20 minutes to get patched up and drink a couple bottles of Gatorade before he has to come out here and do it ALL over again.
Sebastian Reid: Nobody said this tournament was going to be easy, and anyone who's watched Wilds over the years can tell you he PREFERS the hard way. Let's just hope, for his sake, this pays off in his favor.
Gravedigger: Good luck with that... |
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Post by Frank Patrick Venable on May 18, 2017 16:29:05 GMT -6
Semi-Final Match
ZMAC vs. Damian Kaine
"Killed By Death" hits the PA system as the arena begins to fill with smoke. The Guitar and drums kick in and play up as the crowd search for ZMAC. Them vocals smash the speakers as the spot light is shows ZMAC whose stand out in the middle section of the area.
Fans: If you squeeze me lizard, I’ll put my snake in you. I’m a romantic adventure and a reptile too.
He stands there with his back turned to the ring with his arms out in a ‘T’ pose. He turns to face the crowd as he takes a few steps down the aisle way.
Fans: Easy! Easy!
He pumps the crowd up as they go rabid for the Coked UP Mad Man who reaches into his pulls out a vial of cocaine and snorts it.
Fans: The only time I’m gone be easy is when I’m.. KILED BY DEATH! KILLED BY DEATH!
Taylor Lorde: Making his way to the ring.. from the Big Easy.. He stands six feet, six inches tall and weighs in at two hundred and twenty pounds… He is the Coked Up Mad Man.. ZZZOOMMMBIE… MCMORRR-IISSS!
Fans: I’m a lone wolf ligger but I ain’t no pretty boy!
Fans swarm him as he takes beer after beer and chugs them; getting some all over his face and chest. ZMAC is in a sea of “Dove Killah Certified OG’s” as the fans lift him up and body surf him down to the crowd barrier.
Fans: KILLED BY DEATH! KILLED BY DEATH! KILLED BY DEATH!
He jumps the barrier and slides into the ring. ZMAC takes to the adjacent turnbuckle and taunts the crowd before taking off his jacket and throwing it to the towards the time keeper. The Honey Badger has arrived.
Jimmy Garcia: One has to notice that ZMAC is walking into this match just as he had before, seemingly fresh and ready to go. There's no signs that he's previously wrestled tonight.
Gravedigger: That's because the Honey Badger don't give a fuck, Jimmy. He'll wrestle fifteen matches in one night if he has to, because that's just the person he is.
The guitar riffs of “Caffeine” by Jeff and Casey Lee Williams brings the crowd to their feets. As the song moves along, Damian Kaine emerges from the curtain, visibly tired but ready to go. He decides against sliding under the bottom rope, and instead uses the steps to get in.
Taylor Lorde: Making his way to the ring, from Savannah, Georgia! Weighing in at 157 pounds. Representing the Brotherhood! He is “The Prodigy of Pestilence,” Damian Kaine!
Sebastian Reid: Uh oh. My boy Damian isn't looking too hot. Looks like that match against NegaSoniK took a lot out of him.
Kaine hops to his feet, and slowly climbs the corner, playing to the crowd. He then removes his vest and settles in his corner, waiting for the match to begin.
The bell rings. Damian walks up to McMorris and lands a defiant chop right to the chest. ZMAC stumbles back a few feet, seems shocked at Damian's bravery, but smiles as he Thesz Presses Kaine to the gorund and begins WAAAAAAAAAILING on him with strikes to the face. The sudden violence shocks the crowd into a frenzy.
Sebastian Reid: Oh dear.
Zmac stops his assault, picks Damian Kaine up for a quick scoop slam, then once Kaine is down follows it up with a fist drop. Zmac goess for the pin.
ONE!
TW-Kickout by Damian.
Jimmy Garcia: Damian Kaine showing resiliency early in this match, he's taking a lot of ddamage early on. Can he come back from it?
Not phased at all, ZMAC goes to pick Kaine up to continue his offense, but Kaine counters! ZMAC tries to pick him up, but Kaine holds on and picks ZMAC up for his own scoop slam! With such a large weight difference between them, it takes all Damian has to executee the move, but he manages to pull it off. Not looking to waste any time, DK goes for the pin.
ONE!
Kickout by ZMAC.
Not looking to give up just yet, Damian goes to the downed ZMAC and flips him on his belly, getting him in position for a Cobra Clutch!
Sebastian Reid: Is it locked in? YES, IT IS! Damian Kaine has ZMAC in the Cobra Clutch.
Gravedigger: Dumb move. No way in hell ZMAC will give up this tournament so easily.
Rather then try to actually get out of the move or go for the ropes, ZMAC instead puts all of his energy into picking up Damian Kaine and executing a back body drop to release the hold! ZMAC gets up, only slightly winded, and proceeds to go to town on Damian with stomps, ending the massacre with an elbow drop. He then picks Damian up and irish whips him into the corner, and once Damian is settled starts CHARGING forward.
Jimmy Garcia: SPEAR FROM THE COKED UP MADMAN INTO THE CORNER! THIS COULD DO IT!
ZMAC hooks the leg.
ONE!
TWO!!
T--NOO, Damian kicks out!
Sebastian Reid: My boy showing some incredible resiliency!
Gravedigger: But how much longer can that resiliency last?
Annoyed that he can't put this kid away, ZMac goes for more elbow strikes but ROLL UP OUTTA FUCKIN NOWHERE FROM DAMIAN!!
ONE!
TWO!!
THR-KICKOUT BY ZMAC!!!
Jimmy Garcia: Heart racing sneak attack from Damian!
The tide of battle now on his side again, Damian kicks ZMAC to keep him on the ground, then climbs (slowly) to the top.
Sebastian Reid: Uh oh, he's going for broke. Will it pay off?
Damian takes a deep breath, and readies himself for the 450 Splash. BUT ZMAC SMILES, AND LIFTS HIS KNEES AS DAMIAN COMES HURTLING DOWN UNTO THEM. A collective groan of pain emerges from the audience, they felt that one. Damian now prone and in pain, ZMAC goes back to the Thesz press and begins to assault him again, this time more viciously. After about fifteen punches right to the head, the referee calls for the bell.
Gravedigger: STOP! STOP! HE'S ALREADY DEAD! DAMIAN KAINE IS DEAD!
Jimmy Garcia: What an absolutely abhorrent display of primal violence. I'm not surprised you're turned on by it Gravedigger.
Sebastian Reid: Damian tried his hardest, and some might say he tried too hard, but he never gave up, and that's what matters.
Taylor Lorde: Here is your winner, and first Battle of New Orleans Finalist, ZOMBIE MCMORRRIIISSS! |
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Post by Frank Patrick Venable on May 18, 2017 16:33:54 GMT -6
Semi-Finals Match
Buff Mustache vs. Erinn Fausse
Taylor Lorde Introducing first, From Mustache Manor… BUFF MUSTACHE!
Biff walks down the aisle next to his brother Buff and they make their way to the ring, being sure to embrace any fan willing to slap their hands.
Gravedigger: Brotherly love. After that battle they went through before they still come out together supporting one another.
Sebastian Reid: Bullshit!
Taylor Lorde: And his opponent… PONTIFF ERIN FAUSSE!
Gravedigger: Where is she?
Her music plays but no one comes down to the ring.
Jimmy Garcia: Her and Cameron had a REAL fight earlier. UI thought she would be able to make it after that though.
Taylor Lorde talks to an official and then she brings the microphone back to her mouth.
Taylor Lorde: His opponent… ERIN FAUSSE!
Her music plays again but still no one comes out.
Sebastian Reid: Someone get someone out there to check on her. She wouldn’t just no show a match where she’s already at the event.
A camera goes backstage and UCI officials are seen putting Fausse onto a stretcher backstage.
Meanwhile in the ring Buff and Biff laugh to each other. Buff grabs the microphone from Taylor.
Buff Mustache: It looks like someone took her off, didn’t they, Biff.
Biff Mustache: It sure does, and I don’t know why they would do something like that to her, they must have gotten her in her behind.
Buff Mustache: Oh most certainly, full frontal assault wouldn’t work on her.
Biff Mustache: I just hope that she’s still in one piece after getting pounded on so hard back there.
Buff Mustache: It looks like she got pounded pretty hard back there.
Biff Mustache: Well… I guess there’s only one thing left to do. As UCI rules state, if she can’t make it back to the ring by the count of 69 then she forfeits the match.
Buff Mustache: NO! That’s ridiculous. That’s not fair, Biff.
Biff Mustache: I don’t make the rules… I just have sex with them.
Buff Mustache: Nice.
Biff Mustache: Nice.
They high one each other.
Gravedigger: Well, whoever attacked Fausse should be caught, but it looks like we’re waiting for the 69 count to call this one.
Jimmy Garcia: The rules state that it’s a 10 count but I think that’s being bypassed considering that Fausse is being taken away on a stretcher to the medic’s room in the back.
Sebastian Reid: Isn’t obvious who did it. The Mustache brothers are behind this.
Gravedigger: That’s an egregious accusation.
Sebastian Reid: What? It was totally them, and now he’s making it to the finals without having lifted a fucking finger. This tournament is fucked man. If he wins this tournament should be put under fire for allowing this to happen.
Gravedigger: No rules were broken, and there’s no proof of what you’re saying. You’re being out of control now.
Jimmy Garcia: Level heads will win this one, Sebastian. And we need to keep our heads level. The truth will come out, but for now it appears that Buff Mustache is going to the finals.
Taylor Lorde: The winner of this match… BUFF MUSTACHE! |
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Post by Frank Patrick Venable on May 18, 2017 16:35:42 GMT -6
Semi-Final Match
Nova-Kaine vs. Jaice Wilds
"Paper Cut" by Linkin Park starts blaring across the arena and red beams of light aim at the entrance of the ramp. Nova walks out with the beat of music controlling his movements and he bows to the fans in attendance. Nova throws up a salute and he runs down the ramp full speed. At the end of the run way, Nova slides into the ring and pops up in the middle of the ring. He moves to the music a bit more before ascending the far right ring corner, where he bows to the fans. Nova leaps off the top rope and rests against the corner to await his opponent.
"Side Of A Bullet" by Nickleback hits the speakers as the Mid-Card Masterpiece enters the arena!! There are cheers and whistles and applause and those dollar store noisemakers!! Jaice makes the most epic geberic entrance you have ever seen, and sonuva bitch, are people excited!! More cheers! More applause! More noisemakers! Jaice hugs people and high fives motherfuckers and gives the fans all the love they give him!! Then he's in the ring and people are STILL going nuts! The ring announcer gets a fist bump! Okay, now for other things!!
Jimmy Garcia: Both of these men had very impressive first round showings, but only one can advance to the finals with ZMAC and Buff.
Sebastian Reid: These guys laid so much out in the first round, you gotta wonder how they'll hold up moving forward.
The bell rings. Nova extends his hand for a shake, and although Jaice is at first apprehensive, he accepts the shake to a polite pop from the crowd as the match gets going. Both men lock up, looking for the early advantage. Kaine eventually finds it, getting a suplex in to put Jaice to the ground before picking him back up for a few kicks to the torso. Jaice now dazed, Kaine hooks his head under his arm for a brisk DDT before going for the pin.
One!
Kickout by Jaice.
Kaine looks to continue his offense, but Jaice catches him an grapples him into neckbreaker. As Kaine lays on the ground in pain, Jaice falls onto him for an elbow drop, connecting right on the chest of Kaine. Jaice then follows it up with a leg drop to the throat of Kaine before hooking the leg.
One!
TW-Kickout by Nova.
Jimmy Garcia: Solid action from both men so far, nothing to strenuous.
Gravedigger: It's only a matter of time before things start getting dangerous here, Jimmy.
Jaice picks Nova up to try and irish whip him into the corner, but Nova reverses it into his own irish whip into the ropes, and as Jaice runs to him, Nova hits a hurricanrana, sending Jaice right back to the mat! The crowd cheering him on, Nova hits a standing shooting star press to Jaice before quickly going for the pin.
ONE!
TWO!!
Kickout by Jaice.
Nova picks Jaice back up, tries to grapple him but gets reversed and Jaice catches him in his own grapple, hitting him with a hard elbow before following it up with...
Jimmy Garcia: Xtreme Dream by Jaice! This could be it!
But no! Jaice is not done yet! He hits a quick Pele kick, then follows it up with a Disaster kick, finally sending Nova down to the ground. Jaice goes for the pin.
ONE!
TWO!!
Kickout by Nova!
Sebastian Reid: Neither men has held the advantage for long in this match. Something's gotta give soon.
Annoyed, Jaice gets up to try and get a few stomps in on Nova, but Nova catches him by the leg and brings him down to the ground! Realizing the opportunity, he climbs to the top rope, stands up as the crowd oos and aahs for him.
Jimmy Garcia: This could be it! Here he goes!
Nova-Kaine goes for his patented Fall From Grace...BUT JAICE WILDS MOVES OUT OF THE WAY! Nova crashes to the mat, and he crashes HARD, the crowd collectively cringes at the bump. Wanting to put him away for good, Jaice then climbs to the top rope himself, and this time, the move connects.
Gravedigger: AERIAL ACE! It's aaaaaaaalllll over folks!
Jaice goes for the pin.
ONE!
TWO!!
THREE!!!
The bell rings as the crowd pops for the high flying action!
Taylor Lorde: Here is your winner, and your third Battle of New Orleans Finalist, JAAAAAAAICE WILDS!
Jimmy Garcia: What a match. Jaice Wilds rounds out our three-way elimination match to close out the show tonight.
Gravedigger: After that missed Fall From Grace by Nova, there wasn't much he could do to recover. He gave it his all, and proved he could still hang with the young guns, but Jaice was just the better wrestler tonight.
As Jaice makes his way to the back to prepare for the final match, Nova slowly tries to get back up, but visibly has trouble. The New Orleans crowd is cheering him on, impressed by his fight.
Crowd: THANK YOU NOVA! *clap clap clapclapclap* THANK YOU NOVA! *clap clap clapclapclap*
Nova eventually gets to his feet, and acknowledges the crowd, who pop for him as he slowly makes his way out of the ring. The feed then cuts to a commercial for Lazarus, as ZMAC, Buff Mustache and Jaice Wilds prepare for the Finals. |
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Post by Frank Patrick Venable on May 18, 2017 22:15:49 GMT -6
Final Match
ZMAC vs. Buff Mustache vs. Jaice Wilds DING DING DING
Jimmy Garcia: This is it fans. Three men. One trophy. One Battle Of New Orleans winner. Let's not waste anymore time and get to the action.
"Killed By Death" hits the PA system as the arena begins to fill with smoke. The Guitar and drums kick in and play up as the crowd search for ZMAC. Them vocals smash the speakers as the spot light is shows ZMAC whose stand out in the middle section of the area.
Fans: If you squeeze me lizard, I’ll put my snake in you. I’m a romantic adventure and a reptile too.
He stands there with his back turned to the ring with his arms out in a ‘T’ pose. He turns to face the crowd as he takes a few steps down the aisle way.
Fans: Easy! Easy!
He pumps the crowd up as they go rabid for the Coked UP Mad Man who reaches into his pulls out a vial of cocaine and snorts it.
Fans: The only time I’m gone be easy is when I’m.. KILED BY DEATH! KILLED BY DEATH!
Taylor Lorde: Making his way to the ring.. from the Big Easy.. He stands six feet, six inches tall and weighs in at two hundred and twenty pounds… He is the Coked Up Mad Man.. ZZZOOMMMBIE… MCMORRR-IISSS!
Fans: I’m a lone wolf ligger but I ain’t no pretty boy!
Fans swarm him as he takes beer after beer and chugs them; getting some all over his face and chest. ZMAC is in a sea of “Dove Killah Certified OG’s” as the fans lift him up and body surf him down to the crowd barrier.
Fans: KILLED BY DEATH! KILLED BY DEATH! KILLED BY DEATH!
He jumps the barrier and slides into the ring. ZMAC takes to the adjacent turnbuckle and taunts the crowd before taking off his jacket and throwing it to the towards the time keeper. The Honey Badger has arrived.
Sebastian Reid: You could argue that out of all three men in this match, ZMAC has had the most violent road to the finals out of all of them. From maiming Hunter Updegraff to brutalizing Damian Kaine, there's no limits this man won't break to be the first BONO Winner.
"At Last" by Etta James pops onto the P.A as a cocky (emphasis on COCK) and smug looking Buff Mustache emerges from the curtain. As he makes his way to the ring, the crowd RAINS DOWN hatred upon him.
Gravedigger: This man? this man by far has had the easiest road. From colluding with his brother to throw the match, to Erinn Fausse's unfortunate accident, this man hasn't seen legitimate action all night tonight. Will that aid him in the finals?
Buff rubs his chest with oil and showing off for the ladies as he makes his way into the ring.
"Side Of A Bullet" by Nickleback hits the speakers as the Mid-Card Masterpiece enters the arena!! There are cheers and whistles and applause and those dollar store noisemakers!! Jaice makes the most epic geberic entrance you have ever seen, and sonuva bitch, are people excited!! More cheers! More applause! More noisemakers! Jaice hugs people and high fives motherfuckers and gives the fans all the love they give him!! Then he's in the ring and peoplr are STILL going nuts! The ring announcer gets a fist bump! Okay, now for other things!!
Jimmy Garcia: And as for all the high flyers and daredevils that entered this tournament, Jaice Wilds has surpassed them all and has made it to the finals. Though his risk taking appears to have taken it's toll on him, we can tell he wants this real bad, to prove to everyone in that...*ahem*...OTHER federation just what he's made of.
The bell rings. All three men are in the ring. They stare at each other like Gunslingers in a Sergio Leone movie, waiting to see which one of them will make the first move. They stare, intently, the tension building, and building, and BUILDING. The tension is then suddenly broken...by Buff Mustache pelvic thrusting at the other two to massive boos. ZMAC and Jaice exchange looks with each other...THEN BOTH CHARGE AT BUFF AND HIT HIM WITH A DOUBLE DROPKICK, sending the would-be pornstar down to the ground. Both men then begin to stomp on Buff while he's down, effectively weakening him for the time being. Buff now out of the way, ZMAC turns his attention to Jaice Wilds, grappling him for the scoop slam. Jaice quickly kips up from this, and repays ZMAC with a stiff roundhouse kick to the side of his torso. Meanwhile, Buff rollss out of the ring and starts rummaging under the ring for something.
Jimmy Garcia: Hang on! Is Buff looking for a weapon?!
Sebastian Reid: I mean, this is TECHNICALLY a triple threat match, so it would be completely legal if he found something to help him out!
Indeed, Buff finds himself a good ole fashioned kendo stick, and rolls back into the ring with it, interrupting Jaice and ZMAC's exchanges by smacking both men over the head with the cane, producing a stomach churning "SMMMMACK" sound as it does. He starts going to town on ZMAC with the cane, making sure to leave a few marks on him, but Jaice gets back up and grabs Buff from behind for a backstabber, ending his reign of terror with the cane.
Gravedigger: Buff dun goofed. If I've learned anything from this business, it's never leave a weapon in the ring with Zombie McMorris.
Right on cue, ZMAC gets back up and grabs the cane that Buff dropped. Looking over Buff's downed body, ZMAC...goes...APESHIT with the kendo stick to THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE!
Crowd: HONEY BADGER! *clap clap clapclapclap* HONEY BADGER! *clap clap clapclapclap*
As ZMAC finally decides to stop lashing Buff, multiple red marks are becoming more visible by the second. ZMAC looks as if he's about to pin Buff, but Jaice gets in the way with a spear to ZMAC. He goes for the pin.
ONE!
TWO!!
Kickout by ZMAC.
Jaice then turns his attention to Buff, picking him up (that in itself causing great pain to Buff) for a Swinging Neckbreaker, Buff welping out in pain as he crashes to the mat. Jaice goes the pin.
ONE!
TWO!!
...
THREE!!!
The crowd ERUPTS as Buff gets his comeuppance!
Taylor Lorde: Buff Mustache has been eliminated.
Jimmy Garcia: Hot damn! The man who didn't lift a finger to get into the finals is the first one out! Talk about karma!
Sebastian Reid: It's down to two men. Zombie Mcmorris and Jaice Wilds. Mano e mano.
ZMAC looks at Jaice...Jaice looks at ZMAC...the two meet in the middle of the ring (Buff having rolled out) and start shit talking before ZMAC lands a stiff haymaker on Jaice, who responds in kind with his own! The two men exchange blows for nearly a minute, the crowd getting louder and louder, until Jaice breaks the cycle with a DISASTER KICK RIGHT TO THE DOME OF THE COKED UP MADMAN! As ZMAC tumbles down, Jaice sees his opportunity, climbs to the top rope, takes a brief moment to scout his opponent out, then leaps for a PITCH PERFECT SHOOTING STAR PRESS! The crowd is going nuts as Jaice goes for the pin!
Jimmy Garcia: This could be it!
ONE!
TWO!!
THREE!!!
Jimmy Garcia: HE DID IT! JAICE WILDS HAS WON!!
Gravedigger: NO HE DIDN'T! ZOMBIE KICKED OUT AT THE LAST POSSIBLE MOMENT!!
When the referee tells him that the match is still on Jaice is SHOCKED. He tries to argue with the referee, who remains adament that ZMAC kicked out, all while ZMAC gets back to his feet.
Sebastian Reid: In any case, we know that if Jaice gets one more good move in on him, he's got this. He just needs that ONE good move.
Jaice locks eyes with ZMAC again, and although he tries to grapple him, ZMAC charges at him with a clothesline! He can feel it! He can FEEL IT!! HE GOES INTO HIS POCKET...
Jimmy Garcia: Oh my GOD...
Gravedigger: COKING UP! ZOMBIE FUCKING MCMORRIS IS COKING UP!!
ZMAC starts to snort the tiny vial of cocaine he's just pulled out of his pocket, and the effects are immediately obvious. He motions towards Jaice, who is still on the ground...
Jimmy Garcia: JESUS CHRIST WHAT A CURB STOMP! THAT SHOULD'VE KILLED HIM!!
ZMAC goes for the pin.
ONE!
TWO!!
THREE!!!
Gravedigger: NOOOOOOOO, JAICE KICKED OUT!
Both men are getting desperate. The match is going on longer then either of them expected. It's time to END THIS. Jaice gets to his feet...ZMAC gets to his feet. Jaice tries to hit the Xtreme Dream kick to ZMAC, BUT NO, ZMAC catches him just in time, and after a quick forearm shot to stun him, brings him over to the corner.
Sebastian Reid: Oh no.
ZMAC gets Jaice into position, then climbs to the top...then hits it.
Gravedigger: AXE WOUND! AXE WOUND! FROM! THE! TOP! ROPE!
Sebastian Reid: That's it. It's over.
Cover.
One.
Two.
Three.
DING DING DING.
Jimmy Garcia: My god. Zombie McMorris has won the 2017 Battle Of New Orleans. What a violent end to a strange tournament.
"Killed By Death" hits the PA, as ZMAC slowly gets back up and begins to celebrate. To his credit, Jaice is able to roll out of the ring under his own volition with no help, although in visible pain.
Sebastian Reid: You have to give credit to Jaice Wilds here. This man came into UCI and risked EVERYTHING to win this tournament. He is without a doubt the toughest opponent ZMAC faced all tournament, and he should be respected because of that.
With Jaice now on the ramp, the referee comes back into the ring with the Battle Of New Orleans trophy in tow, handing it over to the Honey Badger.
Jimmy Garcia: Though we may not yet know which title he will challenge for, let's hope the match is not as violent as this was. From New Orleans, Louisiana, I'm Jimmy Garcia, and we'll see you on Overload.
The feed fades to black on the image of ZMAC hoisting the trophy into the air. |
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