A Star is... Desperate for money.
Jun 11, 2017 1:09:01 GMT -6
Bonnie Blue and Kevin Bishop like this
Post by Artemis St. Cloud on Jun 11, 2017 1:09:01 GMT -6
{Please note that the first commercial below was written for this RP and permission was granted to L Verez to use it in her RP}
The camera fades into view of a director’s chair. There on the back of the chair the words ‘St. Cloud’ is written. Out of focus we see bodies moving around, an elaborate light set up, as well as a set. The camera moves and focuses on the action going on. Once in focus we see the set of a movie production. People scurry about moving into the correct position for the shot.
Director: Ok people let’s give it some realism this time! Take it from “Yes Caroline I know”. Get into position people! And…ACTION!
With those words the whole set becomes silent. A woman and man walk in from the left side of the screen.
Artemis: Yes Caroline I know.
Caroline: Jeff, I know you know but just because you know doesn’t mean you don’t need reminding from time to time. Remember what happened last time we went to visit my mother? You, her, and my father all got into an argument over which was the best series.
Artemis as Jeff: It isn’t my fault they liked Enterprise! Everyone knows that Next Generation is the best Star Trek series. Enterprise was the worst one. They killed the series and your parents liked it!
Caroline: But that doesn’t mean you get to argue with them. Your job as my boyfriend is to make my parents like you. Every time you point out that they’re wrong isn’t going to help matter any.
Artemis as Jeff: Then tell them to stop being wrong. Your mother knows how to use Google she can look up the right answer for herself.
Director: AND CUT!! Good job everyone! Let’s call it a night and pick back up Monday.
Everyone around seems to relax a little bit and starts to collect items laying around and starts packing them away. The actress portraying Caroline seems to linger a bit as she watches Artemis grab a couple of things off the catering table. Artemis turns to her smiles and waves goodbye as he exits the building. The camera fades to commercial.
Guy on commercial: Do you have dreams of one day making it to the silver screens of Hollywood? Do you want to make millions for one little role? Do you want to see your name up in lights? Then you need to call St. Cloud acting agency today! Artemis St. Cloud, one of Hollywood’s most underappreciated actors, can show you how to get your foot into those backlot doors! St. Cloud has starred in many films over the last few years most notably Batguy vs Superdude, Protectors of the Milky Way, Space War: The Power Wakes, and Amazing Creatures and How to Locate Them. Now you too can learn how to get into the business we all dream of being in! Artemis St. Cloud will be in your town soon to give a seminar about all the things he has learned over the years. To sign up and get your seat go to StCloudActing.com. Only $100 for early buyers!
As the camera pans back in we see Artemis sitting in an office chair behind a desk. The camera pans around and we see that the desk is in fact not one he is sitting behind but in front of as another man is actually behind it. The man is surrounded by knickknacks and in the corner we see a globe in a stand. Artemis keeps adjusting his sitting position as if something is wrong.
Artemis: So, George, what did you call me in here for?
George: Well, can I be honest? I’m going to be honest. It isn’t looking good right now. You are barely clearing enough to survive. You just aren’t bringing in enough to keep living the life that you do. You’ve got to find some way to supplement your income even more.
Artemis: I’ve already started doing those stupid speaking things you suggested! What more do you want me to do?
George: You know those are not nearly enough. You’ve seen the crowds for those and they are only getting smaller and smaller. Artemis, Art, I was recently approached by a gentlemen named Spencer Adams.
Artemis: Spencer Adams… That that new writer/director that has been taking over Hollywood? He wants me?
George: Uh…no. That director would be Stanley Adamson. It’s like you don’t even try any more Art. Now let me finish and keep your mouth shut. Spencer Adams is a businessman much like myself. He looks for talent all over the world. He asked me if I had any people that may be interested in a different kind of entertainment.
Artemis: Look, I told you that was a onetime thing. I was young and needed the money. I will not do porn anymore. Stallone did it once and he made it big. I am on that same path, any day now my big break will happen and you, as my agent, will get a hell of a payday.
George: Who the fuck said anything about porn? Wait… you did porn? Never mind I don’t even want to know. No porn. What do you know about sports entertainment?
Artemis: I know cheerleading is a sport and good lord they are entertaining.
George: You hurt my head sometimes. Professional wrestling, they call it sports entertainment now. Mr. Adams asked if I knew anyone that may be interested in signing up and you are the only one who came to mind. You see you need the money. You need something that will revitalize your career. Just think you can be the next Dwayne Johnson or Hulk Hogan. From wrestler to Movie star.
Artemis: This is true. Also, I’m already ahead of the Hogan curve as I did porn when I was young and not old and wrinkly. Wait a second though, didn’t they do wrestling then acting? How can I follow in their steps if I’m already an actor?
George: You are barely an actor. I’ve done everything I can do. This is your last hope to get your name out there. So I suggest you take the deal. You’re not in line for anything else and you aren’t busy by any means.
Artemis: What do you mean I’ve got nothing going on? I was literally on set yesterday. I already lowered myself to doing TV. That has me busy for a while.
George: They cancelled that show Art. I got the call this morning. The network execs called a meeting with me this morning, hence why I called you in on my off day. The show bombed. The first episode only had around two thousand viewers. They opted to use the cancellation clause. You’ll get paid for the remaining ordered episodes per your contract but that is only another ten thousand. I think you should take this contract and look it over. Spencer Adams is not a patient man when it comes to his business.
Artemis reaches over and grabs the contract that George has plopped down on the desk. He looks it up and down and starts murmuring to himself. He flips a page and nods. Artemis then sits the contract back down on the table and looks at George.
George: You have no idea what it says do you?
Artemis: Not a one. How much and how many days?
George: It’s a one year contract and it pays ten grand a week. I will say again this is the best option you have going right now. I suggest you sign the contract and go be a wrestler.
Artemis: No, George, I’m going to be an entertainer.
With those words Artemis pulls the contract over to him and grabs a pen from the holder. He looks to George and gives a quick smirk then signs his name. The camera fades to black.
Commercial: Images of the top stars of UCI Wrestling flash across the screen. Men and women getting brutalized, tables splintering apart, people jumping off the top rope. As the images shoot across the screen a voice is heard. “This Monday on UCI Wrestling, airing live from the Allstate Arena in Rosemont, Illinois we will see the debut of L Verez and Marty Barrett! Join us as they compete in a Fatal Four way match! Experience all the action with UCI WRESTLING!
The camera fades back into view of Artemis at a diner. Across the table from him is a rather rotund man dressed in a Kevin Bishop shirt and jeans. Art is just sitting there as the man stuffs his face full of food. The man pulls away from his meal for a brief moment.
Fan: Ok, so you’ve got your first match with three others. It’s called a Fatal Four way. The way it works is that the first person to pin or submit another wins.
Artemis looks blankly at the man. An expression of ignorance across his face.
Fan: Seriously? A pin fall is when you are able to keep your opponents shoulders on the mat for a count of three. A submission is when you have them in a hold and they give up essentially. So those are the two ways you can win this match.
Artemis: Awesome! So just hold their shoulders down for three seconds and I win. Simple enough.
Fan: Not as easy as it sounds. The other two people that aren’t involved in the pinning situation will be trying to stop you. Do you even know who you are facing yet?
Artemis: Why would you know? I mean they promote the two new people but leave the best new person out of the commercial. What kind of bullshit is that? I mean I am a big name Hollywood actor you’d think they would put me in the commercial.
Fan: You’re an actor? What movies have you been in?
Artemis: Are you being serious right now? How can you even ask me that? I am Artemis St. Cloud! Leading actor in Space War: The Power Wakes.
Fan: Space War? You mean Star Wars, right?
Artemis: No, I said Space War. I know what Star Wars is and it wasn’t nearly as good as my movie. See in my movie Lou Cloudrunner, played by myself, is thrust into a war between the Insurgents and The Domain. He uses the Power in order destroy the Destructive Orb, which is a giant space station that has world destroying powers.
Fan: …So, a Star Wars ‘B’ movie?
Artemis: WHAT? They are nothing alike at all!
Fan: While we are on the topic of space… Your first opponent is L Verez. She is not from this world.
The fan pulls out a magazine and flips to a page. On the page is an image of L Verez. He rotates the magazine to show St. Cloud opponent number one.
Fan: As you can see she is an interesting one. No real history in the profession.
Artemis: So she is an alien?
Fan: Yes to the alien and iffy on the ‘she’ part.
Artemis: So she is basically and aborted hermaphroditic alien lady boy? Speaking of which… Care to hear a story about my trip to Taiwan?
The fan begins to open his mouth to speak but is promptly cut off by Artemis.
Artemis: It was an interesting trip. You see I was filming ‘Pie’s Life’ there and I met this interesting woman. Her name was Chen. She had the most amazing body you have ever seen. Curves in all the right places and lips that could kill. Anyway, she and I were having a great time and then when we got back to the hotel… Never mind ok so alien lady got it. That should be simple enough. I don’t get why they would have a woman fight against men. I mean shouldn’t there be a second division for them? There is no way she could compete against all of this. Silly women thinking they can compete with men. Who is next? Maybe a guy this time?
Fan: Yes. Second person in the match is Marty Barrett. He’s a blond pretty boy from Utah.
Artemis: So he’s a blond guy from Utah. Nothing too exciting there. I mean most likely he is a Mormon and we all know they only thing they’re good at is riding bikes and annoying the piss out of people at inopportune times. Annoying door knockers but multiple wives. I guess the tradeoff is worth it. I mean if someone told me I could have like three hotties, they have to be hotties no fat chicks get to see Cloud Nine, and all I got to do is spend a little bit of time on a bike talking to people, I guess it would be worth it. By the way, Cloud Nine, is the name of my penis. Awesome name, right?
Fan: Can we focus please? Since you seem to think the woman isn’t a threat then Marty may be the big one for you. Not his first rodeo in this game.
Artemis: Gotcha. So punch him in the face as hard as I can as much as I can and this should be a win.
Fan: I don’t think you’re paying attention enough to see me rolling my eyes so I will just tell you that I am. Don’t want you to miss it. Lastly, there is Nightshade. He has been in UCI the longest. There isn’t a whole lot of information about him just that he is brooding and mysterious. Oh, and he likes face paint.
Artemis: So he is an ugly mother fucker? Can’t say I blame him for trying to cover up then. I mean if I looked like that I would go the paper bag or hermit route. Actually, thinking on it I may need to get his contact info after the match. I’ve got this idea for a horror movie and he would save me a ton on makeup. Let me tell you makeup artist are expensive. Ugly people could save me like two grand in makeup alone. It is a thing of beauty, well not beauty but you get the idea.
Fan: Alright then. So those are your opponents. What have you decided on for your finishing move?
Artemis: I figured I’d just beat the living hell out of them until they pass out. I mean isn’t that what most people do?
Fan: That would be Mixed Martial Arts not professional wrestling.
Artemis: There’s a difference? I thought that the UFC was just another promotion.
Fan: Well you’d be wrong. Look I know a guy that can help you out. Let me get you his card. He is one of the best trainers in the industry. Tell him Mad Mark sent you and he should give you a discount. Now, you promised me a free lunch and fifty bucks to help you out here.
The fan tosses Art the business card. Art looks it over and nods to the fan.
Artemis: I’ll get you that fifty and cover this tab once I get back. Just got to make a bathroom run real fast.
With that Artemis stands up and walks back to the back of the diner where the restroom is. The camera pans back over to the fan sitting at the table. We sit and watch him for several minutes. He looks at the camera.
Fan: He isn’t coming back is he?
Crew member: I don’t think he is. I just got word that he snuck out the bathroom window. Sorry buddy.
We see the gentleman mouth the word ‘fuck’ and then reach for his wallet. He tosses some cash onto the table and then he stands up and walks out of the diner. The screen fades to black.
The camera fades into view of a director’s chair. There on the back of the chair the words ‘St. Cloud’ is written. Out of focus we see bodies moving around, an elaborate light set up, as well as a set. The camera moves and focuses on the action going on. Once in focus we see the set of a movie production. People scurry about moving into the correct position for the shot.
Director: Ok people let’s give it some realism this time! Take it from “Yes Caroline I know”. Get into position people! And…ACTION!
With those words the whole set becomes silent. A woman and man walk in from the left side of the screen.
Artemis: Yes Caroline I know.
Caroline: Jeff, I know you know but just because you know doesn’t mean you don’t need reminding from time to time. Remember what happened last time we went to visit my mother? You, her, and my father all got into an argument over which was the best series.
Artemis as Jeff: It isn’t my fault they liked Enterprise! Everyone knows that Next Generation is the best Star Trek series. Enterprise was the worst one. They killed the series and your parents liked it!
Caroline: But that doesn’t mean you get to argue with them. Your job as my boyfriend is to make my parents like you. Every time you point out that they’re wrong isn’t going to help matter any.
Artemis as Jeff: Then tell them to stop being wrong. Your mother knows how to use Google she can look up the right answer for herself.
Director: AND CUT!! Good job everyone! Let’s call it a night and pick back up Monday.
Everyone around seems to relax a little bit and starts to collect items laying around and starts packing them away. The actress portraying Caroline seems to linger a bit as she watches Artemis grab a couple of things off the catering table. Artemis turns to her smiles and waves goodbye as he exits the building. The camera fades to commercial.
Guy on commercial: Do you have dreams of one day making it to the silver screens of Hollywood? Do you want to make millions for one little role? Do you want to see your name up in lights? Then you need to call St. Cloud acting agency today! Artemis St. Cloud, one of Hollywood’s most underappreciated actors, can show you how to get your foot into those backlot doors! St. Cloud has starred in many films over the last few years most notably Batguy vs Superdude, Protectors of the Milky Way, Space War: The Power Wakes, and Amazing Creatures and How to Locate Them. Now you too can learn how to get into the business we all dream of being in! Artemis St. Cloud will be in your town soon to give a seminar about all the things he has learned over the years. To sign up and get your seat go to StCloudActing.com. Only $100 for early buyers!
As the camera pans back in we see Artemis sitting in an office chair behind a desk. The camera pans around and we see that the desk is in fact not one he is sitting behind but in front of as another man is actually behind it. The man is surrounded by knickknacks and in the corner we see a globe in a stand. Artemis keeps adjusting his sitting position as if something is wrong.
Artemis: So, George, what did you call me in here for?
George: Well, can I be honest? I’m going to be honest. It isn’t looking good right now. You are barely clearing enough to survive. You just aren’t bringing in enough to keep living the life that you do. You’ve got to find some way to supplement your income even more.
Artemis: I’ve already started doing those stupid speaking things you suggested! What more do you want me to do?
George: You know those are not nearly enough. You’ve seen the crowds for those and they are only getting smaller and smaller. Artemis, Art, I was recently approached by a gentlemen named Spencer Adams.
Artemis: Spencer Adams… That that new writer/director that has been taking over Hollywood? He wants me?
George: Uh…no. That director would be Stanley Adamson. It’s like you don’t even try any more Art. Now let me finish and keep your mouth shut. Spencer Adams is a businessman much like myself. He looks for talent all over the world. He asked me if I had any people that may be interested in a different kind of entertainment.
Artemis: Look, I told you that was a onetime thing. I was young and needed the money. I will not do porn anymore. Stallone did it once and he made it big. I am on that same path, any day now my big break will happen and you, as my agent, will get a hell of a payday.
George: Who the fuck said anything about porn? Wait… you did porn? Never mind I don’t even want to know. No porn. What do you know about sports entertainment?
Artemis: I know cheerleading is a sport and good lord they are entertaining.
George: You hurt my head sometimes. Professional wrestling, they call it sports entertainment now. Mr. Adams asked if I knew anyone that may be interested in signing up and you are the only one who came to mind. You see you need the money. You need something that will revitalize your career. Just think you can be the next Dwayne Johnson or Hulk Hogan. From wrestler to Movie star.
Artemis: This is true. Also, I’m already ahead of the Hogan curve as I did porn when I was young and not old and wrinkly. Wait a second though, didn’t they do wrestling then acting? How can I follow in their steps if I’m already an actor?
George: You are barely an actor. I’ve done everything I can do. This is your last hope to get your name out there. So I suggest you take the deal. You’re not in line for anything else and you aren’t busy by any means.
Artemis: What do you mean I’ve got nothing going on? I was literally on set yesterday. I already lowered myself to doing TV. That has me busy for a while.
George: They cancelled that show Art. I got the call this morning. The network execs called a meeting with me this morning, hence why I called you in on my off day. The show bombed. The first episode only had around two thousand viewers. They opted to use the cancellation clause. You’ll get paid for the remaining ordered episodes per your contract but that is only another ten thousand. I think you should take this contract and look it over. Spencer Adams is not a patient man when it comes to his business.
Artemis reaches over and grabs the contract that George has plopped down on the desk. He looks it up and down and starts murmuring to himself. He flips a page and nods. Artemis then sits the contract back down on the table and looks at George.
George: You have no idea what it says do you?
Artemis: Not a one. How much and how many days?
George: It’s a one year contract and it pays ten grand a week. I will say again this is the best option you have going right now. I suggest you sign the contract and go be a wrestler.
Artemis: No, George, I’m going to be an entertainer.
With those words Artemis pulls the contract over to him and grabs a pen from the holder. He looks to George and gives a quick smirk then signs his name. The camera fades to black.
Commercial: Images of the top stars of UCI Wrestling flash across the screen. Men and women getting brutalized, tables splintering apart, people jumping off the top rope. As the images shoot across the screen a voice is heard. “This Monday on UCI Wrestling, airing live from the Allstate Arena in Rosemont, Illinois we will see the debut of L Verez and Marty Barrett! Join us as they compete in a Fatal Four way match! Experience all the action with UCI WRESTLING!
The camera fades back into view of Artemis at a diner. Across the table from him is a rather rotund man dressed in a Kevin Bishop shirt and jeans. Art is just sitting there as the man stuffs his face full of food. The man pulls away from his meal for a brief moment.
Fan: Ok, so you’ve got your first match with three others. It’s called a Fatal Four way. The way it works is that the first person to pin or submit another wins.
Artemis looks blankly at the man. An expression of ignorance across his face.
Fan: Seriously? A pin fall is when you are able to keep your opponents shoulders on the mat for a count of three. A submission is when you have them in a hold and they give up essentially. So those are the two ways you can win this match.
Artemis: Awesome! So just hold their shoulders down for three seconds and I win. Simple enough.
Fan: Not as easy as it sounds. The other two people that aren’t involved in the pinning situation will be trying to stop you. Do you even know who you are facing yet?
Artemis: Why would you know? I mean they promote the two new people but leave the best new person out of the commercial. What kind of bullshit is that? I mean I am a big name Hollywood actor you’d think they would put me in the commercial.
Fan: You’re an actor? What movies have you been in?
Artemis: Are you being serious right now? How can you even ask me that? I am Artemis St. Cloud! Leading actor in Space War: The Power Wakes.
Fan: Space War? You mean Star Wars, right?
Artemis: No, I said Space War. I know what Star Wars is and it wasn’t nearly as good as my movie. See in my movie Lou Cloudrunner, played by myself, is thrust into a war between the Insurgents and The Domain. He uses the Power in order destroy the Destructive Orb, which is a giant space station that has world destroying powers.
Fan: …So, a Star Wars ‘B’ movie?
Artemis: WHAT? They are nothing alike at all!
Fan: While we are on the topic of space… Your first opponent is L Verez. She is not from this world.
The fan pulls out a magazine and flips to a page. On the page is an image of L Verez. He rotates the magazine to show St. Cloud opponent number one.
Fan: As you can see she is an interesting one. No real history in the profession.
Artemis: So she is an alien?
Fan: Yes to the alien and iffy on the ‘she’ part.
Artemis: So she is basically and aborted hermaphroditic alien lady boy? Speaking of which… Care to hear a story about my trip to Taiwan?
The fan begins to open his mouth to speak but is promptly cut off by Artemis.
Artemis: It was an interesting trip. You see I was filming ‘Pie’s Life’ there and I met this interesting woman. Her name was Chen. She had the most amazing body you have ever seen. Curves in all the right places and lips that could kill. Anyway, she and I were having a great time and then when we got back to the hotel… Never mind ok so alien lady got it. That should be simple enough. I don’t get why they would have a woman fight against men. I mean shouldn’t there be a second division for them? There is no way she could compete against all of this. Silly women thinking they can compete with men. Who is next? Maybe a guy this time?
Fan: Yes. Second person in the match is Marty Barrett. He’s a blond pretty boy from Utah.
Artemis: So he’s a blond guy from Utah. Nothing too exciting there. I mean most likely he is a Mormon and we all know they only thing they’re good at is riding bikes and annoying the piss out of people at inopportune times. Annoying door knockers but multiple wives. I guess the tradeoff is worth it. I mean if someone told me I could have like three hotties, they have to be hotties no fat chicks get to see Cloud Nine, and all I got to do is spend a little bit of time on a bike talking to people, I guess it would be worth it. By the way, Cloud Nine, is the name of my penis. Awesome name, right?
Fan: Can we focus please? Since you seem to think the woman isn’t a threat then Marty may be the big one for you. Not his first rodeo in this game.
Artemis: Gotcha. So punch him in the face as hard as I can as much as I can and this should be a win.
Fan: I don’t think you’re paying attention enough to see me rolling my eyes so I will just tell you that I am. Don’t want you to miss it. Lastly, there is Nightshade. He has been in UCI the longest. There isn’t a whole lot of information about him just that he is brooding and mysterious. Oh, and he likes face paint.
Artemis: So he is an ugly mother fucker? Can’t say I blame him for trying to cover up then. I mean if I looked like that I would go the paper bag or hermit route. Actually, thinking on it I may need to get his contact info after the match. I’ve got this idea for a horror movie and he would save me a ton on makeup. Let me tell you makeup artist are expensive. Ugly people could save me like two grand in makeup alone. It is a thing of beauty, well not beauty but you get the idea.
Fan: Alright then. So those are your opponents. What have you decided on for your finishing move?
Artemis: I figured I’d just beat the living hell out of them until they pass out. I mean isn’t that what most people do?
Fan: That would be Mixed Martial Arts not professional wrestling.
Artemis: There’s a difference? I thought that the UFC was just another promotion.
Fan: Well you’d be wrong. Look I know a guy that can help you out. Let me get you his card. He is one of the best trainers in the industry. Tell him Mad Mark sent you and he should give you a discount. Now, you promised me a free lunch and fifty bucks to help you out here.
The fan tosses Art the business card. Art looks it over and nods to the fan.
Artemis: I’ll get you that fifty and cover this tab once I get back. Just got to make a bathroom run real fast.
With that Artemis stands up and walks back to the back of the diner where the restroom is. The camera pans back over to the fan sitting at the table. We sit and watch him for several minutes. He looks at the camera.
Fan: He isn’t coming back is he?
Crew member: I don’t think he is. I just got word that he snuck out the bathroom window. Sorry buddy.
We see the gentleman mouth the word ‘fuck’ and then reach for his wallet. He tosses some cash onto the table and then he stands up and walks out of the diner. The screen fades to black.
