Why the shit would you have a shop in a mountain?

Andre Jenson sat on a bench. A normal bench in a normal park, one of those with great green areas, ponds, trees and sculptures of people who were famous in that particular area. Say you have in places like England, sculptures of Shakespeare, a random Monarch, Austin Powers, that kind of thing. The morning dew over the Bram Jolly park in Kem settled over the grass and the trees, coating the park in a soft film of water, looking like a mist. Birds sang in the sky and the ducks quacked, like mighty ducks.



In Kem, I should point out, famous people are not the run of the mill same kind of people as you and I. Well, not I, I'm just a disembodied voice that narrates what's happening for you to see what's going on in the daily life of Andre Jenson. I could sound like anyone in your head. You're all wrong though, my voice sounds like <Redacted> Get on with it, voice, it's not about you. - *Andre.



Andre was looking at a statue of Brax the devoured. A particularly unlucky rogue who was eaten by a massive shark one day while swimming for treasure at a major LARP event near the ocean. They were pirating at the time, and, well, one thing led to another and he got eaten. The shark now resides in the Kem Sea Life Centre, looking rather happy with himself.



Andre was contemplating some deep and meaningful meaning of life shit in his head, they were brought to his attention after his kidnap and subsequent adventure the last time you saw him in a UCI ring. He was captured you see by some Dwarves, who wanted him to go off and get a ring from somewhere. Wisconsin I think. All the Dwarves perished on the way though, some were killed, some died of starvation (which was odd as they were only gone for like a week and there were restaurants en-route.) Todd for example, he was complaining only an hour into the journey about not eating breakfast and how he could eat a horse before they even got out of town. Well he was in luck as Barry died of Hypothermia within a day. He apparently thought as they were on their way to a volcano, then beach shorts, sandals and a hawaiian shirt was the stuff to wear, despite it being the coldest, darkest winter. To his credit, Todd waited an hour – just to make sure that Barry was actually dead before he started gnawing on his leg. Todd died the next day after extreme food poisoning as he didn't cook Barry correctly.



There were 12 Dwarves originally, plus Jenson who seemed quite relaxed about being kidnapped and forced to climb a mountain to collect a ring. He convinced them to allow him to go home first and get some provisions before they set out. So while Todd was chewing on Barry's leg, Andre was tucking in to a nice boar sandwich. He thought it was quite odd that Todd ate Barry as the other Dwarves actually brought packed lunches with them. He figured it wasn't his place to get involved in these things though.



AJ was told the basics about the expedition at first. He knew he had to go to a mountain and retrieve a ring from someone, then turn around and throw the ring in an arc into liquid hot Magma. After that his job was to flip the guy the bird and do a victory dance in front of him, all of which was apparently necessary. AJ just felt this whole thing was a colossal waste of time. It's shit he was doing at level 5 man, he's a grand wizard now, not to mention the Lord and protector of a full realm. It was basically a dungeon boost for the Dwarves for XP and he knew it. Which is probably why, when they decided to do something monumentally stupid, such as storming a keep at the castle (Which randomly appeared in the mountain for some reason, in Wisconsin. I know, stay with me here.) AJ didn't do anything to stop them. The end result being that they managed to get themselves impaled on the spikes of the gates. All of them, minus Barry and Todd, obviously.



AJ sighed when this happened, shook his head, muttered something about being amateurs and climbed the mountain to the cavern where the chap with the ring was supposed to be. When he got there, AJ was delighted to find that the guy was a delightful shopkeeper, who rented the spot at a reasonable rate and sold rare and exclusive items, such as new dice, weaponry, luxury goods and epic level trinkets that you can't get anywhere else. The shopkeeper was so pleased to see AJ. He was the first customer who came to the cavern in 10 years after all. However, he didn't let any excitement show, his negotiating skills were +4. AJ nodded, manly when he walked into the cavern.



“Business good?” He asked, while the shopkeeper opened his inventory list to AJ.



“Not bad,” came the reply. “Almost had a customer a couple of years back. Some guy came up, obviously over incumbered was coming in, was going to trade his stuff for something it looked like. Got ambushed though, so I didn't get to make a deal.”



“Ever thought of moving to the city, or a place less treacherous?” AJ enquired.



“Nope.” Came the reply. “I like this place, lots of foot traffic.”



“Like two guys every few years.”



The shopkeeper shrugged. “It's how I like it, you want the ring then?”



“How'd you know?” AJ asked, staggered.



“It's always the ring, I got like 20 of them. You're the first to come for it in about 5 years though.”



AJ bought the ring, negotiating a hefty discount by using his +6 negotiating bonus and sold the shopkeeper a couple of things that he didn't really need any more like 12 sets of Dwarven armour and some random pixie wings that he found in a toad once. He walked home home humming to himself. It was a pretty good day.



Back to the present then! (Like Back to the Future, but more current.) Andre is sitting on that bench still, just chilling out, watching the mighty ducks in a pond next to the statue. Amy came to sit next to him, he beamed at her.



“My Lord.” She greeted warmly, offering him a mug of mulled wine. After all it was winter and it gets cold in Kem. AJ took the mug with gratitude, smiling at Amy.



“Thanks, my Lady.” He replied, sipping the contents as he held the mug with both hands, feeling delight at the warmth of the wine in his hands and travelling down his throat.



“What you doin'” She asked, after a few moments of sitting in silence.



“Ah, just taking some time to admire the scenery, I forget sometimes how Kem is so beautiful, despite the fact I designed it. We get so busy with life, LARP, wrestling and generally doing things like saving rings from being thrown in magma it's always nice to take a break and be at one with nature, you know?”



“Well, yes.” Said Amy. “Everyone knows that. Why are you watching two ducks have sex though?”



“Mighty ducks.” AJ corrected her. Then shrugged. “I dunno, he's been after this for a long time though, now he's got it he's going at his so hard.”



Amy chuckled. “He does seem rather exuberant in this. Never seen anyone go for anything that hard.” She hugged his arm. “If you go for it half as hard as he's going for her in UCI, you'll be OK.”



AJ smiled. “I hope so.” There was a silence (other than the breeze in the trees and the loud QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK of two ducks fucking)



Eventually, Amy asked the question “So why Civil War? That poor kid didn't deserve that. What has Teddy said about it?”



AJ simply shrugged. “These new dice told me to do it, you know how it is. He'll understand that it wasn't personal, I'll invite him over. Kuno as well.”



“As long as you're sure. You only just came back to us after the Dwarves, we don't need you to go away again.” She said concerned.



“I won't, it's ok. The Dwarves are mostly dealt with.”



“I thought they were all dead.”



“The ones that took me are, these were their clan mates. Looking for revenge on me.” AJ mused.



“Why did they attack Teddy and Kuno at Civil War though?” She queried. “It makes no sense.”



AJ thought for a moment. “I suspect they wanted to draw me out. I was spending a bit of time with Teddy when I came back and they must have thought that by getting to him they'd draw me out and could take revenge when I did.”



“It worked,” she summed up. “You came out.”



“They weren't expecting me to come out with a staff, nor with a crit on the attack role though. Thank God, there were a lot of them.”



“I'm still feeling bad for poor Kuno.” Amy said, shuffling on her seat to get more comfortable.



“Me too, these new dice though, sometimes they make bad things happen to good people. I've gotta keep an eye on that.” He replied.



“Why not go back to your old dice?” She asked.



“Dwarves have them. They are a menace. If I want to keep control of myself in the long term I need to get them back.”



“What do you mean by that?” She asked, sitting up in alarm.



“I mean, eventually the dice might turn and I need to get my normal ones from the Dwarves before that happens, to make sure bad things don't start to happen to people.”



“Why's it so important?” She asked, adding “I feel a quest is about to happen.”



AJ grinned at her. “Of course. We need to draw the Dwarves out, they seem to like causing issues in UCI so it makes sense to be there and make sure they come to me.”



“And the dice?”



AJ paused for a moment, thinking of the best way to explain it.

“The dice choose the player, Amy. Some are good, some are bad. Some work better than others. The set I bought from the mountain are bad, they don't mesh with me at all.”



“So there is a potential that you could hurt people, or yourself as long as you use the set you have now?”



AJ nodded. “At any point I could use them and they could go wrong for anyone.”



Amy gasped. “You're going to have to use them this week against Karlie Nash.”



“The Hockey player?” AJ asked. “She might deserve it anyway if things happen. I mean no one sane likes Hockey, it's just about punching each other and isn't a gentlemen's sport like Kem-ball.”



“She's good at the punching thing though, won her first match and caused quite a stir.” Amy replied. “Plus, she put up a decent showing at Civil War.”



“She did, she's a fearsome foe to be sure. However, I was once the undisputed actual world champion. At least until those Dwarven menaces decided to take me on a quest. I'm not worried though, she'll give it everything she's got I'm sure. The match represents another chance to prove herself against a former champion. It's another notch to her belt if she wins and gives her an enhanced reputation you know. It's the usual reason for someone new to come after a vet and fight well. I'm prepared though, the way I figure is that I just need to use me superior strength and speed, along with the experience of playing a superior sport like Kem-ball. And I should be OK.”



“Hockey is a rough sport.” Amy reminded AJ.



“To use a hockey term, my lady.” AJ said as he stood and stretched himself. “The bases are loaded and I'm going to slam dunk my way through this match. Eventually I'll sack enough Point Guards to get a Field down.”



“Watch she doesn't 'puck' you up though.” She said with a sly grin. AJ stared back at her blankly.



“What's a puck?” He asked. Waving away her response before she could answer. “Never mind, actually. I'll find out later. I have some Dwarf bashing to do.”



“You going back to the basement again?”



AJ picked up a hockey stick from next to the bench and started walking back up the path to the mansion.



“Yup, I have a couple of Dwarves to question,” He replied, swinging the stick over his shoulder. “May the dice be in their favour.”