Morose Musing and Reflections of My Mentor
Aug 17, 2016 18:09:11 GMT -6
Spencer Adams, Leviathan, and 4 more like this
Post by Thor Balfore on Aug 17, 2016 18:09:11 GMT -6
RP 1
UCI – Overload
8/21/16
Thor Balfore
vs.
Jack Scholngson
~*~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~*~
Chapter I: Morose Musing and Reflections of My Mentor
The Great Hall, Governor’s Mansion. Federal District, PoonGuinea.
:: The grand hall of the governor’s mansion was filled with laughter and cheer for the first time in a long time. Today, there were to sadden maidens that wept openly for their former leader and my mentor, Robert Hercules Cairo. The Grand hall was for hundred yards long, large enough to hold most of the nation in case invasion struck again. The walls were fortified with Poon-Branium, a newly discovered elements deep beneath what was now my kingdom.
The nation wept for months until my AllFather declared that such times were over and rebuilding must happen if the Island nation of PoonGuinea were to survive for the next trillion millennia. Today was meant to be my coronation and yet as I sit on my golden throne with naked women on either side of me, the meaning seems all but lost. My Mentor sat here a mere six months ago and now and orgies going on all around me, and yet my chin is buried in my palms. My large hands are trying to lift my head out from those morose mourning that my soul is still trapped in.
My soul bangs and rages against its gilded cage, aching to be free and even though I can say and do anything I like within my inherited nation; it cannot satisfy this unknown hunger. All I can think about is my Mentor and how I lost him. I try and channel his THICK and vast knowledge so that it becomes my own but that is an arduous task of mammoth undertaking that I am not yet prepared for. I had not finished my training to take over this proud island nation and feel as though I would do it a disservice by leading it. That thought kept pecking away at the grey matter in my brain until it bore a small hole inside that hide unfiltered madness into my subconscious. Looking over at my AllFather, I knew that those who are THICK should not conduct themselves in such a manner. He was happy. I have not seen my AllFather happy since before. I cannot and will not disgrace the meaning of THICK; I owe that to my Mentor, for he has given me so much. He has given me this kingdom, one that I did not ask for nor do I feel that I can properly lead.
It is by this moment that all the songs and laughter became deafening with the garble of a millions voices talking at once; it even drowned out the beating of my own heart and gripped my lungs with a manner of suffocation. I could feel my organs collapsing in on themselves as my chest began to convulse. That is when I sprung up from my diamond-encrusted throne and inhaled deep the smell of whiskey, hard drugs and raw human erotic emotion. It overwhelmed me and furthered the desire for a hasty exit.
………………
…………
………….
I retreated my Mentors quarters in the highest part of the mansion. The room was disheveled and unkempt due to the unexpected passing of my Mentor and his bottom poon, First Lady Rhianna had fled for fear of attack against her. I returned here every day since my Mentors passing’s to relive memories and channel his wisdom so that I might make him proud of the man that I was to become. Regrettably, now, I do not feel like a man. The more I linger in this room, the more I feel that I failed him. Even the sky fails him as it is an overcast day to reflect my morose musing. Rumbles of thunder can be heard off the shores of the nation as I do my best to subside the thunderous ache in my soul. As I look out the window feeling woeful over scandalous fate, lightning strikes the penthouse that knocks a painting of Toronto ex-mayor, Rob Ford, off the wall, rest in peace. Behind the painting was a safe. My Mentor has never told me about such things so this must be for his own personal use. I stood by the window as curiosity compelled me to investigate the mysteries of the safe. Perhaps this was a sign by my Mentor to seek his advice one last time and open the safe. Walking over to the Safe I drip the latching handle firmly. “Forgive me, my Mentor.” I whisper before ripping the safe door off the hinges and throwing it to the ground. The safe was small at fifteen by eighteen and filled with various gems and papers regarding national security but I was compelled to keep digging as if I was being led by some mysterious truth. In the back of the safe there was an open unmarked envelop. I take it out and peel off an edge to read the contents. ::
[ Bobby..]
:: It informally started, showing such grave disrespects to my Mentor.::
[ When you’re ready, we here at Universal Wrestling Infinite hope that you’ll be interested in joining our ranks and bringing your unique talents to our new promotion. ]
:: The letter went on to discuss details and dollar amount figures but they were burned out with cigar and blunt marks. Apparently, my Mentor felt disrespected as well by this vulgar display of egotism. Oddly enough my Mentor left the contract portion and contact information blank. Perhaps this is what he is telling me. I need to forge my own destiny and not inherit it. As much as my Mentor or my AllFather wish it for me, there are things that I need to do on my own. This Universal Wrestling Infinite may hold the keys to my own personal journey; one that I need to take; one that I will take.
~*~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~*~
Chapter II: A Journey Worth Taking.
Sacrificial Cliffs. West Harbor, Poonguinea.
:: I sat atop the sacrificial cliffs where women threw themselves at my Mentors funeral pyre. I was alone up there, overlooking the sea. The UCI contract and contact information were still in my hand. If there was a way that I could make my Mentor proud, this was it. If there was a way that I could forge my own destiny, this was it. All I had to do was make the call. Taking out my phone I dialed the number listed on the paper with little more than a hesitant breath. The phone rang and rang until finally someone picked up. ::
Voice: Hello?
Thor Balfore: Hello, yes? Is this Universal Wrestling Infinite?
Voice: Corey, if this is you, you can suck my dick.
Thor Balfore: I believe you have me mistaken for somebody else. My name is Thor. I recently stumbled across your contact information in the old safe of my Mentor. I feel as though fate has trusted this upon me.
Voice: Corey, if you’re drunk texting me Shakespeare, thou shall’ith suck’ith my’ith dick’ith-‘ith.
Thor Balfore: I’ll tell you this, truthfully. If you speak to me like that again I’ll reach through this phone and rip out your spine.
Voice: Sorry’ith yay verily. I am drunk’ith. To whom am I speaking’ith with’ith?
Thor Balfore: I am Thor Balfore, heir to the People’s Republic of Poonguinea.
:: The man on the other end goes quiet for a moment, letting out soft grumbles in between patches of silence. ::
Voice: I am Jayson Price, General Manager to the Peoples Republic of Universal something or other’ith.
:: Something clicks in Jayson’s mind and he sobers up quickly. ::
Jayson Price: Wait, did you say Balfore? So you’re Balfore’s kid? How did you get this number, no one reached out to him.
Thor Balfore: I found it in Robert Cairo’s personal affects.
Jayson Price: Bobby, yah. How is ol’ Bobby?
Thor Balfore: My Mentor died some months ago.
Jayson Price: FUUUCCCKK. Shit, that sucks. So what, you looking for his unsent bonus check because I spent it, er- I mean, I don’t have it. I ah- spent it.
Thor Balfore: Actually, I am looking to fulfill his contract.
Jayson Price: Well, I don’t have any roster openings right now. I mean, for Bobby I could make it happen but I don’t know you and I’m drunk. For all I know you’re a figment of my drunken Shakespearean imagination’ith.
Thor Balfore: If you were his friend in life, you would recognize the importance of this and would make acceptable accommodations so that I may fulfill my promise to him.
Jayson Price: Define friend.
Thor Balfore: Define your own existence with only the sound of an iron lung to keep you alive and the knowledge that I left your picked heart in a jar for you to gaze it as you slip in and out of a coma.
Jayson Price: Already been in a coma. Best.vacation.ever.
ThorBalfore: Next time, it won’t be.
Jayson Price: Alright, alright. I can see that you’re serious about this. So in return I will give you a serious answer. I have no spots open on my roster currently but since I know your dad and your er’ mentor, I’ll do you a solid and give you a try out match. If you can beat .. O’ I don’t know.. Jack Schlongson this Sunday night, I will give you a spot on the roster.
Thor Balfore: Thank you, you won’t regret..
~ CLICK ~
:: Jayson Price better tread carefully around me, I shall not allow such disrespect. I did however gain a tryout match with Universal Championship Infinite and now I have a journey worth taking so that I may call myself THICK. I was am arm’s length away from the tips of opportunity in UCI and Jack Schlongson stood in my way from achieving my goals. I do not know who this Jack person is, but he needs to understand that I use the phrase “stands in my way” in the loosest of terms. You do not stand in my way nor are you preventing me from achieving what I want. My desires go far beyond your petty excuse for a wrestling contract. To that, you may have the technical advantage over me as I only hold my pedigree to my accord and yet I know that me and you are worlds and lifetimes apart when it comes to skill. Before Jack takes this with a beam of pride, I was not patting him on the back for things that I have yet to do. I could be armed with just my pedigree as I am and still be the man to dominate this match.
If for a moment Jack believes that he is getting my Allfather or my Mentor then he is mistaken. I am not those men; Thor Balfore exceeds their limits in all possible ways. Jack shall take comfort that he is the one that began the Thor Balfore Legacy when he gets his spine broken by means of my Thor’ture Rack. Do not take me as a foolhardy novice with a resolve that will crumble under the slightest challenge. Do not give yourself that much credit. Truthfully, I must tell you not to give yourself credit at all. As far as I know, this is the wrestling business and prizes are not awarded simply for showing up, Jack. I know literally next to nothing about you and I can tell you without a doubt that, that limited knowledge is fine with me. You exist and that is all I need to know about you. You exist in the context of my contractual signing and come Sunday night I will sign that contract to become a UCI talent and I shall do so with your own blood. ::
~*~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~*~
Chapter III: One Way Ticket to Forever
:: I packed my thing, although admittedly I am not to sure what to bring. I have never been out of the country, let alone to Khans-ass, perhaps that it why Jack Schlongson is popular. I have researched the man, all be it briefly and a Gay porn star turned wrestler is my first opponent in UCI. I suppose a lifetime of anal pounding is preparation for this week. However, there is no ‘suppose’ about it. Ever since Jack Schlongson was young, he knew that he had a destiny; a one way ticket to forever that was calling his name except that he could not decipher the message clearly. I can empathize with this, as I could not have predicted that this is where I would be, come the end of the summer. I figured last year that by this time, I would be ready to rule Poonguinea and yet it is Jack Schlongson who has found his gold plated dreams. I can understand if he is disappointed but there is nothing to be disappointed about; it is not every day that an ex gay porn star his his smashed in by a Poonhammer – to lay down and die and be the one that secured a spot for Thor Balfore. I have already seen on the UCI website that he is playing coy with me, that we are going to be very close on Sunday. Jack is not wrong. I am Jacks one way ticket to forever, and forever IS a long time. I want Jack to remember that as I get into the ring with him for not only his first time against me but also MY first time in the ring. I may be a novice but I shall not be gentle as I as my Mentors pupil and my Allfather’s son. Sunday night is going to be an eye opening experience for not only Jack but for all of Universal Wrestling Infinite. I have not come here to ‘try my hand’ in a field, I know nothing about like Jack has done. Wrestling is in my blood, my bones and my soul. I am going to UCI to not only fulfil my Mentors contract, but to surpass it. Jack Schlogson has roughly fifteen hours to get his affairs in order before Thor Balfore arrives in the states and rearranges those priorities for him because my priority is the only thing that’s matters in this match. ::
~*~*~~*~*~~*~*~~*~*~~*~*~~*~*~
Chapter IV: Hajeet, The Kansas City Playboy.
:: I took the red eye flight from Fort Suma National airport and arrived in California in ten hours, six hours ahead of schedule. From there we taxied and continued through to Kansas where a support staff was waiting for me without my knowledge. Even though I walked through the airport as a foreign diplomat, I am still a seven foot tall beast of a man that command the awkward gaze of travelers passing by, doing everything in their power to resist the blackhole that is the gravitational pull of my physical height and personal charm. My support team greeted me by a scowled, glared and swatted them away. I was here as a diplomat, yes but I am also here for my Mentor and as a representative of my great nation. I do not need to arrive with anymore style and fanfare than what is needed. However, Jack Schlongson should know that those accommodations are available to me whenever I deem them necessary to my success; just as his golden dong awards are a reminder of the life that Thor Balfore is going to send him back to after our match on Sunday. All Jack has to decide upon is if he wants to fly back to Back Door Bolly Wood with a broken back or broken jaw. I’m sure there’s a market for crippled old porn stars who needs a full time nurse and medical halo to function at one tenth of their normal capacity. There you go, Jack. I’m doing you favors already. You could call it Angels with Filthy Assholes. Don’t ever say that I never did anything for you; Thor Balfore is a generous man with a large heart and Sunday night, I have more to give you but first I need to make it out of this airport.
The sidewalk outside the doors of the airport was busy, much busier than I am used to but I find a yellow cab waiting for a fare. However, I was side tracked by a family whose little girl was baffled by my stature.
Little girl: Wow, you’re tall. Are you a giant?
::I look down at the little girl and smile as her small hands could barely hold a grip on my pinky. To accommodate her I sat down on the ground, ten thousand dollar pants be damned; I could buy a new pair. ::
Thor Balfore: I am giant.
Little girl: Like in the stories that my mommy reads to me?
:: Laughing a little bit I smile and turn my palm to her as she places her hand on top of mine. ::
Thor Balfore: Yes, I suppose so. Just like the stories.
Little girl: Are you a mean giant?
Thor Balfore: No sweetheart, I’m not a mean giant. I’m a nice giant. In fact, I’m the nicest giant in the whole wide world.
Little girl: Can I sit on your shoulders?
:: The little girls mother chimes in to chastise her. ::
Mother: Erika, that’s rude. You’ve already taken up enough of this mans time.
Thor Balfore: No Ms., its ok. If its alright with you.
Mother: If it makes her happy.
Erika: YAYYY!!
:: I scoop up little Erika and put her on my shoulders as she laughs and giggles while I spin in place before stopping and letting her take a look around before finally putting her back ion her own two feet. ::
Thor Balfore: Alright, Erika, you best be running along now.
Erika: Yah! We’re going to visit grandma! I can’t wait to tell her I saw a real live giant!
Thor Balfore: And I can’t wait to tell everyone I saw a real live Erika. I don’t think anyone is going to believe me.
:: I say with a laugh. ::
Mother: Thank you, you really made her day.
Thor Balfore: It’s no problem Ms. You just make sure she has a safe and happy trip.
:: The women thanks me again and excuses herself. I straighten out dress shirt and slacks before looking for another cab and approaching the passenger side of the cab, stooping down to talk to the driver. This man of Indian heritage was eating a sandwich out of a brown paper bag as strange music played from the stereo. I cough to get his attention but he seems lost in his tuna on rye. Finally I take my club of a hand and bang it against the side of the door. The jolt startles him as his sandwich flies up in the air and lands in the passenger seat.
Driver: Ah, what? Huh?
Thor Balfore: Hello.
:: I say with a genuine smile. ::
Thor Balfore: I am sorry if I disturbed you but I need a ride to, um..
:: I take a piece of paper out of my pocket and look it over for a moment. ::
Thor Balfore: The Spirit Center.
Driver: That is an hour away, it will be very costly my friend. I ask that you please do not waste my time or yours.
Thor Balfore: Trust me friend, I have more than enough money to pay for your services mister…
Driver: Hajeet. I am a man called Hajeet named after the great Hajeet himself. I am a man very fortunate to be named after such an all powerful god amongst men. He is the prince of my home country, Tripura.
Thor Balfore: Please to meet you, Hajeet. My name is Thor, son of Odin and off spring of Aleenia, Atlantian queen. I am the inheritor of the great nation of PoonGuinea.
Hajeet: You are THAT Thor Balfore? The Peoples Republic of Poonguinea? Our great nations are intertwined.
:: Hajeet looks up, raises his hands and shakes them. ::
Hajeet: Oh yes, praise be to the great Hajeet. Today is a great day!
:: Hajeet turns back to me.::
Hajeet: Get in, get in. It is not every day that this man named Hajeet gets the honor of driving around Thor Balfore.
:: I take my bags and put them in the backseat with me as Hajeet kisses his index ad middle finger and presses it to a bobble head of Hejeet, royal prince of Tripura as we head off towards the Spirit Center, my journey becoming one-step closer to realization thanks to Hajeet, the Kansas City Playboy. Oddly enough the cab felt for comfortable then the plane. Going into the Spirit Center I would be rested, knowing into the match I will be comfortable knowing that Jack Schlongson has done everything in power to secure my spot on the UCI. ::
~*~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~*~
Chapter V: Something Wrong about Good Intentions
:: I dozed off in the car as Hajeet wakes me sometime later and we are nowhere near our destination. ::
Hajeet: Mister Thor please Wake up. I am summoning all the power of the great Royal Price Hajeet to wake you from your mighty slumber! Mister Thor! The Power of His Royal Prince Hajeet compels you!
:: My eyes peer out at him, trying to gain the strength to stay open. ::
Thor Balfore: Whaaatt?
:: I bellow. ::
Hajeet: Its just that you’ve been asleep for some time now and I wanted to give you an update on our location. It seems that some protestors were blocking the road and we had to detour around them and now we stuck on a bridge because of a big accident. It seems like a drunk driver hit a car and that car is now teetering over the edge of the bridge.
:: I shake the sleep from my head and take a deep breath before getting out of the car to investigate the situation. A small sedan had broken past the railing on the bridge and is dangerously close to falling into the water below. A few men were trying to pull the car back onto the road but were unsuccessful. Making my way over to the car, the bystanders cleared a path for me; even the men trying to help the car backed away. I griped the car by the bumper and tried to pull it out. Channeling my Mentor and Allfather for strength both emotional and physical in this time of need. All the while I kept thinking that if my Mentor didn’t die I wouldn’t be here right now and these good people might be…
Just a little bit more…
Almost…
…..
The crowd gasped.
.. .. … My grip slipped and the car plunged into the cold river below.
Slow motion real life in action. Something went wrong with good intentions. Immediately I reacted and dove into the water. My shoes cost seven million dollars but price be damned, these were human lives. Thanks to my mother, I am a powerful swimmer and kept up with the car as it began to sank. I punched through the back window as the front of the car began to dip under the water. There were two people in the car who were frightened and screaming. A child was buckled in the back seat and I tended to her needs first, ripping the buckle from its housing as the mother reached back and grabbed ahold of me. With my size it was a struggle to get out and had to wait for more water to come rushing in so that I could swim out and up to the surface. I make my way over to a nearby support beam and climb up it with the woman on my back with the child in my right arm and scaling the beam with my left. We finally make it to the top where some EMTs were waiting and tended to the people. It was then did I notice that the people I rescued were the same people from the airport, the little girl and her mother. The EMTs rushed them to the ambulance before I could say anything.
I feel humbled by my experience and the fact that I just saved a life. Jack Schlongson would do good to make a mental note that what just transpired is an allegory for his career in UCI. This might be his second match with the company, so before his silly quips and accented linguistics rush to his head like the poorly done highlights in hair, know that YOU, Jack, are drowning awfully fast in a cold dark river. I am a nice person but do not mistake that for weakness. Do not mistake the hallmarks of my humanity for the rubber shavings of regret. I do not regret coming to America or to UCI. I do not regret the clothes that I have ruined for the lives that I have saved. However and unfortunately so for you, there is no saving you on Sunday.
Last week was the triumphant victory and debut of Jack Schlongson, a man with no pedigree who thinks that the sport of pro wrestling is just something that he can jump into because it looks like a ‘good idea.’ Well, its no. Jack Schlongson is mistaken and he will bear the consequences for his disrespect. I am not Johnathan Porter and this match shall not be easy like last time. On the contrary, it will not be easy at all. This week, the world will do a one-eighty on you and turn your right on your head where you belong. So quick are you to be excited over our meeting this week, but in your haste you fail to recognize the inherit dangers that come with facing a man that is over seven foot tall and four hundred pounds. I ca already hear the bell ringing in my head as the ref raises my hand and declares Thor Balfore the winner by submission. I will make you tap out and I will break you. I am here to honor my mentor and honor him I shall do just that by winning my first match against you and signing my name on Robert Cairo’s contract.
It is befitting, you know. Someone like you from your former career, being pounded into submission by bigger men. I would say that it’s something that you never experienced before but I’d wager that you know better than anyone else what better men can do to certain parts of your fragile anatomy. So here’s what you should do you’re reconsidering your life choices; just pretend that this week was like a year ago when you were making snuff films in your moms basement. Pretend like this time was like last time. Pretend that you didn’t even start to make your career in UCI because that Poon Hammer is coming and my elbow hits hard, every time. This week was the week for Jack Schlongson to take UCI by storm but then Thor Balfore came along and ruined everything. Like I said, I might be a nice guy but this week, Jack, I’m killing strangers. I’m killing strangers so I don’t kill the ones I love. ::
~Fin
UCI – Overload
8/21/16
Thor Balfore
vs.
Jack Scholngson
~*~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~*~
Chapter I: Morose Musing and Reflections of My Mentor
The Great Hall, Governor’s Mansion. Federal District, PoonGuinea.
:: The grand hall of the governor’s mansion was filled with laughter and cheer for the first time in a long time. Today, there were to sadden maidens that wept openly for their former leader and my mentor, Robert Hercules Cairo. The Grand hall was for hundred yards long, large enough to hold most of the nation in case invasion struck again. The walls were fortified with Poon-Branium, a newly discovered elements deep beneath what was now my kingdom.
The nation wept for months until my AllFather declared that such times were over and rebuilding must happen if the Island nation of PoonGuinea were to survive for the next trillion millennia. Today was meant to be my coronation and yet as I sit on my golden throne with naked women on either side of me, the meaning seems all but lost. My Mentor sat here a mere six months ago and now and orgies going on all around me, and yet my chin is buried in my palms. My large hands are trying to lift my head out from those morose mourning that my soul is still trapped in.
My soul bangs and rages against its gilded cage, aching to be free and even though I can say and do anything I like within my inherited nation; it cannot satisfy this unknown hunger. All I can think about is my Mentor and how I lost him. I try and channel his THICK and vast knowledge so that it becomes my own but that is an arduous task of mammoth undertaking that I am not yet prepared for. I had not finished my training to take over this proud island nation and feel as though I would do it a disservice by leading it. That thought kept pecking away at the grey matter in my brain until it bore a small hole inside that hide unfiltered madness into my subconscious. Looking over at my AllFather, I knew that those who are THICK should not conduct themselves in such a manner. He was happy. I have not seen my AllFather happy since before. I cannot and will not disgrace the meaning of THICK; I owe that to my Mentor, for he has given me so much. He has given me this kingdom, one that I did not ask for nor do I feel that I can properly lead.
It is by this moment that all the songs and laughter became deafening with the garble of a millions voices talking at once; it even drowned out the beating of my own heart and gripped my lungs with a manner of suffocation. I could feel my organs collapsing in on themselves as my chest began to convulse. That is when I sprung up from my diamond-encrusted throne and inhaled deep the smell of whiskey, hard drugs and raw human erotic emotion. It overwhelmed me and furthered the desire for a hasty exit.
………………
…………
………….
I retreated my Mentors quarters in the highest part of the mansion. The room was disheveled and unkempt due to the unexpected passing of my Mentor and his bottom poon, First Lady Rhianna had fled for fear of attack against her. I returned here every day since my Mentors passing’s to relive memories and channel his wisdom so that I might make him proud of the man that I was to become. Regrettably, now, I do not feel like a man. The more I linger in this room, the more I feel that I failed him. Even the sky fails him as it is an overcast day to reflect my morose musing. Rumbles of thunder can be heard off the shores of the nation as I do my best to subside the thunderous ache in my soul. As I look out the window feeling woeful over scandalous fate, lightning strikes the penthouse that knocks a painting of Toronto ex-mayor, Rob Ford, off the wall, rest in peace. Behind the painting was a safe. My Mentor has never told me about such things so this must be for his own personal use. I stood by the window as curiosity compelled me to investigate the mysteries of the safe. Perhaps this was a sign by my Mentor to seek his advice one last time and open the safe. Walking over to the Safe I drip the latching handle firmly. “Forgive me, my Mentor.” I whisper before ripping the safe door off the hinges and throwing it to the ground. The safe was small at fifteen by eighteen and filled with various gems and papers regarding national security but I was compelled to keep digging as if I was being led by some mysterious truth. In the back of the safe there was an open unmarked envelop. I take it out and peel off an edge to read the contents. ::
[ Bobby..]
:: It informally started, showing such grave disrespects to my Mentor.::
[ When you’re ready, we here at Universal Wrestling Infinite hope that you’ll be interested in joining our ranks and bringing your unique talents to our new promotion. ]
:: The letter went on to discuss details and dollar amount figures but they were burned out with cigar and blunt marks. Apparently, my Mentor felt disrespected as well by this vulgar display of egotism. Oddly enough my Mentor left the contract portion and contact information blank. Perhaps this is what he is telling me. I need to forge my own destiny and not inherit it. As much as my Mentor or my AllFather wish it for me, there are things that I need to do on my own. This Universal Wrestling Infinite may hold the keys to my own personal journey; one that I need to take; one that I will take.
~*~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~*~
Chapter II: A Journey Worth Taking.
Sacrificial Cliffs. West Harbor, Poonguinea.
:: I sat atop the sacrificial cliffs where women threw themselves at my Mentors funeral pyre. I was alone up there, overlooking the sea. The UCI contract and contact information were still in my hand. If there was a way that I could make my Mentor proud, this was it. If there was a way that I could forge my own destiny, this was it. All I had to do was make the call. Taking out my phone I dialed the number listed on the paper with little more than a hesitant breath. The phone rang and rang until finally someone picked up. ::
Voice: Hello?
Thor Balfore: Hello, yes? Is this Universal Wrestling Infinite?
Voice: Corey, if this is you, you can suck my dick.
Thor Balfore: I believe you have me mistaken for somebody else. My name is Thor. I recently stumbled across your contact information in the old safe of my Mentor. I feel as though fate has trusted this upon me.
Voice: Corey, if you’re drunk texting me Shakespeare, thou shall’ith suck’ith my’ith dick’ith-‘ith.
Thor Balfore: I’ll tell you this, truthfully. If you speak to me like that again I’ll reach through this phone and rip out your spine.
Voice: Sorry’ith yay verily. I am drunk’ith. To whom am I speaking’ith with’ith?
Thor Balfore: I am Thor Balfore, heir to the People’s Republic of Poonguinea.
:: The man on the other end goes quiet for a moment, letting out soft grumbles in between patches of silence. ::
Voice: I am Jayson Price, General Manager to the Peoples Republic of Universal something or other’ith.
:: Something clicks in Jayson’s mind and he sobers up quickly. ::
Jayson Price: Wait, did you say Balfore? So you’re Balfore’s kid? How did you get this number, no one reached out to him.
Thor Balfore: I found it in Robert Cairo’s personal affects.
Jayson Price: Bobby, yah. How is ol’ Bobby?
Thor Balfore: My Mentor died some months ago.
Jayson Price: FUUUCCCKK. Shit, that sucks. So what, you looking for his unsent bonus check because I spent it, er- I mean, I don’t have it. I ah- spent it.
Thor Balfore: Actually, I am looking to fulfill his contract.
Jayson Price: Well, I don’t have any roster openings right now. I mean, for Bobby I could make it happen but I don’t know you and I’m drunk. For all I know you’re a figment of my drunken Shakespearean imagination’ith.
Thor Balfore: If you were his friend in life, you would recognize the importance of this and would make acceptable accommodations so that I may fulfill my promise to him.
Jayson Price: Define friend.
Thor Balfore: Define your own existence with only the sound of an iron lung to keep you alive and the knowledge that I left your picked heart in a jar for you to gaze it as you slip in and out of a coma.
Jayson Price: Already been in a coma. Best.vacation.ever.
ThorBalfore: Next time, it won’t be.
Jayson Price: Alright, alright. I can see that you’re serious about this. So in return I will give you a serious answer. I have no spots open on my roster currently but since I know your dad and your er’ mentor, I’ll do you a solid and give you a try out match. If you can beat .. O’ I don’t know.. Jack Schlongson this Sunday night, I will give you a spot on the roster.
Thor Balfore: Thank you, you won’t regret..
~ CLICK ~
:: Jayson Price better tread carefully around me, I shall not allow such disrespect. I did however gain a tryout match with Universal Championship Infinite and now I have a journey worth taking so that I may call myself THICK. I was am arm’s length away from the tips of opportunity in UCI and Jack Schlongson stood in my way from achieving my goals. I do not know who this Jack person is, but he needs to understand that I use the phrase “stands in my way” in the loosest of terms. You do not stand in my way nor are you preventing me from achieving what I want. My desires go far beyond your petty excuse for a wrestling contract. To that, you may have the technical advantage over me as I only hold my pedigree to my accord and yet I know that me and you are worlds and lifetimes apart when it comes to skill. Before Jack takes this with a beam of pride, I was not patting him on the back for things that I have yet to do. I could be armed with just my pedigree as I am and still be the man to dominate this match.
If for a moment Jack believes that he is getting my Allfather or my Mentor then he is mistaken. I am not those men; Thor Balfore exceeds their limits in all possible ways. Jack shall take comfort that he is the one that began the Thor Balfore Legacy when he gets his spine broken by means of my Thor’ture Rack. Do not take me as a foolhardy novice with a resolve that will crumble under the slightest challenge. Do not give yourself that much credit. Truthfully, I must tell you not to give yourself credit at all. As far as I know, this is the wrestling business and prizes are not awarded simply for showing up, Jack. I know literally next to nothing about you and I can tell you without a doubt that, that limited knowledge is fine with me. You exist and that is all I need to know about you. You exist in the context of my contractual signing and come Sunday night I will sign that contract to become a UCI talent and I shall do so with your own blood. ::
~*~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~*~
Chapter III: One Way Ticket to Forever
:: I packed my thing, although admittedly I am not to sure what to bring. I have never been out of the country, let alone to Khans-ass, perhaps that it why Jack Schlongson is popular. I have researched the man, all be it briefly and a Gay porn star turned wrestler is my first opponent in UCI. I suppose a lifetime of anal pounding is preparation for this week. However, there is no ‘suppose’ about it. Ever since Jack Schlongson was young, he knew that he had a destiny; a one way ticket to forever that was calling his name except that he could not decipher the message clearly. I can empathize with this, as I could not have predicted that this is where I would be, come the end of the summer. I figured last year that by this time, I would be ready to rule Poonguinea and yet it is Jack Schlongson who has found his gold plated dreams. I can understand if he is disappointed but there is nothing to be disappointed about; it is not every day that an ex gay porn star his his smashed in by a Poonhammer – to lay down and die and be the one that secured a spot for Thor Balfore. I have already seen on the UCI website that he is playing coy with me, that we are going to be very close on Sunday. Jack is not wrong. I am Jacks one way ticket to forever, and forever IS a long time. I want Jack to remember that as I get into the ring with him for not only his first time against me but also MY first time in the ring. I may be a novice but I shall not be gentle as I as my Mentors pupil and my Allfather’s son. Sunday night is going to be an eye opening experience for not only Jack but for all of Universal Wrestling Infinite. I have not come here to ‘try my hand’ in a field, I know nothing about like Jack has done. Wrestling is in my blood, my bones and my soul. I am going to UCI to not only fulfil my Mentors contract, but to surpass it. Jack Schlogson has roughly fifteen hours to get his affairs in order before Thor Balfore arrives in the states and rearranges those priorities for him because my priority is the only thing that’s matters in this match. ::
~*~*~~*~*~~*~*~~*~*~~*~*~~*~*~
Chapter IV: Hajeet, The Kansas City Playboy.
:: I took the red eye flight from Fort Suma National airport and arrived in California in ten hours, six hours ahead of schedule. From there we taxied and continued through to Kansas where a support staff was waiting for me without my knowledge. Even though I walked through the airport as a foreign diplomat, I am still a seven foot tall beast of a man that command the awkward gaze of travelers passing by, doing everything in their power to resist the blackhole that is the gravitational pull of my physical height and personal charm. My support team greeted me by a scowled, glared and swatted them away. I was here as a diplomat, yes but I am also here for my Mentor and as a representative of my great nation. I do not need to arrive with anymore style and fanfare than what is needed. However, Jack Schlongson should know that those accommodations are available to me whenever I deem them necessary to my success; just as his golden dong awards are a reminder of the life that Thor Balfore is going to send him back to after our match on Sunday. All Jack has to decide upon is if he wants to fly back to Back Door Bolly Wood with a broken back or broken jaw. I’m sure there’s a market for crippled old porn stars who needs a full time nurse and medical halo to function at one tenth of their normal capacity. There you go, Jack. I’m doing you favors already. You could call it Angels with Filthy Assholes. Don’t ever say that I never did anything for you; Thor Balfore is a generous man with a large heart and Sunday night, I have more to give you but first I need to make it out of this airport.
The sidewalk outside the doors of the airport was busy, much busier than I am used to but I find a yellow cab waiting for a fare. However, I was side tracked by a family whose little girl was baffled by my stature.
Little girl: Wow, you’re tall. Are you a giant?
::I look down at the little girl and smile as her small hands could barely hold a grip on my pinky. To accommodate her I sat down on the ground, ten thousand dollar pants be damned; I could buy a new pair. ::
Thor Balfore: I am giant.
Little girl: Like in the stories that my mommy reads to me?
:: Laughing a little bit I smile and turn my palm to her as she places her hand on top of mine. ::
Thor Balfore: Yes, I suppose so. Just like the stories.
Little girl: Are you a mean giant?
Thor Balfore: No sweetheart, I’m not a mean giant. I’m a nice giant. In fact, I’m the nicest giant in the whole wide world.
Little girl: Can I sit on your shoulders?
:: The little girls mother chimes in to chastise her. ::
Mother: Erika, that’s rude. You’ve already taken up enough of this mans time.
Thor Balfore: No Ms., its ok. If its alright with you.
Mother: If it makes her happy.
Erika: YAYYY!!
:: I scoop up little Erika and put her on my shoulders as she laughs and giggles while I spin in place before stopping and letting her take a look around before finally putting her back ion her own two feet. ::
Thor Balfore: Alright, Erika, you best be running along now.
Erika: Yah! We’re going to visit grandma! I can’t wait to tell her I saw a real live giant!
Thor Balfore: And I can’t wait to tell everyone I saw a real live Erika. I don’t think anyone is going to believe me.
:: I say with a laugh. ::
Mother: Thank you, you really made her day.
Thor Balfore: It’s no problem Ms. You just make sure she has a safe and happy trip.
:: The women thanks me again and excuses herself. I straighten out dress shirt and slacks before looking for another cab and approaching the passenger side of the cab, stooping down to talk to the driver. This man of Indian heritage was eating a sandwich out of a brown paper bag as strange music played from the stereo. I cough to get his attention but he seems lost in his tuna on rye. Finally I take my club of a hand and bang it against the side of the door. The jolt startles him as his sandwich flies up in the air and lands in the passenger seat.
Driver: Ah, what? Huh?
Thor Balfore: Hello.
:: I say with a genuine smile. ::
Thor Balfore: I am sorry if I disturbed you but I need a ride to, um..
:: I take a piece of paper out of my pocket and look it over for a moment. ::
Thor Balfore: The Spirit Center.
Driver: That is an hour away, it will be very costly my friend. I ask that you please do not waste my time or yours.
Thor Balfore: Trust me friend, I have more than enough money to pay for your services mister…
Driver: Hajeet. I am a man called Hajeet named after the great Hajeet himself. I am a man very fortunate to be named after such an all powerful god amongst men. He is the prince of my home country, Tripura.
Thor Balfore: Please to meet you, Hajeet. My name is Thor, son of Odin and off spring of Aleenia, Atlantian queen. I am the inheritor of the great nation of PoonGuinea.
Hajeet: You are THAT Thor Balfore? The Peoples Republic of Poonguinea? Our great nations are intertwined.
:: Hajeet looks up, raises his hands and shakes them. ::
Hajeet: Oh yes, praise be to the great Hajeet. Today is a great day!
:: Hajeet turns back to me.::
Hajeet: Get in, get in. It is not every day that this man named Hajeet gets the honor of driving around Thor Balfore.
:: I take my bags and put them in the backseat with me as Hajeet kisses his index ad middle finger and presses it to a bobble head of Hejeet, royal prince of Tripura as we head off towards the Spirit Center, my journey becoming one-step closer to realization thanks to Hajeet, the Kansas City Playboy. Oddly enough the cab felt for comfortable then the plane. Going into the Spirit Center I would be rested, knowing into the match I will be comfortable knowing that Jack Schlongson has done everything in power to secure my spot on the UCI. ::
~*~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~*~
Chapter V: Something Wrong about Good Intentions
:: I dozed off in the car as Hajeet wakes me sometime later and we are nowhere near our destination. ::
Hajeet: Mister Thor please Wake up. I am summoning all the power of the great Royal Price Hajeet to wake you from your mighty slumber! Mister Thor! The Power of His Royal Prince Hajeet compels you!
:: My eyes peer out at him, trying to gain the strength to stay open. ::
Thor Balfore: Whaaatt?
:: I bellow. ::
Hajeet: Its just that you’ve been asleep for some time now and I wanted to give you an update on our location. It seems that some protestors were blocking the road and we had to detour around them and now we stuck on a bridge because of a big accident. It seems like a drunk driver hit a car and that car is now teetering over the edge of the bridge.
:: I shake the sleep from my head and take a deep breath before getting out of the car to investigate the situation. A small sedan had broken past the railing on the bridge and is dangerously close to falling into the water below. A few men were trying to pull the car back onto the road but were unsuccessful. Making my way over to the car, the bystanders cleared a path for me; even the men trying to help the car backed away. I griped the car by the bumper and tried to pull it out. Channeling my Mentor and Allfather for strength both emotional and physical in this time of need. All the while I kept thinking that if my Mentor didn’t die I wouldn’t be here right now and these good people might be…
Just a little bit more…
Almost…
…..
The crowd gasped.
.. .. … My grip slipped and the car plunged into the cold river below.
Slow motion real life in action. Something went wrong with good intentions. Immediately I reacted and dove into the water. My shoes cost seven million dollars but price be damned, these were human lives. Thanks to my mother, I am a powerful swimmer and kept up with the car as it began to sank. I punched through the back window as the front of the car began to dip under the water. There were two people in the car who were frightened and screaming. A child was buckled in the back seat and I tended to her needs first, ripping the buckle from its housing as the mother reached back and grabbed ahold of me. With my size it was a struggle to get out and had to wait for more water to come rushing in so that I could swim out and up to the surface. I make my way over to a nearby support beam and climb up it with the woman on my back with the child in my right arm and scaling the beam with my left. We finally make it to the top where some EMTs were waiting and tended to the people. It was then did I notice that the people I rescued were the same people from the airport, the little girl and her mother. The EMTs rushed them to the ambulance before I could say anything.
I feel humbled by my experience and the fact that I just saved a life. Jack Schlongson would do good to make a mental note that what just transpired is an allegory for his career in UCI. This might be his second match with the company, so before his silly quips and accented linguistics rush to his head like the poorly done highlights in hair, know that YOU, Jack, are drowning awfully fast in a cold dark river. I am a nice person but do not mistake that for weakness. Do not mistake the hallmarks of my humanity for the rubber shavings of regret. I do not regret coming to America or to UCI. I do not regret the clothes that I have ruined for the lives that I have saved. However and unfortunately so for you, there is no saving you on Sunday.
Last week was the triumphant victory and debut of Jack Schlongson, a man with no pedigree who thinks that the sport of pro wrestling is just something that he can jump into because it looks like a ‘good idea.’ Well, its no. Jack Schlongson is mistaken and he will bear the consequences for his disrespect. I am not Johnathan Porter and this match shall not be easy like last time. On the contrary, it will not be easy at all. This week, the world will do a one-eighty on you and turn your right on your head where you belong. So quick are you to be excited over our meeting this week, but in your haste you fail to recognize the inherit dangers that come with facing a man that is over seven foot tall and four hundred pounds. I ca already hear the bell ringing in my head as the ref raises my hand and declares Thor Balfore the winner by submission. I will make you tap out and I will break you. I am here to honor my mentor and honor him I shall do just that by winning my first match against you and signing my name on Robert Cairo’s contract.
It is befitting, you know. Someone like you from your former career, being pounded into submission by bigger men. I would say that it’s something that you never experienced before but I’d wager that you know better than anyone else what better men can do to certain parts of your fragile anatomy. So here’s what you should do you’re reconsidering your life choices; just pretend that this week was like a year ago when you were making snuff films in your moms basement. Pretend like this time was like last time. Pretend that you didn’t even start to make your career in UCI because that Poon Hammer is coming and my elbow hits hard, every time. This week was the week for Jack Schlongson to take UCI by storm but then Thor Balfore came along and ruined everything. Like I said, I might be a nice guy but this week, Jack, I’m killing strangers. I’m killing strangers so I don’t kill the ones I love. ::
~Fin
