Chaos N’ Maddnes N’ Cheese

UCI - Overload
ZMAC
vs.
Joey Smarts




















~ Beyond Stranger than Fiction ~

UCI PPV Beyond

Wimbley Stadium. 10:40pm


The Coked Up Mad Man has just attained yet another victory, yet another proverbial feather in his cap; the UCI Hypermedia Championship.








The Coked Up Mad Man entered the crowd; his loyal ‘rats’ hoisted him up high and proceeded to surf him around that particular section. They fed him popcorn, nachos and beer as they all celebrated with their Avatar of Decay – that gruesome middle finger to the white washed Americana dream. ZMAC looked back towards the ring and saw Shadowlove, title less, it brought this immortal mad man much joy to see yet another accomplishment slip through Shadowloves hands. He would need consoling and yet even that was spoiled with the putrid essence of the McMorris tongue; a tongue that liked the poon and brown pine of many a BBW latino and one that tasted the dark arts of poison. Shadowlove’s career has been tainted and it will take a long time for it to recover – if at all.

The Loyal paraded ZMAC up and down the area before dumping him off at the main hallways of the stadium, to which he walked back towards his locker room and the waiting, wet poon of Ruby Redd. Cameras hustle to catch up with the NEW HYPERMEDIA CHAMPION as he kicks the door open with the strap hanging off the rear side of his shoulder. The Cameras race in to a catch a fleeting glimpse of a nude Ruby Redd but they are cut off by one VINCENT BUDDY ROMAN. Buddy calmly closes the door behind him, straightens his tie and addresses the cameras.

“Ladies and gentlemen of UCI.” He starts with a proud and smug tone in his voice. “What we have just witnessed tonight is a monumental accomplishment of perseverance and willpower. My client, Zombie McMorris, has overcome insurmountable odds by cementing his name in the legacy of the Internet Division of Professional Wrestling – one that he himself has pioneered. My client is not content to just sit on his accomplishments, no – he seeks to expand and annex careers of lesser men – men like Shadowlove who want to continue to be a pillar of grape jelly. He and many UCI competitors are weak and wobbling in their resolve to actually become something greater – my client is not. My client, Zombie McMorris is not officially the hottest commodity in all of UCI. Nevermind the Andre Holmes of the world or even the Kevin Bishops. Those men would not be here today without Zombie McMorris in some way, SHH-appe or form.

You all can thank Spencer Adams for all of this because he has put this together. He is responsible for signing and bringing the Coked Up Mad Man to the shores of UCI but I – I will be responsible for the fire that burns, the fire that will burn down challenger after challenger, champion after champion and career after to career. What you all saw tonight was and is, to be expected, considering the circumstances. This will continue week after week and month after month until all Championships are held and most – at the same time. There is not a soul in UCI that can hold a candle to my client, not even my own grandson, Crow. So allow tonight to be both a lesson and a warning to all of you in the back who think that you can take on this Coked Up Mad Man.. if you attempt it, your career will be next.

Understand that this is not the ‘other’ Federation. This is not that place – that place where my client is told that he does not need a world championship in order to be the guy- that he is already there. No, in UCI my client will not be held down or held back. Spencer Adams is a confident, smart, brave and bold man with a lot of business sense and he knows where his top money is; it is in a guy that everyone scoffs at and dismisses. Funny enough, here we are again; my client has a championship and some schmuck does not and yet you have men like Sebastian Reid who still do not grasp the situation that they are in. This is our company now. It is our company again. This is the company that the McMorris family name signed, sealed and built. We are the architects of your goals, the builders of your paychecks and the dreamers of dreams. Everything the dankness touches is our and our dankness stretches long and wide.

Like it or not, Zombie McMorris is the patriarch of UCI, his son, who started this legacy, has been brought up in the same mindset of his father but Crow is not my client. My client is ultra-violent. My client is reckless and without empathy for his fellow wrestlers. At the end of the day, UCI has to recognize that this is the house that ZMAC built.

And Daddy has come home.

Conquer. The. Hate.”

Buddy Roman flashes a grin before quietly turning around and going back inside the locker room.



~ B. Hammox, Underwear Mogul ~

Albany, New York. The Hammox Global Building.

In the tenth floor of the ten story was the office of B. Hammox, Underwear Mogul. He was rather young and well-kept. He was rather old fashioned in the sense that he liked reading newspapers and publications rather than the Internet. He feels that it gives him an old time charm and sense about things. His attire was rather modern, light blue button up shirt, grey tie and black vest. Such things were complimented with black slacks and shoes but those were hidden under his desk. With his head buried in the newspaper he finds stock prices dip around twelve points. Not his stock prices, no, but the prices of his competitors; this was excellent news. Hammox swivels in his chair and logs onto his computer to check Yahoo Finance in order to get a better understanding; something the paper did not go into detail about.





The article continues but Hammox pays no attention to such things. With his competitors stock prices going down, that means that his can only go up. ‘They can only go up’, he thought to himself, then it struck him; get the man who caused was the root cause of this great kneeling of the undergarment giants and Hammox could bring them down permanently.

“Ttthh—iss, Zombie McMorris may be just what I need to start driving the nails into the coffin of those shameless self-promotors. I don’t need country music stars. I don’t need the best basketball player in history- stupid Wilt Chamberlain won’t return my calls. Just because you drop a hundred points a game doesn’t mean you don’t wear underwear! It means you need breathability because you’re a man of action! That’s what Hammox brand is; we are men of action. We are champions! Sheldon Blake, garbage. Michael Jorden, a gambling bafoon but this Zombie McMorris might just be what we need to get our newest line off the ground. On top of that, I can absolutely bury that son of a bitch, Shadowlove. He never wanted to do nosiness with me. Now, he’ll never do business with me or anyone else for the rest of his life. He’ll never work in mens apparel ever again. He’ll have to get a job at a mall selling womens shoes – to fat obese women who say they’re a four but the’ve never been a four since they came out hoof first from their bovine mama.” Hammox swivels back over to his phone and rings his secretary. “Ms. Paige, can you ring a Zombie McMorris for me; it’s rather urgent that I speak with him regarding the future of our product.”

“Right away.” She replies.



~ Brotherhood of Fanboyz ~

The Brotherhood Farm

The main building of the Brotherhood Farm was well lit, decorated and teeming with excitement; much to the confusion of NSK- who- just took a pinfall loss the prior week to ZMAC, the guest of HORROR at tonight’s festivities. Nothing was fancy- rather it was just well kept. Nothing was extravagant but it spoke of indulgence. Tonight was a simple night for beer, pizza, burgers and wings. Tonight was a night to discuss war and domination of UCI- something the Brotherhood was on the brink of accomplishing yet needed one other piece; possibly a coked up mad man of a piece. Kenji, Bishop and NSK were sitting around and enjoying themselves as the first 05’ Honda Accord of Israel rolled up towards the property. Back inside, the men were talking; NSK was voicing his concerns.

“Kev, bro, I just don’t think we can trust him. He beat me last week and now we have to team with him. How do you know he won’t pull something?” NSK brings up valid points but such points are moot to the world champion.

“I know ZMAC. I’ve teamed with him; he’ll have our back. He had mine.” Says Bishop all matter of fact, like.

“You teamed with him one time, two years ago. This is completely different.” Rebuts NSK.

“You’re right. This time I have you and now we have Kenji. We have another arm in our forces and Sunday night we’ll have the Coked Up Mad Man.”

There is a knock at the door but the guests just let themselves in. The Shape and Ruby walk in; there is no ZMAC. The Shape and Ruby take seats next to NSK, between Kenji and Bishop. Before they even get greeted or settled in, the Shape starts talking.

“Cozy little spread you got here. Nice assort of strong man food.” Stresses the Shape with a hard fist and pursed lips, mocking the idea of manly food and strength. “I was wondering if any of you had plans. Is there currently a plan put into place for next week.”

Bishop chimes in. “We already have a plan for Malice and tag champs; don’t you worry.”

“No. Those are – small prizes. I’m not talking about your feeble opponents who together could not lift a foam cup from a puddle; I mean next week. I mean, as a whole; what is your plan.”

Bishop looks at the Shape with slight concern. “ And where is your champion? Where is the fourth man of our team?”

“Oh, he’s here.” Replies the Shape. “ He’s always here. He is always listening. Unlike me, who is always talking because unlike you – I have a plan.”




~ Chaos N’ Maddnes N’ Cheese ~






~ Do I Even Need a Rea$$on ~


Conference Room 4, The Amway Center. Orlando, Fl.


Vincent Buddy Roman and ZMAC are sitting at the table up on a small stage, prepping for an Q&A. Among the reporters are ESPN, Brazzers, UCI, The summit for geological Conservation ( Their waiting for the space). Its as simple as simple can be. A table, a couple of chairs, some bottle of water, standing room only and a verbal beatdown that’s about to go viral.

“Lets start off with questions, because well – this is Joe Smarts and he can be defeated if we have him the wrong end of a spoon and told him to finish an ice cream cone.” The Shape laughs mildly to himself as he opens the floor for questions.

A Brazzers reporter is up first.

“ZMAC, Jessica Lang from Brazzers; how does it feel having another Internet Championship and do you have on Bringing the Brazzers Championship to UCI?”

ZMAC snorts and licks his teeth for a moment before speaking. “Shit feels like just another win. Its another day but this time that straight up savage is payin’ ya boi. There aint no doubt that ol’ Z is the best at what he do and what he do, he does best. As for the belt, I might keep this one around for a bit- give Spence his due but in all honestly, ol’ Z still gone be reppin’ the big B from now till fo-evah. We still got that shit on lock and fo’ sale so don’t chu be worryin’ about nuttin.”


FPV stands up and asks Buddy Roman A Question. “ Buddy, last week we saw the main event break down, was that apart of your plan; the one that you alluded to?”

“Yes. Absolutely.” Replies Buddy. “ UCI is a federation filled with half-hearted wanna-be’s. There are very little in the way of challengers and Champions. It is so much so that the Brotherhood can, will and are currently running the yard. That is what last week was about until Andre Holmes and Bonnie Blue got themselves involved where their noses do not belong. The Brotherhood runs UCI; this is where the strong do what the can and the weak endure what they must. Such things will continue because as Spencer Adams said, he is sick and tired of being pushed around so now he has decided to push back- E.G, MY client has decided to start pushing peoples literal and metaphorical shit, in. So unless you yourself want to step in the ring there is no one in WCF who has the ability to defeat my client. Be prepared because things are about to get worse. Much worse.”

FPV continues with a follow up. “ How will that continue this week against Joe Smarts, the must cunning man in UCI?”

ZMAC takes the moment to respond.

“ It will be a tragic loss, if’n it could be tragic. Joe has no idea what he is getting himself into but he will soon find out. There ain’t no rules in this match. There aint nothing he can do to out fight ol’ Z. He can survive if I let him and spoilers: I will not let him. Spencer Adams set me upon UCI with extreme prejudice and let me tell you, extreme pred-jew-dice, I will. This strap that I carry with me should tell you exactly how it’s going to be. I am the man with a taste for ultra-violence and my style comes without mercy. This isn’t no surprise. I didn’t spring no trap upon the world when I came into the U, two weeks ago. Bitches knew who I was and who I be. Ain’t my fault the Joey Smarts of the world be getting’ in the way. Collateral damage victims are just victims I haven’t looked in the eye. However, Sunday night – I’mma look that boy dead in his eyes and he gone know that he fucked up cuz ol’ Z is home in the U and ol’ Z about to do it up like he over throwin’ the neighborhood; cuz I am. Sunday night, Joe Smarts best prepare himself for the match of his career and the match of his life because both will be ovah sooner than he thinks.”


/FADE_TO_BLACK.EXE




DEUCES BITCH!