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Post by Results on Sept 6, 2017 0:19:01 GMT -6
Alex Richards vs. Tyler Jayceon Marshall
Jimmy Garcia: I would not want to be in Tyler Jayceon Marshall's shoe tonight in this next match up. He's facing a very angry former world champion Alex Richards.
Gravedigger: Yeah so? Tyler Marshall is a pissed off ex marine. You want to face a guy who has to be seething about Alex Richards denying his military history.
Sebastian Reid: Unless of course Alex is right and it is bullshit. Either way this could be a very interesting match.
Taylor Lorde: This next contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, weighing in at 325 pounds, he is the King of Mass Confusion... Alex Richards!
The opening guitar solo to I'm Not Like Everybody Else by the Kinks plays then Alex Richards steps through the curtain, his doctor's bag in one hand, a boot filled to the brim with Zim-Quila in the other. He chugs his drink then tosses the boot into the crowd before raising the title in the air to massive cheers. He then starts walking towards the ring a serious look on his face with a hint of a smile making it seem like he's probably putting it on, which he is. On the way to the ring he delivers his trademark hard high fives to the fans. At least those brave enough to want them. He wanders around ringside talking to fans for a few minutes killing time before finally entering the ring.
Gravedigger: And he's instantly attacked from behind by Tyler Jaceon Marshall! See, that's the sort of thing a Marine does. When he has a problem with you he attacks without warning! An eye gouge by Tyler!
Jimmy Garcia: Alex yelling at the referee to ring the fucking bell. Meanwhile Tyler staggers him with a massive dropkick. He charges in and spear!
Sebastian Reid: Is countered with a good, old giolutine choke by Richards! Right into that choke sleeper DDT of his! He spiked Marshall on his skull there! Now he's booting him in the head again and again! He drags him up and drives him back down with an STO! I think this match could be over already. Goodnight.. brutal curb stomp by Alex Richards!
Gravedigger: This is why I hate the Guardians. Nothing but a bunch of bullies. Brainbuster suplex by Alex! Then a knee drop to the face! He could pin him.. but he isn't even going for the cover!
Jimmy Garcia: If it was one of your favorites you would love it.
Gravedigger: Yeah but it's Alex Richards! And he just hit a sit out piledriver. Now he's gonna paint brush Marshall across the face.
Sebastian Reid: Alex is in every bit as bad a mood as advertised this week. He drags Tyler over to the corner now. He climbs the ropes and nails the King-Quila Bomb!
1...
2...
pull up!
Jimmy Garcia: The referee should probably think of stopping this one. Chokeslam... right into the Zim-Quila hangover! Now he's gonna garvin stomp the body of Marshall while he's prone face first on the mat.
Gravedigger: The good news is, since he's face down he's not getting his face stomped, the bad news is, getting stomped in the back of the head is not good for you either. Alex drags Tyler back to his feet.. and obilerates him with a Final Enlightenment.
Sebastian Reid: Still no cover though. Alex said he was going to punish Marshall tonight and he's doing just that. He drags the woozy newcomer to his feet and knocks him clear out of the ring with the spiked samoan punch. I don't think he's getting back in the ring.
Jimmy Garcia: He wouldn't.. except that Alex rolls out of the ring after him. He lifts him up.. he's going for a powerbomb on the floor... ohh.. runs him right into the ring post. That's the unconcious truth.
Gravedigger: Marshall is unconcious. Get out the meat wagon for this guy. Alex tosses him back in and still no cover. Instead he drags him to the top rope.. he's going to hit the Sanity Slip... and he does!
1...
2...
3!
Taylor Lorde: Your winner of the match, Alex Richards!
Jimmy Garcia: This one was never in doubt. Alex Richards coming off a tough loss at the hands of talented newcomer and intercontinental champion, Sam Kidsgrove responds with a brutal performance tonight!
Sebastian Reid: It was quick.. but certainly not painless. Alex now rolls out of the ring and collects the house mic.
Alex Richards: I said almost everything I needed to say during that match so I'm going to keep this brief. First off.. Society... you all can go to Hell and I will enjoy sending each and every one of you there very very soon. Second Sam Kidsgrove... congratulations on your intercontinental title win. Savor it while you can.. because I'm coming for you.
Alex tosses down the mic and I'm Not Like Everybody Else starts up as the show goes to commercial. |
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Post by Results on Sept 6, 2017 0:22:18 GMT -6
Jack Schlongson vs. Shadowlove vs. L Verez
Jimmy Garcia: Ladies and gentlemen, its Co-main event time!
Sebastian Reid: This is going to be a hell of a bout between these top-tier talents.
"PERSONAL JESUS” by Depeche Mode begins to play throughout the darkened Arena. A mixture of multicolored laser lights and strobe lights illuminate the Arena along with theatrical smoke and fog sets the scene like a Four Season Fashion Show. The Audience throughout the Arena stand in anticipation for what is about to be the "New and Improved" wrestling trend in the UCI.
Gravedigger: Here is where my money goes! Shadowlove is the pinnacle of not only wrestling, but of humanity in general. The other two should feel lucky to get to step in the ring with him.
Coming through the theatrical smoke and fog and appearing under the fashion show lighting is the one and only, "The First Couple of Professional Wrestling" in all of sports entertainment, "The Handsome Half-breed" Shadowlove, along with his personal bodyguard/valet, "The Fashionista Sensei" Ms. Miyamoto, stopping for a second, taking in the aura of the Arena, pose like fashion models on a catwalk.
The Audience throughout the Arena begin clicking away with their cameras like the paparazzi during a "Hollywood" premiere. Ms. Miyamoto leads the way down the aisle with "flirty" confidence as Shadowlove, a few steps behind her, enjoying the view. "The First Couple of Professional Wrestling" make their way to the squared circle. Shadowlove slides into the ring like a snake. Ms. Miyamoto, with catlike precision, walks up the ringside steps and seductively enters the ring through the second rope.
"HER STRUT" by Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band begins to play throughout the arena. Shadowlove stands in the middle of the ring, spreads his arms straight out and bows his head, as if, being crucified on a cross. Jesus Wept! Ms. Miyamoto, exuding fantastic supermodel energy, as she walks with a stiff, erect, and apparently arrogant and conceited "Strut" around "The Handsome Half-breed" Shadowlove, to a rousing "Standing Ovation" from the crowd. She lowers her RayBan sunglasses down her perfectly flawless nose of her angelic looking face showing off her incandescent green eyes, nodding in approval at such a Magnificent Specimen, while tapping a rolled-up copy of the Wall St. Journal in the palm of her hand.
Ms. Miyamoto cradles up against Shadowlove's body, caressing his muscular chest with her fingers and raises her RayBan sunglasses up her perfectly flawless nose of her angelic looking face, hiding her incandescent green eyes, with her middle finger. Shadowlove raises his head, with his classically masculine and modern mussed, razor-textured, choppy finished dark brown hair. He shows off his fighters face, with an ice cold stare which radiants from his blue eyes. A malevolent, tight wolfish, whiplash smile, slowly appearing on his lips showing off perfectly white even teeth in a "'The Face Of The Franchise’, the whole ‘F’N’ Show, Mr. UCI, if you will, or whatever expletive that you want to put in front of his name.” shit-eating grin as he strips off the black leather trench-coat like a Chippendale's dancer.
A couple of salty looking Japanese dudes named Kyodai and Shatei, known as the bodyguard duo of Black Rain, both sporting jet-black crew-cut hair, sunglasses, custom-made black Giorgio Armani business suits appear out of nowhere and stand in an on guard, very protective, ever vigilant attack formation behind Ms. Miyamoto outside the squared-circle.
Sebastian Reid: As always, Shadowlove looks unshaken, ready even in such a high caliber spot.
A moment of silence passes and three members of Rekt 'Em - Bran, Golden, and Richard - walk out in the silence in Sailor Scout costumes tightly gripping their bodies, standing beside each other in a single file line.
Jimmy Garcia: A very strange image to say the least, but I do believe we know who is coming out next.
The arena is enveloped in a rainbow centric light show as "Technicolor Shades" by YourEnigma is blasted through the sound system, the lighting pulsing along with the build of the music until it finally bursts forth in an explosion of synth. Jack Schlongson runs out from behind the curtain, dressed as the infamous Tuxedo Mask, with a rose betwixt his fingers to boot.
Sebastian Reid: I actually managed to catch Jack before the show today and asked him about this. Apparently, in the original japanese version of the show, before the english dubbing, there are various LGBT characters in the show, including a same sex couple between two Sailor Scouts, making it a rather important show to the community, but apparently, when it came to the United States, it received heavy editing to reform a number of those elements to something more, in the puritan view, 'family friendly'. Here, Jack, in his attempt to promote more representation for the community, wants to take back the series for them and show that the 'religious right' can't, in his words, 'erase the communities influence'.
Jack stands in front of his sailor scouts and they all recreate famous poses from the show before joyously making their way down to the ring, ignoring the negative reaction from the fanbase.
Jimmy Garcia: An interesting approach, but do you think it'll do much good if he can't take the win home tonight?
Sebastian Reid: Well, Jack does have a victory over Shadowlove via Team Rekless, but we'll see if he can do so tonight. The real wildcard L.
Gravedigger: Verez is coming in with a back injury, both Jack and Shadowlove are too smart to miss that, I'd say its a snowball's chance in hell for her.
Jack is lifted by her team mates onto the apron before leaping over the top rope and running over and leaping on a turnbuckle to pose again. He follows it up with throwing the rose into the audience.
The lights bleed a dark indigo color throughout the arena as the whimsical beat to Tetris by DJ Dahi starts. As the spotlight hits, L Verez starts walking slowly to the stage with her hands behind her back, her valet Zima'Ion accompanying her. She slowly turns toward the ring, and moves her arms to an X-crossed position, with an L hand sign on her right hand, and a V hand sign on her left. Once the bass drops, she 360 spins as she drops down to one knee, the lights quickly an d constantly beaming a teal color along with the deep bass. Her right hand is holding up her sunglasses, and her left is out with her "come in peace" symbol. As she gets back up, she lifts her right arm up with an "OK" symbol, and her left arm out to the side with her peace symbol.
Jimmy Garcia: Something that didn't occur to me until just now, but all three of the fighters tonight seem to have someone in their corner tonight. If the tensions get too high, I wouldn't be too surprise to see any of them to become a factor in this match up.
Gravedigger: I don't trust that Verez to keep her manager out of the match, those aliens don't understand HUMAN laws, the ref should definitely keep an eye out.
Sebastian Reid: Really? Out of all of them, especially with Rekt 'Em, you think Verez is the untrustworthy one?
As L makes her way down the ramp, she goes to the fans in the front row, holding up her peace sign to them, so they can collide their peace signs with hers. She bows to them and puts an upside-down "OK" symbol against her eye while sticking her tongue out before walking away.
Gravedigger: Are you saying all gays cheat, Reid? Thats racist!
Sebastian Reid: I...goddamn it, Digger.
She makes it to the ring, and quickly rolls under it as the beat intensifies with a robotic sci-fi like instrumental. The lights constantly switching from indigo to teal to navy blue and then to mint green. She hands her sunglasses to Zima'Ion, and then goes up the top turnbuckle, facing the crowd, lifting her arms back up. Her left back to her side with the peace symbol, and her right making an upside-down OK symbol against her eye, also sticking her tongue out. As her music begins to fade out, and the lights return to normal, she sits on the top turnbuckle, with two peace signs held together in a praying position, as she anticipates her match up.
Each wrestler backs up into their own respective corners.
DING! DING!
As the bell sounds, each wrestler carefully moves closer to the center of the ring.
Jimmy Garcia: One thing you can expect in this match up is some great wrestling. Each one known for their technical skill and their in-ring IQ. No one is eager to get into a brawl tonight, so you'll definitely see them sizing each other up before they go in for their chance.
Shadowlove, seeing all three approaching the center, decides to step back, motioning that he'll let the other two lead as he leans back against the turnbuckle. Both Verez and Jack take a moment to look over at Shadowlove before taking his invitation to lock up with one another in a collar elbow tie-up.
Sebastian Reid: Smart move by Shadowlove to let the other two go at it first, reserving his energy for when the match really gets going.
Jimmy Garcia: It makes me question though why Jack and Verez would allow him to sit out like that, though. It would stand to reason that one should go after the one most reluctant to fight.
Gravedigger: Because, even despite Shadowlove stepping back, if either the other two can get some early dominance in the match up, it can still work to their advantage when Shadowlove decides to immerse himself into the altercation. If you have to start a three way somehow then why not?
But as the other two are pushing against each other, Shadowlove comes charging out of the corner. Verez notices this and manipulates the tie-up by turning it 90 degrees to put Jack in the line of fire, letting him bare the brunt of Shadowlove's running European elbow.
Sebastian Reid: OH! Shadowlove playing games with the other two, but it seems Verez was a bit too smart for him, forcing Jack to take the first blow of the match.
Jack hits the mat. Verez moves quick to shoot back against Shadowlove, knocking him back with a solid forearm to the side of Shadowlove's head. Taking a step back, he regains his composure before returning the favor with a jab. Verez, cautious to keep him from gaining the advantage in the match, comes back with a combination of palm strikes, sending Shadow back into the corner, following it up with a loud chop.
Jimmy Garcia: Oh, emphatic effort on L's part. It seems we were a bit presumptuous in thinking this would start out as something of a clinic.
Sebastian Reid: Well, in a spot like a co-main event, a solid win over any of these competitors in a quick indecisive manner would mean a lot, so its no surprise that they might want to catch their opponent off guard by going for some solid strikes early one, but I feel Love might have made a mistake since Verez, of the three of them, has a good deal of training in striking, putting this in her wheelhouse.
Verez goes for a few low and mid-kicks while she has Shadow cornered, but before she can follow it up, Jack makes it to his feet and comes in with a running flying knee, slamming himself into both of his opponents. Shadow falls to the ground, and before Verez does the same, Jack grabs hold of her arm. He wrenches her arm for a wrist-lock, pulling her towards him and raising another knee to her face. She drops, but he keeps his hold on her arm, hitting a falling arm wrench, slamming it against the mat before he comes forward and holds her in a front face lock.
Gravedigger: Leave it to my man, The Crack, in order to take control. He might have taken the first hit, but hes come back tenfold! I knew I was right in putting my money on him.
Jimmy Garcia: But you said you put it on Shadowlove.
Gravedigger: Don't put words in my mouth, Jimmy.
Jack really wrenches on that neck while slamming forearms down on her back.
Sebastian Reid: Smart move by Jack to go to work on that back early. If Verez isn't careful, her injury might put her out of the running early on.
L tries to turn them over to break from the hold, but Jack keeps the momentum going to return it into the same position from earlier. Jack gives a couple more strikes to the back before turning so the two are parallel and Jack has a strong grip around L's waist. Pulling both of them to their feet, Jack behind L in the german suplex position.
Jimmy Garcia: Jack is keeping on top of Verez, refusing to give her an opening.
Jack lifts Verez and hits a german, but is quick to keep his hold around her waist to pull them back on their feet. He grabs her arm, pushes her forward while keeping his grip so he can whip her around and jerk her back to hit her with a hard arm drag. She rolls across the ring and as Jack gets to his feet Shadow runs up and hits an arm drag of his own, wrapping up Jack's arm, placing a knee against Jack's face to keep him on his back.
Sebastian Reid: It seems hard to keep on top as anyone can come out of nowhere if you're too focused on your current target. Jack, in his attempt to not give Verez an opening, gave Shadowlove the ultimate one.
Jack grabs his shoulder in agony as Shadow reels back to add pressure to the hold, his forearm under Jack's elbow and Jack's wrist trapped in his underarm. Jack tries to power himself up to his feet back Shadow grabs Jack's hair and pulls him down onto his back again to continue wrenching.
Sebastian Reid: If Jack can't escape, Shadowlove might just wrench it out of its socket, taking out that DDTsundere, a pivotal move in Jack's arsenal.
Jack again fights for a vertical base, but Shadow keeps hold even when Jack gets to his feet. Jack rolls forward, trying to escape, forcing Shadow to change the hold into a wristlock to avoid an escape. One upright again, he changes his momentum and rolls backwards, managing to change the grip as he does, so when he comes back up, he pulls Shadow's arm up and back, wrapping it up in a top wrist lock. In a further attempt to turn the tables, Jack places a foot behind Shadow to try and power him to the ground with his newly found leverage, but as Shadow falls, he uses it to whip Jack over in a resilient arm drag.
Jimmy Garcia: This is the wrestling we were hoping to see, a technical back and forth between the two, showing an incredible intellect from both of them.
Both leap back up, Jack comes charging in, but unbeknownst to him, L has been scouting the situation from across the ring, picking now to come in from the opposite end. Shadow ducks to void Jack's knee, inadvertently allowing Verez to hit Jack with a bicycle super kick. A lot clap rings out as L's foot slams against Jack's face, knocking him silly before he collapse onto his front.
Changing her focus from Jack to Shadow, she manages to dodge a European uppercut, and instead catches him with a bicycle super kick as well.
Gravedigger: Damn it, no!
Jimmy Garcia: Verez over coming the problem we've seen plague both members so far and making sure to take out both of her opponents before going in on another.
Verez drops over Shadow going for the pin.
ONE!
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TWO!
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NO!
Shadow kicks out hard enough to send L over to Jack where she is quick to turn him over and go for the cover as well.
ONE!
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TWO!
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NO!
Jack gets a shoulder up.
Sebastian Reid: Verez trying to take advantage of both downed stars and coming up with nothing on both attempts. Gonna have to work a bit harder in order to come out on top. Despite how divided Team Rekless was, you can't tag with Andre unless you can go the distance, and you don't stick around as long as Shadowlove or be in the matches he's been without being able to give five star performances.
Jimmy Garcia: Yeah, but you don't become a member of The Guardians if you aren't one of the best in the company. This is truly a special match up, durable technicians all looking to pull what they can out of their bag of tricks to get one over on the other.
L grabs Jack's raised arm and jerks him up. Out of desperation, Jack pulls out a roaring elbow, but L ducks under and as they both turn back to face each other, Verez unleashes a barrage of kicks; low, mid, round house, runs back to hits the rope to come back with a bicycle superkick.
Gravedigger: JACK! MOVE YOU DUMB SONOFABITCH!
Jimmy Garcia: L going for that kick that's been working for her so far.
But when she comes back, Jack ducks under, bounces off the same ropes and comes back with a hard enziguri. Verez goes down, but as Jack gets up right, Shadow comes out of nowhere with an enziguri of his own. Jack stumbles, seemingly knocked out of his skull, but doesn't go down, keeping himself on his feet purely by determination.
Shadow shakes his head before hitting a stiff European elbow, knocking Jack backwards to rest against the ropes. Jack shakes himself back into the present and yells before charging in with a European elbow of his own. Shadow takes a step back from the force of the blow, looking agitated. Shadow comes back with another European uppercut.
Sebastian Reid: Seems we're trading blows here! Both men ready to prove who does it better.
Jack comes back with another one of his own, Shadow coming in faster with his return. Jack reels back in pain, but goes for another roaring elbow, missing again as Shadow ducks, grabs Jack and whips him across the ring to be met with a headbutt from Verez.
Jimmy Garcia: Its not often we see a headbutt used in this ring, but damn it Verez doesn't have an effective one.
Jack grabs his head in pain, but Verez, not looking to give Jack too much time to recover, whips him rest of the way against the ropes and back into Shadow's direction. Jack, realizing his predicament, leaps into the air, wraps his legs Shadow's head and, using his momentum, hits him with a hurricarana over the top rope to the outside of the ring, sending them both to the floor. Rekt 'Em is quick to run over to Jack and tend to him.
Sebastian Reid: BIG HURRICARANA FROM JACK! Pure desperation last minute maneuver, but might have saved him in this match up.
Jimmy Garcia: Yeah, but at what cost? Something so high risk won't go without it own punishment.
Verez eyes widen as she realizes her opportunity. She gestures over to the downed opponents on the outside and the crowd erupts in the cheers.
Jimmy Garcia: L looking to get some air! Both men are in trouble.
The ref tries to stop her, but Ms Miyamoto jumps onto the ropes to yell at the ref about Rekt 'Em helping Jack. Verez using the time to bounce against the opposite ropes, running over and leaping between the top and middle rope for a suicide dive, but Rekt 'Em is there to catch her. They carry her over to the guardrail and tosses her so her back crashes against the steel barrier.
Jimmy Garcia: NO! The referee was too distracted to notice the unfair interference from Jack's entourage.
Gravedigger: You said it yourself, Jimmy my boy, someone was bound to get involved, and I couldn't be happier to see a bunch of men in skimpy sailor costumes to be the ones that did it.
She clutches it in agony and Rekt 'Em runs from the scene of the crime before Ms Miyamoto gets off the apron and frees up the ref. Rekt 'Em picks Jack up and rolls him back into the ring. They go back and push Shadowlove onto the apron before being shooed away by the ref.
Jack slowly rises to his feet. With a quick glance around to find where he is, he notices Shadow on the ring apron. Not wanting to waste too much time, he runs over and climbs the turnbuckle. He sits perched at the top while Shadow rises to his feet while clutching the ropes. Jack leaps, but Shadow darts forward, moving out of the way. Jack grabs for the ropes and just barely holds on to keep from crashing to the floor again, his feet on the edge, but when he kills the momentum he whips his head back and leaps into a backflip, grabbing Shadow's head, finishing a full arc and driving his head into the hardest part of the ring.
Sebastian Reid: DDTSUNDERE ON THE APRON FROM JACK! HOW DID HE MANAGE TO KEEP FROM FALLING TO THE FLOOR, LET ALONE HIT THAT CRAZY SPOT!?
Shadow lays limp on the apron as Jack gets on his feet and slides into the ring, pulling Shadow in with him. Setting him up on the mat, Jack slowly climbs to the top rope again.
Sebastian Reid: Jack is going high risk again! Could it be the Ahegao Drop?
Jack reaches the top and taunts, the team of Rekt 'Em already celebrating by ring side. The crowd erupts in boos. Verez, unnoticed by Rekt 'Em or Jack, climbs up onto the apron, still clutching her back, she sees Jack on the top rope. Positions her adjacent to his position and springs board to off the apron to the top rope, leaping up, and before Jack can make sense of what is happening, L grabs his head and brings the front of it to her knee as they both fall to the mat.
Jimmy Garcia: SURPRISE CODE BREAKER FROM THE TOP! She managed to save the match up! It was almost over and she managed to reach deep down and pull out a huge stunt like that!
Gravedigger: GODDAMN IT! NO! WHY WON'T SHE STAY DOWN?! I put big money that she'd lose! Don't screw me like this you space bitch!
L reels from the pain as Jack lays on the ground unmoving. L doesn't lose her awareness though, and despite the pain, still locks in the Triangle Hold on Jack. Jack suddenly flings his limbs, desperate trying to escape or hit a rope anywhere.
Sebastian Reid: Could Jack, tap?! COULD HE TAP!? Coming in with his momentum and win/loss record, it would mean so much if Verez could get Jack to tap!
Jack desperately tries to drag Verez, but can't budge, exhausted, and L just keeps it locked in tight. In the corner, Ms Miyamoto sneaks a pair of brass knuckles over to Shadowlove quickly grabs them out of sight of the ref and slips them on. He rolls to the apron and while Verez is distracted trying to make Jack tap (Jack seemingly close to doing so at any minute), Shadow climbs the top rope.
Jimmy Garcia: What does he have in his hand?
Gravedigger: NOTHING! You shut your dumb mouth, Jimmy, if you know whats good for you!
Shadow looks down and leaps off the top hitting a Fancy Fist drop from off the top with the hands protected by those brass knuckles, hitting Verez hard in the head, forcing her to let go of Jack.
Sebastian Reid: Those brass knuckles! L was so close to getting Jack to tap and Shadow using that dirty tactic to break it up.
Gravedigger: I saw nothing! You guys are making a hell of a nothingburger right now!
Shadow toss the knuckles before the ref can spot them and goes for the pin on Verez as Jack lays to the side.
ONE!
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TWO!
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Rekt 'Em reaches in and pulls Shadow off of Verez.
The ref gets up and runs over to the ropes to yell at Rekt 'Em. Rekt 'Em refusing to believe they did anything wrong.
Jimmy Garcia: Rekt 'Em again getting involved to keep Jack from losing. This is ridiculous!
The ref gets fed up and reels back before yelling "YOUR OUT OF HERE!" The crowd cheers as Rekt 'Em begins to kick and scream before walking back.
All three wrestlers lay in the ring, exhausted from so many high impact moves.
Shadow is the first to his feet, and pulls Verez to her feet. Underhooking both of her arms, but before he can hit the Seductive Handsomeness, Jack runs in an Enziguri, knock Shadow to the mat, Verez groggily still on her feet. Jack kicks one of her feet out from under her, forcing her onto one knee. Jack bounces back against the ropes and comes back with a shining wizard, forcing Verez out on her back. Jack drags her over to the corner where he ascends to the top once more.
Jimmy Garcia: Jack is zero for two on the top rope, can he make up for it when it counts?
Jack taunts once more before leaping of the top rope, twirling through the air and hitting his elbow right on target.
Sebastian Reid: AHEGAO DROP!
Gravedigger: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Jack goes for the pin.
ONE!
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TWO!
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THREE!
Taylor Lorde: Your winner, JACK SCHLONGSON!
Rekt 'Em comes racing back out to the ring, sliding in the ring to raise Jack back to his feet and onto their shoulders. Him raising his fist weakly in victory.
Jimmy Garcia: Whether the outcome would have been the same if it weren't for Rekt 'Em can't be said, but what can be said is that Jack goes into his third week since his return undefeated.
Gravedigger: There was no doubt in my mind! Jack was always going to come out the winner! |
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Post by Results on Sept 6, 2017 0:23:49 GMT -6
UCI Television Championship Red Dragon (c) vs. Sah’ta Thor
Jimmy Garcia: Ladies and gentlemen, its time for our main event of the evening. A Television Championship match between Sah'ta Thor and the champion Red Dragon.
Sebastian Reid: With a card filled top to bottom with great action, this match is capping off a great night.
The opening riff to "Ruina Imperii" by Sabaton echoes through the arena's speaker system as the lights dim. A few seconds pass before an almost de.monic looking Sah'ta Thor. He is dressed in a pair of black jeans and a red t-shirt with a golden pattern of the Seven Deadly Sins with the words Sin Incarnate in white. After a moment of standing at the top of the ramp He starts towards the ring with a purposeful stride. Getting to the ring he looks at his foe for the night with a look that promises impending. After a moment he pulls off his shirt revealing his scarred toned muscular upper body. He turns and starts pacing in the ring as he awaits his opponents much like a caged animal as he waits for the starting bell.
Jimmy Garcia: A very ready and intense competitor waiting for his shot at the champ.
Gravedigger: He's gonna have a hell of a fight a head of him, champ is champ for a reason.
The arena fades to almost complete darkness as lightning flashes on the video wall. Thunderclaps are heard as all the devils toys by deathstars begins to play throughout the arena. Lightning continues to flash on the video wall as a cemetery is panned through. The stage erupts in flames as Red Dragon rises to the stage from below. Around his waist is the SAW heavyweight title and on his right, should is the PWI heavyweight title. Scanning the crowd he grins and begins a slow walk towards the ring as a blood red spotlight is on him. Once at ringside he slides under the bottom rope and rolls up to his feet as a Pentagram appears in the middle of the ring. Fire erupts from all four corner post as he takes the titles off putting them in the corner before leaning against the ropes with the bloody femur in his hands waiting on his opponent.
DING! DING!
Jimmy Garcia: Two differing styles going head to head. High flyer verses striker.
The two opponents begin circling, getting closer and closer. Dragon goes for a collar elbow tie-up but Thor delivers a stiff kick to the side. Dragon leaps back to avoid a follow up strike.
Thor tries to push forward with an attack, but Red Dragon floats over and gets Thor in a front facelock.
Jimmy Garcia: the quick feet of Red Dragon might have been trouble by moving in preemptively, but managed to recover nicely, trying to keep Thor from moving in with a barrage of strikes.
Thor lifts Red off of his feet and tosses him forward, flapjacking him hard on the mat. He follows up by mounting Red and laying some stiff strikes to the back of Red's head.
Sebastian Reid: Smart move from Thor to keep on top of Red Dragon. If you let Red get too much momentum, its really hard to get the match back in your favor.
Thor stands up and comes with a headbutt, connecting hard against the cranium of Red. He stands up again and goes for another headbutt, but Red rolls out of the way. Thor grabs his head in pain as Red manages to move onto a vertical base. He looks over at the dazed Thor, running in and knocking him back with a stiff clothesline. He runs across the ring and comes back with a rolling thunder, slamming down back first onto the chest of Thor.
Jimmy Garcia: Thats the momentum we were just talking about. Thor is gonna have to be smart here in order to shut down Dragon.
Dragon grabs Thor by the hair and pulls him to his feet, but Thor swings out with a spinning back fist, knocking the taste out of Red's mouth, he follows it up with a roundhouse kick to the head, knocking Red onto one knee. He runs in and hits a swinging neckbreaker.
Sebastian Reid: Strong comeback from Thor, if he can keep it up, he'll be able to take out Dragon's speed game.
Thor back on his feet leaps up and comes down with a knee to the temple. He goes for the pin.
ONE!
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TWO!
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NO! Dragon kicks out.
Jimmy Garcia: Oh, the champ just barely misses the three, nearly losing his title to Thor!
Thor pulls Dragon to his feet, moves behind him, going for an atmoic drop, but Red shifts his weight and comes back down with a headlock takeover, clinching it in and holding Thor in place as he slowly moves back onto his feet, hitting another one, getting up and hitting it one more time before just keeping the hold on the ground.
Sebastian Reid: Dragon keeping Thor off of his feet, knowing better than to make the mistake of giving him time to orient himself.
Thor grabs dragon and turns over for a pin attempt, but before the ref can come down for the count, Dragon kicks out and turns it back into a grounded headlock. Thor, changing his strategy, fighting to his feet. Dragon goes for another headlock takeover, but Thor blocks it and lifts Dragon up, slamming him down with a back suplex, but Dragon refuses to let go. Moving back to his feet.
Thor throws dragon forward into the ropes, when he comes back, he nails him with running high knee. Dragon reels backwards, but Thor pulls him back, hoisting him over his shoulder and lowering him slowly until Dragon hangs upside down. Thor leaps up and spins, coming down in a tombstone.
Jimmy Garcia: Parasite Eve from Thor
He goes for the pin!
ONE!
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TWO!
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THREE!
Taylor Lorde: Your winner and NEW TV champion, SAH'TA THOR!
Jimmy Garcia: a solid and concise win from Thor, good showing from both men. |
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Post by Results on Sept 6, 2017 0:26:34 GMT -6
Mama Mustache segment
We come back from commercial with the arena pitch black. Fans are buzzing wondering what’s going to happen.
A light shines in the center of the ring to reveal Tinder Maballs in a turban and wearing nothing but a thong.
Tinder Maballs: Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Tinder Maballs, and I am the butler and personal sex worker for the Mustache Family.
Crowd: Boooo!
Tinder Maballs: I have the distinct pleasure of introducing to you, accompanied by her brother Ulysses Nabrow, her husband Ernesto, and of course, her sons, the Super Stache Brothers, Biff and Buff, the number one contender for the UTI World Heavyweight Championship, the beautiful…
Crowd: Boooo!
Tinder Maballs:... the ravishing…
Crowd: Boooo!
Tinder Maballs: ...the carnal…
Crowd: Boooo!
Tinder Maballs: the erotic….
Crowd: Boooo!
Tinder Maballs: ...the voluptuous…
Crowd: Booooo!
Tinder Maballs: ...the venereal…
Crowd: Booooo!
Tinder Maballs: The Matriarch, Mrs. Ursula “Mama” Mustache!
Jimmy Garcia: I agree with none of those adjectives.
“Turbo Lover” by Judas Priest plays. The aisle lights up. A red carpet covers the entire length of the aisle. Out through the curtain Ulysses, Papa Stache, and Biff and Buff. Ulysses and Papa stand on one side at the top of the aisle while Biff and Buff stand on the other side. They hold their arms out towards the curtain, where Mama Mustache enters, being carried to the ring in a throne and on a platform carried by four men, also wearing nothing but thongs. Mama Mustache is wearing a tiara and an elegant dress. She has gloves on both hands and is wearing a number of shiny rings on her fingers.
Sebastian Reid: What the hell is this?
Gravedigger: It’s a celebration!
Sebastian Reid: She’s acting like it’s a coronation.
Gravedigger: Well, she’s a queen in my book!
The platform finally makes it down to the ring. Biff and Buff hold the middle rope down for her as she steps into the ring, where she poses for the crowd. She gives each member of her family a kiss. However, the kiss she gives to her brother, Ulysses, is quite longer than all the other ones. Tinder orders the four men that carried the platform to bring her throne into the ring. They comply and she takes a seat. Tinder brings her a microphone and the music stops playing. The crowd boo her mercilessly. Mama takes it all in before finally speaking.
Mama Mustache: None of ya gawd damn people in this fuckin’ arena thowght I was gonna win the gawd damn Hell in a Cell match at Meltdown. You thought it was a foregone conclusion that Spencah Adumbs was gonna beat me and I’d beat outta hea fastuh than a speedin’ bullet. Well, what’ve ya got to say for yaselves now, ya fuckin’ dumbasses?
Crowd: Boooo!
Mama Mustache: You people need to learn that when Mama Mustache says something, she means it. I said I was gonna beat the shit out of Betty Adams, and I put that bitch in the hawspital with a fuckin’ heart attack. I said I was goin’ into that Hell in a Cell match and walk out with a gawd damn World Title shawt and that’s exactly what I did. Soonuh or latuh, you people are gonna realize that I ain’t fuckin’ arownd. If I say something’s gonna happen, it’s gonna fuckin’ happen.
Crowd: Boooo!
Mama Mustache: I just hope that aftuh awll this, Spencah Adumbs has learned his fuckin’ lesson. He should nevuh discriminate against the elderly and he should nevuh, EVUH, fuck with the Mustache Family!
Crowd: Boooooo!
Mama Mustache: Now, I didn’t come out hea just to gloat in front of awll of you about my win at Meltdown. I wanted to share a personal story with awll of you.
Sebastian Reid: Oh God, here we go.
Mama Mustache: I’ve said on this program before that motherhood wasn’t exactly what I wanted with my life. I was perfectly satisfied bein’ a groupie and a ring rat, fuckin’ rawck stars and musicians, snortin’ coke, and basically tryin’ to kill myself through partyin’ before I became ancient and nobody gave a fuck about me anymore.
Sebastian Reid: Too bad it didn’t work.
Gravedigger: Watch your tongue!
Mama Mustache: But of course, Ernesto ovuh here had to do it fuckin’ bareback in the fuckin’ Tropicana in Atlantic City back in ‘83 becawse he was too much of a gawd damn man to wear a gawd damn cawndom. And, of course, what happened? He splooged his fuckin’ seed into me and out popped our first son, Beef, who right now is sittin’ in some fuckin’ jail in Las Vegas for some sexual crime.
Jimmy Garcia: Big shock.
Mama Mustache: And aftuh the fuckin’ horror of pushing out a fuckin’ human through my cooch, I said “Okay, Ernesto, no more. I ain’t pushin’ one of these fuckin’ things out of me again.” And he was all like “Okay, brother, whatever you say, brother, yeah, brother, oh brother brother.” And guess what? He fuckin’ did it to me again two more times, and that’s how I got these two!
She points to Biff and Buff, who cluelessly smile and flex their muscles.
Crowd: Booooo!
Mama Mustache: And for the next two decades, I was basically a single mother tryin’ to raise three maniacs while my husband went owt on the road being Mr. Super Hero for awll you fuckin’ stupid ass wrestlin’ fans!
Crowd: Booooo!
Mama Mustache: But, despite my resentful attitude towards being saddled with motherhood, I do have to say, when I held each of my boys in my arms for the first time…
She starts to choke up.
Mama Mustache: ...the motherly instinct alway kicked in and I thawght to myself “This is my child, and I’m going to do everything in my power to protect him and make sure he grows up to become a good man.”
Jimmy Garcia: Oh. That was actually kind of nice.
Mama Mustache: And every gawd damn day I’d wake up at 5:00 in the mornin’ and get the little shits out of bed to get them ready for school. And I made breakfasts and made lunches and gawt them on the bus. And when they came home, I made them do their chores and their homework and I cooked for them and made sure they gawt to bed on time. And on tawp of awll that, I cleaned the house and made sure the bills were paid and basically made sure the fuckin’ house was still standin’ so my sons could have a roof ovuh their gawd damn heads. I did awll of that! Me! I fed them! I made sure they got their education! I made sure they were safe and taken care of!
Everyone in the ring claps. Some fans even join in.
Mama Mustache: But despite awll I did for my boys, I was no match for their fathuh. I mean, how could I be? Their fathuh was on TV beating all these big men, being cheered by adoring fans night aftuh night, always coming out on tawp, always victorious, always the one standing tawll in the end with his championship belt. They idolized their fathuh, and who could blame them? It’s not like ya evuh saw a regular housewife bein’ praised on TV. When it came to how my children saw my husband and I, he was Gawd and I was the shits.
Papa Stache stands in front of Mama and poses after being called “Gawd.”
Mama Mustache: Ernesto! Gawd damn it! This is my time! Can somebody get him out of my shawt, please! Jesus Christ!
Biff and Buff bring Papa Stache back to the side of the ring.
Jimmy Garcia: Man, I’m actually starting to feel sorry for her.
Sebastian Reid: Oh, God, come on, Jimmy, that’s how she wants you to feel. It’s always about her. She’s a manipulative bitch.
Mama Mustache: Anyway, at some point, I just accepted that I was nevuh goin’ to be the favorite parent. I know he browght the paycheck home every week, but I was the one who ran the house and reared the children and made sure the money in that paycheck was used the right way. Still, he was the hero, and the times that he was home, he just let the boys do whatever they wanted. Ernesto was the fun dad and I was the bitch mom, and that’s just the way it was always goin’ to be.
Her face and voice brighten up.
Mama Mustache: Then, something happened. Three months ago, a poll went up on the UTI website for you gawd damn fans to pick three challengers to face Bawnie Bitchface for the World Title at Erection Day. Did I evuh think I’d be considered? Of course not, but out of nowhere, Kawlie Nash and Zawbie MacMorris came out publicly and said that I, Ursula Mustache, someone who lived basically in obscurity before my kids entered the business, should be considered for the World Title shot. And that’s when the light bulb went awff in my head. If I could get somehow, someway get a World Title shawt, maybe…
She pauses for a moment before finishing her sentence.
Mama Mustache: Maybe I could give my World Title shawt to one of my sons.
The crowd gasps.
Jimmy Garcia: No. She’s not…
Mama Mustache: And for once, they could see ME as the hero and I could finally get the full love and admiration that my sons reserved for their fathuh awll these years!
Jimmy Garcia: You’ve got to be kidding me. After all she did to Spencer and Betty Adams, she’s not even going to use the title shot? She’s just going to GIVE it to one of her sons? This whole thing has been a ploy to get her kids to love her?!
Gravedigger: Brilliant!
Sebastian Reid: I’m speechless.
Mama Mustache: Now, did I have a foolproof plan? No. I hit a lot of bumps along the way, but I kept at it and kept at it until finally, Spencah Adumbs gawt so fed up with me that he was willing to give me the chance to become the numbuh one contenduh. And finally, I had the chance to do somethin’ for my boys that their fathuh didn’t have the ability to do for them anymore.
Crowd: Boooo!
Mama Mustache: What, you awll thawght I really wanted to be the UTI World Champion? I hate this gawd damn business. I just gawt done tellin’ you how much pain it’s caused me awll these gawd damn years. Now you think, at my age, I really want to be a full time wrestla and have to defend a gawd damn title night aftuh night? No. Believe me, it’s been fun messin’ with Spencer Adumbs these past three months and embarrassin’ him week aftuh week, not to mention gettin’ two big wins on pay-per-view and havin’ awll this attention on me, but I’m done now. I’ve had my fill. I’ve had my time in the spotlight. Now it’s time to give one of my sons the chance to shine.
Biff and Buff both look shocked.
Mama Mustache: So, which son am I choosing? I mean, if I could give my shawt to both of them, I would, but alas, only one of them can occupy the spot of numbuh one contenduh.
Jimmy Garcia: So which one is it?
Mama Mustache: Before the Hell in a Cell match, I thowght that if I beat Spencah Adumbs, the decision over who would get my shawt would be easy, but then, something happened. The match wasn’t going as planned. At one point, I was layin’ outside the cage on the floor, all the wind taken out of me aftuh Spencah dropped me flat on my back. Ulysses was knocked owt aftuh a DDT. Buff was on the floor holding his back aftuh he took a chair shot and strained himself backdropping Betty Adumbs over the guard rail. Spencah was knocked owt on the announce table, but the way things were goin’, he was gonna recover before any of us had a chance to. And then, all of a sudden, I looked up, and I saw an unexpected guardian angel in a banana hammock standin’ on tawp of the cell, lookin’ down on me as if to say “It’s gonna be alright, Mama.”
Mama looks at Biff.
Mama Mustache: And that beautiful guardian angel named Biff proved that above all else, he valued family over his own health and safety!
Buff puts his arm around Biff’s shoulder. Mama looks back at the crowd and shoots up out of her seat.
Mama Mustache: And he swooped down off of his perch and came crashing down on to Spencah fuckin’ Adumbs and broke that piece a shit into two!
Crowd: Booooo!
Mama Mustache: And without him sacrificin’ himself for me, I wouldn’t have had my moment to shine! I wouldn’t have had my big win on pay-per-view! And I certainly wouldn’t have won a shawt at the World Title!
Crowd: Boooo!
Mama Mustache: And now that I accomplished my goal and won the numbah one contenduhship for the World Title, I can now proudly say...that I am gifting it to my son, my savior, my guardian angel, and the NEXT UTI World Heavyweight Champion, BIFF MUSTACHE!!!
Biff’s mouth is agape as he walks towards Mama and gives her a big hug. The rest of the family joins in to make it one big family group hug. “Da’ Ya’ Think I’m Sexy,” Biff’s theme song, plays over the loudspeaker. The crowd goes ballistic with disgust.
Sebastian Reid: What an embarrassment to this sport! I thought it was a disgrace that Ursula Mustache became the number one contender, but at least she won a match to get that distinction. Now, she’s just GIVEN it to Biff. He didn’t earn it!
Gravedigger: Didn’t earn it? He almost killed himself just so his Mama could win! You’re telling me that’s not enough to earn a title shot?
Sebastian Reid: Yeah, that’s what I’m telling you!
Jimmy Garcia: This whole charade with the Mustache Family just gets more odd and more disheartening by the second. This is how people earn title shots now?! By gift?!
Ulysses and Buff hoist Biff up on their shoulders and parade him around the ring while Papa does the NWO pointing gesture.
Jimmy Garcia: Anyone that doesn’t want to see the Mustache Family gain any more power in this company must now rely on Kevin Bishop to make sure that doesn’t happen! Spencer tried to stop them from getting to this point but he failed! It’s all on Kevin Bishop’s shoulders!
Sebastian Reid: But Bishop failed to keep the title away from #Beachkrew earlier this year. What’s to say he can stop the Mustache Family?
Jimmy Garcia: My God. Only time will tell, my friend. Only time will tell.
Everyone in the ring claps for the new number one contender. The crowd boo mercilessly at this travesty.
Gravedigger: What a great story! A mother fights for the love of her children. A son lays it all on the line to selflessly help his mother. The mother pays him back with the greatest gift she could give. Don’t you guys have any feeling? I feel some tears coming. Where’s the Kleenex? This is just too beautiful!
Sebastian Reid: I just… I can’t anymore. Kevin Bishop...you have to win, man. You have to win.
Sebastian throws his headset down. The show fades to black as the celebration in the ring continues. |
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